So I had decided: to sweep the almost kiss with Sehun under the carpet once and for all and concentrate on my freedom. A good plan in itself, I thought, wouldn't it have had a huge catch - and that was the idiot himself. Well, I knew that I would never have brought it up the thing with a single word again, but now I was faced with the next dilemma when I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, freshly showered and dressed.

With which expression should I face him now? The 'serious' one? My gaze darkened as my mouth took on a straight, dogged line and my eyebrows narrowed. However, I found myself shaking my head not a moment later. It looks like I was pissed off about something. Admittedly, to some extent I was too, whereby my resentment was directed more at myself than at him, but Sehun would certainly have spoken to me about it. 

Something like 'what's going on now', at least I would have received a questioning look from him and would have had to look for excuses not to steer the conversation in a direction I wanted to avoid at all costs. No, no, serious is bad! I let the corners of my mouth shoot up so that my teeth sparkled out. At the same time, my eyes became round as my eyebrows rose, revealing small wrinkles on my forehead.

Maybe 'the happy one' was a more suitable variant? For a silent moment I looked at my reflection in the mirror and realized that I was in no way inferior to Nicolas Cage's 'You don't say'-Meme, until I couldn't stand it any longer and burst out laughing like a psycho. All that was missing was white powder on my cheeks, bright red lipstick on and around my lips and two vertical black lines through my eyelids and I made dangerous competition for the most psychopathic psycho clown of all time! 

I already saw myself standing in front of a huge circus tent with self-made animal figure balloons. »Hear, hear, look! Just today and only for you, sweet and cute balloon puppies - muahaha! Come on over and get one!« - I was sure I would have shocked and traumatized every child and adult within a radius of ten kilometers. God, if Sehun ever saw this face, he would definitely declare me insane!

If he didn't already do that - I wouldn't be surprised. I mean, first the number with the Tabasco, then my mum and last but not least the thing with the window-climbing? I was lucky that he didn't have hospitalized me behind my back yet. After I had recovered from my delusion - and blamed it on Sehun'a stupid joint afterwards - I put on the most indifferent face I could think of, neither cheerful nor serious with a touch of boredom, and found this neutral expression the best. 

So in the end I more or less gave him the cold shoulder, which was my real goal without looking crazy or scary - or both at the same time - or raising unpleasant questions, right? I nodded contentedly at my reflection to encourage myself, if that was at all possible, tightened my shoulders and breathed noisily. Before I left the bathroom, I put a new toothbrush and a fresh towel on the shelf above the chest of drawers for the idiot, as I assumed that he also wanted to freshen up a little and hoped that this would keep us separated at least spatially for a little longer.

Outwardly, I had prepared myself for it in the best possible way, but the storm that raged inside me when I entered my room accompanied by a steaming cloud of mist made me sway dangerously. I did not know what I had expected, whether I was expecting anything at all, but the image I saw when I saw Sehun standing in front of my bed caused countless butterflies to flutter around unrestrained in my stomach. 

With his back turned to me, he stood casually in front of my bed, next to the small bedside table, radiating a calm and at the same time sensuality that made my speech disappear and my heart beat faster. He had buried one hand in his trouser pocket, while with the other he held up a picture frame showing a photo of Jisoo and me almost a year ago and silently inspected it. His black hair fell down to the back of his neck, on whose hollow between shoulder and neck a sickle-shaped tattoo was visible. 

How I would have loved to my fingers over it. what was I even thinking? Annoyed by my thoughts and this treacherous fluttering in my stomach I cleared my throat and swallowed a thick lump in my throat. Freedom, concentrate on the freedom, I admonished myself as Sehun put the photo frame back in its original place and turned to me. Much too quickly my courage left me again and I let my head hang down to look extensively at my tiptoes, as I was suddenly insanely afraid to meet the gaze of the idiot. 

I didn't know how I would have reacted if he had looked at me with the same tender eyes as before, or ice-coldly, as usual - and I didn't know which of the two things would have been worse for me. What if my body had been on fire again? Or what if his indifferent look had hurt me? No, I did not want to feel either. In general I did not want to feel anything at all towards him, but unfortunately that was easier said than done.

»You...«, I began, when I found a uncomfortable silence between us and I was afraid that Sehun could hear my wild beating heart. »You can take a shower now, if you want.« His mumbled „Mhm“ in reply made me sit up and take notice, because it sounded almost as if he wasn't present at all. Carefully, I therefore risked a glance through my curved eyelashes to him and made a restless step backwards in the next moment. 

Sehun looked at me, lovingly and tenderly as before and yet he seemed to look straight through me. His sight confused me so much that for a fleeting moment I could not get a clear thought. »A... a toothbrush and a towel is lying on the dresser.«, I tried again - not at least to steer my thoughts in another direction - and noticed that his gaze suddenly cleared and focused on my face again. Instantly the heat shot into my face. Why couldn't I get his lips out of my ing head?

»Thank you. But...« »But what?« Oh, God, did I really want to hear that but? No, I wanted him to come over to me and kiss me senselessly. Damn. Sehun, however, shook his head. »Nothing. There's the bathroom?« He nodded his head and pointed to the door. I just nodded. Sehun walked past me and fleetingly grazed my arm with his, on which a tingling goose skin was immediately noticeable. 

I almost stopped him from going on. But I suppressed this impulse and looked at him in confusion. Shortly before he closed the door behind him, I shouted something after him, because I suddenly couldn't get rid of the oppressive feeling that something was wrong. It was almost as if an invisible, heavy beam had come between us to tear apart our short connection. Or was I myself just so torn because I didn't want to want him - at least physically?

»You still help me with my freedom, right?«, I asked hopefully, whereupon he threw me a sweet smile. »Only if you don't tell your girlfriend.«, with a quiet click he finally let the door drop into the lock and left me complet