Caution: reopening old wounds. Read carefully.

//

I stare at the ceiling, tracing the insignificant cracks of paint and cobwebs while my thoughts ran havoc inside my head.

Have they all noticed it? Were my feelings that transparent, to the point that even manager unnie who doesn't even live with us knows about it?

Does Jisoo know? Oh gods. Does Jennie know? I don't know how to get answers without giving myself away. I want to talk to Chaeyoung but I'm scared of the answers she'll give.

I remember who I could confront about this matter without anyone knowing. A ghost of a smile appeared on my face. I immediately grabbed my phone and opened it. I typed and pressed okay.

As usual, hundreds of videos appeared on youtube. "Jenlisa is the realest." "Yo Yo Jenlisa" "Jenlisa: The superior ship."

I clicked the most viewed and it was a video about our sweet moments caught on camera and my answer towards every question regarding who to date if I was a man or apparently, every question that I would answer "Jennie."

I scrolled through the comment section and I was overwhelmed by the support the blinks have for our ship.

"Whipped Lisa."
"Jennie looks so cold but acts so warm towards Lisa. uwu"
"Do they feel the same way towards each other?"
"Are they a couple?"
"When did they become so clingy?"

But some of them made me rethink;

"I feel like this is a one sided love."
"Why does my heart hurt for Lisa?"

I remember Chaeyoung's words, and it echoes deep within me.

Sort your feelings out.

I made a mental note, I asked myself when did it start, how did it grow, when did I realize about it, how deep-

No. Let's start with the basic. I don't think I'll remember when it started but I could probably pinpoint the exact time I somehow knew about it.

"How did it start, Lisa?"

I closed my eyes and rest my body on the headboard. I scanned every memory of her and me, sorting through the deepest memories, the old and the new until I remembered a specific scenario.

A smile grazed on my lips and my heart started beating faster. I reminisced...

December 24th, 2018

"Did you greet the blinks already, Nini?"

"What?" She said smiling. Jennie and I were currently inside my hotel room as we just finished our Japan concert.

She was supposed to be with her family today but she went back here earlier so she could celebrate Christmas with me.

My heart swelled when I saw her on my room, waking me up, checking if I'm okay. Asked if I ate.

I wanted to cry then and there because I already miss having my family during holidays but I didn't cry nor showed her I was sad.

We called my family after, they were already on the airport heading back to Thailand. They were here to support me on our Japan concert but sadly, they were needed to head back immediately because my dad had prior engagements back in Thailand.

While on the phone, she said that she'll take care of me during the holiday season and that my mom shouldn't worry. There's this feeling of happiness seeing her so close with my mom. She's like a real family to me, the big sister I never had.

A contented smile never left my lips even when they already hang up. Her smile was also showing.

She rested her head on my shoulder, wrapped her one arm on my torso and snuggled closer to me.

"You smell so nice, Lisa-yah."

"Thank you. Anyway, the Christmas greeting. Did you?"

"Not yet but maybe later? But it'll be a surprise, though."

"Will you post a picture or just a message?"

She raised her head and gave me a wink. "That's for me to know and for you to find out." 

I whined, then with a pout I said, "Yah! What's with the cryptic message? Just tell me, Nini. Pleashue." I said in an aegyo voice. She shook her head before I tickled her.

I heard her small fit of giggles. I stopped when I saw her face was getting too red. The sound of her laughter still echoed on the silent but spacious room.

"Lili! If I tell you now then where's the fun in that? Check it when I post it, okay?"

I pouted and crossed my arms in which she giggled again. "No fair but okay."

And before we knew it, the clock struck twelve, "Merry Christmas, Lili."

I looked at her in the eyes and smiled. "Merry christmas, Nini."

When I checked her instagram post, t