Lisa | Hate




 

Flashback:
 

A week before the unfortunate incident:

"Lisa you're grandpas on the phone!"

I smiled, "okay!" I look over at the computer screen, "I'll call you right back Nini," I said. Her feline eyes squinted and the corners of her lips tugged upwards which sent my heart into a frenzy.

"Okay! Say hi to grandpa  for me!" She said before ending the call. Jennie and my grandpa always had a good friendship. But when we were younger, Jennie absolutely hated him. She was jealous over the fact that she wasn't my only best friend. She used to call him her mortal enemy.



 

That was until he saved her from choking on a piece of candy. 


 

"Hi old man!" I teased. He chuckled through the phone,

"Hi monkey, I miss you. What have you been up to?" He asked.

"Just the usual. School and hanging out with Jennie like always."

"Jennie huh?" I blushed at his tone. His damn teasing tone. He knew of my feelings for Jennie and always gave me advice. Advices that I'd never —COULD never follow through with. Call me a coward, but I just can't stand the idea of Jennie leaving me for what my heart feels.

"Stop," I whined out. Grandpa started laughing through the phone, but hearing that contagious laughter turning into a coughing fit, I grew worried. "Are you okay?" I asked. I hold my breath as his coughing subsiding followed by a slight pant and clearing of a throat.

"Yeah I'm fine." He replied breathlessly. I knew he was lying and I knew he knew I wasn't convinced with that lie but both of us never enjoyed conversations that dealt with his health. Especially when it was the same sickness my grandma passed away with.

"Remind me again why you and Jennie aren't together yet?" He asked, completely diminishing the tensed atmosphere that grew. I rolled my eyes with a small grin,

"Remind me again why you won't stop asking me that?"

"Because I know what's best for you and that girl is the one. Trust me." He stated as if he just solved all my questions that concerned my love life. I chuckled and shook my head in disbelief.

"You're ridiculous."

"And you're in denial. Believe me when I say that you and Jennie are meant to be."

I raised my eyebrows in amusement, "How do you know that?" I asked.

"Because the way you two look at each other was the same way your grandma and I looked at each other before I asked her to be mine." I grew silent. As much as I wanted to believe something like that could actually happen to Jennie and I, it just didn't sound real. Especially with the way she's been acting.

"I don't think that's possible. She's grown distant with me and she unfortunately has a boyfriend."

He chuckle, "That didn't stop me from getting your grandma."

"Grandpa!" I tried to stay serious but his laughter, like I said before, was just too contagious. I chuckled and shook my head, ready to give him a witty reply till he spoke up.

"Can you promise me something Lisa?"

I playfully rolled my eyes with the way he abruptly changed the subject. "Promise what?" I asked.

"Promise me you'll tell her how you feel."

"Grandpa I—."

"Promise me."

I sighed dramatically, "okay."

"Okay?" He dragged out. I smiled,

"I promise." Maybe I won't confess now, but with my grandpas guidance, I know I'll confess very soon. I heard him let out a breath of relief. And after a moment he asked,

"You'll come visit Thailand again right?"

I nodded, "Of course grandpa! I'll see you soon okay?"

"Okay, love you monkey."

"Love you too grandpa."

If I had known those were the last words we would have said to each other,

I would have never hung up.













 

"My grandpa died."

I felt the arms around me stiffen before pulling away. Mrs. Moonbyul sat back onto the chair beside me and I watched her, with swollen red eyes, lean forward to rest her arms on her thighs. The whole time she didn't look away from my trembling figure. She was watching me carefully and patiently seeming to be afraid that I'd break any second again. And, I think I just might.

"He's dead," I whispered. "My grandpa is dead." Why did I repeat those words? No, those were not just words. Words don't always have meaning. Words can be spoken carelessly and half heartedly. And my grandpas death was a fact. His death was a reality, an actuality, a certainty and simply all of the above. 

 

My grandpa was— no. 
 

My grandpa IS dead. 

 

Was it only now I was erasing the denial? Was it my way of finally realizing the truth? Was I finally accepting the fact that I will never see him smile, or see him stare at spinach in disgust? Will I really never hear his laugh, his contagious laugh when he would tell me stories of him and my grandma? Will I really never see him again? Ever?

I widened my eyes and leaned forward and grabbed onto my hair, "Damn it," I chuckled humorlessly. I gripped onto my jeans and gritted my teeth, "Damn it!" I shouted. My whole body went rigid, it was like my body was going to explode once more but not in dejection. I was going to explode in anger. Anger for the world, the universe really. Why him? Why was he taken away from me?

Out of everyone, why did the one person, whom has done nothing but show kindness and love towards the world, only be taken away from it. I wanted to scream, I wanted to punch a hole in the wall. I didn't care if I broke my hand or cut my skin from it. I wanted to—

Mrs. Moonbyul, gently placed her hand over mine wordlessly. I swiftly lifted my head to look at her and  suddenly felt my body soften and the anger washing away seeing her eyes. Her eyes held no pity or sympathy. All I saw was care swimming in her brown eyes. It was like she was telling me that it's okay to be sad and it's okay to be angry. She didn't have to say it for me to believe her.

"I'm scared," I whispered, after a moment of saying nothing with my history teacher waiting patiently. I looke