/!\ wordy chap, pls hang on (╥﹏╥) 

Taeyeon POV:

I could feel it burning inside me. My thoughts aren’t really that aligned right now. One thing’s for sure is that I’m starting to lose that one important thing in my life right now.

It’s because of my stupid mouth and reasoning. How could I say that directly on her face? It must’ve hurt like a . We wouldn’t be in this situation if I knew better. Or maybe if I wasn’t too consumed with alcohol that the sane part of my brain would still be working.

But no.

I’m an idiot who hurt the person I love and care about the most.

This is something we cannot ignore or even forget about. Not when I just found out that secret she told me.

Tick tock. Tick tock.

Time is ticking, 3 AM. That damn grandfather clock needs to be replaced soon, and it’s making me scared, mocking me with existence as if I’m losing Tiffany with every second that passes. I know how hard Tiffany has been keeping this from me.

My regret doesn’t end with saying sorry.

No.

Sorry won’t cut the pain that I gave her.

I’m officially the most idiotic person to ever say those words. Stereotyping should be the last thing I do. All these years in school made me feel dumb. Was there room for improvement in this situation, like what my parents would usually say?

Tiffany had been silent for the past thirty minutes. Even if it did hurt me when she broke free from my arms, the way she shoved me to the side, I would be glad to accept those things as it is my ing fault. Although, as I’ve noticed, we’ve been quite distant ever since we visited Ilsan and got a blow on my face.

We’re busy as ever, and there have been quite a few moments where she would snap at me for asking. It was probably due to her stress from work or from deciding when to tell me the truth. That could all be it, I guess.

“And there were times when I felt like I didn’t know you that well. It bothers me that there are differences between us that need to be discussed, but you were such a great avoider.”

I saw her look up from the couch but didn’t say anything. I inhale sharply and continue speaking up, anything that would make Tiffany respond. But not suffice to piss her off.

I’d be a dead man if I did.

“Fany, please … I’d rather hear you scream at how terrible I am and not this god-forsaken silence that’s enveloping us.”

Was it too much for me to ask for an explanation for all the things that happened? It never occurred to me how we could hit a dead end.

I took her silence like a dagger that stabbed me a hundred times. Her eyes suddenly don’t feel too familiar anymore.

We’re losing reality, and I know it could change the way I look at Tiffany.

The way she looks at me.

And the way you could possibly touch me.

There are no proper words to describe the mess right now. Nothing felt too reasonable nor polite. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to leave, but the moment I saw those tears in her eyes, I knew I had to.

Because I broke you.

I broke us.

I saw her move from her position going to her room, only to come back here with the familiar Chanel mini luggage we bought last week.

I stood from my seat, but I couldn’t move. Tiffany stood there, not knowing what to do as well, and I could feel hot tears coming out of my eyes again. I started to walk towards her, but she raised her hands, stopping me from my tracks.

“T-Taeyeon, just … don’t.”

“You’re leaving?! Tiffany, let’s talk about this. Don’t just go. It was a stupid thing for me to say, but that doesn’t mean I love you any less!”

“Then what, Taeyeon?! This isn’t something that gets resolved overnight. If only you paid more attention to details. And if it isn’t clear, what I’m saying is that there is nothing productive that’s going to be said tonight.”

“God! Fany, I can’t lose you, okay?! N-not like this! Please ….” I sounded like begging now, and I would if I needed to. There’s no way I can let her go.

This time it is something more cruel than a sharp glass cutting into my heart and breaking it into a thousand pieces.

It was a point of no return as I watched her walk. Tiffany had her hand on the front door, and I felt more tears on my face. I held it in, I wasn’t supposed to feel this way, but here we are looking and feeling more lost than ever.

My voice cracks, I try to talk it out. “You know that there has not been a single day that I didn’t cherish or love you. If I failed you this time, there’d be no need to blame yourself. Just me.”

This piece of barely hanging on the rope called life. I wipe the tears, the tears running on my face. I hear her exhale, too occupied with trying to collect her emotions as well. Too lost and numb to even know what are the actual words I could fit in this confession.

It didn’t matter if Tiffany didn’t listen. I just want it all out.

“There won’t be a day I wouldn’t remember us. But you’re wrong,” I pause, taking a deep breath.

“You’re wrong to think that I don’t pay attention. Because for god’s sake, I can remember every tiny detail about the woman I love! How you would arrange those colored pencils from the lightest to darkest shade, the way you would love to dress me up even if I’m running late just to annoy me sometimes, the macchiato you loved from the downtown hidden cafe, those secret glances you give me when I look at your sketches just to see if I’m going to draw on it, which by the way you would usually smile if I did, and even the white puppy you gushed about last month from the window in your office. I remember it all, Fany. And it makes me sad ….”

. This is harder than I thought. I continue despite those glistening eyes of her looking at me.

“It makes me sad that you didn’t trust me enough to tell everything, but perhaps I was this stupid, spoiled kid who didn’t know about marriage and love. But I know I’ll learn because you are my damn favorite person, and I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life second-guessing if I made the right choice on letting you leave tonight. I care, alright? I don’t give a flying if you were married, j-just d-don’t go.”

“We’re broken. Isn’t that enough reason to go? Taeyeon, I can’t be the woman of your dreams if I can’t be the woman that I need to be. If I can’t be the woman of my own..." she stops trying to catch her breath.

"How can we just pick up everything after tonight and go back to normal?! Talking about your day, a new film you want to watch, or some new vinyl that you bought. Taeyeon, I love you but loving you won’t be enough to help us survive from this sinking boat. We need to breathe, and I suggest you do the same.”

And I wish Tiffany just shot me. I hoped that I had the power to stop time because I knew I ed up. But Tiffany always had it in her; the fire in her eyes is evident enough for me to know she had already made up her mind.

I know I’ll always come running after you.

It didn’t