For some reason this story turned out a lot different than I had imagined when the idea developed in my head. A lot longer too. So, it’s not exactly what I wanted, but hopefully you guys will enjoy it, nonetheless.

There were few things Rosé loved more than being on stage and performing in front of a sold-out crowd night after night.

(Food was one of those things)

The feeling she experienced as she heard their loud screams and saw thousands of pyongbong’s light up the darkness gave her a high she never could have imagined when she’d sat in her childhood bedroom playing cover songs on her guitar.

It was strange to see herself as a celebrity, but with 23 million Instagram followers, countless sold out shows, and the status as the biggest girl group in the world, she had to admit that she’d made it.

It was a dream she didn’t even know she had until her dad encouraged her to audition, but she was forever grateful that her parents had seen the potential in her (and gotten annoyed with her endless singing).

The countless hours of training and sleepless nights were well worth it when she walked on stage night after night all across the world, her three best friends by her side through it all.

She was living the dream, and she was truly thankful for that.

That being said, there were two songs Rosé hated performing.

Just because she had to sing them, didn’t mean she had to enjoy it.

The issue had started a while back, but it had only gotten worse and worse until reaching its peak during their show that night.

They had finished night one out of three in a city somewhere in the world, and overall it had been undeniably spectacular, the crowd being one of the best she’d ever experienced. She had truly enjoyed herself, until they got towards the end of the show, and the first of those two songs came on.

She loved Dua Lipa. Really, she did. She was so proud of the song they’d done with her; it had always been one of her favorites up until recently. But now, she hated it. Especially when performing it live.

She hated it because every time Jennie sang ‘How about we leave this party? ‘Cause all I want is you up on me’ she’d dance ily against Lisa, the two touching each other and giving each other certain looks that drove the crowd wild, but made Rosé green with jealousy.

There was only one other thing that made Rosé as jealous as seeing the two get it on during Kiss and Make Up, and that was seeing the two get it on during Boombayah.

Once again, when Jennie sang ‘네 눈빛은 I know you wanna touch, Like touch, touch, touch 뚜루룹바우’, Lisa would be all over her like a dog in heat.

It was disgusting, and she was begrudged that no one else seemed to feel that way.

Night after night she had to hear the cheers grow considerably louder as soon as the brunette and the maknae got it on, so loud that she could hear it over her in-ear, and she knew she was getting close to snapping. It was so unlike her, but she just couldn’t help it. It was so inconsiderate of them to do it right in front of her like that, completely ignoring her (unvoiced) feelings.

Sure, she got Jennie for part of Really, but some innocent cheek kiss (that didn’t even touch her cheek 9/10 times), a hug, and some hand holding could not be compared to what was practically giving each other eyes on stage.

The Boombayah issue was pretty new. Previously, Jennie had jumped into their arms. When that ended, they’d just awkwardly stood around her, Jisoo and Lisa touching her shoulders and hips. But more recently, the two had gotten bolder, with Jennie frequently grinding against Lisa.

Uuuuughhhh.

Kiss and Make Up had always been an issue. That part would come, they’d walk closer to each other, and wham, bam, thank you ma’am. Sometimes Lisa would put her arms around Jennie’s shoulders, the shorter girl reciprocating by down Lisa’s front, other times they’d dance front to back or back to back.

And every time, Rosé would laugh it off.

But on the inside, she was seething. To the point where she was scared that her hair would actually turn green (it can happen when you bleach your hair, ok!).

And then she’d go online after the show and see all the Jenlisa posts with gifs from the show, making everything ten times worse.

So, on night two she took matters into her own hands and went between them during Kiss and Make Up, disrupting their little display of public indecency. Seriously, by the looks they were giving each other, they might as well have ripped their clothes of right then and there. At least that was what it looked like to Rosé.

With a ‘playful laugh’ (she really should get an Oscar for her performance), she’d pretended to break it up before it got too hot and heavy and was satisfied when it had worked.

That was, until the show finished, and she went online.

People on Twitter were going WILD, a video of her stepping between them having been seen several thousand times already.

Turns out, her little move had made things worse.

Thanks to her involvement, people assumed she was stepping in because Jennie and Lisa got too close to revealing their relationship, and Jenlisa shippers were now more convinced than ever that the two were, in fact, an item.

She felt jealousy surge through every inch of her tall body as she flicked through tweet after tweet, photo after photo, video after video. It was never ending (ok, fine, she was on the Jenlisa tag), and it took everything in her to not throw her phone at the wall. Or at the ‘couple’ sitting opposite her.

To make matters worse, Jennie and Lisa were sitting on the couch opposite her, laughing at something Lisa had just said. They were sitting closer than Rosé was comfortable with, and with Jisoo in her own world playing on her phone, she felt excluded. And she hated it.

She was quiet in the car ride to the hotel, pretending to be tired as those two continued laughing.

She was quiet at the hotel, hurrying to the bathroom to take a shower.

But when Lisa, wearing nothing but a towel, began jokingly giving Jennie a as Jennie laughingly held her hips, she snapped.

“Get the off my girlfriend.” She hissed through gritted teeth, digging her fingernails into her palm to stop herself from attacking her supposed best friend.

“Woah calm down! I was just playing around.” Lisa quickly got off Jennie’s lap as the shorter girl stared at her girlfriend.

“She is mine, she is not yours to put your hands or all over, do you understand me?”

This caused Jennie to stand up as she stared pointedly at Rosé. “I am not your ing property, Chaeyoung. You’re acting completely unreasonable; you know damn well that Lisa and I are just friends.”

“I didn’t know friends put their hands all over each other for the whole world to see.”

“I’m literally just doing my ing JOB, Rosie!” Jennie was clearly exasperated with her girlfriend, throwing her hands in the air as she spoke.

“I can’t believe you’re not seeing my side on this.” Tears were pooling in her eyes as she left the room and went into the adjacent room where Jisoo was.

Jisoo was thankfully in the shower, and Rosé sat in the armchair crying, both relieved and disappointed that Jennie hadn’t followed her.

She was Rosé Park, for god’s sake. Yves Saint Laurent muse and everything. She’d been described as edgy and ethereal at the same time, both the girl next door and the girl at the rock show. And she was all those things.

Really! She was!

But now she was just Rosie, crying alone in a hotel room; anger, jealousy and despair fighting for dominance within her.

She loved Jennie, and she knew Jennie loved her too. Or, at least she thought she did. She’d say it all the time. But seeing the two behave like that, not just on stage, but off stage as well made her question herself. Jennie just seemed so much playful and confident around Lisa, slapping her , or letting the taller girl slap hers. Acting disgusted when Lisa would kiss her face, but also having moments where she’d stare at Lisa and lean in for a kiss.

She never did anything like that with Rosé. Their moments were softer, more innocent. Skipping around on stage, hand in hand. Hugs in hot air balloons, or cute sounds directed towards her. But never in the same way she was with Lisa.

While Lisa and Jennie’s interactions were stone cold y, sensuality essentially dripping off them both, Rosé and Jennie’s interactions were more akin to those of a ually promiscuous girl with her innocent, naïve friend who still wasn’t sure how worked. Rosé being the naïve one, of course.

But she wasn’t. Naïve that is. She’d had a lot of with Jennie. Good . Excellent . Mind blowing .

And Jennie wasn’t even the one who took her ity.

But even though she felt that their life was more than satisfactory, what if Jennie didn’t agree? What if Jennie thought it was vanilla at best, about as exciting as her favorite milk ice cream?

What if she was only with her because Rosé was kindhearted and warm, which might seem exciting in the beginning, but what if Jennie had grown tired of her? What if she just stayed with her because of how awkward it would be if they broke up? What if Jennie had a thing for Lisa now?

Oh god. She’d have to leave the band if the two got together after Jennie broke her heart. She couldn’t handle that.

She knew she was getting too caught up in her own thoughts, but she couldn’t escape them. She was digging her own hole, and she suddenly felt more alone than ever.

“Oh!” She looked up to find a very dressed up Jisoo exit the bathroom, clearly not expecting anyone to be there as she stopped her humming. “Are you ok?”

She frowned with worry as she saw the state Rosé was in.

“Don’t ask.”

Jisoo just nodded as she put on her watch. She knew better than to push the blonde. She’d come to her when she needed it.

They both turned towards the door that linked the two rooms when they heard a knock. “Yeah?” Jennie and Lisa entered the room. “You ready?” Jisoo nodded as she put on her high heeled boots. Rosé suddenly noticed the dressed-up state of all three of her bandmates and she frowned. They hadn’t mentioned going anywhere.

“Were going out, you coming?” Jennie was looking right at her, the look in her eyes making Rosé shrink into the chair.

“No.” She shook her head for emphasis. She wanted to ask Jennie to stay. For her. But she didn’t.

“Come on, Rosie, it’ll be fun! We could all use a night out.” Lisa tried to convince her best friend, but to no avail.

“I’m good right here, thanks.”

“You sure? We’re going out either way.” Jennie’s tone was so casual. She hated it.

Rosé just silently nodded and watched as Jennie grabbed her leather jacket and shrugged as she put it on. “Suit yourself. Don’t wait up.”

And out the door they went. Not even a kiss goodbye. No ‘I love you’.

Her tears fell harder when she realized that she was probably right. That Jennie had probably grown tired of her boring self.

Rosé allowed herself to cry for a while, before gently slapping her own cheeks.

She needed to get herself together, nothing was going to get better if she just sat here and wallowed in self-pity, while her girlfriend and friends were out partying. The tour was far from over, which meant that for another while they’d still be stuck in hotel rooms, flights, and cars together, and she needed to toughen up if she was going to get through that.

After fixing her hair and make-up, and changing outfits, she knocked on her manager’s door. “Oppa, we’re going out.”

It was basically the middle of the night by the time Jennie, Lisa, and Jisoo returned to the hotel, managers in tow. Seeing as it was night three of their show, they didn’t have to soundcheck and practice, everything already being perfect from the first two nights. They took advantage of this by staying out all night, knowing they could have a lie in in the morning.

“You guys,” Lisa came into Jennie and Jisoo’s room as they were getting ready for bed, “Rosie isn’t in bed. Is she here?”

“No, we haven’t seen her. Are you sure she’s not in your bathroom or something?”

“I’ve checked everywhere, she’s not there.”

Jennie wrinkled her eyebrows. Rosie had said she wanted to stay at the hotel, why was she suddenly missing in the middle of the night? “How about you stay here with Jisoo, and I’ll take your bed? That way I can check on her when she comes home. Shouldn’t be long now. I should probably apologize for earlier anyways; I should’ve been more considerate of her feelings.”

Thirty minutes later Rosé still wasn’t back, and Jennie was getting seriously worried. It was so unlike her to stay out all night without telling them. Putting on a robe and slippers she padded down the hallway stopping outside her manager’s room, knocking softly on the door.

“Hi, oppa. Sorry to wake you.” She pouted at him and he ushered her into the room, not wanting anyone to overhear their conversation. “You didn’t wake me. Is anything wrong? Do you need anything?”

“Have you heard from Rosie? Is she ok?” she sat down, fidgeting with her hands.