“Code blue, code blue in the ICU. Room 2043.”

Kyungha stares at the vending machine. Her phone buzzes. Her snacks are still vending, but she had no time. Sighing, she stuffed her wallet back into her back pocket and ran toward the ICU.

One of the night shift nurses meets her at the entrance of the room. “Is there an attending with you?”

She shakes her head. “My phone buzzed, so I’m guessing I’m the only one here right now.”

The nurse nods, signaling for Kyungha to get in the room. She scrambles to adjust the bed, moving the patient into an optimal spot to make it easier for her to do CPR.

She climbs onto the bed and starts to pump his chest. “What’s his pulse?”

The nurse hisses, “there’s no activity. He’s going into asystole.”

“Can you give him 1 mL of epinephrine?” She asks, continuing CPR.

The nurse nods, running out of the room to grab the drug. She returns with a needle and the bottle. Kyungha pants as she pushes down into his chest, waiting for the nurse to administer the epi into his IV line.

“How’s he doing?” She asks, attempting to stay level-headed.

The nurse shakes her head when they check his rhythm again. “His pulse isn’t returning.”

Kyungha nods, “okay, can you give him some more epi every few minutes?”

Rapid footsteps echo in the hallway, and she watches Seulgi slide into the room. “Kyungie?”

The nurse gives Kyungha an “okay” as she keeps an eye on the clock. She continues to administer CPR, but his pulse isn’t returning, and Kyungha can’t understand why.

She heard that he had heart surgery yesterday to fix the thrombus in his right pulmonary artery. She knew that patients had complications, but now? It didn’t make sense. Her team and she came around to do rounds and he seemed perfectly fine.

The man was smiling with his wife. He was fine, so why the hell was he dying?

Kyungha’s breath shudders when the nurse catches her eyes. Seulgi moves beside her. “How long has it been?” Her friend asks, voice somber.

Kyungha bites her lips. “Eight minutes. Can you switch with me?”

Seulgi nods, and she moves for the latter to begin chest compression again. The nurse stands there idly, watching with concerned eyes.

She touches Kyungha’s arms, giving her a shake of her head. “Seulgi, stop,” Kyungha says weakly. Seulgi let go and the heart monitor rings beside them. “I’m calling it. Time of death. 1:27 AM on June 27th, 2036.”

When they leave the room, Seulgi’s lips tremble and her face turns red. Kyungha silently pulls her into the stairway, letting the door shut behind them. She pulls Seulgi into her arms, and the latter begins to cry. “I’m—hic—sorry. It’s j-just. I can’t—hic—believe he’s d-dead. He’s the first person, Kyungha—to die on our watch.”

Kyungha remains silent as she rubs comforting circles on her friend’s back. Death wasn’t fair. No matter how much one tries to rationalize it, it tears through a person’s reality like a sharp blade.

She always knew of her father, but she never knew him personally. Not like Kyungsoo or her mother. So whenever it was his death anniversary, Kyungha was the one who held them while they cried. She was their anchor, and that was that.

When Seulgi and Kyungha return to the interns’ gathering room, Joohyun is there. She waves at them with a happy smile on her face, but once she realizes the mood is sour her smile dips. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Seulgi is quiet, relapsing the moment from earlier. Kyungha answers instead, “the second patient from our rounds that we saw yesterday, he’s dead.”

Joohyun’s face turns ashen. “W-what? How?”

“No pulse.”

Seulgi purses her lips. “His surgery went so well too. This is utter bull.”

Kyungha heaves a long breath. “Yeah, well, that’s just life, Seulgi. Do you want to talk to his wife or do you want me to do it?”

Seulgi stares at her, eyes red. “How do you do it? How are you so strong?”

“I don’t have an answer for that,” she replies.

Joohyun snorts, “Kyungie, that was rhetorical.”

“Shut up, Joo-Joo. You’re coming with me.”

Joohyun balks, “what? Why?”

“Emotional support.”

“For you?”

Kyungha scoffs, lifting her brows. “For the wife.”

“Did you hear about the new intern?”

“We have many, dude.”

“No, no. That one. The tall, pretty one?”

“Ah, I think her name was Do Kyungja or something?”

“Dude, she’s not human.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Joshua told me she was totally ruthless. She’s a total ice queen. I heard she doesn’t really care about her patients at all. The daughter of the lady who went into surgery yesterday wanted to speak to her mom for a few minutes before she went into the OR.”

“And?”

“And that intern said no—flat out no.”

“Well, the mother needed surgery, right? Her tumor was malignant, and I heard it was growing nasty, fast.”

“Yeah, but the mother died. It was a table death.”

“.”

“Anyway, the daughter totally lost her and screamed at the intern, but the intern didn’t even look guilty. I heard Joshua said her face was completely blank.”

“It was kind of sad. One of her friends had to drag the daughter away before she was slapped.”

“Oh, hey there, Jude.”

“Hi.”

“Honestly, she kind of deserves it. She has no heart. The other day—“

Kyungha hears a loud smack of a clipboard on the countertop. She sighs quietly.

“Ah sorry, was I interrupting your sleepover?” A familiar voice asks harshly. Before the three can answer, the voice continues, “are you guys, high school girls? Christ, don’t you s have anything better to do than gossip?”

She hears a timid squeak from one of the guys talking about her before their footsteps fade away. There’s complete silence, and she believes the coast is clear. Kyungha finally stops hiding behind the wall, but she sees Jongdae standing there with an irritated glare in the direction of the boys.

“Did you hear everything?” Jongdae asks when she walks toward him.

Kyungha shrugs weakly. “You didn't have to do that.”

He smirks, “you’re very welcome.”

“Thank you,” she murmurs sheepishly, ducking her head.

“It’s nothing, promise. I just—gossip rubs me the wrong way. You remind me a lot of my sister,” Jongdae explains, waving his hands.

Kyungha nods awkwardly. “Right.”

“She—uh—she passed away. In high school, she was bullied and—well—one day, my mother called and I found out she had been hoarding Xanax. The stupid girl didn’t tell anyone about what happened at school. She hid everything until it was too late.”

She stays silent because what else could she say? Jongdae clearly went through a lot, and it was getting awkward real fast.

He laughs bitterly. “Sorry, I don’t know why I told you that. But the point is, Kyungha, I may not know you well, but you shouldn’t bubble everything up inside. I know that you keep your calm composure on the surface. Life’s too short. I’ll see you around, okay?” He pats her shoulder and heads off in the direction she came from.

Kyungha stares at the floor. Honestly, she couldn’t remember the last time she actually slept without nightmares. She wasn’t tired. Her shift was coming to an end, and for the first time, she didn’t want to go home. If Kyungha slept, she’d be plagued with never-ending dreams. Unpleasant dreams from the past few days.

She couldn't get the image of the man’s hand going limb on the bedside or the image of the daughter asking her why she was such a terrible human being. Maybe it was true. Maybe she didn’t have the emotional capabilities to offer comfort to her patients.

She began to wonder if this was the career she wanted to pursue. Kyungha always knew she was emotionally stronger than her friends and family but was it damaging her work?

Was she becoming the doctor that she imagined herself to be? Kyungha continued to ponder on the thought for the rest of her shift.

“Kyungha, why aren’t you going home?” Kyungsoo’s nagging voice echoes through the receiver.

She rolls her eyes. “I’m busy.”

“Your shift just ended,” he deadpans.

“And I have another one in a few hours, there’s no point commuting home,” she lies through her teeth. Did Kyungha feel bad? Very. She knew he was just concerned about her.

But thankfully, Kyungsoo takes the bait. “Alright, be safe, honey. Make sure you eat something before sleeping, okay? And clothes—do you have any extra clothes? Should I bring them for—“

“I’m fine. Why are you still awake? Go to sleep,” she insists, ending her brother’s rambles.

He snorts, “Jongin kept me up. He’s always so touchy when he comes back from filming.” She catches the tiny breathlessness in her brother’s voice.

Kyungha gags per usual. She does it any time Kyungsoo shares too much information. “You’re disgusting.”

He mocks, “it’s called ual . You’re a doctor. Shouldn’t you be immune to medically explicit terminology?”

“Yes, but not when the image of my brother having is the case. Kyungsoo, do yourself a favor and go to sleep before you share any more information that I didn’t ask for and give me nightmares. Thank you. Please.”

Her brother snorts and reminds her to look after herself before the line clicks to an end. She stares at the picture she took of him during winter break. Jungkook drew a medically accurate depiction of a on his face. She had to stop him from killing his own son as she choked over her own tears. Jongin stood there idly, recording his husband with a large grin. Yep, he got a beating too.

She missed the days when life was simpler. Nowadays, Kyungha found herself thinking about Sehun’s journals. She couldn’t believe that she actually considered the way he felt when he was also an intern—and more so, she related to him. She also found herself wanting to see him, just a little bit. Which was stupid, considering she still hated his guts.

Kyungha dug through her bag, spraying dry shampoo into her air. She fluffs her hair around, and with resolve, Kyungha went to the cafeteria to find the coffee station. When in doubt, take another shot of espresso. It was unhealthy, but Kyungha couldn’t sleep even if she wanted to.

She’s in the middle of throwing the shot back, but her peripheral catches on someone. She tilts her head, squinting in the distance. She recalled to her first day since it had been a while.

“Dani?” Kyungha asks with uncertainty.

The familiar little girl immediately recognizes her, her eyes lighting. She waves with a big smile on her face. Kyungha pulls out her phone, checking the time.

“It’s late. Why are you not sleeping?” She asks.

Dani sulks at the mention of sleep. Well, there’s another person she related to. Kyungha offered her hand, and the girl clasped it with disappointment.

“Come on,” she begins. “Let’s go back to your room. I bet the nurse on call is probably freaking out right now.”

Dani glumly nods, and the two head to the pediatric ward together. When Kyungha drops her off with the nurse, Dani frowns, shaking her head.

Kyungha lowers to her height. “What do you want me to do?” The girl nudges her head to the right. “You want me to follow you?”

She nods excitedly, clapping. A smile escapes from Kyungha. The older she got, the bigger her soft spot for kids got. She had definitely spent way too much time with Taeyong, Jungkook, and Soleil.

The nurse offers her a smile of gratitude and tells her to humor Dani for a few minutes. She ends up following the tiny girl into her room. Kyungha stares at the very black adorned room. It’s space-themed with cute furnished items like a rocket night lamp, a planet bean bag chair, and so on.

“You have a very peculiar taste,” she comments when Dani hops on her bed.

Dani then beams at her, nodding. She points to the artificial stars on her ceiling. Then, she scrambles off her bed onto the bookcase in the corner. Pulling out a storybook, she showed it to Kyungha.

Kyungha hums, “you want me to read a bedtime story for you?”

The little girl nods enthusiastically, almost tripping over her own foot to get on her bed again. She’s adorable, Kyungha thinks to herself.

“Alright, let’s get you tucked in,” she murmurs, pulling the covers over Dani.

When Kyungha finishes reading, Dani has fallen asleep with slightly opened. It’s heart tuggingly cute, so she sticks around for a couple of minutes, her hair.

What she didn't expect was her falling asleep as well because when she wakes, there’s a doctor’s gown over her. She blinks out of her daze, turning to look around her surroundings. The room is barely lit with the sun. She checks the time. It was just shy of 8 AM. She’s been asleep for about four hours. Her shift didn’t start until 2 PM, so Kyungha wasn’t in a rush to go anywhere.

Dani was still sleeping. Kyungha bent back against the plush seat to stretch her sore back and the white gown slides off of her shoulder. She stares at the gown on the floor, reaching to pick it up.

She pulls it toward herself. Even without a name, she already knew whose it was. Sehun was here. His smell is distinct, and she’d recognize it anywhere.

Shaking her head, she got up to go look for him. She hated it when he did things for her—nice things. She didn’t ask for them, but he’d always show consideration toward her. She’d tell him to cut it out, but he’d never listen.

He’s never changed in the last few years since she’s seen him. Old habits die hard.

She asks several nurses if they’ve seen him. The nurses told her his shift hadn’t ended yet, and he was probably in the pediatric surgery meeting room.

Kyungha checks the room, but he isn’t in there. So, she resorts to the next place he could be. She finds room 1308. It’s quiet and there’s only a tiny bit of filtered light from the blinds. She was right. Sehun was in there, lying on the bunk in the right corner.

She realizes it’s the same bunk she had slept in weeks ago. “Who’s there?” His voice is scratchy from, perhaps, not having used it in several hours. Nonetheless, it still gives her chills. She’s annoyed at all these little realizations today. Why did he still have that effect on her?

“It’s me, Kyungha,” she replies tightly.

He shuffles in the bunk, sitting with his back against the metal headboard. He’s shirtless. Her eyes unintentionally drift down his neck, gliding over his broad chest and smooth stomach. Then, it goes down further, and Kyungha manages to pinch herself so she’d snap out of her stupor. “And to what honor do I have for your visit?” He teases.

She rolls her eyes and without a warning, she tosses his coat at him. “To return this.”

“Oh?” He places the coat near his foot. “Thanks, sweetheart.”

“It’s nothing. Bye.” Her tone is clipped as usual when speaking to him. She spins around to leave, but he stops, pulling her by the arm.

Kyungha clenches her jaw. “Please don’t touch me,” she tells him, not so nice.

Sehun’s eyes blaze with conflict. She falters at his weak gaze. “I think we should talk. Don't you think so? It’s bound to happen anyway.”

Her fingers curl into a fist. “What is there to talk about?”

“About us.” He sounds desperate. Well, at least his acting was believable. She’d give him that.

She scoffs, “there’s no us. There never was.”

“We were friends, sweetheart. Really close friends too. I—what happened?”

Kyungha’s eyes burn. Friends. There it was again. The word that haunted her over and over. “I hated being your friend, so I stopped. Does that answer your question?”

His hand grows limp, and he lets go. “Right, yeah—that’s fine,” he murmurs, broken. Anger flared in her. He doesn’t get to sound hurt—not after what he put her through. He had her heart in his hands, and he drowned it. He deserved to feel nothing. She didn’t want his emotions near her.

“You’re terrible, do you know that?” She asks, jadedly.

The smile he gives her is ghostly and tired. She wants to press him and ask him why he did it? What gave him the right to be sad? But she doesn’t because he’s broken her too, and even now, his pain is a tight pinch in her chest.

The two stand there, staring at each other. She doesn’t exchange any words with him, but he looks like he wants to speak. The seconds drag on, but he doesn’t let loose any words, so she decides it’s time for her to go.

Her phone vibrates in her pocket, and she pulls it out to check the caller. It’s Haeeun. Kyungha frowns. Why is she calling Kyungha out of everyone?

“Hello?”

“Kyungha—thank god, you picked up. Have you seen Sol?”

Sehun picks up on the concern in her face, and he furrows his eyebrows. She swallows, heaving a deep breath before speaking again. “I’m at work, Hae.”

She listens to Haeeun curse. “Oh for god’s sakes, Baekhyun, would you stop pacing for a second? You’re stressing me out!” The woman yells from across the line. Kyungha winces, pulling the phone a touch away.

“What’s wrong? Where’s Sol?” Kyungha asks.

“I-I don’t know. I went to check up on her, but she’s gone. I tried calling your brother, but she's not at his place.”

“She’s gone? How?”

“I don’t know, Kyungha. If I knew, I wouldn’t have called you,” Haeeun snaps, but immediately apologizes, “, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—it’s just—what if something happened to her?” Her voice is brittle and unlike the voice of the confident woman Kyungha knew.

“Was she at home with you guys last night?” Kyungha questions.

“Yes, she was. She came down for dinner—but then Bae and I were having a stupid fight, so when I turned around, she was gone. I thought she went back into her room. I went to check on her this morning, but she wasn't there.”

“Hae,” she urges.

“Hm?”

“Stop panicking. I’m sure Sol is okay. Where could a twelve-year-old be at this time? She’s probably nearby your place. Tell Baekhyun to check around your neighborhood,” Kyungha informs.

Haeeun listens. “Thank you, Kyungha. I’m glad I at least have you. You’re so calm whenever there’s a crisis.”

The call ends, and her eyes dart to Sehun who seems to have gotten the gist of the situation by listening in on her call. “When does your shift end?” She asks abruptly.

He checks the time. “In a few minutes, but I can get out now. My colleague usually clocks in early.”

Kyungha nods. “Let’s go.” She was still angry at him, but her anger wasn’t important. Soleil was more important at this moment. She waited by the door as Sehun changed into his casual clothes.

He wraps his arm protectively over her shoulder, ushering her out. Kyungha doesn’t fight it because she’s too busy, racking her brain for the places Soleil could be at.

They jog out front, but Kyungha skids to a stop when she sees a familiar silhouette just behind her. She turns around to see Soleil staring up at the ceiling.

“Sol!” She yells, racing to snatch the girl in her arms. “Why are you here?” Soleil’s eyes go round.

Sehun rushes behind them, kneeling to their height. “We should go somewhere more private,” he says, signaling to the people walking around them.

Kyungha nods, pulling Soleil up. “You better ing explain yourself.”

“Let me get this straight, you ran away? From home?” Kyungha asks.

Soleil chews on her lips. “Yeah.”

Sehun lets out an incredulous laugh. “And you—you walked here? How long did it take you?”

The younger girl stares off into space. “All night, I guess.”

Kyungha groans, “you crazy girl. Do you know how dangerous that is?”

Soleil avoids their eyes. “I just wanted to see you. I'm sorry, okay?”

This makes Kyungha soften her glare. “Your mom is going to kill you, you know?”

“Yeah.”

Sehun ruffles Soleil’s hair. “Don't worry. She won’t kill you.”

“Yeah, she will,” Soleil retorts, shuddering at the thought her mom’s wrath.

He smiles gently. “Well, I’ll stop her. You trust me, don’t you?”

Kyungha watches the two with narrowed eyes. He was still aggravatingly good with kids. What else did she have to observe to see that he wasn’t an ? Even if Kyungha truly wished that he was a bad person, there wasn’t a single ounce of bad in him. She was at a loss.

“Tell me why you ran away,” Kyungha insists.

Soleil swallows nervously. “I was lonely,” she whispers.

Sehun begins to speak, but Kyungha places her hand over his lips, shaking her head. He nods, pulling her hand away. She watches him lace their hands, but at this point, she has no strength to fight with him anymore.

“Dad’s never home, and whenever he is, Mom and Tae have his attention. I’m used to it. I just grew to understand that since Tae is younger, he needs more guidance, but it still…hurt. I felt unloved, especially last night—when Mom and Dad screamed at each other. Tae was scared, so he cried and Mom yelled at me to comfort him.” She sniffles. “I w-wanted comfort too. Tae wasn't the only one scared, but they didn’t see that. I’m tired of them putting his needs over me. I’m the less problematic one, but that doesn’t make me a pushover.”

Sehun presses a kiss against Soleil’s forehead, using his other free hand to pat her back. “You know that’s not true.”

Soleil grumbles, “Which part?”

He laughs sincerely, and Kyungha feels her heart pound. “Everything. Especially the last part. In my book, if my daughter ran away, that would make her the most problematic.”

She watches Soleil pout. Kyungha smiles softly. “Ignore him. He’s an . But he’s right about the other part. Your mom and dad love you a lot. Trust me.”

“Do they really?”

Kyungha lets out a snort. “Yes, you little troublemaker. When you were born, your parents fought over holding you. Kyungsoo had to come over in the middle of the night so your mom wouldn’t kill your dad for refusing to let her hold you.”

Soleil covers her face.

“You’re prettier when you’re smiling,” Kyungha tells her, teasingly. She threads her fingers through the girl’s silky black hair.

“I’m not smiling,” Soleil insists, sounding sheepish.

Sehun leans closer to her ear. “You’re pretty when you smile too, sweetheart.” His breath is warm, and it’s quiet enough that only she can make out what he said.

Kyungha ignores the way her heart thuds and focuses her attention on Soleil. “I called your mom. She should be here—“

“Byun Joori!”

Soleil jumps and cowers next to Kyungha. “Hoonie, you—you’re going to protect me right?”

“I promise, give me a second.” Sehun moves to stand. Their fingers fall free from each other. Kyungha misses it more than she should.

He reaches Haeeun, gripping her shoulders tightly. The two exchange a few words. After a beat, she pushes past him and sprints over to them. Soleil turns pale. She shuts her eyes in fear. Kyungha is amused to see Haeeun pull Soleil into her arms.

“I was so worried! I thought something happened to you.”

“Mom…” Soleil loses her bravado and all her tears spill. “I’m sor—hic—sorry!”

Haeeun shakes her head. “It’s okay, baby girl. Just promise me you won’t disappear like that ever again.”

At this time, Baekhyun arrives. He looks like he’s lost ten years of his life. He joins his family in a huddle. “Christ, Sol. You scared the out of us.”

“Dad, that’s a dollar in the swear jar.”

He ignores that, putting his arms around his wife and his little girl.

Kyungha stands back with Sehun, watching them. “I still hate you,” she tells him.

Sehun hides his smile. “At least you’re talking to me now.”

“Shut up, Oh Sehun.”

“I told you, it’s oppa.”