I stared silently onto my hands after Sehun's words and with them the small glimpse into his life, which he had granted me through it, had faded away. And somehow this sudden silence between us felt strangely trodden upon. This openness and his trust, which he had shown me apparently out of the blue, surprised and amazed me immensely, but at the same time the tragedy about the death of his brother shook me immensely. 

Now how should I have reacted appropriately? What should I have said to him? It was as if all my vocabulary was suddenly missing, for I could not think of words of compassion, nor could I think of words of comfort - and so I had no choice but to stare silently at my hands, folded in my lap, and allow this moment to expand into endless minutes of silence. I didn't even dare to give Sehun a single glance - for fear of seeing something in his facial expressions that would only have shocked me even more.

Again and again he had had to interrupt his own flow of speech in order to take a deep breath before he could continue - and every time I risked a glimpse of him, I could read the full extent of his blatant pain and grief from his face. He hadn't tried to hide it behind his usual, seemingly calm facade, but had deliberately allowed it to exist and displayed it openly. And this pain, which he made understandable to me through his words and the sad smile on his lips, hurt even me terribly. But at the same time I admired that very openness. 

What did I do to deserve this? What had I done to earn such great trust? Well, the answer was obvious - because Sehun had told me more and more and gradually it dawned on me who this one, strange boy from his past was. The boy with the brown eyes, who had been grieving and had stared like a pile of misery into a glass that was still almost full, and thus made Sehun's view of the world falter for a short moment. The boy, who a few months later had unexpectedly become one of his classmates.

Me.

Unfortunately, I couldn't remember our very first meeting. If I understood correctly, it had been right here. In the holiday estate that was also his home now - and damn it, I wasn't even aware until recently that I had been here months ago, which was probably because a lot had changed since then. I mean, with the lack of furniture and all. After all, Sehun had thrown out everything that reminded him too much of his brother after his father had brought him here to Tokyo, and that also explained why everything here felt so empty and almost lifeless to me at first. 

Nevertheless, this realization struck me like an anvil weighing several tons in an old cartoon that falls out of the clouds completely unexpectedly. I was the boy... me. Damn, what was that all about? »I want to be happy again at last - I only realized that because of you.« Sehun's rough, soft voice suddenly broke the silence. »And I want you to be the same. That we just find a reason to live again, do you understand?«

Yes, I understood. I knew only too well what he was talking about, after all, the same subject had been occupying my mind for quite some time. The freedom to feel carefree, to simply be happy - I had been dreaming about this ever since I learned the truth about my 'parents' and thus had to deal with the question over and over again who I actually was. Or where I belonged. Heavens, I understood him better than anyone else could ever have done. So I nodded.  »And I think - no - I know that I can be happy with you.«, he continued unhindered, after he had paused for a moment. »Baekhyun, I...«

Awkwardly he grabbed my suddenly sweaty hands, which made me finally dare to look up at him again and my heart immediately started fluttering around in my chest in a completely uncoordinated way. The cool urgency, this almost insurmountable determination in his eyes told me that he wanted to tell me something incredibly important. But the very determination of his gaze, which almost completely covered his pain, made my own insecurity suddenly shoot into my consciousness. I knew what he wanted to tell me. 

Knew what he wanted to confess to me - but damn it, it all just happened too fast, too hastily. »Please - don't say it.«, I begged with a tremor in my voice and turned my gaze away from him again in shame. Or rather, in an act of desperation, I squeezed my eyes together in panic, as tightly as if this could rewind the past moment like a video film. Oh God, where was that emergency stop button when you needed it the most? Sehun's grip around my hands, which had felt like a grazing touch before, became stronger. At the same time I could hear his soft sigh.

»Why don't you want to hear it?«, he asked me accusingly and increased the pressure of his grip again. »Damn, I want to confess here that I've fallen in love with you and you don't want to hear it?!«, my head suddenly became completely empty - and my insecurity vanished suddenly with the strong breeze of my frightened awakening. Jerkily I opened my eyes again and looked at him, noticing the soft red shimmer on his cheeks and the sincere confession in his eyes. It was like a lightning bolt to me.

All the tingling suddenly came together - to a shock that raced to the centre of my chest and squeezed all the air out of my lungs. And for a tiny moment I feared that I would forget how to breathe forever. What did he say? In love? Sehun was... in love... with me? The word echoed in my head and for an endless, moment my heart refused to beat, until it resumed its roar. Meanwhile, I opened my mouth to reply, but I could hardly think of a reasonable thought - so how could I have made even the slightest sound?

In panic and because I didn't know what else to do at that moment, I released my hands from Sehun's grip and pressed them against his chest to increase this sudden, crushing closeness between us. In love? Damn, I needed space to think! Sehun, however, did not move an inch away from me. Just as well I could have tried to move a boulder from the spot - with the difference that boulders were not warm. And they didn't smell so damn sensual like forest, fresh rain in summer and a shot of lime.

Also, boulders usually did not send showers through my whole body and did not cause a tingling sensation down to the tips of my toes. I swallowed and felt a lump form in my stomach. I froze for a moment, motionless and undecided as to what I should do now, until Sehun beat me to it and embraced my face with his hands. »Did you hear what I told you?«, I heard his voice as if through a thick wall. My heart was pounding too loud. I didn't answer, just kept looking at him in astonishment. 

Sehun smiled suddenly, fine and hardly noticeable, while he my lips carefully with his thumb. »Or have you lost your voice.« he teased me, kept poking his thumb against my mouth and his voice suddenly sounded terribly y in my ears. I closed my eyes to count to ten mentally, to remember what I should do, but if I was honest with myself, I only did it to be able to feel his f