“Don’t correct me!” Nari shrieked and dropped the mop angrily.

“Then don’t be ing wrong!” Haechan yelled and picked up the mop. “You’re just making a bigger mess like this!”

Hyemi and Johnny had arrived home to witness the great battle of the mop, as they named it. They stood at the door, put down a few boxes they’ve managed to bring up then shared a look. They agreed to wait it out and left the apartment to bring the other boxes of food their parents had packed them. Hopefully once they’re back, the other two would end their war.

“You need two buckets.” Haechan held two fingers. “You fill one with warm, soapy water, right? For the floor. And you need another bucket for rinsing, it can be any temperature but it’s just rinse water.” he explained and the girl looked at him like he was the biggest noob in the world. “When you mop, you take that and dip it in the soapy bucket.” he demonstrated the procedure. “You’ll wring it out, get it like, dry a little, then you mop, get your dirt on it BUT THEN!” he raised his voice an octave. “You dump it in the rinse water and that cleans it off, then you repeat the process. You can’t just smudge everything with your dirty mop!” he wailed with the mop.

“Why sorry, I didn’t know you were a mop expert.” Nari crossed her arms over her chest and raised a mocking eyebrow.

“Actually I am. The ajumma who cleans at my house had taught me.”

“See? That’s the point. Your house. Go and clean your house because you don’t ing live here!” she aggressively snatched the cleaning equipment from him.

“I can’t ing deal with you, you’re so annoying!” Haechan gritted his teeth and headed to the couch.

“You just talk and talk but do nothing. When was the last time you’ve cleaned something here?”

“What are you talking about Park?” he shouted from the living room. “I’m literally the backbone of this household!”

“Putting away your blanket doesn’t make you the backbone of this household.” she remarked and shook the wet mop at his direction, Haechan yelling at her.

“Oh please for the sake of my sanity, just shut the up!”

“You shut up, you circus clown!” Nari groaned and rolled her eyes dramatically. The shut ups were the conclusion of the argument so it was time for the closing. “I love you!” she shouted angrily.

“I love you too!” Haechan yelled back furiously.

“So, we’re back.” Johnny announced. “I’m glad you haven’t killed each other.”

“Yet.” Nari added.  “How was it?” she looked at them with curious eyes.

Hyemi smiled faintly then excused herself. She headed to her room to unpack her bag and give a hug to her cat.

“Better than expected.” Johnny answered and cocked his head towards the boxes. “Those are food. We have side dishes that will last for months.”

“Wow, the mothers were generous as always.” Haechan perked up.

“So, I suggest tomorrow we call over Jaehyun for dinner.” Johnny clapped his hands.

Haechan frowned, he wasn’t entirely sure that it was a good idea. “You’ve just come back, do you really think it won’t trigger her?” he lowered his voice.

“Let’s ask her tomorrow.” Nari said softly. “For today, we should let her rest.”

“I thought your mission was to bring those two together at any costs.” Haechan scoffed and Nari shook her head.

“I’m not some psychopath, of course I don’t want to do something that causes more bad. It was probably a really hard day for her. We should give her some space.”

They didn’t call Jaehyun since Hyemi wasn’t feeling good. She was lying in bed with Tofu all day while the melancholic songs of the band Sleeping At Last were on repeat. Her eyes wandered over the scrapbook on her desk and she felt her heart clench. She stood up and walked to her desk, running her fingers along the book. Felt like it was burning her hand but she didn’t care. She grabbed it and took it to her bed. As she sat down comfortably, her back against the headboard, Tofu jumped beside her then positioned himself on her lap.  

“Should I open it?” she asked Tofu, the cat looking at her with big, bright orbs. 

Hyemi took a few calming breaths and opened the book carefully. On the first page there was a photo of them, taken at their first official date. She gulped down the sobs that were threatening to erupt. Turning a page, her vision was already blurry from the tears. It started with pictures of their childhood. They were six and nine years old, running along the beach, making sand castles with Johnny, then the three of them were eating ice cream on the Suh’s porch. There were pictures when she was in middle school and Simon in high school. His school had hosted some kind of spring festival and she was there with Johnny, Nari and Haechan. Tons of pictures of birthdays, holidays, family outings, followed by tons of pictures of their dates. 

Hyemi felt Tofu purring on her lap, putting one of his paw on the book like he was also inspecting the pictures. A small wet spot appeared on the paper beside the cat’s paw. That was when she realized she was crying quietly. Her memories came rushing back like a tsunami hitting land. It all came back with those horrible feelings. She felt lonely, broken, dark and frightened. She felt suffocated, like she was being suspended underwater. It was pointless. Watching these pictures, pretending to be fine, like everything was normal was pointless. Living without Simon was all pointless and tiring. 

She turned a page. Photos of her graduation. She’d looked so different. Her hair was a warm shade of chocolate brown, long, almost reaching her . Her cheeks were puffier, her eyes were lively and her smile reached her eyes. Simon looked dashing beside her, his arm engulfing her in a half hug as he smiled at the camera, holding the bouquet he’d bought for her. She shut her eyes close and let her tears running down her cheeks as her panic attack grew bigger.

The weather turned rather chilly on Graduation Week, in mid-February, but the senior students of Hanam High School were still buzzing from excitement. The pinnacle of the week was, of course, Graduation Day, celebrating the years they have spent together under the roof of their beloved high school. The school’s gymnasium was decorated with flowers to honor the ceremony. The seniors were seated on the main floor while the lower graders and the parents sat at the bleachers, having a better look at the ceremony. The principal gave a speech about values and future, encouraging them to be the best versions of themselves, while the students chatted quietly, sharing their excitement about their future plans. After receiving their diplomas, the students gathered around the school to take pictures with their friends and family. 

“I can’t believe we finally graduated.” Nari exclaimed while holding a bunch of flowers.

“Promise me guys, we’re keeping in touch.” a girl pointed a finger at Hyemi and Nari.

“And send us pictures of Johnny.” another girl added laughing. 

“You’re still gross Minji. I can’t believe you have a crush on him, I mean, look at him.” Nari turned to where Johnny was joking around with their guy classmates. 

“Mimi.” 

Hyemi turned to the voice with a smile and felt her heartbeat fastening as Simon walked closer, a bouquet of red roses in his hands. The girls, except Nari, all gaped. They knew Hyemi was dating a college student who was actually their classmate’s brother, but they haven’t had the chance to meet Simon. 

“Gosh, he’s hot.”

“He’s even better than Johnny.” the girls whispered.

“Congratulations Mimi.” he reached out the flowers which she accepted gladly, saying thank you. Simon leaned closer and pecked her forehead, the girls squealing at the back while watching the two. “You look beautiful as always.” he gently caressed her face and flashed a handsome smile. 

“You’re not so bad yourself. Let’s take a picture.” she said and asked Nari for help. Simon stood next to her and embraced her with one arm. 

“Okay guys, smile!” Nari chimed. “Good, you look good.” she nodded and gave Hyemi back her phone. 

Just then, Haechan and Johnny trotted towards them, nagging them to take pictures. Simon chuckled, watching the youngers’ bicker and took a few shots of them. He was glad these four remained friends despite every quarrel they once had. His eyes fell on Hyemi and his grin grew wider. He couldn’t even find the word to describe how much he loved that girl. It just blew his mind every time when he saw her. She was his everything and he would do anything for her. His smile slowly faltered as pain constricted his stomach again. These past weeks the abdominal pain and fatigue became regular and it worried him a bit. He’s lost weight and often had diarrhea too. He knew he had to go and see a doctor but something in the back of his mind held him back. He always had an excuse why he didn’t have time for a checkup. Exams, dates with Hyemi, school projects or now the graduation. Since the pain started to get unbearable, he made up his mind. 

She didn’t know how much time it took the panic attack to stop. She was lying on her back, still grasping the scrapbook, while Tofu was on her chest, head buried against her neck as he purred. His warmth comforted Hyemi, her hand going to rub the animal’s head.

“Thank you, Tofu.” she rasped. 

She sat up, holding Tofu with both hands then placed him beside her on the bed. As she turned, she pushed the book down the floor and it landed with a thud. Letting out a sigh she reached for it but her hand stopped in midair. She hasn’t seen hose pictures before.  

She remembered there had been a few blank pages left and they had promised to finish the book but then Simon got sick and they didn’t have a chance. But they were there. New pictures were there. She flipped back to the last page which she knew she had made with him then timidly turned a page. Her eyes widened and she stopped breathing for a moment. 

A few pictures of their last dates, then pictures from the hospital, his birthday which they had celebrated there. Simon in a beanie, smiling in his bed as Hyemi was hugging him. Simon with Johnny, Haechan, Nari, Taeil and her, in the hospital. Simon with the Kangs, then with his parents. She frantically flipped the pages as more and more photo appeared. On the last 4 pages Simon wasn’t even there. The photos were taken of Hyemi and her friends, her parents, and Tofu. 

“What the hell?” she whispered as she turned to the last page. 

It was Simon’s handwriting. He finished the scrapbook without her and she didn’t even know until then. Her head was spinning and her heart was pounding in her ears. It was a simple, short sentence but it made her cry out loudly. She was bawling, throwing herself on her bed, head buried in a pillow as she screamed. It hurt. It hurt so much she just wanted it to end finally. It was better when she was numb.

Her door slammed open, Johnny, Nari and Haechan rushing in her room. 

“Hyemi!” Johnny ran to her bed. 

She was screaming and shouting uncontrollably. “I can’t do this anymore!”

“Hyemi.” Nari stepped closer. She noticed the book on the floor and reached for it, Haechan walking beside her as they gazed at the handwriting. 

Always remember that you still have a reason to smile.

Nari felt her own tears threating to fall as she turned to Haechan, the man opening his arms for her. Johnny knelt down beside the bed, and was caressing Hyemi’s back in circular motions.

That night all of them slept in Hyemi’s room. Nari snuggled beside her in her bed while Haechan and Johnny set the spare mattresses on the floor with blankets and pillows. That night, the four of them cried together. 

“So?” Nari asked while sitting on Johnny’s bed. Haechan was seated on the floor, Johnny at his desk. “What are we gonna do?”

“Nothing.” Johnny shrugged.

“It’s been a week.” she reasoned. “She’s been skipping her classes for a week. We should do something.”

“I agree.” Haechan nodded and the girl froze.

“You agreeing with me makes me question if I’m right tho.”

“I’ve been trying to cheer her up but nothing works. She ignores me.” Haechan let out a sigh. 

“Yah, Chicago!” Nari threw a pillow at him. “Any ideas?” 

It wasn’t just Hyemi who’s been acting out of character. Johnny too, was quieter than usual. After throwing back the pillow at Nari, he stood up and ran his fingers through his hair. He didn’t have any ideas. He’s learnt that when Hyemi has her depressed episodes then he should not try to cheer her up. In the past two years he could done everything but it was still impossible to take her out of her hobbit hole if she didn’t want to. 

Depression has a function. For a period of time, it's a normal reaction to circumstances. If she needs to be alone, they have to let her be alone since it's necessary for healing and recovery. They should listen when she wants to talk, be there for her when she cries but they should not force her to be happy. Visiting his brother’s grave was a great step for her, so naturally it took a toll on her. 

He walked to his closet and grabbed a shirt, ignoring the stares of his two friends. “I have to go to work.” he stated and went in his bathroom. 

Nari frowned but let him be. “I have plans too.” she told the other and got off the bed. When she reached the door she turned back to face Haechan. “You stay here and check up on her?”

“Sure.” he nodded and followed the girl.

After Johnny and Nari had left the house, Haechan plopped on the couch and the tv. He dozed off a little and was woken up by the knocking on the front door. After rubbing his eyes and letting out a yawn, he made his way to check who dares to bother his afternoon beauty nap. 

“Jeffrey.” his eyes widened. “What are you doing here?”

Jaehyun was a bit taken aback by his bluntness and lack of politen