Hangeng nearly dropped the phone.

”You are what?” he shrieked, feeling his eyes go wider again. He had expected her to be angry, worried, maybe even furious about his quick escape. Never in a million years had he expected this. A billion thoughts raced through his head but the one that kept coming back was “Why now?”

“Pregnant! Oh Hannie, isn’t this wonderful?” she sang in the other end of the line. Before he had a chance to answer, she continued, “Though my mom says we should hurry with the wedding since we don’t want the baby bump to show!” She continued rambling on about where the wedding could be held and so on and so forth while Hangeng suddenly felt tied down. He knew that birth control weren’t 100% sure which was why he had insisted on using a as well every time they had had so how this had happened anyway was beyond him. He felt his blood turn to ice when he looked at Heechul and saw the other’s stoic expression. Heechul did not understand Chinese but he was pretty fluent in Hangeng’s body language and he could tell something was very wrong. Then Jiang Kai finally excused herself with morning sickness and hung up. Hangeng hadn’t said a thing for a while and Heechul was just waiting for him to break what little happiness they had finally found when they realised that they both felt the same about the other. He felt as if he was waiting to be sentenced, something that would change his life entirely and something he would have no say in whatsoever.

“She is pregnant,” Hangeng said with a clouded voice and a stony expression on his face. Heechul just sat in silence. He didn’t know what to do because, honestly, what could he do? He knew exactly what he had to do but he didn’t know if he had the strength to actually do it. He would never ask Hangeng to leave his unborn child for the sake of a gay relationship that wouldn’t be accepted in either of their countries. On the other hand he had no idea what to do about the fact that he would be left alone again. Suddenly the stunt with the sleeping pills didn’t seem so stupid after all which he had been thinking it was ever since he saw the concern in all the members’ eyes when he woke. His brain told him it was stupid but the prospect of Hangeng leaving him again, this time with no possibility to come back, made his heart shrink in pain and he just wanted it to stop. He wanted to forget everything now. He tried to regain control of his mind and his voice but it seemed rather difficult.

“What… What are you going to do?” Heechul asked, but then thought the better of it. “That was a stupid question, of course you will go back to your fiancé and your child,” he continued. Hangeng looked at him with a completely forlorn expression as if Heechul had all the answers. “That’s what you should do,” Heechul said, his determination clear in his voice. He needed Hangeng to understand this.

“But I lo-” Hangeng started but was cut of quickly.

“I know. I love you too but no matter how much I love you, I will never be able to give you what she can; your own children. I know that is one of your greatest wishes, Hannie, and no matter how much we love each other, that is one thing we could never do, one thing I could never give you,” Heechul said, sounding more and more distant as he suppressed all the feelings that were whirling inside him. He had already made up his mind and he needed to make sure that Hangeng understood. “There really isn’t a choice; you have to go back to her, the sooner the better.”

“I don’t want to leave you,” Hangeng said with