Note: content warning for violence. The section is separate from the 'main' text by an extra space, so if you don't want to read that, you can skim the section. 

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Note: content warning for violence. The section is separate from the 'main' text by an extra space, so if you don't want to read that, you can skim the section. 

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Gerst watched as tears fell from a traitor’s eyes. His daughter’s killer. 

Dahyun had come to stand beside him, half in a state of shock and grief for one who was not dead, but someone she’d lost. 

Together, they watched as Rila’s eyes turned from grey to black. She was feeling their loss of Teresa and the pain they'd felt because of her betrayal. 

He would have liked to give her anger as well, but that wish alone made him dismiss the thought. 

He had never hated someone he loved. Today most of all, he had realised that he still loved Rila. She was still family, though he’d never accept her as it ever again.  He’d known it before Dahyun had intervened. He’d known it before he’d seen Rila for the first time since Dahyun had fallen into fear. It had made him angrier. 

It was alarming how much anger one could hold. It took hold of any patience and restraint he had, only to destroy them. 

He’d wanted her to suffer. And then he’d wanted her dead. Neither one would have sufficed. He’d wanted both. 

Watching Dahyun suffer again had been its own torture. He’d given her what he could, heeding the vampires’ requests to help her with their emotions. He was glad they were so ready to give to her as she was to them. 

And watching Rila suffer that pain and terror for the first time had been gratifying. And then it had been horrifying. Her screams still rang in his head. He still yearned to give her some form of comfort.

He had not been there to protect his daughter or Dahyun from torture, but he had been there to watch Rila endure it. And he’d wanted it to happen. 

“We’ll explain what happens now later,” Gerst said in the strange human language. They had many. Too many. He'd only had the energy to learn two. 

He felt their protests before they were spoken. Luckily, he could not be swayed as easily as Dahyun could. He hadn't made many promises to these girls. 

“What if she says something that isn’t true?” Sana asked. The girls’ surprise and confusion was strong. What would happen next would only add to that. 

“She cannot lie,” Dahyun said. “Not when they have seen what was done.” She looked to the girls, blatant concern in her eyes. It was not pushed down, but far more intense. The love she felt for these vampires was great. It was a relief that she’d have somewhere to go when this was over. 

Would he? 

All three vampires looked as though they wanted to argue. Kijung looked at them with a frown, both sympathy and distaste directed at the vampires. 

“All that should be known is known," Gerst told them. "Your own wishes for this day are also well known to the rest.” He knew he spoke to them as though they were children. In a way, they often seemed to be. Not that he would say so. “So this's no matter you’ll be able to contribute to."

Their irritation rose. He knew they wouldn’t look back on this day as well as they should have. Neither would he. 

Rila was dragged away from the centre. Yrest replaced her. She'd been enveloped in sadness, one that couldn’t truly block her magic, but certainly dampen it. It would also be unnatural for her to feel such a potent emotion for so long. The dark blue had faded when Dahyun had been reliving her memories. Yrest had been able to read their minds, but the rest had know hers as well. The lack of sadness had also been forced Yrest to watch Dahyun's memories as well. 

Gerst didn't hate her. He hated how freely she would have given out emotions she had no right to give, while also exposing magic to those who’d seek to abuse it. Yet he did not wish her dead. 

Dahyun didn’t either. He should have expected that she’d show mercy to Rila, yet it surprised him to see it directed at Yrest as well. 

“You did not kill when you could have,” Finnea said. “But you left her in a state of suffering.”

Yrest looked at Dahyun. “I did not want to kill her myself. I left that to the others.” 

“You left it as a burden for them,” Derest spat. Her anger was driven by disappointment. Not betrayal. She knew that Yrest had wanted revenge, but hadn’t known the means she’d used to do so. 

“Yes.” 

So she wasn’t going to defend herself properly then. Yrest could have argued that her actions let the vampires discover how Dahyun could be saved. She wasn’t going to use that. Ironically, it spoke in her favour. 

Gerst could already feel the outright hostility against her lessen. 

“What is the state of your revenge,” Gerst began, “now that Dahyun lives?” 

Yrest looked at him, uncertainty creeping into her features. Good. “You saw what happened. Neither I nor she believed she would re-emerge from that state.” A flash of regret and loss appeared. “And I walked away under the belief that she'd face what she deserved.”

Beside him, Dahyun was silent. He felt a flicker of shame. In addition to killing the fae, Gerst knew she still blamed herself for Teresa’s death. He didn’t know how he could alleviate it. Many were at fault for that. Dahyun might have had a hand in it, but she had contributed the least. And she'd never wanted to. 

“So what is it that you believe now?” Derest asked. She grieved those dead fae just as much as Yrest did, but she hadn’t been the one to launch the hunt. 

Yrest’s eyes went to Dahyun. There was pity there. Gerst was unsure whether or not to appreciate or not. Resentment still burned within her, but it had been joined by horror. Had she not truly known what had happened to Dahyun?

“You suffered enough,” Yrest said. Then she glanced at the vampires and there was confusion. Were they directing thoughts of hatred her way? Thoughts wherein Yrest got what she ‘deserved’? “But I lost much before I took from you,” she whispered. “Will you acknowledge that?”

Dahyun nodded, but didn’t speak. Fear had risen within her again, now that she needed to continually consider what had happened. No amount of emotional stability could quell that. If anyone expected Dahyun to be fully healed after today, they’d be mistaken. 

“You still used tools that should never have been yours,” Finnea stepped forward, away from the stone steps, “and you gave them to others who couldn’t be trusted. All so that you could find her.” She stopped in front of Yrest, a slow-rising anger stirring within her. “And you sent three to their deaths.” 

Gerst felt how the vampires were agreeing with her. They understood what was being spoken. How would they have—

Kijung. Naturally, the boy would have a sense of justice when it came to this. Was he translating it directly, letting the words speak for themselves, or was it also selective? Gerst hoped for the latter. 

“One dead by her hand,” Derest said. “The vampire killed by his own kind,” she spared Momo a glance, “and the last overwhelmed by the magic.” 

“And dead by my hand,” Dahyun finished.

Yrest only nodded. “Helen had known not to share them. The vampires and witch were sent with instruction, but,” she paused.

“They were desperate attempts to achieve your work,” Gerst said. “Had you even expected for them to succeed?” 

“Of course I had,” she snapped. “She’d been weakened—vulnerable to being easily overwhelmed.” She looked at the vampires then. “We hadn’t expected there to be others.”

She’d expected Dahyun to remain isolated. As had the rest of them. To put it lightly, all that had happened had been unexpected. 

“All know this,” Dahyun said, looking to the elders. “Must we take it apart again?” Her eyes gave away her pain and guilt. The guilt that had yet to begin fading. 

“No,” Derest looked away, “we’ll only know her defence.”

“There is none,” Yrest replied. 

Finnea’s smile was cold. “Indeed.” She turned away from her. “We erase what she learned,” she spat. “From both of them.” Her eyes flicked to Rila. There was disappointment, as well as outrage. 

“I would say she is given back some of what she forced on others. Just as was done with Rila.” Oster said. He looked to Orrin then, Helen’s brother. He was concerned for the boy. “Is there something you want to add?”

The young man looked between Dahyun and Yrest. Did he know what Helen had actually done? Or had he turned away from seeing that event? 

Dahyun’s attention also went to him. There was unease. And more guilt.

“Both are at fault,” Orrin muttered. “I can stand the sight of one.” He looked down at the floor. 

Dahyun’s shame strengthened. 

Gerst wished he could reassure her, but it was not his place. Particularly not in front of this boy. His grief was potent and his anger justified. Dahyun had killed Helen when she hadn’t needed to. Even if that death had ultimately been a mercy. It'd certainly a mercy that Helen would not have given her. 

“Then what do you say?” Derest waved at Dahyun. 

There was a long moment of silence, but no one pressed her.

Dahyun stood, eyes flicking between those in front of her. If Gerst wasn’t mistaken, she also looked to Rila. He couldn’t do so. 

“Yrest did not mean to,” Dahyun said, “but her mercy ultimately let me live.” She looked to the floor. She didn’t put on an appearance of strength. “I killed eleven people. I’ve been the cause of more. To have survived as I have is her defence. She will not receive fear or grief.” 

Three vampires’ shock entered the air. “Nothing?” Momo repeated. 

Dahyun stiffened. “I still want the knowledge to be erased," she said. "But no one can forget that withholding knowledge was a cause for this as well."

“In the wrong hands, that knowledge could've destroyed us,” another fairy said. There was alarm in her voice.

“As can fire or stone,” Oster retorted. “Others could cause us madness if they wanted to.”

“But that knowledge gives you another weapon,” Finnea replied, defending the first fairy.  

“The very same that we wield,” Dahyun murmured. “What exists now is all but uncontrollable."

The implication was clear: learn to control it. 

Gerst could feel the fear of their clan, but also guilt. The fighting had been caused by secrecy, but this was something else. This was a spread of the magic to those who would try to use it against them. 

“They’ll forget,” Finnea said. “You all saw what it can do. We will not risk it.” But as she said the words, there was a flash of regret. 

The defeat coursed through Dahyun, but she nodded. 

“And those will be destroyed,” Seulgi said. Her eyes were on the talismans. “I can feel how they tug at us.” 

Dahyun relaxed, seeming slightly more hopeful. “Then that is all?” 

“Yes.” Derest looked between them, eyes probing. Reading their minds for protests. If there were any, she’d dismiss them. She usually did that. “It would seem so.” 

“That’s all?” Momo asked then. “Nothing except for erasing memories?”

Gerst could have told them that memories being taken was a difficult process, ofttimes less than ideal. Instead, he nodded. 

The rest were beginning to turn away. They either deflated or listened with interest. Kijung had gone. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Yrest and Rila be pushed up the steps. They'd remain imprisoned for some time before release. Those around them still showed hostility. Some even more so than before.

“And what about her?” Nayeon looked after Rila with a hatred hardly hidden. Gerst was mildly surprised that she could restrain herself. Especially when he hadn't. 

Dahyun frowned. “What else should happen?” 

“What else?” Sana narrowed her eyes. “They exiled you for what happened. They’ll just let her stay here?”

“It’s better if she stays,” Gerst said. 

The three looked at him as though he were mad. Perhaps that was true. 

“You’d just let this happen? You can still live with her?” Sana asked. 

Gerst managed a smile. “I won’t be staying.” He knew others were listening. It was better to have said it now, without a formal announcement. He felt their shock, but it was nowhere as great as that of the vampires. Dahyun was hardly surprised, only concerned. 

“We’ll talk about the rest later,” Dahyun said. Her expression had smoothed over. 

“You'll leave?” Finnea was at his side then. “To where?” 

“I realised I have a poor grasp over modern humanity,” he replied. “There is much to learn.”

“And after that?” Her eyes had quickly turned dark. She’d be sad to see him go. He’d be sad to leave. 

“I do not know.” Perhaps the elves wouldn’t turn him away. If not the Astra, then perhaps those at sea. He’d avoided fighting when he could. The enemies he had made were either no longer alive or a part of clans he'd never see again. 

“Alright.” She leaned forward, touching her forehead to his. “It might be time for more to see what the world has become.” The elder looked to Dahyun. “Is it worthwhile?” She ignored the vampires. 

Dahyun held her gaze this time. “Yes.” 

Finnea smiled. “Then it’s also goodbye to you.” There had been some hope. Now it faded. Had she really believed Dahyun might stay? Gerst might have at one point, but the more he’d seen, the more he’d realised how impossible it was. 

She nodded. 

“But you aren’t barred from returning,” the elder said. “Neither of you are.” 

They both nodded. Gerst knew the decision itself was sudden, but the change had been just as derisive. If Yrest was to remain, if Rila was to stay, then he was unlikely to return. Time would not quell his anger, nor his pain. 

Finnea then took Dahyun in a gentle embrace. The younger fairy was surprised at the contact. Then green appeared throughout her emotions. 

There was a rush of emotion between them. Finnea was giving her something. There was relief and some doubt, but it was overtaken by the gentle happiness that came with care and hope. It was forgiveness. 

When she pulled away, Dahyun’s eyes were already welling up with tears. 

“Goodbye,” Finnea said. Then, for what seemed like the first time today, she looked to the vampires. She bowed her head. “You cared for her when she was missing a great many pieces.” She spoke in English. “For doing that, in spite of what was revealed to you and what you experienced—for remaining at her side, I thank you.” Her eyes were a lighter green. 

They held her gaze, but none of the vampires said a word. 

Finnea sighed. “You doubt what happened today, but it was a day to look back on with pride.” Her eyes went to Dahyun. “It could have been a day for monsters, but it was instead one of peace.” She nodded at them. “Do not ruin it.” Her eyes held a warning. 

The emotions of the vampires recoiled. Was it due to embarrassment? Intimidation? 

Already the vampires believed that he and Etera treated them with condescension. At times, that was the case. This was another. Although they were meant with good intention, Gerst knew that the vampires wouldn’t take the elder’s words well.

______

The walk back was spent in silence. Dahyun knew they had questions. She didn’t want to answer them. 

She had her emotions back. Doubt came easily to her and it came strongly. 

How many decisions had she made without it? She’d killed, she’d lied, and she’d fled, all without such hesitation in her. And now here it was. 

Excitement filled the forest then. The elves. 

Dahyun found herself smiling. So much of her memory had been embellished by those emotions, so much had been made better. She could look back on the elves with even more fondness and she was far more thankful that they had helped her in the first place. She was even more grateful that they had still come to help her now. 

The gratitude she felt then was a flurry of emotion, vibrant and warm. Warmth. The cold had been deeply rooted in her for years. She marvelled at how it enveloped her without being uncomfortable. 

And then there was the emptiness. It was no longer there, but she could feel the holes as scars. Some of them still in the process of closing properly, but they were closing. The darker emotions still remained, but the brighter emotions stayed with her as well.

Pity also came easily and didn't leave her either. Rila’s screams remained in her head far longer than her explanation had. She knew well the fear that had been forced into her. She’d seen all that Rila had experienced for the first time today. She’d lived it twice. 

That was another thing. Her worser memories were sharper as well, especially after she’d seen them again. That process had been peculiar. Looking back, she could find some sort of curiosity in reliving a memory as though it were her own. She’d known what she’d felt and thought, but it had been like reading a book. One where she’d been completely in. Her memories had been both distant and intense for her to process, but she’d been able to think.

It had helped when the pain and fear had come. It had helped when the grief stabbed into her chest the second time. She’d been able to remind herself of what would follow, of what would be.

When the love and calm had come from the girls and the anger had been taken by Gerst, it had helped. She’d been reminded that they'd only filled her head with memories. She hadn't been there. Her body wasn't being hurt again. 

Those emotions and thoughts had helped her through them. They had stopped her from begging the fae to stop. She’d wanted to. 

Some had searched her mind regarding her secrets, probing until those thoughts came to the forefront. Dahyun had seen her paranoia when it came to sharing information with the other fae. She had been selfish, but she'd also been justified. Most had only seen one side. This had been the chance to show both.

Dahyun sighed. Much had been won by reliving those portions of her life, but she still hated that she had. still stung at the memory of the blade that had cut it. She still only thought of Teresa as a girl enveloped in grey. And now she knew she'd never forget the pit of grief and fear that she’d been forced into. She would have give up her emotions again to rid it from her being. 

But it didn’t seem that was how she’d live her life. She’d had to remember each detail in order to heal again. If something did steer the passage of time, it had a twisted nature to it. If time progressed randomly, then her share of probability also seemed skewed. But she was here now. Whole again. 

“You’re glowing!” a voice called, b with joy. Chuu. 

Dahyun watched as a bright form of green soared through the emotional world. She grinned. 

In the next instant, she was tackled by a figure. Two others joined. She was almost crushed beneath the weight of three. 

“No darkness,” Olivia laughed, “not a shred of it.”

“Did you see what happened?” Dahyun asked. Her voice sounded strained. Likely because the air had been wholly knocked from her. 

“What we could. Didn't have much else to do,” Chuu replied. “But you never faltered.” She looked down at her. “Not once.” Pride emanated from her as much as moonlight did. 

She smiled. “Even though I was uncertain?” 

The elves began to get off of her. Yves pulled her up, a broad smile on her face.

“Mercy was what you sought,” she said. “So it was always certain.” 

Dahyun frowned. “You wanted her to see worse, did you not?”

Yves pursed her lips. “What we wanted was irrelevant.”

Etera pushed past them. She looked at Dahyun with bright green eyes. She took both her hands in hers, squeezing them tightly. 

“It was right.” Her eyes never left Dahyun’s. “They will see it.” 'They' meant neither the elves nor the fairies. 

Dahyun became conscious of the confusion directed at them. At her. There was still disbelief among the vampires and resignation in Gerst. He understood what she'd done. She wondered if he would have been able to kill Rila. She wondered what their present would be like if he had done it. No one would have stopped him, but he would be a more damaged man.

Etera continued. “Can I take something from you? Pain that isn’t yours?” Amazingly, it wasn't an empty promise to bear a burden she knew Dahyun would refuse to give. She meant it.

Dahyun’s heart swelled at that, but she shook her head. “It’s mine.” She left it at that. Giving any reasoning would open herself to disagreements. She would live with the grief and fear of others just as she’d cherish what she'd gotten back. 

Her brow furrowed. “Alright.” Then her expression softened. “How is it?” A softer gold joined green. 

The question made her think. In this moment, she could be honest. “Foreign,” Dahyun said. “There are emotions that weren’t supposed to fit with one another.” 

Etera nodded. “Divided by the moments when you felt nothing.” 

“But does it feel wrong?” Yves frowned. “Painful?”

“No,” Dahyun smiled at her, “but strange.”

Gerst had been translating, but not all of it. She would explain that later. She didn’t want to confuse them more. Dahyun nodded then at the vampires, hoping that gave them the message she wanted. Having her emotions back had probably not helped her be more expressive. She'd learned that through the vampires, even though she’d come to them incomplete. 

“Thank you for not killing anyone.” Olivia gave them a smile.

Nayeon looked at her for a long moment. “You too?”

“A life ended is one that doesn’t continue,” she said. “You’d do well to remember that.” A flicker of shame appeared. 

Irritation entered into the air. 

When Dahyun looked, she saw that the vampires’ gazes were on the space around them. They still held relief and happiness, but the confusion and anger seemed to pull those emotions down. Whatever the case, they had found no closure today. Could she help them find that? Or would she only make it worse if she explained herself?

Not if, she thought. When. They needed to hear it when they got home. 

Home. A word with new meaning. She was homesick and she missed what she’d lost, but she longed to go back with the vampires. There was much in her that clashed, but it wasn't off-putting. It was a consistent reminder that she wasn't empty anymore.

Sana looked up then. Her eyes were gentle as she held Dahyun’s gaze, but there was still a question there. One Dahyun didn’t want to hear yet. 

“Are we going back now?” Chuu asked. “Or do we have time to enjoy the heat a bit longer?”

“You like this?” Momo raised a brow. 

“Being south of the half-point is quite fascinating,” she chuckled, “even that's flipped round.” She pointed at the moon. 

“Half-point,” Sana repeated. “The equator?”

“Ah,” Chuu laughed, “you knew what I meant, so it’s not a terrible mistake.” She began to skip back between the trees. “All of our things are fine. We’ve only had to ward off a few very strange looking animals. None of them spirits.”

“Your blood I kept cool,” Olivia said. “After today, I’d think you’d be hungry—er, thirsty?” Yellow tinged the air as pink coloured her cheeks. 

It was a fair dilemma. Did they drink blood? Or eat it? It was certainly consumed. The same could apply to soup. It was no drink, but it was a liquid. 

“Dahyun?” 

She looked to the speaker. Momo was raising an eyebrow at her. 

“You spaced out.” 

“Ah,” Dahyun felt her own face warm, “I was considering the word choice.” 

“Of what?” She smiled then. Finally.

“Is blood like soup for you? And if it is, does one eat or drink soup?”

Momo’s eyes widened a touch. “That got you thinking?”

“Yes,” Dahyun laughed, “it seems to be simple at first, but now I want an answer.” She began to follow the elves ahead. 

“We drink blood,” Momo said. “And we eat—” She sighed. “Damn.” 

More orange rose within Dahyun. “Ha! I knew it was a conundrum.” 

Everyone looked at her then, both with surprise and happiness gracing their emotions. This behaviour was different. It felt wonderful. 

“Sana,” Momo called. “Do you eat or drink soup?”

“Eat.” 

“But it’s mostly a liquid,” Dahyun replied. 

The vampire’s brow furrowed. “I’d still say I eat chicken soup. Especially if it’s got dumplings.”

“And if you have only broth?”

“I,” Sana giggled, “alright, that’s not that clear, but I’m still saying you eat it.” 

“But blood is made up of more than broth is,” Dahyun said. “There’s far more within it, not just the molecules, but proper cells too.”

“Molecules?” Yves raised a brow. “You’ve really learned a lot from these vampires.”

“She didn’t learn it from us,” Nayeon said, a flash of white in her emotions. “Got it school and probably a bunch of books too.”

The other two vampires were silent then. The green in them swelled. Then doubt followed, as well as disappointment in themselves. What had prompted that this time? Even with all of her emotions, there were still things Dahyun didn't yet understand. 

“Regardless,” Olivia rubbed her hands together, “I’m going to say we accept that it’s drinking blood and eating soup.” A frown graced her features. “Even if it might technically be wrong. For whatever reason."

“Do you guys even know half of what she was talking about?” Sana asked, a half-smile on her face. It wasn't meant unkindly. 

“No,” Chuu said. “But she’ll be sure to let us know.” 

“Perhaps not everything,” Dahyun shook her head, “especially considering my analyses of moonlight and darkness were considered a bit too techical.” 

"Much too much." Yves chuckled. “We’ll stay here a bit longer. There’s some food left and we cooked more in the event that you’d need it.”

Dahyun did. Though her hunger had little relation to her emotions, she was starving. 

She knew she might have been too focused on properly enjoying her food. She knew now that her experience of food was connected to her emotions. Each bite was a gift. Perhaps it was a result of her being easily affected by small changes. Or she’d forgotten how wonderful such smaller moments could be. 

“Your hair's changing.” The words were said in crosesh. 

“Which colour?” Dahyun moved to make a bit more room for Olivia.

She sat down, a plate with fruits and meat. Had that been her second or third portion? Dahyun still carved away at her first, savouring each bite. She was already growing full. Her appetite would be something else to build up. 

“The roots are green,” Olivia replied. “And blue. Dark.” 

She nodded. 

There was a small surge of confusion. Not just from Olivia. 

“Does it make that much sense to you?” Olivia asked. 

“What?” Dahyun was aware that the vampires looked to them now. She'd explain it if they asked but this was idle conversation. And wording such thoughts in a language not of the humans—it was more comfortable for her. 

“Being happy and sad at the same time,” Olivia had a hint of a frown on her face, “with those being the strongest in your life.”

“It makes a lot of sense,” Dahyun admitted. 

“But it's not a contradiction?” Yves moved to be in front of them, back to the fire