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HANA

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“So, what are you now?” Mona asked for the nth time, pouting because Hana was still mindlessly walking. She was forced to go to the school super early because Mona just won’t stop bothering her.

From the moment that Hana became friends with the girl she never saw her go to school early, but it seems that her friend was so eager to know about the conclusion of her date with Yuri that she literally beat everyone.

“Are you dating now?” Mona asked again.

Hana groaned and faced her friend. She opened but no sound came out.

Yeah, what are we now?

She sighed and said, “She confessed… but I— I don’t really know our status now. We did not talk about making it official.”

So… what are we?

Hana thought about how they were from the moment that she accepted Yuri’s friendship.

Yuri is always fetching her and bringing her back home. They are always together. They hold hands. They all do that stuff before. So what would change, really?

What do couples really do?

Should we kiss now?

Hana’s eyes widened at the thought, which Mona caught.

“You’re thinking about naughty things!”

“No, I’m not!” Hana scoffed, trying to shake the thought, praying that her blush is gone now.

Am I her girlfriend?

I like her and she likes me. That’s what’s important now.

The two of us are happy.

“Ehh? You mean to say that I woke up and prepared early for nothing? You and Yuri are no fun!” Mona crossed her arms in front of her chest and huffed.

“Why are you so eager to know?” Hana squinted her eyes and observed her friend.

“Nothing!” Mona looked away.

Her phone suddenly beeped, signaling an incoming text. She’s actually waiting for Yuri to respond since she texted her earlier. Mona was quick to move to her side to look over.

“Hey!” Hana protested because Mona was standing too close to her.

“What? I just want to see how you two text!”

Hana rolled her eyes and said, “She just asked where I am.”

Then she moved away from Mona before typing a quick response to Yuri. She was about to sit back when her phone suddenly rang and she immediately answered after she saw Yuri's call.

“Hi!” She said perkily.

“Good morning, baby. So where are you now? You didn’t respond.” Yuri asked.

“Mona was being a stalker, so I’m sorry about that. We are almost in our room.” Mona who was listening in couldn't help but glare at her friend.

Hana heard Yuri chuckle, then she said, “I’ll go to school now then and I’ll drop by. Okay?”

“Hmmm, okay.”

“I need to see your pretty face before I could start my day.” Hana could imagine the pout that Yuri is probably sporting right now. “Mona just had to snatch you away from me.”

Hana giggled at Yuri’s statement. “I’ll wait for you. Take care!”

“I will, baby. See you!”

After they hang up, she feels nervous.

Why is she nervous?

They were just together last night. They have been friends since they were kids. There’s no reason for her to be nervous.

“Soooo, did she say the L word?” Mona started the interrogations again.

“Oh my god! Stop!” Hana protested but had this smile on her face. She knows that her friend means well, so she’s not really angry, but she just wants to avoid the teasing if possible.

Not a minute after, she heard her name being called, and she thought that it was Yuri, but when she turned around, she saw that it was Jiyeon. “Hi!”

She awkwardly smiled and responded, “Hello, Jiyeon. What are you doing here?”

“I just want to see you.” Jiyeon said bashfully while scratching the back of her head.

“Oh, okay.” Hana looked down, she didn't know how to tell Jiyeon about what happened during her date with Yuri. She doesn’t even know their official status yet.

“Anyway, here you go.” Jiyeon walked towards her and gave her a small box that looked like it was poorly wrapped.

“What is this?”

“Just a small gift to let you know that I will always be there for you.” Jiyeon smiled widely and looked straight into her eyes.

Hana couldn’t understand what she felt because of the smile. Sure, her heart was not as wild whenever Yuri smiles at her, but she could definitely feel the warmth that Jiyeon was obviously giving her. She knows that she didn't want to lose this feeling. And she couldn’t help but blush at the thought.

When Jiyeon realized that she was not going to respond, she cleared and said, “I gotta go. See you later, Hana!”

Hana just nodded and sighed.

“What was that about? Why are you blushing?” Mona inquired, squinting at her.

“I don’t know. She just gave me a gift.” Hana looked at the gift in her hands.

“I’m not asking about that.” Mona sighed, “Who do you really like, Kim Hana? And you better know it before you unintentionally hurt both of them.”

Yeah, she has a lot of figuring out to do.

A couple more minutes later, Yuri finally arrives. Hana sure noticed that Yuri’s mood was off, but she shrugged it off. Because just when she thought that she had already calmed down since she heard her voice earlier, and yet here she is, just sitting inside their room, mind going a million miles an hour, thinking of every way that everything could go wrong. Eventually, she took a deep breath and smiled at Yuri.

Luckily, there were only a couple of students around, so only a few would see their first interaction after their date.

She honestly doesn’t know if anything would change.

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YURI

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[Flashback]

Months ago, she told her mom that she doesn't know for sure how she feels for Hana. And she also asked her how to make sure that Hana would like her the most. And now, everything’s starting to make sense.

She just got home after a very fulfilling day, and she can’t stop herself from smiling.

And now that she saw her mom waiting for her to come home, even though she knows that her mom sometimes gets emotional whenever she thinks that her first born would leave her behind, she immediately ran towards her and hugged her fiercely. She told her mom that she would just take a shower, and her mom gladly waited for her while sitting on her bed.

The scene looks very familiar as to how they were a couple of months ago, when she first told Hana that she wanted to stay beside her.

As soon as she left the bathroom, she shouted, “Mom! I just had the best day ever!”

“Oh? Do tell, honey.” Sana asked, full of curiosity and love for her. “Do you remember that you’re totally acting the same way that you did when you first met Hana? You screamed ‘I think I’ve met the cutest girl in class!’. You announced it all the way from the car."

Yuri blushed at the mention of the memory. The details were a little fuzzy for her, but she’s sure that she was really excited when she first met the said girl.

“And I also remember you being all confused and now, here we are!” Sana excitedly added.

Because of the giddy feeling, she immediately told her mom every single detail that she noticed and felt earlier, and of course, she also mentioned how she confessed to Hana and how the girl accepted it.

“So, are you two going to be girlfriends now?”

In that brief moment, deep within her torso cavity, protected by bones and layers of muscle and skin, her heart clenched, and not in a heartbreaking way. It was that word — girlfriend — that had sent a strange sort of squirming sensation inside her abdomen. And also, somehow she felt a strong feeling of anxiety but also excitement towards the future. It was kind of familiar, sure, but not exactly the same. A different brand, if she must say, a different flavor, one that was derived not from fear but from uncertainty.

Sana must’ve noticed the emotions on her daughter’s face because she gently asked, “What’s wrong honey?”

“Mom, I—” Yuri attempted to start, then sighed.

“Would you like to talk to me about it?” Sana pulled her daughter to sit on the bed and pulled her closer, “Did something happen after the confession? Or did Hana say something bad to you?”

Yuri shook her head lightly then looked down, “Nothing like that, mom.”

“If Hana is not the problem, then what’s bothering you?”

“I— I just feel scared.”

“Oh, honey… It's normal to be scared. Is there anything specific that you are scared of?”

Yuri paused, unsure of how to elaborate her concern. “It’s everything, mom. It’s just, what if Hana doesn’t want a romantic relationship? What if she’s not ready and I am? What if we’re both ready but she doesn’t want anything to do with me after she learned about my trauma?”

Hana hugged Yuri and caressed the back of her head. “Baby, your past is not something that you need to be ashamed of. And if she would be unable to understand that, then maybe you’re better off as friends. You need someone who would be able to stand by you through the good times and the bad. Do you remember how I stuck by your mama’s side? I’m not saying that you need to find someone like me, I should not be your standard, but you deserve someone who would hold your hand when you’re scared. You are allowed to be afraid, and to feel weak, honey.”

“But mom… what if she’s all I want? Would you give up mama if she tells you that she can’t accept you?”

Sana kissed her child’s forehead. “You are overthinking things, but I don’t blame you. You were forced to grow up fast, and I’m very sorry for that, honey.”

“No, mom—”

“It’s true, baby. We were unable to take care of you and protect you. If we protected you, you probably would not worry about things like this.” Sana looked down, trying so hard not to break down in front of Yuri. Even after so many years, the regret is still eating both her and Dahyun up. Sana almost lost both of them that day.

“Mom, I hoped that it never happened to us. I remember how afraid I was.” This is the first time that they’ve talked about it again, and it seems that Yuri is now telling her things that she was unable to tell her before. “I was afraid, not because I’m in danger. I was afraid because I thought that I would never see the both of you together again. I remembered crying because mama is hurting because of me. I was never afraid of getting hurt because I am perfectly safe— I know I am safe because mama is there with me.”

The tears that Sana was trying to hold back started to fall one by one. “I’m sorry, Yuri…”

“Please don’t say sorry, mom. It would never be your fault. Someone wanted to hurt us, so one way or the other it would definitely happen at one point. What happened to us before was something that made me stronger. It made me realize the importance of family and making sure that you don’t do bad things to people. I learned that your actions, no matter how small, would have positive or negative consequences. So I am trying my hardest to be good to people around me even if sometimes, I want to burst out because of so much anger inside of me.”

“You have a very big heart and a wonderful mindset and I’m so proud of you because of that.” Sana responded. She never knew that it was what Yuri had learned from the incident. She knows that her daughter developed anger issues but the doctors said that it was because of so much anxiety. They said that Yuri was scared, and they all assumed that it was because she thought that she’s going to be kidnapped again. But now she learned that it was because she was afraid that she won’t see their family together again.

When Yuri seems to be thinking again, Sana restarted the conversation because she doesn’t want to end things on a sad note. “Do you really like Hana that much?”

Yuri nodded slowly.

“And now, you’re sure about it?”

Yuri nodded again.

Sana shrugged and messed up the top of Yuri’s head. “Then that’s that. Do everything that you can to pursue her, but you should always be considerate of what she feels. If she is not ready or would not be ready ever to accept you for who you are, then you need to accept it too. As much as I want to tell you who to love or not to love, I would never do it to you. You can decide on your own, but it doesn’t mean that I won’t be there to guide you. Of course, I would like you to find someone who will accept you right away, but how could I possibly know what your heart wants?”

“But you said that I should find someone else if…”

“I know I said that, but I’m also saying that it’s your heart who will decide. Your mama tried to push me away, and I know that the logical thing to do is to run, but our heart wants what it wants, and there’s really no explanation for that. No one could know what’s best for you. No one could possibly know. So you need to follow your heart and your head, do what you feel is right for yourself. No one can dictate your life for you, and you certainly don’t need someone to force their beliefs on you, especially at your age.” Sana smiled gently at Yuri, “You should just enjoy the feeling of liking someone, honey. Don’t overthink things.”

“But I’m an overthinker.”

Sana didn’t even try to hold back her laughter, mouth crinkling at the edges as she gave a warm, toothy smile. “You certainly are, aren’t you?”

Yuri pouted at that.

Loudly, a voice came from outside the door. “What are you guys talking about in there? Are you talking about… me?”

“Yuna…” Yuri chuckled, shaking her head lightly.

“Your siste