Again, not much editing, sorry for typos 😁

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She knows she should apologize. The moment Seungwan's back was turned, she had to blink a couple of times to step back and recall exactly what she said. And if it isn't her, Bae Joohyun, losing her control over her emotions whenever Seungwan is involved. 

 

She should apologize. 

 

But how does one go about this situation? It's hard enough that Seungwan's been distant the whole night but quite lovely with the others. When Joohyun tries to talk, Seungwan answers simply then finds herself other things to worry about. 

 

So again, how does she deal with this? 

 

Even when the duo gets upset at her for the small things, she just lets them be. They always come around and exchange their regrets. They each say what they did wrong and promise to try not doing it again. They solve it that way. They wait until both parties are ready to talk it out. 

 

So this is weird, because it's unsettling. There's this worry that tugs at her heart, threatening to break if she doesn't speak to Seungwan right now. It's unsettling that she can't wait, that if she let time slip past, she might never be able to talk to Seungwan ever again. She doesn't want that and she hates it because it's... terrifying her. 

 

Joohyun's eyebrows are furrowed and she's been holding her cup too tight. She's been staring at the plate of fried chicken served on table like she's ready to devour them, which doesn't make sense because she despises chicken. 

 

She was shot out of her stupor by a hand on her shoulder. 

 

"Sunbae, do have plans to finally let others get a piece of chicken?" 

 

I don't eat chicken.  

 

"Where's Seungwan?" 

 

Sana looks at her weirdly but it doesn't stop Joohyun from repeating the question. 

 

"I think she's outside the balcony," unsurely replied Sana. 

 

Not wasting her time, Joohyun moves with precision towards her goal. 

 

------

 

It was nice to have the moon with her. She likes talking to the moon. The moon never judges her, the moon just listens. When the night ends and she empties all her burdens, she never doubts that the moon would still be there for the next time. It's a comfort for Seungwan, knowing there's at least one who hears. 

 

Seeing the cars slip by, looking small as she's high above, she thinks it makes her feel that her problems can be as small too. That if you look at things in a different perspective, look at it as widely as she's looking at the figures that zoom past below, it would ease the load of her easily troubled self. 

 

The sky had just cried and it was too cold but not for Seungwan. She welcomed it with open arms as she leans on the balcony's railing, closing her eyes while disregarding the honks and the busy street down below. 

 

Just her and the moon. 

 

"Seungwan." 

 

...Just her and the moon and Joohyun. 

 

Seungwan shivered hearing her name slip past Joohyun's tongue like it were a secret let out in a whisper. She hugs herself tighter, shuts her eyes harder, pretends the cold had her limbs trembling in anticipation. 

 

"Seungwan." Warily, Joohyun walks beside Seungwan. 

 

"Hmm." Whatever Joohyun had to say, Seungwan was ready to hear. She moves to see her fully and she notices the older's shivering too. She's never been too good with the cold and Seungwan's itching to take off her hoodie, to take care of her as her heart's always wanted but now is not the time. She needs to hear her first. 

 

"I'm..." Joohyun says slowly, letting out a deep breath before adding, "...sorry."

 

"For what?" 

 

"For saying those things." 

 

If Seungwan could be perfectly honest, she would say she's expecting this. There was a small part of her that believed Joohyun thought ahead of herself, albeit being too late to stop the bullets of her words head straight to Seungwan's core. 

 

If she could be perfectly honest, she would say she waited for this. Is it too wrong to want this much attention from Joohyun? 

 

"But he was right. I was foolish. Even disrespectful. What Bogum said was right too." Seungwan reasoned. She had thought about it. Looking back, she should really question the lengths she had to go through just to be around Joohyun. She just didn't stop because Joohyun didn't tell her up front that she was uncomfortable. If she had, Seungwan would've understood. 

 

"What? No—" Joohyun moves closer almost reaching out to Seungwan but she stops herself and puts her hands on her pockets. "No, Seungwan." She closes her eyes, once again letting in a deep breath before releasing it back onto the cold night. "No, you weren't. I never felt disrespected. You made sure of that." Joohyun earnestly says. "I would've told you, you know that. If I felt you were crossing the line. So I'm sorry for not thinking. What I didn't like was how that guy said stuff to your face." 

 

A beat. 

 

Here it is again. It just wouldn't go when Joohyun's being this honest to her. When she's sincerely apologizing like it's so easy when Seungwan knows Joohyun's as stubborn as a rock in approaching situations this deep first. 

 

"I'm sorry. Please talk to me again."

 

This stupid beating. Her stupidly weak voice and her stupidly vulnerable gaze waiting for Seungwan's response. Stupid. 

 

"I did talk to you, unnie." Seungwan pointed. 

 

"Yeah, but you were just talking. We weren't communicating. Your replies were too vague." Joohyun explained, lips jutted and almost whining. 

 

Seungwan was at least impressed with this observation. She thought she wasn't being too obvious. She did try her best to sound normal. "I'm surprised that you noticed." 

 

"Of course I did. I always do with you." 

 

A beat. 

 

Seungwan's mind was in a haze. Her senses have been muted and she can't be too sure but she feels that the only thing she can do right now was to hear. This stupid beating.

 

She couldn't talk. She was immobile and her eyes was glued to the other's. She could only hear her whisper, "I'm sorry." 

 

She wished for this talk to happen. Expected even. 

 

And it's going to take a moment before it hits her, so Seungwan gives a small smile and an open arm. 

 

So she lets Joohyun fit perfectly, like they were lost pieces long parted by fate. 

 

So she lets Joohyun snuggle too close to hear the beating for herself. 

 

So she lets the buzz of Joohyun's voice slightly drown the beating in her ears. "It's just how I remember it." 

 

Put out of her haze, she managed to scrape the voice stuck in . "What do you mean?" She asks so she could distract herself a little longer. 

 

"Warm." Joohyun spoke but her words were muffled by her face attached on the slope of Seungwan's neck and shoulder. 

 

"Warm?" 

 

"Warmth." 

 

("You hugged her."

 

"She hugged you back."

 

"She even placed her head on the crook of your neck, snuggling against it like a cat.") 

 

Joohyun remembers. Joohyun's buried on her neck and she remembers the last time this happened. That shouldn't matter but Seungwan can't help it. The urge to look. 

 

She looks and she looks and she sees her. 

 

She wants to look away, like how she's always done. 

 

Joohyun may have felt Seungwan's gaze at the top of her head because she slightly pulls away, only to meet her eyes. Just like that, Seungwan's held captive again. She's again held captive by dark orbs that ooze with the uncertainty that Seungwan has tried time and time again to understand. But this time there's no else to help her escape. There's only her. And the moon. 

 

The moon can't help her, the moon only listens. She can't escape and she must be the most selfish to never want to look away this time. She can't because she doesn't want to. 

 

So as helpless as those she sees in mo