Saerom

I’m not going to lie, I’m a little terrified of the next game.

I’m locked in a room with the five other contestants, wondering what he’s going to make us do this time. Apparently, for this round, it’s just Joshua and the contestant alone in a room with pre-installed cameras. No one has any idea what’s going to happen.

The cameras make me feel a little better, but still, I worry he’s going to strangle me to death or something because he wrongly suspects I killed his girlfriend.

I kissed him the day before she died, and he probably resents me for that. I even feel kind of guilty about it myself if I’m being honest. I led them to fight before she died, didn’t I?

Whatever the case, he probably hates my guts and I feel like when he’s alone with me, he’s not going to be very pleasant. Not that he ever was pleasant.

When my name is called out first, I nearly curse under my breath. That can’t be a good sign.

I walk into a sad and empty room with nothing but two chairs facing one another, a bunch of cameras on tripods set up to capture every angle. I take a seat on one of the chairs, and Joshua walks in shortly after.

To be honest, I find him less despicable now than I did before. He’s grieving, and that’s obvious, and it’s hard to despise someone who's grieving. There are bags under his eyes indicating sleepless nights, pale skin indicating malnutrition, and red eyes indicating recent tears that no amount of make-up could hide.

“Saerom,” he drones like he hates the sound of my name.

“Joshua,” I respond, trying to sound equally bitter. I don’t want him to feel like he’s got power in whatever this session is supposed to be.

He takes a seat in the chair in front of me, eyes me up and down like he’s analyzing me for anything suspicious. It makes me feel self-conscious, and I feel tempted to cover my body with my arms.

“How are you?” he asks. He doesn’t sound concerned at all, but he perks up as if he’s carefully analyzing my answer to that.

“I’m dandy,” I reply. “Better than you, that’s for sure.”

“Why would you say that?”

Does he want me to say it? I’m better than you because I didn’t have to go to my lover’s funeral. I am tempted to say it, but I hold my tongue. Maybe that’s a little harsh.

“Well?” he pries, waiting for me to answer.

“You know why, ,” I mumble.

“No, I really don’t. Tell me.” He leans forward, looking at me with so much purposeful intent.

“Fine, I’ll be a and say it. I’m doing better than you because I’m not in mourning.”

He narrows his eyes. “Why do you think I’m in mourning?”

“What is this, some kind of trick question?”

“Answer it.”

“Because your girlfriend died?”

I see the light in his eyes go out a little when I say it, and I feel guilty. But damnit, he’s the one who made me say it. Maybe that’s his trick, making you feel bad by forcing you to be an to him.

“What makes you think she was my girlfriend?”

“Everyone knew. It was obvious that you had your eyes on her only from the start.”

“If you knew that, why did you stay in this game? If you really believed she was the one I wanted to marry, you knew you were never going to win. What made you stay? What made you play the game so… hard in the first round?”

“Are you asking why I kissed you?”

“Just answer the question.”

“Well, when I kissed you, I still had my doubts. I still thought you were genuinely playing the game. I thought I could seduce you. It’s only later that I realized that was impossible. But even if I knew that there was no hope in winning back then, I still would have played the game hard, because believe it or not, Joshua, you’re not the only incentive.”

“What other incentive could there possibly be? You’re on this island in ugly clothing, away from your home and your family. No phones, no entertainment, nothing. Why stay?”

“For one I don’t have a ing home to go back to. It flooded in the rain and is now uninhabitable. Here, I have a bed, I have good food, I get a stipend to send to my sister which is more than I make at my dead-end job at the chicken shop. I also running away from a marriage. Life here in this ing tick-infested, out-of-service hopeless island is better than my life on the mainland, believe it or not.”

I see the intensity of his relax after my rant.

“You don’t want to get married to Seungkwan?” he asks.

I narrow my eyes. “How the did you know about Seungkwan and I?”

He sits back on his chair, not answering the question. Instead, he asks me another. “Your younger sister, Seoyeon, is sick, isn’t she?”

“You did a ing background check on me?”

“Answer the question.”

“Yeah, she’s sick. Not that it’s any of your business”

“You can’t afford the medicine.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“You hate Hong Pharmaceuticals,” he stated simply. “If you hate the company so much, why did you join the game?”

Oh. I’m beginning to understand this “game” now. It’s an interrogation, an assessment of my possible motives for murder. That’s why he’s staring at me like he is. That’s why he investigated my sister, and that’s how he knows about my hatred for Hong Pharmaceuticals.

“I didn’t kill her, Joshua!” I say. “I can be a bitter and hateful , but I am not a murderer.”

He tightens his jaw and glares at me, not believing anything I say. “You set ticks on the man who was harassing Jiheon.”

“I didn’t kill him though,” I say.

“So you admit it.”

“Yes, I admit it. I got that sleazy old man sick so he can be disqualified because he was a nasty piece of who deserved it. Chaeyoung was not a nasty piece of . And if I wanted to punish Hong Pharmaceuticals, I would have gone after you or your grandpa CEO, not her. And I also would have committed the murder with more elaborately with more blood and internal organs involved. Not poison or pillow suffocation or whatever; I’d want to make a statement that will get the media buzzing.”

At that he pauses, absorbing my words carefully. I get the feeling that I said something wrong. “How do you know that Chaeyoung was suffocated?” he asks.

. The cause of her death was never revealed, so I was just guessing when I said that. If that really was how she died, then I’ve really dug myself into a hole.

I decide to just be honest. “I saw her. I was the one who reported her body. There was no blood, no signs of struggle, nothing. That’s why I guessed death by poison or suffocation or heart attack. I don’t actually know how she died.”

He sighs heavily, then asks another question: “when you were carrying out your plan against the old man, what made you decide to use ticks?”

“I just… wait… did she die from tick bites?”

“Just answer the question.”

“Umm…” I think back on when I first got the idea, and when it came back to me, I am slightly horrified. “It was Nagyung,” I say. “She gave me the idea.”

If Chaeyoung was killed by ticks, and someone unleashed the ticks on her, it must be someone who knows that the ticks were dangerous. Nagyung definitely knew. And she does definitely seem like a devious and awfully clever person. I look at Joshua, and he seems equally pensive as he puts it all together in his head.

“Are you lying?” he asks.

He is still suspicious of me, and this time, I don’t blame him. Because it is awfully convenient that this small detail came back to me during this interrogation, and that detail happened to throw another suspect under the bus.

“I’m not lying,” I say. “And the sleazy old man incident should exonerate me, not make me more suspicious!” I add. “I only unleashed four ticks on the man because I didn’t want to kill him. Why would I spare that man his life but be merciless with Chaeyoung, who did nothing wrong?”

“How do you know that Chaeyoung had more than four tick bites?”

“That’s not the a-ha moment you think it is. I know she had more than four tick bites because she died, and four bites don’t kill.”

“And how many bites do kill?”

“I don’t ing know. I read it in the safety guide, but I didn’t make note of the number because I wasn’t looking to murder anyone!”

“Did anyone else help you with the ticks?”

I considered lying and saying no, not wanting to throw Mingyu under the bus and make him a suspect, but I felt like I had to be honest. This wasn’t a game. “Mingyu was with me. We did it together.”

“Mingyu?” I could feel him making a note of that in his head, pushing Mingyu further up his suspect list.

“But Mingyu wouldn’t do it either. I know him. He’s not like that.”

“You’d say the same thing about Seungkwan, I suppose?”

“Oh, please, you can’t possibly be suspecting Seungkwan as well? He’s like the last person who would do it. He’s literally traumatized by the whole thing!”

Joshua shrugs his shoulders, and remains quiet after that. I could feel him thinking, playing wannabe detective, trying to figure it all out.

When many moments pass without a word from him, I ask if I could leave. My wisdom teeth pain is flaring and even talking is painful.

“No,” he said.

“How long do you plan to keep me here?”

“Until I say so.”

I sigh and sit back in my chair, cross my arm to make my irritation known to him, waiting for him to say something.

Then he asks a question: “If I were to ask you to marry me right here, right now, what would you say?”

A trick question? I contemplate what the least suspicious answer would be: saying yes could mean I killed her for him, and saying no could mean I killed her to get back at him because I hate him. My answer can’t be a yes or a no. It has to be more nuanced than that.

“I’d say you’d have to take me out.”

He scoffed at that. “Didn’t take you for a romantic.”

“Oh, you misunderstand. I didn’t mean take me out on a date, I meant knock me out, as in I would be punched in the face before I would marry you.”

When I see his lips involuntarily curl into a smile at my attempt at a joke, I also smile. I’m pleased to have amused him, and I feel the urge to do it more. I want him to laugh.

Then I feel embarrassed for even having those feelings.

He bites his lips to stop himself from smiling, then points to the door with his chin. “You’re free to leave.”

“So what’s your conclusion? Murderer or not a murderer?”

“Just leave.”

Now that he was telling me to leave, I don’t want to leave anymore. “Can I ask you a question now?”

“No.”

“Do you really think someone murdered her? Couldn’t it have just been an accident? Like she went out in the forest that night, not realizing the danger?”

To my surprise, he actually answered. “No, it was not an accident. She was murdered. I am more sure of that than I am anything else in my life.”

He offered no proof and no explanation for his certainty, but just the way he said it made me believe it too.

I didn’t know Chaeyoung. I’ve never even spoken to her, but I feel the responsibility to get some kind of justice for her. If Joshua was investigating, I want to help him.

“If you really suspect one of us did it, then here’s your new interrogation strategy: Ask them questions from the safety guide. If they answer the questions correctly, they probably know how many ticks it takes to kill.”

He looks at me, absorbing my suggestion. He nods.

“If you need any help, I’m at your disposal,” I add. With that, I stand, and I leave.

He didn’t answer me when I asked him whether he thought I was a murderer. But I knew the answer. He is more relaxed now than he was at the beginning, and that tells me all I need to know.

He believes me.