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Kihoon was still deep asleep by the time Namjoo reached home, took a shower, and crawled into bed. Like Sehun he tossed and turned a thousand times during sleep. Sensing her he turned flinging his arm right across . Groaning Namjoo turned to situate him properly and lay down again. Watching Kihoon kick his legs before finally settling. She listened for the ease of his breathing and fixated the blanket over him.

Gently fondling his silky hair Namjoo took in the sight of him. Remembering the first time the nurse brought the whining infant into the hospital room. The distinct way her heart melted and her sad world abruptly became whole and brighter. The black bundle of hair. Those baby cries that silenced once in his mother’s arms. Nestling against her s like he always belonged there.

Kihoon, her son. His very existence meant everything.

Shifting to face him Namjoo curled up. Remembering earlier when Sehun watched her leave. It had felt like there was something else or maybe it was just her pointlessly assuming. The muscles at the corner of her lips twitched. Nearly smiling when she recalled his answer to her question.

Embarrassed at her expectation Namjoo dug her face into her pillow.

That next morning Namjoo woke up several minutes behind schedule. Kihoon was already up and creating a racket. Jumping on the bed with his buzz lightyear model he’d grabbed from his room. Waking her up when his foot landed on her shin and he slipped banging the model into her abdomen.

Namjoo screeched pain as she awoke. Kihoon, aware he was in for a lecture, stared at her wide-eyed. Crouched low and ready to bolt out of the room.

“Oh Kihoon!” she screamed.

“Mommy!” he immediately wailed terrified of the trouble he would be in.

Cursing herself, Namjoo groaned and rubbed her face.

“Mommy!” he loudly cried, big tears dropping. “I sowwy! Mommy!”

Forced to set aside the stinging pain, Namjoo pulled him onto her lap to comfort him. It took literally five minutes to calm him. Promising she would not yell at him and he could have some sugary cereal for breakfast. Her lower stomach still hurt as she washed up and made breakfast. Turning into sweet boy mode in order to up to her Kihoon didn’t ask for the television.

He changed when she asked. Cutely deciding on what he wanted to wear and scurried toward her for help. For once he put his shoes on right and bundled up as they left.

This week she would be dropping Kihoon off at her parents. They had called saying they missed him. Since she had her restaurant to tend to, she supposed why not. If Kihoon spent time with his paternal grandparents he should do the same with her side. She and Sehun weren’t married anymore. His parents wouldn’t be able to say anything about what she decided.

After kissing her son goodbye, she went to work. Warmed up the oven. Adjusted the chairs and tables. Wiped down the counter. Checked the register. And then the day started.

Eunkyung wouldn’t be in till late afternoon, so Namjoo took care of the lobby and register like usual. The flow of customers remained constant, but not busy enough that Namjoo couldn’t step away from counter for a minute or two. Wiping spills, cleaning tables, sweeping the floor, and taking care of the garbage.

The lunch hour had passed and it had finally slowed. Namjoo was taking a breather cleaning up the lobby when the door opened. Inhaling the sweep of chill air, she turned eagerly chanting, “Wel…” voice quieting, “come.” when she saw Seol. Sehun.

The damp rag in her hand slipped onto the messy table. Hurriedly picking it back up Namjoo held onto it tightly. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the counter needing assistance. Eunkyung wasn’t in yet. She didn’t start till an hour.

Putting on a smile, Namjoo stepped behind the register. “What would you like?”

Seol ordered first. She wanted to try her cheesy waffle fries. Soda on the side. Sehun ordered the creamy shrimp alfredo. Just water. They paid separately. Would be eating here.

The whole time Namjoo tried not to meet his eyes. A part of her trying to determine if this was a date as she turned away.

They had paid separately, but nowadays couples didn't share the bill. The burden no longer lay on the man.

Yesterday Sehun had said they weren’t dating. Yet not dating didn’t mean they weren’t at the finish line. It could just mean the rod had been cast and the fish was on his way to the lure. It was just a matter of time before the fish was caught.

Why did it matter? What was she worrying about?

“Boss,” Junhee called out. “The food is ready.”

“O…oh…” Namjoo moved away from the fridge where she’d retreated to. Taking the tray of food from him Namjoo forced herself to the lobby.

With a face. On a grand scale of utter pretension.

“The food’s hot.” She explained placing their foods in front of them. “Enjoy your meal.”

Avoiding eye contact with either of them Namjoo returned to the kitchen.

She had gone to bed yesterday. Glad that Sehun had said I’m not.

Today would be just the opposite.

If he found Seol attractive he could have just said it the first time she asked. Namjoo would have respected that, so that when she saw him bringing the Nikon to Seol she wouldn’t have reminisced the first time she saw him with it. Or when she found the maternity dress, she wouldn’t remember the good memories.

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Sehun did a double take of himself in the mirror before leaving his apartment that morning. He spent half a day out on the field for work. Rushing back to finish an article during the lunch rush. Feeling famished by the time he submitted his work. The other coworkers were still pounding on their keyboards to meet deadlines. Stretching and cracking his back he grabbed his jacket. Zooming in to the elevator. Waiting for the lift to come up.

Seol was on the other side when the doors hissed open. Spotting him brightened her eyes.

“Hey,” she greeted. “Where are you going?”

“To grab lunch.” Sehun replied.

“If you don’t mind, can I come with?” Seol asked. “I was just going to grab a snack, but I am hungry, too.”

“Sure.” Sehun said. He didn’t want to end the day feeling like a jerk for turning her down to keep a distance just because he knew about her feelings for him. It would be insulting to her since she was being mature about it. He could do his part to be a good coworker.

“Where were you thinking of going?” Seol asked.

“Down the block.” Sehun answered.

“You always go there.” Seol pointed out.

“It’s close by.”

“I have a better idea,” Seol perked up. He glanced at her for inquiry. “Lets go to Lilac Palace.”

A sort of hope leapt through his chest. This time he looked at her. Everything in his head drained away. He thought about watching Namjoo drive off yesterday. Regretting his missed chance. Having hung out at the mall all day with Kihoon bored out of his mind. Just waiting on the time. For the cook to leave. For the part-timer to be gone. It would just be him, Kihoon, and Namjoo. In her restaurant.

And she would cook for him.

Instead, he couldn’t say it.

Because she would tell him it was late. She was tired. Why was he asking her? She would think he didn’t have food at home. Or he was just lazy. What was she doing leaving her son with him when he couldn’t lift up a pan to fry some noodles?

“You shouldn’t be asking me anymore,” she might say and he didn’t want to hear it.

He wasn’t a loser. He still remembered a few simple recipes she had taught him. Of times when she watched him awkwardly hold a knife.

“Not like that,” she would scold and correct him, “like this.” and proceed to praise him like he was a little boy.

That was where they went for lunch. Namjoo’s restaurant. Trying to keep his eagerness hidden behind his heart where no one would know the better. Put on a poker face like this was a coincidence. Excitement slipped and slid through him when he saw her. Cleaning up a table. Their eyes meeting for just a split second when she welcomed them.

And then he knew when Namjoo didn’t look at him that he shouldn’t have come. Willing her to ask how his day was when he made his order. Maybe purposely brush his hand when she took his card for his payment.

But nothing.

It was like the day they signed the papers at the courthouse nullifying their union. Strangers the moment they walked out.

Right for them not to have anything to do with each other.

She wouldn’t expect anything from him.

He wouldn’t expect anything from her.

Like the way he had watched her drive off yesterday.

Like the way he couldn’t expect her to cook for him anymore.

Like the way he would never return home to her and Kihoon under one roof.

Like that he knew he should have just gone to that diner down the block from his workplace.

What was he doing here?

The part-timer had clocked in by the time they finished their meal. Eunkyung glanced his way curiously. Namjoo never showed herself as he left even though he wished she would. He’d have to wait five more days if he wanted to see her again.

“You’ve been really quiet,” Seol commented on the drive back to work.

They had carpooled in her car since it was her suggestion. To make it easier on him. In case it looked like they were on a date.

They were not on a date.

“Nothing.” Sehun replied staring out the window. Feeling hopelessness as the city wound around them.

“Really?” Seol asked.

“Yea.” He murmured.

“I noticed she was surprised.” Seol said.

He made no remark.

“You’ve never gone there on your time off, huh?” Seol wondered. “How long have you been divorced?”

“Some time.” His eyes were still out the window.

“Do you still have feelings for her?” Seol broke the ice.

It was like the hole that had been concealed by thrush, branches, and dead leaves had opened up. Sehun had fallen and couldn’t claw his way out. As if he was learning that hiding in a car couldn’t protect him from the strike of lightning. He would burn once it struck the tires and the rubber started on fire.

A look in his heart and he still felt wounded.

Like the day he walked out of the courthouse. Nullifying the marriage with Namjoo.

Because of Namjoo.

For Namjoo.

In the week before it happened Namjoo’s mother had called him to their house. Father was at work. Namjoo was at the restaurant. Kihoon was with his sister. He’d taken personal time out of his work schedule. Rearranging his interviews and articles for later.

She had been waiting for him with a freshly brewed cup of tea. One for her. One for him. Namjoo’s mother was a slow aging woman with rather fine lines. Not pear shaped like his. She was thin and well maintained. She never snarled about his parents the same way his parents did about them.

Her parents were scholarly. Bookshelves were filled with encyclopedias, dictionaries, all the way down to novels. They didn’t hoard portraits of grandparents of grandparents and the grandparents that came before that. On the wall was just a portrait of the family. One of Namjoo proudly graduating from college. There was a clutter of mail and magazines. On top of that a box of tissue. Fake potted plants surrounded the television set.

Namjoo’s family were packrats and also lax and easy going. Instead of embroiling in gossip they laughed and brushed issues off.

“Come sit down,” she invited when he arrived. “I’m sorry for calling you away from work.”

“Not at all,” he assured.

She smiled glad. “I wanted to see you today to talk about Namjoo.”

“If it’s about what happened…”

“No, no. Don’t worry about that,” her mother said. “Your father and I completely understand.”

Sehun pressed down on his lips. “Then…”

“I want to speak about Namjoo’s future.” She calmly pressed. “You see, our Namjoo has always been a healthy girl. Her happiness has always been our first priority. It hurts my heart to see how much weight she has lost recently.”

“I’m sorry.” He lowered his head.

She still kindly smiled, as if she knew it wasn’t his fault. “Namjoo is an only child. We’ve always let her chase her dreams and explore the world. When she wanted to work two jobs, I couldn’t stop her. She’s become headstrong because she’s always been able to get what she wants. I hardly win when I argue with her. I always thought my daughter was prepared for the world. But I don’t think this is it.”

Sehun met with her soulful eyes. Wondering what she had to add on. What the meeting today was about.

“I am sure that you are a filial son. I don’t doubt that you’ve ever mistreated my daughter,” she said. “You are a wonderful father. I can see that. And I can see that your parents raised you with much love. You are their only son.”

He knew that. Being the only male in the family came at its own cost. His parents had had to compromise much because he’d gotten Namjoo pregnant. Instead of a good wife they had had to do with her, someone unknown, someone who didn't meet their expectations, because of him.

“I know, child, that the road hasn’t been an easy one.” She empathized. Wise words of a mother. And for some reason he wanted to kneel at her feet. Apologize for being irresponsible. For knocking up Namjoo.

This downfall of everyone’s lives, the two of them were bearing as best as possible.

“You’ve done well. I can see that you’ve taken care of my daughter as best as you can. I should really applaud you.”

“Not at all.” Sehun politely said.

“As difficult as it has been for my daughter, I believe it’s been just as hard for you,” she comforted. “Both of you are not to blame for any of it. You’re just two unlucky children whose been caught up in life’s hands. Sehun, I think it’s time to ease up now.”

Across from him Namjoo’s mother held his eyes very steadily. Her resolve set.

Sympathetically not out to point fingers, but laying out facts she saw. He and Namjoo the little people inside a snow globe and Namjoo’s mother was the little girl shaking the glass orb to let the white snow rain on them.

Fact still was, Namjoo’s parents were outsiders. His parents were outsiders. Inside the marriage he and Namjoo were still happy. They had Kihoon. They were normal like anyone else. There were happier days when Namjoo chased him around the home, because he’d pulled a prank. Something like pouring salt into her glass of water. He’d let her chase him around the home and wrestle him to the ground.

“I know that your parents were never happy with the marriage.” Namjoo’s mother said. “And they never will be. That will drag Namjoo by the ankles the rest of her life, because she’s your wife. She’s Kihoon’s mom. She will have a responsibility to your family. Namjoo shouldn’t have to live like that. Your son shouldn’t have to watch his mother be mistreated by your family. And if it’s like that, you two will never be happy. Don’t you think?”

Sehun couldn’t refute. He didn’t have the guts to be rude to Namjoo’s mother, the woman who birthed her. He wondered how it must have hurt her to witness his parents looking at Namjoo with contempt. When they first met. At the wedding. Even after.

They had raised Namjoo with love only for her to end up with the likes of him. It must break their heart that their beloved daughter ended up like this. In the hands of a family that did not appreciate her. For her existence. Hard work. Dreams. The woman she was.

The mother of his son.

His wife.

Their daughter-in-law.

In those three years Namjoo and Kihoon became his everything. He went to work for them. He came back home to them. He shared a house with them. He watched with Namjoo how their son first crawled, when he took his first steps, when he ran for the first time. Betting to see whose parent he would go to first. Namjoo won. Kihoon always called for her first, like the way he always looked forward to waking up with her nearby.

In three years, many things happened between them.

In three years, his world revolved around Namjoo.

“Please,” her mother pleaded, “let her go.”

This would be kept between them she made him promise. After the divorce he was supposed to let freedom reign over Namjoo’s skies. Never have anything to do with her again.

When he returned to his car that day, he spent a long time crying.

Till this day he was still walking on eggshells. His heart was still in half. He still hadn’t found his footing.

Closing his eyes to send the memories back, he quietly said, “I still miss her.”

***I cried a bit