Just here to remind yout this is a work of fiction.

//

I like Jennie Ruby Jane Kim. Or liked. Or I don't know.

I never wanted to think about it anymore that's why I kept on denying and denying. The thought that the more I would lie to myself, the more it would become believable and make myself forget about my feelings.

To make myself be convinced that whatever I feel or felt is only a fleeting feeling and didn't develop into something frightening. Something more uncontrollable.

Chaeyoung knows it, too. But I didn't give her my confirmation. I remember when we were in her room, when she told me she knew everything. And gods, I didn't believe her until I heard her say it.

~~

She didn't speak nor moved from where she were. She just stood there, looking at me.

My heart grew heavier by the second. With one final deep breath, I asked her, "Just how much have you noticed?"

She offered me a soft smile and the glint on her eyes were gone, replaced with the gentle twinkle and sympathy. The innocent and caring Chaeyoung was back but my heart squeezed at this sight. This bothered me. And it bothered me a lot.

"Everything."

I made sure to keep my gaze unfaltering before steadying my voice. "And how'd you know?"

"I have my eyes, Lisa. They're clear. 20/20 in vision, or that's what I believe my eyesight would be. And I have my brain, too. Connect this with that and voila. Answers. Only a fool wouldn't notice the things going on around this dorm."

My heart drummed against my chest, scared of what would happen next or what she would say next. "You have no proof, Chae."

Her eyebrows were raised, the echo of her mocking laugh resonated deep within me.

"Of what? For what, exactly? Entertain me and tell me what you're thinking, Lisa."

I scowled, getting mad at her way of conversing with me. "Don't play dumb with me. We both know what you're implying."

She shook her head and gave me a smile, "I'm not the one playing dumb here, and you know that."

"Rosie! Stop, okay?"

There were a lot of emotions going through me that I didn't notice my breathing was getting heavy. I gripped my hair and pulled its roots. I'm tired. I don't want this conversation to continue. 

"Hey, Lisa! Lisa. Breathe. Calm down." Her voice was full of panic, her eyes alert.

I'm hyperventilating. Oh gods. Not again. Please, no. I shake my head at her, panic strikes me that it made my breathing heavier.

She slapped me, just to get my focus and attention and when she did, she instructed me how to even my breathing again.

"Slowly breathe, Lisa. Inhale then exhale. Okay. Just close your eyes and follow my breathing."

When I was able to relax, I heard Chaeyoung release a deep breath. I feel so weak so I leaned on the wall beside me. 

"I'm sorry." I said meekly at her. I was also embarassed by the fact that I was the one who attacked her but she ended up helping me.

"No. I'm sorry but we need to talk this out, okay? Are you okay now?"

I touched my chest to feel the beats returning to normal. I nodded and she sat down beside.

"Do you want some water, Lisa?"

"No. I'm fine. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay, Lisa. I triggered your attacks twice now, don't you want to consult a doctor about it?"

I shook my head, "I'm fine, Chaeng. It's not that bad anymore but please don't tell anyone about this. You're the only one who knows. Yeah?"

"I won't but," she sighed. "Lisa, take your time to figure out your feelings, okay? I'll  try not to probe anything anymore if it makes you uncomfortable but please, help yourself."

"I don't know where to start, Chaeng. I'm lost."

"I know, it's because this is new to you. You're on unfamiliar territory and I'm here to help you sort it out. Would you let me help you?"

I wanted to shake my head because asking for her hel