Everybody would have the same thought of him, if he was acting like that. Being silent, drowning in his mind, not caring about his appearance. These days he was  losing focus, more likely he didn't have a reason to live anymore. Since our baby was born, he has been holding tight to what was inside him, never letting anyone know it, and I didn't know what it was. He kept it well by himself. Those whispers of apologies he said every night when I was sleeping, and where I didn't know what it was for, still be heard even vaguely said. It really annoyed me for some reason. 

 

After we got out of the hospital, he acted more busy with Jiseok than me. Specifically, he was avoiding me all the time. Like today, I only got the chance to look at his back swaying with Jiseok in her hug. Lullabying the baby, with me sitting on the bed waiting for him to put Jiseok on the crib, doing nothing. I felt like I did less to Jiseok when he was being so possessive with his child.  But, I couldn't help with his silence. I wanted to have a talk with him. 

 

"Jisung-ssi…" I said in a low voice but loud enough to be heard by him. 

 

"Uhm…" he responded but didn't look at me.

 

Slowly, I got up from the bed and reached for him. My hands lingered on his waist and rested my head on his back deeply. I could feel he stopped swaying.

 

"Why are you being so silent? I miss you…" I hugged him even tighter but he was still frozen in place. 

 

"Chaeyoon-ah…"

 

"Jisung-ssi, Thank you for helping me with Jiseok," I mumbled on his back. 

 

"I am…"

 

"I just want you to stop talking about 'thank you' and 'sorry'. It was just making me overthink about us. And please have a good conversation like we did," I said without giving him a chance to talk back to me. Because I knew he wouldn't talk more than two words nowadays. 

 

"Alright…" 

 

"I will wait outside. What do you want to eat?" I looked up while resting my chin on his back. 

 

"Just a drink…" he said without looking at me.

 

—- 

Looking at the coffee I had prepared, I waited for him to come, with my hand busy doing whatever it was on the table. Sometimes, I looked at the door to see him coming. And finally just in a moment, I saw him carefully close the door and went straight to the dining table as he took a seat next to me, and took a sip of the coffee. 

 

"Jisung-ssi…" 

 

"Uhm…" he hummed after putting the coffee back on the table. 

 

"Why are you so silent nowadays, are you having problems lately?" I asked. " Is it caused by me?" I said in a hurry as I held my other hand tightly, worrying that it must be caused by me. 

 

"Why are you thinking something like that?" 

 

"I just…" I stopped when he held my hand and brought it closer to him. "I just couldn't help with your silence." I mumbled to myself.

 

"I am just tired lately. Don't think too much!" He took a deep breath and strayed his sight far away in front of him.

 

"But, still…"

 

"Why? You just delivered the greatest gift for me. Why do you think something like that?" 

 

"It is just, you have become more silent. I didn't even know I was living with a stone or a person." 

 

"It is just because I am too happy about this." He rubbed my hand with his thumb gently.

 

"No, but you just became so…" I said but he kissed my hand he was holding. As he kissed he tightened the grab on it. "Why are you always saying 'thank you' and 'sorry' without reason?" I added and his face changed.

 

"I thank you for delivering our son and sorry for making you go through a hard pregnancy…" he stopped as I kissed his lips. 

 

"I am grateful our son was born as a healthy baby. Don't remind me of the bad past!" 

 

"Alright then!" He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. 

 

"Why? Do you still have another reason to be this silent?" I asked him as staring at his eyes deeply. 

 

"No…"

 

"Again…" I took a deep breath tired of him. 

 

"What should I do to make you not think much about me?" He asked. 

 

"Uhm?" I frowned at that question. He just made it like he didn't want me to involve his life. However, when I looked at his deep eyes, it told me something else. 

 

'Why did I feel bad for this?' It wrecked my heart for sure. 

 

He caressed my cheek gently and brought my lips closer to him. It gave me shivers but also I felt the pain from it. It was different. I was shocked when he went harsh and wanted to push him. However, he grabbed my waist closer to him. He did it  differently, it just stabbed me deeply and I didn't know what that was. I wanted to be free from him just right now. I didn't feel right with it.

 

"Jisung-ssi…" I said when I could get the air to breathe. He stared at me deeply without words and with his red face, he came closer to me but I stopped him by hand on his chest. I frowned when I saw his desperate eyes. It was strange. "Slowly…" 

 

He smiled weakly before crashing his lips again to mine. It was softer but still the pain was there. I felt my chest stuffed. I didn't feel comfortable. My heart tore a part. However, he didn't care. He grabbed my cheek even tighter and gulped me as whole.

 

'Why, Jisung-ssi?"

 

****((()))*****

 

I thought he would be different after that night, even though it ended with him sleeping on my shoulder after the long desperate kiss, on the sofa in the living room while holding my hand. It didn't change anything. He was still the same. The silent one.

 

As a partner, he didn't treat me as he should be but as a father, he became too careful when he was with Jiseok. I didn't know what he was planning about, however, he still loves Jiseok. But the way he lived his life around us the past months, tearing my heart out. Until he said when he wanted to have a deep talk with me. 

 

Finally, he wanted to shout out his heart, but at the same time, it made me more frightened about what will happen to us. After putting Jiseok to the baby's crib, he held my hand gently and escorted me to the living room. He also closed the door without any creaky sound and he stopped far away from our bedroom. 

 

"Jisung-ssi, What's wrong with you?" I asked, looking at his eyes deeply. I could see how messy his face was. Those droopy eyes with all the fatigue inside, the moustache and beard that almost covered his jaw, also his long hair told him how broke he was. But also it made my heart beat faster. It wasn't an exciting one but it was something I was scared about, after telling him by his sight.

 

Suddenly, he dropped his legs and fell in front of me, with fists on his knee, he was hardly holding his tears which turned into sobs, and at the same time, my heart was torn into pieces. 

 

However, I finally realized there was something wrong with his company and might be connected with Ridge. Every morning he rushed his way to the company without really paying attention to his looks. Taemu also got his face darkened just to look at me, and Hari never told me about what was happening between them, and was only concerned about Jiseok. And I finally got the answer of his silence. And the worst was 

 

'I am not ready to face it. Specifically, I would never be ready for that.'

 

"Why…why?" My body was shaken only looking at his remorse. My tears escaped wetting all my cheeks and with my trembling lips I called him to look at me "Jisung-ssi…"

 

But, he never did that. He only looked down on the ground begging for apologises.

 

"I am sorry… I am sorry…" 

 

Again, he repeated those words as he did these days. 

 

"Chaeyoon-ssi, I am sorry…" he tried holding my hand with his trembling hands. "I am sorry…" without any explanation he kept saying that annoying word. I only hoped he didn't tell me about those company things. I would never accept it. "I apologize for the sake of my father… please forgive me! Please…" and finally that word throbbed my heart. 

 

I lost, it was none of my authority. The truth became clearer and I fell in front of him. It was nothing more than I wasn't ready to accept the fact that his family was involved in my parents death. The memories of my parents dying in front of my eyes started repeating in my mind, my chest weighted as  I looked at his pain in his eyes. He broke. 

 

Also me…

 

"W…why why you?" I almost lost my voice to say it as I threw his hand from me. 

 

I couldn't continue my words. That was when I felt mixed feelings about him. The perfect father figure for Jiseok but also the person who tore me apart. He was the only person who got me into these complicated feelings. Speechless, I couldn't talk more, only sobs and the tears I held those years, wanting to burst in front of the begging Jisung without a break. It was like trying to explain what I felt to him. The remorse I got, the nightmare, and the feeling when I lost my parents at the same time. It stuffed my breath, I couldn't remember what I had done before with him. The only one I saw from him was the person I must avoid forever. 

 

"Jisung-ssi!" I screamed in a muffled voice and let my hands take control of me, hitting him brutally without pause. After those years, I finally could express my hatred to the person I was looking for.  

 

"JISUNG-SSI!!" I hit him harder. It was painful, it tore me, it broke me. I couldn't hold it anymore. They did that. All the bad dreams I had, finally knew its reason. 

 

"JISUNG-SSI!!!" There were no words I could say other than his name. I hit him with all of my energy.

 

'Why should it be him?'

 

"I am sorry…" he said in a low voice while still keeping his fists on his knees. I lost my energy as I fell on the floor, after releasing all my hatred for him. 

 

"Jisung-ssi…" I sobbed

 

*****((()))*****

 

In the morning. 

 

The news of Mount's Director and the secretary being arrested became the hot topics. Finally, I saw them. The one who insisted the murder. His father and Go Seokjin. I couldn't help but hold my fist. 

 

"Are you fine, Chaeyoon-ssi?" Hari said while holding a sleeping Jiseok in her arm. My heart was messed up, I, myself, didn't know how to react to the news. It drained me. It was hard for me to say a word. I lost everything. 

 

"He left after preparing your breakfast, and he really left at dawn after calling me to come," she added. I knew what she meant by 'he'. The person who woke my nightmare last night. 

 

"He asked me to stay with you until everything was calm," 

 

He was the person I really needed to be by my side but also the person I should be away with. It was still hurting me. I grabbed my chest as I hit it harder to make my heart better. I bit my lower lip harder to give me more pain that was hurting me more than hurt in my heart. But, I still couldn't make anything better. It was caused by him.

 

And he left us. 

 

"He…"

 

"Stop it, Hari-ssi! My head hurts…" I turned off the television, and brought Jiseok in my hug. Walking to my bed with a blank stare, I rubbed his back. Jiseok, the son of us, my son with 'he', the fact hurted me more. 

 

*****((()))*****

 

I never heard from him anymore since that day and he didn't come to the house like Hari had said. He never came. As I was patting my son who was sleeping peacefully, I looked at my son beside me on the bed sincerely. There was only silence in the house since the confession. The only crowd was my mind, contemplating what I should do next. The son that finally fell asleep after chances, different when he was here.

 

I already turned my phone off. Not only that, every piece of electronics which could give me any information  of 'he' was turned off. I needed time to engulf all the things that happened by myself. 

 

"Jisung-ssi…" I called his name as the tear escaped from my eyes. And still I want him to be by my side.

 

*****((()))*****

 

"What are you doing here?" I asked helplessly after looking at my brother who came early in the morning days after the incident. Without anyone beside him, only the two of us in the room while Hari had left with Jiseok. And absolutely Jisung was nowhere to be found since the confession. 

 

I took a seat on the sofa while rubbing my face with my palms and didn't know what to say. 

 

"Why don't you pick up the call?" 

 

"I turned my phone off…" I said ignoring him. 

 

"What will you do next?" 

 

"I don't know…"

 

"How about your son?"

 

"I don't know …"

 

"What about your marriage with him?"

 

"I don't know… I DON'T KNOW… I DON'T KNOW!!!" I covered my ears to not hear my screams that hurt me. And there I cried louder again for the nth time I couldn't even count. "I DON'T KNOW!! I don't know!" The hurt felt so real, my heart tore into aparts time after time. And it was getting worse. 

 

I just got better but then I saw my brother in a wheelchair. It grew more hatred. Reminding me of how Mount's family did to my family. I clearly remembered when my parents sprawled on the floor with blood, but also my brother. If I could ever say, Mount was the most devilish company in the world. How many blood they needed to save their company. It was far from being human. It was all about how Mount did wrong to Ridge. And it made me hate them more.

 

"Chaeyoon-ah…"  

 

"I HATE THEM WHY?? I HATE THEM!!!" Finally, I could utter that word and I got up from where I sat.  Hatred that was hiding for that long, rotting me inside. The more I hid the more I found out it was already tearing me apart. It . "I HATE THEM. THEY FINALLY GET THE KARMA. WHY??" 

 

"Why? Only that!"

 

His calmness only raised my temper ever again. It also made me hate him. Raising a brow, I doubt him.

 

"I HATE YOU, OPPA!" I screamed. 

 

"Hate me? You are bad, Chaeyoon-ah!" He said glaring at me.

 

"WHY?? Why aren't you just as happy as me? They get the karma" I questioned what he just said. 

 

"IS THAT HOW HAPPY PERSON ACT?" he said louder than me which made me freeze. Silence overcame us for a while and he took a deep breath before saying. He stared at me, "How about Jiseok?" 

 

"What?" I couldn't understand what he just said. 

 

"Jiseok also needs his father."

 

"JISUNG ALSO A PART OF THEM!!" I still couldn't accept the fact that my heart was overflowing with hate these days. 

 

"Give all of your hatred to me! Back to him…" he said. "It is not a request. It is an order!" He was glaring at me. 

 

"He is a part of them, Oppa!" I pointed my finger faraway just visualizing 'he'.

 

"He is not, Chaeyoon-ah! Come back to him! Your son needs him!" 

 

"No, he doesn't need him!" 

 

"Don't make me say it twice, Chaeyoon-ah!"

 

"Oppa…" I frowned, still couldn't believe all of his statements I didn't imagine before.

 

"CHAEYOON-AH! DON'T BE EGOISTIC!" he said louder, muffling all the sound in the room before, making me silent. It was the first time he was being that irritated.

 

"I am not egoistic! It is for the sake of our family!" I lowered my voice. 

 

"And then why must Jiseok?? Where should he be? What part is he in? Mount or Ridge?" He said.

 

"He is mine!" 

 

"Get your grip, Chaeyoon-ah! You only sacrificed Jiseok's life when he shouldn't."

 

"Where are the sides you are taking of Oppa?" I still couldn't believe what had happened to him. 

 

"Don't be stupid, Chaeyoon-ah! You know what it feels when you don't have parents. And you want it to be Jiseok too?" 

 

"Why are you suddenly different, Oppa? You also didn't want him in my life, right? Why? I can raise Jiseok without him!" I glared at him.

 

"Then, don't play with Mount at first!" He glared at me back and it made me taking a step back with the seriousness in his voice. "I told you not to be involved in this. And now you are having a son with the part of Mount. I WARNED YOU BEFORE YOU STARTED THE MESS!" I was stunned. "Don't tell me that you didn't know about all the risks! You know it, clearly. And willingly do it!" 

 

"OPPA!"

 

"Be responsible with what you have done! You are not a child anymore!" It was like being shot with bullets in a row.

 

"Stop it Chaeyoon-ah! I hate them but I love Jiseok. Don't be egoistic! Let me have your hatred for them! Let me take revenge for our parents! You're not a part of Ridge anymore." He let me out of Ridge. 

 

'And I lost all I have now.'

 

"OPPA!!" 

 

"My parents wouldn't want their grandchild to be fatherless…" he said the last words which also tore me before leaving me without looking back. 

 

-to be continued-

Hi everyone ^^

Here is an update ^^ 

Also please support my other stories The Binding Angel, Married For Benefit, The Luckiest, Through Their Lenses, Unseen, and also Lovely Fluffies!

With love, 

Byeol-nim ❤