Lisa | Goodbye
 

When I was a kid, my grandpa once told me love can be seen as too impractical but, "to be in love feels like the highest degree of true bliss." And I believed him. I believed everything he said about love. I fell in love with the idea of love. I fell in love with the idea to be in love.

And, because of him, I finally knew what I always felt whenever I was with Jennie. I never had to ask myself if I loved her after my own revelation because I just simply knew. Jennie unconsciously creeped into my heart and made herself comfortable and known.

So, if you told me I'd be standing here saying those sickening words to the person I love, I wouldn't have believed you.

"You don't mean that," Jennie whispered brokenly. Her eyes were screaming longing and the tears falling from her cheeks felt like bullets to my chest. The guilt and pain was also visible in her face, it was a crippling feeling.

I felt sick, absolutely sick with the sound of the word "hate" escaping my lips. Of course the hate wasn't towards her. It was towards myself. I hated the situation. I hated the lack of consideration I deserved. But most of all, I hated myself for loving her.

"Why did you grow distant with me?" I asked blankly. Still being dazed and extremely hurt from what I told her, she answered confusedly,

"What?"

"I said, why did you grow distant with me? I need to know," I stated a little louder. She looked taken back by another one of my cold tones and took in a sharp breath,

"I-I can't say," she whispered. Of course she can't say. Jennie always had a fear of confrontation and was never one to be good with her words. But as of right now, I didn't give a damn. I dryly chuckled,

"Right, like how you can't tell me why you made me look like a damn fool in front of your new friends right? God, I'm such an idiot," I said. I go to turn around but Jennie rushed around me and stood in front of me. I narrowed my eyes,

"Move," I coldly demanded. Jennie shook her head creating anger to wave through my trembling figure. I was close to exploding once more because of her and I didn't like the feeling. "What does me saying 'I hate you' don't you understand? Are you that stupid?" I spat out.

Jennie winced at that and mirrored my glare. One of Jennie's pet peeves, being called stupid. "You want to know the truth? It's because I know your truth Lisa!" She yelled. Confused, I furrow my eyebrows and crossed my arms,

"And what truth is that?" I challenged.

"Don't play the stupid one now Lisa. You don't think I've noticed the way you look and act towards me?" She asked. Her tone sent a shiver down my body, was that disgust? I felt my heart aching in the worst way possible. Was she disgusted? The only person I ever told my feelings about was to Junhoe when we were younger. He couldn't have—

And as if she didn't add salt to the wound, she continued, "Junhoe told me the way you felt and I didn't believe him but all the signs were there! So, I'm sorry if me distancing myself was hard on you but how do you think I felt knowing my best friend had feelings for me?!" She shouted once more. Suddenly, her eyes widened and she placed her hand over .

I looked around, with glassy eyes, and felt my whole body deflate as students that were still lingering around snickering at me while others stared at me sympathetically.

Pity.

"So, you're disgusted right?" I whispered, hating myself for sounding so pathetic. Jennie shook her head with apologetic eyes,

"Of course not!"

I look back at her with so much pain in my eyes that even her eyes brimmed with tears, "And, you also knew all this time but still decided to hurt me by flaunting your relationship in my face?" I asked. Jennie furiously shook her head and tried to take a step forward but I lifted my hand up.

"Don't."

"Lisa.."

"Well, I guess you got what you wanted," I hissed. "You showed me who you really are and now everything we ever were or had doesn't mean to me."

"I know you don't mean that," She said with pleading eyes. I let out a long tired breath before looking away and trying to open my locker once more. But before my fingers could even touch the black lock, Jennie swiftly took my hand. "Lisa look at me and tell me you didn't mean it!" She shouted out. And without a second thought, I let out a frustrated sigh before looking straight into the fearful feline eyes,

"Don't you think you've done enough Kim?! Just off already!" I angrily shouted. Jennie winced and pulled her hand away quickly, it was as if my skin was on fire and she burnt her hand. She placed her hand over her chest and took in a sharp breath. Her eyes shut tight and had more tears slipping down her eyes.

"I know me explaining myself and apologizing won't justify how much I hurt you but I also know in my heart you don't mean that," she said. And with my silence, she whispered, "I could never hate you Lisa," before opening her eyes and pushing past me.

I followed her movement and internally groaned as I unfortunately met my history teachers gaze. She watched the whole fiasco. Mrs. Moonbyul smiled sadly at me before walking back into the nurses office. I looked around and glared at every pair of unwanted eyes that were still currently on me.

"Shows over!" I shouted before stalking off. I looked over my shoulder and bit my lip as the pain increased inside my chest seeing Jennie's face buried into her Irene's shoulder. Her body was trembling and I knew she was crying. She was crying because of me. But, I was hurting because of her.

So I did what I had to do.






 

I looked away.













 

"I'm home," I mumbled out tiredly. I dropped my backpack down to the floor, creating a light thud that echoed throughout the silent kitchen a