Jongin was so angry at her that she could almost feel the heat flaring from Jongin's body. She even thought that Jongin will hit her because she can already see him losing it. She has never seen him that angry and she was terrified for her pathetic life, she can feel how much Jongin was trying to hold back. His face was beet red and his eyes were too. And if looks could kill she would be dead by then. At the back of her mind, she was half expecting his fury. The other half was hoping he wouldn't but that was the impossible.

That was a week now and she hasn't left their house too since then. Jongin left that same day and she knew its stupid to hope that he may comeback and find it in his heart to forgive her, they had good times for the past weeks anyway. They were a couple.. He even confessed to her. Everything was perfect but then the dreaded day has come and turned everything upside down. 

School's over and she has nothing to get busy with since they originally planned to spend their honeymoon. She knew Jongin won't come back anymore. That day he left, he also brought a lot of his things. She was hoping he'd at least drop by for his other things that's why she didn't leave home too but even his shadow was nowhere to be seen in their house. She didn't know where Jongin could be. She knew he wouldn't go to his parents and his friends, she even tried her luck in contacting them by simply asking if Jongin dropped by to not cause any more ruckus but he was nowhere where she knew he could be. She had no idea where to find him. She didn't want to think that he went to Krystal.

Just last night, Bomi called her that Jongin was at the club where Bomi was too and she said her husband was with Krystal. She even went there to try her luck to talk to him but the moment she entered the club she already saw the two making out  on the dance floor like they're the highlight of that night. She cant explain how horrible she felt after seeing him with her like that. How awful her stomach felt that she wanted to throw up but felt dizzy and so weak all at the same time. She didn't even bother to find Bomi and she didn't know how she managed to get home alive too.

That night, she realized that it must be really over for them. And can she even blame him? If she hadn't done that awful thing to him, Jongin would still be single and happily enjoying the time of his life without her holding him back like she did. He'd date beautiful girls and marry the one he'd really like someday and not someone who's forced to him by his parents because of a mistake.

It's really over. And it hurts so bad, the mixed emotions she has was unexplainable. After all these years, all she ever wanted was him. She had the chance but it's now gone down the drain. She tried so bad and now it seems like their relationship was broken beyond repair.

"This must be the right time to stop Eunji. You've already given him all that you have and if he can't forgive you then this must be the time for you to move on without him. Let him go and set yourself free too. Love shouldn't be this tragic, it should be beautiful and from the looks of it only made you anything but happy. He's not the one for you and you should know when is enough. C'mon you're smarter and better than this. Think about your future alone and dreams, don't you have dreams of your own that didn't include Jongin? We can't blame him or you because everything has been done already and you just gotta let go. You just can't live your life like this." 

That was what Bomi told her after that night she came home from the club. 

Maybe her friend was right all this time. And maybe she knew it all along, that they're really not meant to be together. She has given everything to him, for him, even if he didn't ask her to. All she knew was him since she was young. All her heart wanted was him. It was always about him and she didn't know either why the heck she wanted him so much? Why does she love him so much that she would endure everything just to see him happy? She thought her love for him would be enough for the two of them. That Jongin would somehow realize that she's worth trying for and worth loving afterall. He might have, but only for a fleeting moment, and that's what she was holding onto very tightly for the past couple days but she knew she should not anymore.

Jongin was right, she was selfish and a horrible person. He might be right as well about her love for her. Maybe she doesn't know what love is all about after all. She's been prancing all over ever since about her love for him but all she really did was selfishly follow him even though she knew he didn't like her, she didn't even consider his feelings. He was even nice enough to let her be. She took advantage of that and didn't know how to stop and lead her to this very moment. She should have stopped that prom night when he turned her down. Ah, she surely was a tough cookie, a very annoying one at that.

What she did to him was really appalling and unforgivable. She was blinded too of what she thought was love for him. If Jongin won't ever see her again, she'd understand. If she were in Jongin's shoes, she'd hate her too. Big time and she wouldn't be surprised if a divorce paper would materialize at her doorsteps. That'd be the doomsday, just thinking about it makes her hard to breath. And that's bound to happen one way or another. Will she really wait for that to happen?

Everything that she's been working on for years just went to nothing. Maybe she shouldn't have worked on it after all. Jongin was right, she was manipulating everything, unknowingly.

It was wrong from the very beginning and now she's suffering the consequences of her actions.

She can't blame him. She can't blame Jongin's mom for coming up with such an idea. It all started as a joke in one of their afternoon tea time talks then became a rolling topic and then a plan was made until it materialized. Jongin actually got it spot on, Jongin would be drunk on his birthday as per usual, they'd drug him and she'd sleep with him, only she didn't, she only slept beside him. She couldn't sleep with him that night, he was sleeping like a log and she couldn't initiate something that she didn't know fully yet and hasn't really tried before. She's usually a fast learner but that's something she couldn't simply learn in books more so with just about anyone. And when morning came, she cried like crazy not only because she failed the plan but Jongin's mother passed out too, that wasn't in the plan. She was scared knowing how she has a weak heart. She was torn between telling the truth that nothing really happened and by staying quiet and just go with the flow when Jongin parents told them to just get married. She didn't think thoroughly like she normally does, she chose the latter. Everything happened so fast, she didn't even think Jongin would ever agree but he did, Jongin must really love his parents to sacrifice himself like that, the only thing that Jongin bargained for was for them to have their own home and the rest was history. She can only blame herself and she was too weak to disagree just to make Jongin hers. She was a fool. She didn't deserve Jongin's forgiveness. She didn't deserve Jongin at all.

The pain that she feels right now, she's so scared of losing Jongin for good cause he's basically everything for her. She doesn't know how to pick up herself and move on like what Bomi said. She doesn't have a dream of her own cause Jongin was always in there. She doesn't know where and how to start to move on or let go. If only moving on is easier done than spoken. She was madly in love with him that it hurts so much. Jongin was her weakness and strength, whether the decisions she made were wrong or right, so long as Jongin was involved, she'd always choose Jongin. How will she ever move on from that? How do you even move on?

A few more days have passed and she became the worst of herself that she thought she might as well be dead. She feels like a prisoner waiting for its death sentence. She already felt sick and her phone's battery died a long time ago and the house was as messy as her mind was. She kept on going to the bathroom to throw up but nothing was coming out anymore. She felt awfully sick. She can barely eat and sleep. She felt like dying inside and probably outside too - physically. She didn't know what's happening to the outside world anymore. She's afraid that if she went out she'd run into Jongin with Krystal like that time from the club that's been replaying in her head like a curse everytime she shuts her eyes and it's driving her even more crazy!

~~~

Bomi visited her again 'cause she can't contact her anymore only to find her already bed ridden and couldn't get up by herself anymore.

"Are you trying to kill yourself? Dammit Eunji! You have to do it the right way! You want me to help you? I can buy you sleeping pills and that wouldn't hurt cause you'll die in your sleep!" Bomi said angrily as she held all those thick curtains in the bedroom open.

She was so disappointed with her best friend. But she's more worried about her welfare. The entire house looked like a disaster as well as the owner. Eunji looked so pale and thin and weak for days that she hasn't been eating well. The kitchen was already empty too and she's even surprised that Eunji was still alive to be honest.

She just stared at her bestfriend's limp body on the messy bed as Eunji started to cry again. What a pitiful girl. What a pathetic sight she'd never thought seeing Eunji would be. Gone was the vibrant Eunji that she knew. Her eyes were dead and lost its glow. She can't help but hold back her own tears seeing Eunji in that state.

"Do you really want to die huh?! You want to die and make Jongin free again so he can skip around with that girl after your death?! Is that what you want?" Bomi said.

Eunji just weakly shook her head and cried some more.

"He's not coming back." Eunji said in despair. Her voice was already hoarse for crying so much.

"I'm glad that you atleast know that. Now, you have to pull yourself together Eunji. This is isn't the end of the world and I know that there's nothing I can say to mend your stupid broken heart but you have to live and remember all the things that you liked doing the most that doesn't include Jongin. Okay? Remember the people who care about you. Your family, your friends, Oh? C'mon you're too cool to mope like this! You always tell me that you're the coolest and bravest and I believe you so please don't disappoint me. It's been a while now and caving in like this won't do you any good. Just tell me whatever you need that I can help you with. Huh?" Bomi said, also crying now and took Eunji for a tight embrace. "Just please don't go on like this. 'Kay?"

"I don't know. I don't know how to move on. I don't know." Eunji said in between sobs.

"Of course you do. Silly!" She chuckled sobbing too.

Bomi took Eunji to the hospital for a few days as she looks like she badly needs some medical attention. Eunji didn't protest anymore with a promise that they're not telling anyone.

Bomi stayed at Eunji's place for the next couple days after she was discharged from the hospital, she couldn't leave Eunji in her state as she may really kill herself unintentionally.

Bomi actually saw Jongin twice in a club with Krystal but Eunji doesn't need to know anything about Jongin right now. One of these days she will definitely make Jongin pay once she bumped into him again. The guy didn't even have the decency to be discreet with Krystal anymore. Everyone knows he's married to Eunji and yet he keeps on going to places where Eunji normally goes to, she even saw him once at Eunji's favourite coffee shop. What is he trying to prove by that? That brute! Good thing Eunji was staying at home all those times. 

Bomi has to leave overseas for a seminar so she has no choice but to leave Eunji alone again even though it's against her will. She wanted to contact one of the boys or Jongin's mother but Eunji insisted not to bother any more than her. Infairness to her, she was getting better than the first time Bomi arrived at her house and Eunji promised her that she will be okay and will contact her everyday.

~~~

One morning, Eunji woke up and just decided to stop crying and started to pack her things. Nothing's going to happen anyway if she keeps on moping around. Bomi said everything will be okay and she'll know it when she's over it, maybe this was the day.

She didn't know what day or time it was anymore since she stopped counting since that evening at the club. So when she checked the calendar, it has been thirty-four days since Jongin left and she wanted to end the gruelling waiting game they're playing. She wouldn't mind waiting but waiting for someone who's not coming back is more painful than letting them go.

'It's over.' That's what he said. Indeed.

What's done is done and she surely couldn't turn back time no matter how regretful she was, moving forward is the only way out from that lonely place she was in.

'Just leave me alone.' Was his last words to her, maybe she'll do just that this time around. She's been deliberately doing what she wants just to be with him without really thinking what he feels, this time she'll just do what he wants, if that's what will make him really happy. And maybe that's one way of making things right.

After all those miserable days alone she came up with the decision to finally move on. She's sure Bomi would be so proud of her. That's the only logical thing to do before she becomes insane. 

Surprisingly, her brain started to function again. To move on, she has to leave everything behind. They must not really be meant for each other. She already did everything that she could and look where she ended up after forcing someone to like her? 

Her love was indeed tragic as what Bomi described. 

She was deluded by the wrong fact that it will work out somehow. Surprise, there's no happy ending. No matter how she would have tried, they're probably simply not meant to be.

Bomi was right, she has to live on and be fabulous. Not because she wanted to show Jongin but rather she owed it to herself. She needs to take care and love herself now more than ever. 

This is game over for real.

Everything in the house reminds her of Jongin and that's not good if she's trying to move on. Jongin's not coming back, that's a fact, and she's been repeating that in her mind like a mantra. If she's not going to leave the place she might just end up losing her mind or worse. 

She didn't want other people to worry about her. She didn't want to be a bother or a burden to anyone. Her family wasn't as wealthy as Jongin's but her mother works so hard and they only have each other but barely see each other because of her work. Eunji was happy when her mother met someone who'll be able to take care of her and Eunji wouldn't want to take that happiness from her.

That's why she opted to stay in Korea when her mother got married again with the agreement she keeps the nanny even if she insisted not to, her mother trusted her that she will do well by her own and she will not disappoint her. That's why she studied hard to get that scholarship even if she didn't need to so she can save while she doesn't have a job yet until she graduates. That's why she's been using that old second-hand car that frequently dies on her. That's why she learned things she didn't know so she wouldn't be a burden to Jongin. She tries so hard at everything even if she didn't really have to in order to not be a burden but turns out she's always been one.

She must recreate her life and think of her own future, solely. She must have a dream of her own for herself only. This time, she'll do everything for herself only. Her love has been a tragic one and she can only hope for herself to be able to get back up again. She has nothing but herself now.

That's the plan, sounds like a chore but she'll do her best to make it happen. One thing she liked about herself is her focus and perseverance, once she sets her mind into something she'll make sure to achieve it.

She charged her phone and the messages from the days it was off are coming in. She didn't read any of them, instead, she deleted everything. It's too early for her to be sidetracked with anything right now. She called her mom to tell her she's going to China for the sem break. She'll just discuss with her everything when she gets there. 

She called Bomi and told her about her plans and also about leaving the country for the sem break. Her friend just wished her well and told her to always keep in touch. She told her not to tell anyone. She's still her best friend anyway.

She didn't call the guys or Jongin's mom. She knew they'd be disappointed with her leaving without saying a word but she knew if she talks to any of them they might jeopardize her plan of moving on with her life alone so she needs to cut ties with them or to anyone that's related to Jongin even though it hurts her too. 

This time she has to find herself and make herself whole again alone. 

For the last time she called Jongin's phone and she knows she will just reach his voicemail and that's the plan, she will just leave him a message.

"They say that if you love someone you have to set them free, but I say otherwise that's why I kept on holding on to you. I knew that I wasn't good enough for you but I'm so stubborn and I'm sorry if I have been such a burden to you all this time. I'm sorry if I took your freedom away. I'm sorry if you feel like I took everything away from you. I loved you so much… I was so stupid and so blinded to see that you're hurting because of my love. I'm sorry if it took me this long to finally accept the fact that we're not meant for each other. Thank you for putting up with someone like me. I'm finally letting you go and giving you your freedom back. I wish you happiness."