part 1/3

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i took a deep breath before turning back upon hearing her sweetly call for my name. it was our fourth year anniversary as a loving couple and she promised to take me out on a fancy dinner. i've been with my lisa since we were young adults, foolishly writing letters dripping with honey-coated words though phones were already available and sleeping on each other's comfortable bed, seeking the best comfort from the other's arms. warm and cozy, that's what i feel whenever my lisa hugs me. i feel safe, far away from danger around us and i wish we can keep it that way forever.

but something has changed throughout the years of being together. i pretend not to notice it, i pretend that it doesn't hurt. i don't want to lose the only person who stayed this long, i can't afford to lose the only person who loved me this much.

she's the only pillar i can lean on when i feel like my world's being torn apart, she's the only one who can make me feel deserving of the love that she gives me. i'm not nothing because of her because to her, i am special.

she once told me how lucky she is to have me in her life, that she has never fallen in love this deep to anyone and she's happy that finally, after all these years of waiting for her love to be reciprocated, i came into her life and erased the black and white. behind her cold facade was a vibrant tint of everything, and i feel even more luckier that i was able to bring her back to life despite of years, months, days and hours of being dead inside.

she is the happiness that i've been seeking my whole life and i finally found her.

"jennie? hey, we're here." lisa said with a smile.

i don't wanna read too much into it but that's not how she smiles around me. sighing inside my head, i smiled back and went out of her car. her hand stretched out. waiting for mine to take it.

and i remembered, her hands were like the missing pair of mine. it was by far the most comfortable hand i've held aside from my mother's. the warmth used to radiates around her but oddly enough, i feel cold tonight.

we we're soon munching on our meals, sooner than i expected. it was weird but she's all smiling and laughing at my lame attempts to make her laugh. it's not weird that she's laughing at them but the way she laughs, the sound of it... was unfamiliar to me.

change is the only constant thing in the world but isn't this change too much? am i just being paranoid? am i just looking too much into her actions that i've made assumptions of her emotion