Regret

Chaennie one shots
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“Jennie,” Chaeyoung said, taking a sip of her wine as she looked down at her plate, at the food that Jennie had prepared for them. It was delicious as always, but she had a sinking feeling that from now on she’d never be able to eat this dish without bad memories resurfacing. “I’ve met someone else…”

 

She heard the loud sound of cutlery hitting fine china, and then silence. She didn’t dare look up until she heard the sound of chair legs scratching against hardwood floor, and then the soft sound of Jennie’s feet as she left the room.

 

She felt awful. She felt ashamed of herself.

 

But she couldn’t help it, she couldn’t control it anymore, and it was better to let Jennie know now than to cheat on her. And she supposed in a way she already had, just emotionally rather than physically. Not that it would hurt the small brunette any less. She still loved her, but it just wasn’t enough anymore.

 

That was the last time she saw Jennie in person.

 

Jennie never resurfaced from their bedroom that night, and she chose to sleep in the guest room, giving Jennie the space she needed. The space she deserved.

 

When she woke up the next morning, she quietly entered their bedroom, expecting to find Jennie asleep since Chaeyoung always got up first – her job started earlier, and she had a slightly longer commute – but to her surprise the room was empty.

 

The bed was nicely made as always, Jennie would never leave it a mess, not even during times like these. What surprised her, however, was how empty their closet was. Almost all of Jennie’s stuff was gone. Checking Jennie’s bedside table, all she found was a framed picture of the two of them, during happier times.

 

Upon entering the dining room, Chaeyoung found Jennie’s engagement ring on the table where Chaeyoung always sat. No note. Nothing. Just the ring she’d given her two years prior. They’d agreed on a long engagement long before she’d even proposed, but now that engagement would never turn into a wedding. She picked it up and inspected it, her finger tracing the inscription on the inside – Forever Yours, Chaengramji. Her heart was broken, but she still persisted that she’d done the right thing. She just hoped Jennie would be ok.

 

Four hours earlier, in the middle of the night, Alice had woken up to loud banging on her door. When she opened it, she was greeted with a devastated looking Jennie, eyes swollen and red as tears silently streamed down her face. As soon as Alice had opened her arms, Jennie had collapsed into them, breaking into loud sobs as she buried her face in her sister in law’s neck.

 

Thankfully she didn’t smell like her sister.

 

Her two suitcases were left disregarded in Alice’s hallway as the older girl led her to her bedroom. Alice didn’t know when, but eventually Jennie fell asleep in her arms. She hadn’t said a word since she’d arrived, neither had Alice, but she knew it had to do with Chaeyoung. She hadn’t missed the empty ring finger on Jennie’s hand. She’d noticed her sister acting strange for a while, and while she loved her dearly, she’d grown equally close to Jennie, and she had no doubt about who needed her more now.

 

When Jennie finally opened her eyes, she was relieved to see that she was still in Alice’s arms, the older girl her hair slowly and soothingly.

 

“Hey,” her voice was soft, as if speaking normally would break the girl in her arms, “I hope you don’t mind, but I called your office and told them you were sick and wouldn’t be able to come in today, and maybe not for the rest of the week. I took the day off for myself too.”

 

Jennie nodded. She didn’t trust her own voice enough to speak up.

 

“Eventually you’re going to have to tell me what’s happened, ok? But take your time, we’re in no rush. Just know that I’m here for you no matter what.”

 

Jennie nodded again before another sob escaped her body at the thought of what had happened just 12 hours prior. For the second time that day, Alice just pulled her in closer and soothingly whispered ‘shh, it’s ok’ as Jennie cried until she didn’t have any more tears in her, and by then she was asleep again.

 

‘Hi. Are you busy? I need to talk to you’

 

‘I have nothing to say to you right now.’

 

‘oh… I’m guessing Jennie told you?’

 

‘Jennie hasn’t told me anything, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that something’s happened.’

 

‘so she’s with you?’

 

‘yes. Listen, Chaeng, I don’t know what you’ve done, but please leave her, or us, alone for now.’

 

‘ok. I’m sorry. Call me when you’re ready to talk.’

 

It was past noon and Alice had finally gotten Jennie to eat something, even if it was just a dry piece of toast. The younger brunette still hadn’t said a word, and the longer she remained silent the worse Alice felt as she knew how bad last night must’ve been for Jennie to not even be able to tell her about it.

 

She was sitting in her lounge chair, arms wrapped tightly around Jennie who was sitting on her lap, head tucked under her chin, when she finally heard her voice.

 

“She met someone else.”

 

Jennie’s voice was laced with sadness and uneven due to the tears and sobs.

 

“Jen…” Alice didn’t know what to say. She wanted to kill her sister for hurting Jennie, but she also wished she could’ve done anything to fix Jennie’s broken heart. “Did she say why?”

 

“No. I don’t know. I left the room after that.” Alice felt wetness on her neck and knew Jennie was crying again. “She’s seemed so distant lately, so I tried really hard to make her love me again. Made her favorite food. Dressed nicer. Made more of an effort with my appearance. Tried to initiate more – obviously after so long together our life has slowed down, and I thought maybe that was it, but she turned me down repeatedly. Said she’d had a long day at work. That she was tired. Had a ing headache.” Jennie let out a strangled laugh at the cliché excuses. She should’ve seen it coming long ago. “God, I was so naïve.”

 

“It’s not your fault Jennie, you did nothing wrong, Chaeyoung is too ing stupid to see have good she had it.”

 

“She’s your sister.”

 

“That doesn’t mean I have to love her. You know what they say about friends; they’re the siblings you get to choose. And I choose you. Of course, I love her, but that doesn’t mean I excuse her behavior.”

 

Jennie wrapped her arms around Alice’s neck and pulled herself closer to the older girl. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

 

“You can stay with me for as long as you want to. Forever if you need to. I will always be here for you.” Her arms tightened around Jennie’s petite frame as she fought back her own tears. She hated seeing her now ex-SIL like this, knowing that her own sister had caused it. She hated knowing that this was it, it couldn’t be fixed. No amount of apologies could take this pain away, and if she knew her sister right, she wasn’t even sure she’d want to apologize. Maybe for the pain, but not for the actions. She knew Chaeyoung well enough to know that she stood by everything she said, which meant that all Alice could do now was help Jennie mend her broken heart the best she could.

 

For the third time that day Jennie fell asleep in Alice’s arms, and Alice let her. She’d always let her.

 

//

 

‘I’m ready to talk now.’

 

It had been four weeks since Jennie had showed up at her door at 3 am, and she was thankful that Chaeyoung had left them both alone since then, but she finally felt ready to hear her sister’s side of the story.

 

‘Thank you. Should I come to yours after work? I can bring take out.’

 

‘That’s not a good idea.’

 

‘Oh, she’s still there?’

 

‘yes. Meet me outside my office at 7, I’ll treat you to dinner.’

 

The Chaeyoung that met her that evening was considerably different from the Chaeyoung she’d last seen 6 weeks ago. She’d dyed her hair blonde. Her outfit was different from anything Alice had seen her wear before, a step away from her usual slightly conservative office attire. She seemed happy, like a weight was lifted off her shoulders, and it made anger rise in Alice’s chest – why should she get to be happy when Jennie was still so completely and utterly destroyed? But she pushed it aside for now, she needed to give her a chance.

 

“Hi.” She gave her a quick hug, “You look good.”

 

“Thanks, I feel good.”

 

Alice didn’t like hearing that. She wanted her to hurt as much as her ex was hurting. Maybe that was bad for her to wish for her sister, but it wasn’t fair that she’d get to come out of this seemingly unscathed.

 

“Wanna share your side of this?” she finally said after they’d both ordered and the waiter had left their table.

 

“Listen, Alice, I know you’re mad at me, I get it – you love her too, but I had to do it.” The last part made Alice roll her eyes. She didn’t have to do anything. “I swear I never cheated, not physically at least. I needed to end it before I could no longer stop myself.” Alice found herself contemplating how mad their mum would be if she punched her sister right then and there.

 

“Of course, because we all need some good cheating when we have a loving and willing partner at home.”

 

“Alice.” It was a warning, but it didn’t make the older Park sister feel any different. “I never meant for it to happen, I loved Jennie.” Loved. It wasn’t even her relationship and she still felt her heart twist inside out upon hearing the past tense of the word.

 

How could anyone be in a relationship with someone for five years and then within a month of breaking up just stop loving them? Or maybe she’d stopped loving Jennie long before she’d broken up with her? Alice didn’t want to find out the answer to that, knowing that the answer would hurt her too much. Knowing that Jennie would most likely never stop loving Chaeyoung.

 

“We met at work. She was new, she’d just graduated and gotten a job on my team. It started out friendly. I never intended for it to be anything but friendly. But then we got more projects together which led to more one on one time, and we just fell for each other. I swear I never meant for it to happen. But things at home hadn’t been the same for a while, it just felt too… too simple, if that makes sense? Our lives consisted of routines, nothing was new and spontaneous anymore. Nothing was exciting. She…uhm, she tried kissing me one day, but I stopped her before she could. Told her I couldn’t. She said she understood.” She tucked a long strand of blonde hair behind her ear as she looked down, knowing she’d see nothing good in Alice’s eyes. “I noticed Je- her,” she couldn’t even say her name anymore, “make more of an effort, but I kept asking myself how long that would last for? A month? Six months? A year? And then what, we’d go back to how it was again? I know you hate me for it, but it just wasn’t enough for me anymore, Aly. I’m sorry.”

 

“I’m not the one you need to apologize to.” Chaeyoung just nodded. She knew that, but at least it was something.

 

“Maybe we were just too young, you know? We just changed too much as we grew up.” Alice just scoffed at that. They’d started dating when Jennie was 19 and Chaeyoung was 18, which was young, sure, but neither had ever held the other back and you’d think you’d notice growing apart sooner than that. She didn’t believe that bull excuse for a minute.

 

“So, are you and this other chick together now?” She tried to sound nonchalant but knew Chaeyoung could hear the disdain in her voice.

 

“Uhm, not officially, but sort of, yeah. We’re giving it a go.”

 

“And you’re happy?”

 

Chaeyoung’s eyes finally met Alice’s and she gave her older sister a small smile. “I am. It feels like it did with her in the beginning.”

 

Well, we all know how it’s going to end then, was all Alice could think as her wine finally arrived. She had a feeling she’d need something stronger to get through the night.

 

//

 

It took Chaeyoung less than six months to realize what a huge mistake she’d made. She’d ed up badly, and by now she was all too aware of it.

 

She’d kept their apartment, simply switching out a few decorative items to try and rid it of the memories of Jennie, but it was useless.

 

Jennie was everywhere.

 

No matter where she looked a new memory would come flooding back. After just two months she’d moved into the guest bedroom because she could no longer stand to sleep in the bed they’d shared.

 

All meals were eaten on the kitchen island, the dining room reminding her too much of the last time she’d seen the girl she’d once been so sure she was going to marry.

 

Every time she was at her sister’s place, which was considerably less often than it used to be, she’d see Jennie’s stuff even though she never saw Jennie. She knew Alice always texted Jennie, warning her not to come home. Sometimes Chaeyoung considered going on a surprise visit just so she could see her, but she knew that wouldn’t be fair. She didn’t deserve that.

 

The thing with the girl from the office had been good for a total of 5 weeks before Chaeyoung realized she was way too immature for her. The was only two years, but she found herself feeling like a babysitter rather than a girlfriend, especially when they went out. So, she’d broken it off, and while it made work slightly awkward, she didn’t regret the decision nearly as much as she regretted ending it with Jennie. The two weren’t even on the same planet of ups.

 

Since then she’d gone on a few dates, slept with a few girls, but none of them could even compare to Jennie. Not their looks. Not their brains. Not their personalities. Not their humor. To Chaeyoung they were inferior to Jennie in every way, and after six months she stopped trying. If she couldn’t have Jennie, then she didn’t want anyone.

 

//

 

Her and Alice had an unspoken agreement not to mention Jennie to each other. Chaeyoung because she knew it would hurt, Alice because she felt her sister didn’t really deserve to know anything.

 

It had been over a year now, but it didn’t make it any easier. It didn’t make the pain any less.

 

Chaeyoung allowed herself to look around the room as she ate the pasta her sister had made her. She noticed some of Jennie’s things missing, and she wanted to bite her tongue, but curiosity killed the cat.

 

“Is she not coming home today?”

 

“Chaeng,” Alice said with a sigh, “she’s seeing someone…”

 

She felt her chest tighten as breathing became harder, but she swallowed her tears along with the remainder of her wine glass. “It’s nothing serious, right? Just a fling?”

 

Her sister cast her a look and for the first time in over a year Chaeyoung saw sympathy in them and it was the worst thing she could’ve possibly seen right then and there, because it told her everything she needed to know.

 

“They’ve moved in together.” It was barely a whisper, she couldn’t say it any louder, the look on the face on the other side of the table reminded her too much of the look on Jennie’s face a year ago.

 

“She’s happy then?” she broke into tears, for the first time since this had happened Chaeyoung allowed herself to cry in front of her sister.

 

Rather than answer the question Alice put down her cutlery and moved over to her sister, taking her into her arms. She didn’t have the heart to lie to her sister, knowing she’d be able to see right through her. But she also couldn’t tell her the truth; that Jennie hasn’t been happy for one year three months and eighteen days.

 

Sometime during the evening they’d moved to the couch where Chaeyoung had finished off the wine bottle on her own.

 

“I ed up so badly.”

 

“I know.” She was her sister’s hair, trying to be there for her without being unrealistic.

 

“I’m so ing stupid, why did I do that? It makes no sense. She made me so happy, she was everything I could ever need. I just fell into a rough patch, but we could’ve worked on that together, ya know? And now she’s off with some other girl, happy. Without me.”

 

“It’s a guy.”

 

“What?”

 

“She’s dating a guy.”

 

Chaeyoung groaned as she opened another wine bottle. She wasn’t sure why, but somehow knowing it was a guy made it worse. Jennie had never been with a guy before, she’d always said she was a lesbian, not biual. But suddenly that had changed, apparently.

 

“Do you ever think she’ll speak to me again?”

 

Alice squeezed her hand. “Do you want me to be honest?” Chaeyoung nodded. “Then no. I know that’s not what you wanted to hear, but you didn’t see her back then. You didn’t see how much your actions hurt her. She lost so much weight, I basically had to force feed her. I think every dish I made for her had an entire stick of butter in it just to get some calories in her.”

 

Alice didn’t tell her that it hadn’t worked. That Jennie was still too skinny. That Jennie was a shell of the woman she had once been. That she hadn’t seen her genuine gummy smile since their dinner together two weeks before the breakup. That by now she wasn’t sure if she’d ever see it again.

 

“What am I going to do?” it was so quiet, not even a whisper.

 

“You need to move on, Chaeng. It’ll be hard, really ing hard, but you have to do it. You can’t wallow in self-pity for the rest of your life. You did this to yourself, and I’m really sorry you did, I wish I could’ve stopped you, but it’s too late. We can’t change the past, no matter how much we want to.”

 

Tears were streaming down her baby sister’s face and Alice knew she’d been holding it in for a long time. “I’ll give you as much time as you need, and I’ll be here for you every step of the way, but we both know you need to move on.”

 

“How can I when I compare every girl I meet to her? And none of them even come close to her. I had everything, Alice, everything, and I blew it. For absolutely nothing. All I have now is an apartment I’m uncomfortable being in and memories that tear at my sanity every waking moment and haunt me in my dreams at night. She was perfect, she was more than I ever deserved and dreamt of, but somehow, she still chose me, and I was the one who screwed up.” She let out a bitter laugh as she took another swing from the wine bottle, “Guess I got what I deserved after all. Karma is a ing .”

 

That night was like a repeat of the night one year three months and eighteen days prior, except this time, Alice was cradling her weeping baby sister. While she’d been harboring a small amount of resentment for Chaeyoung , Alice felt that slowly fade away throughout the night the more her sister broke down. Not because she enjoyed seeing her like this, but because she knew that Chaeyoung finally understood how Jennie felt all those months ago.

 

The only problem was that now neither of them were happy, and Alice was stuck helpless in the middle.

 

//

 

“How’ve you been?”

 

“I’ve been doing ok. Work’s been busy. We’re renovating the guest room. He wants to make it into a baby room.”

 

“Wait, are you…?” Her eyes shifted from dark chestnut eyes down to her stomach.

 

“No,” she let out a laugh, the closest thing to genuine she came these days, as she pushed her hair behind her ear. “I’m not ready for that. Who knows, maybe in a few years.” She shrugged casually, maybe a little too casually.

 

Alice knew Jennie had always wanted to be a mom. They’d had endless conversations about it. But the way she talked about it now, not necessarily her words, but rather her whole persona made Alice question whether or not it still was a dream of hers or just something she did because he wanted it (Alice never liked him).

 

“I miss you, you know? I feel like we don’t see each other much anymore.”

 

Jennie covered Alice’s hand with her own on top of the table at the small coffee shop they’d met at. “I miss you too, I promise to make more of an effort.” The smile on her face told Alice that Jennie found it painful to be around her now, that she had become a constant reminder of the past, even though they hadn’t talked about her sister in over two years. Jennie had become one of her best friends, of not the best friend, ever since Chaeyoung had introduced the two seven years ago, not long after the two started dating, and she didn’t want to lose her best friend over this.

 

“I’d like that, I’ll make an effort too. You know I’ll always be there for you, thick or thin. I’m happy to see that you’re doing so well.”

 

“Enough about me, I wanna hear how life’s treating you!”

 

And so, Alice told her about the cute guy she’d been flirting with, the ever-present stress that came with being a lawyer, and her plans to maybe buy a car, if she could be bothered.

 

Once they parted ways that evening Alice squeezed the smaller brunette tightly in a hug. “Promise to stay in touch.”

 

To her surprise, Jennie kept her promise.

 

//

 

“I have some extra vacation days at work,” Chaeyoung announced over lunch on a chilly October day, “and I was thinking of going to see mum and dad. Wanna come? Might be fun to go back to Australia again together.”

 

Alice shrugged as she stabbed a piece of lettuce with her fork. “Sure, when are you going?”

 

“End of November. I know it’s sort of short notice, but I’m sure you can get off work.”

 

“Oh, Chaeng…” Alice’s face fell into an expression Chaeng couldn’t read.

 

“What?”

 

“I wasn’t going to tell you.” She bit the inside of her cheek. They’d been doing so well, and she knew that the next words out of would ruin all progress Chaeyoung had made.

 

“Jennie’s getting married in November.”

 

The silence that surrounded them was painful, as if it physically squeezed all the air out of their lungs and drowned them all at once.

 

“Oh.”

 

After what felt like an eternity Chaeng finally broke the silence as a frown grazed her usually delicate features. “I thought she hated winter weddings.”

 

She still does, Alice wanted to scream at her. Because it was the truth. Everyone except her fiancé could tell that a winter wedding was the last thing Jennie wanted, but she’d agreed for two reasons; she didn’t have the energy or the will to fight about it, and it would stop her from being reminded of the wedding of her dreams, to Chaeyoung, because that would never have happened during winter. And that was why Jennie was getting married in late November, on the date of her fiancé’s choosing.

 

With Alice as her maid of honor, but Alice didn’t tell Chaeyoung that part.

 

“I’m so sorry, sweetie. If you don’t mind waiting a little we could go in early December? Or maybe for Christmas? It’s been a long time since we’ve had Christmas in the summer, would be nice to go to the beach again, have our family BBQ while mum religiously applies sunscreen on us?”

 

The childhood memories made Chaeyoung crack a small smile, but it wasn’t enough to soothe the pain in her heart. Nothing could soothe the pain in her heart.

 

“It just seems so fast, you know? We’ve only been broken up two and a half years, she’s only 26, what’s the rush?”

 

To be fair, if they were still together, they likely would’ve gotten married the previous summer, or the coming one, but that was different; they’d been together for a long time.

 

“Hey, let’s not talk about it, ok? Nothing good will come of it, just forget I ever mentioned it. I’ll tell mum we’re coming home for Christmas, and I suggest you call some friends and arrange a fun girls weekend in late November, how does that sound?”

 

Chaeyoung nodded, but they both knew that the majority of her friends would also attend the wedding. They’d somehow managed to both stay friends with the majority of their mutual friends who always made sure they were never invited to the same events, but that meant that in times like these she was left all alone. Maybe she’d just buy some good quality Soju, a few tubs of her favorite ice cream, and cry by herself in what had been their apartment. After all, what was better than alcohol to get rid of the image of another man kissing the love of your life by the altar?

 

Turns out Chaeyoung needed a lot of alcohol to get that image out of her mind.

 

So much so that she’d ended up in the hospital getting her stomach pumped after a neighbor had found her on the floor upon hearing a loud thud as she fell.

 

Alice, who thankfully hadn’t been informed until the next morning – so it didn’t ruin the wedding festivities, was understandably pissed and worried sick, and had made the executive decision to move in with Chaeyoung until their trip back home so she could monitor Chaeyoung’s alcohol intake.

 

She didn’t need to though, because Chaeyoung never touched alcohol again. All it did was make her think of Jennie even more than usual, and she couldn’t handle that.

 

//

 

Chaeyoung had countless times contemplated selling her apartment and moving somewhere she’d never been with Jennie. Get a fresh start. Maybe actually move on, as Alice had suggested all those years ago.

 

She’d contacted real estate agents a few times.

 

She’d even had an interior decorator there once who was going to stage the apartment for the photos.

 

But when she’d wanted to change pretty much everything Jennie had done to their place, Chaeyoung had seen red and thrown her out.

 

She couldn’t stand the thought of someone else being happy in their

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Chaennie0107
I can’t believe we’re almost at 600 subscribers! Wow, thank you so much 😊 I’m currently prioritizing my multi chapter fic, but I’ll try to squeeze in some one shots every now and then, I have a whole list of ideas I wanna work my way through.

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Movelisa #1
Chapter 28: Jesus….. i need a cold shower that was intense
Xxxbik
#2
Chapter 28: I thought they will on that chair
Soshi1590
#3
Chapter 28: Yup it was
MeMyselfAndI0314
#4
Chapter 28: 🥰🔥
nishichan
#5
Chapter 28: Omg, I need holy water!!!
This chapter was so hot!!
Thank u so much for the update 💗
Author U are amazing 👏 ❤ 💖
jiaqisushi
#6
Chapter 10: this is one unique story and it's odd but at the same time cool nonetheless i really liked it ^^
bolehpinjem #7
Chapter 27: Chapter 27: After reading this, I have an idea for a prequel or maybe a stand alone (just different ways of framing, tbh), would you be interested to write it?

The story revolves with the differences between Jennie and Rosie when they see their significant other packing. The clingier gf would steal from her gf pile of packed clothes inside the bags or carriers stating they need it so they'll be able to sleep, while the not so clingy gf would check pile of clothes inside the bags and added several clothing items her gf forgot to bring but very essential (fuzzy socks, mittens, bandaids). I don't put Jennie or Rose because I can see Jennie in both clingy and not so clingy gf, so please feel free to assign the roles.
MeMyselfAndI0314
#8
Chapter 27: 🙈 not being delulu but if it's chaennie romance IRL, theirs is one of the greatest love story... #redstring ❤
Soshi1590
#9
Chapter 27: can they be any cuter????
Soshi1590
#10
Chapter 18: And i love them both