Sitting on the bench in the courtyard I cried into my sleeves hoping that it would absorb my tears.

As I was crying a hand pulled my neck down to the crook of someone’s neck. They smelled kind of like salt water with a hint of clean linen.

I seized my crying to try to pull away from them but they pulled my head back to the crook of their neck.

“You can keep crying,” Renjun cooed. As soon as he said it I broke out into tears again. As I cried he rubbed my back in circles.

The bell signaling the start of first period rang, but he didn’t flinch and just kept rubbing my back. I don’t know how long I cried for but he didn’t seem to be in a rush to get anywhere. When no more tears came out I pulled away from him and wiped my face with my sleeve.

He pulled my hands away from my face and began to dab my face with a tissue.

“Thank you,” I let out before a hiccup.

He smiled, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I,” I was going to decline his offer but seeing his smile melted me and I ended up nodding my head. “See I hiccup,” I tried to start.

“Wait here,” he got up and ran away.

Soon he came running back out of breath with a bottle of water, “Drink this,” he held it out to me as he took a seat next to me on the bench.

“Thanks hiccup,” I took the bottle from him.

“Try to take 10 sips, it’ll get rid of the hiccups.”
I did as he said and sure enough they were gone.

“What’s troubling you?” he asked.

“Boys.” He looked at me confused. I sighed, “Have you ever liked someone so much that you don’t know what to do?”

He shook his head.

“Of course you wouldn’t, you’re Huang Renjun.” Who was I to think that I could talk to anyone about the matter, Renjun especially. He’s the school council’s leader with perfect grades and always at the top of the class. In short, he’s Mister Perfect in school.

“I’ll do my best to listen. I haven’t experienced a lot in life because I’m always studying or doing tasks for the teachers, but I hope that at least listening to you will help you feel better,” he looked me in the eyes. His gaze was serious.

I averted my eyes to the ground, “I thought I found someone that I could give all my love to and I thought I had a friend that would cheer me on with it. But gosh I was so blind. I saw red flags and signs but completely ignored them because I wanted to hold onto the small ray of hope that they would like me back.” Tears started welling up in my eyes again.

Renjun started dabbing the corners of my eyes with a tissue again.

“I made fantasies of the possibility of us having a future together even though it wasn’t likely to happen. And then what happened? The truth came down and it felt like I was being hit by a truck. He never liked me and probably never will. Now I’m heartbroken by him while he’s probably still talking to my so called friend. It just, it just makes me feel like trash you know? They knew about my feelings for him and instead of being straight forward they let me believe what I wanted to and I actually believed everything that happened between us.” I finished.

“Well we’re just a couple of kids. We’re young and naive and don’t know any better. Don’t beat yourself over this. At this age we’re supposed to live recklessly, get heartbroken, find ourselves and build our future.” 

“Easy for you to say, there’s so much I haven’t experienced in life and I’m not even sure about my future.”

“Should we go to an amusement park?” his eyes sparkled.

“What?”

“Amusement parks are where all the fun is and I haven’t been to one in so many years, I think it’ll be fun for the both of us and it’ll help you get your mind off of things. I’ll pay for the tickets.”

I thought about it for a bit, “When?”

“Ummm,” he looked up at the sky, “This weekend?”

I nodded.

“Give me your phone,” he held out his hand.

“Why?” I asked as I put it in his hand.

“To exchange numbers,” he typed his contact into my phone.