Note: This chapter begins with darker subjects, which lean towards hopelessness, and even thoughts of suicide. It is implied, which is why I am not adding a trigger warning to this chapter, but if the implication itself is something you want to steer clear of, then I suggest not reading the italics and breezing over the first few paragraphs of the second part. 

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One year ago

Dahyun opened her eyes. Awake again. Her stomach yearned for food it hadn’t gotten. Her body ached with weakness. It was dark, yet she could see so much, feel so much. It was too much. 

“Teresa?” she whispered. The other girl was also feeling again. Dahyun felt warm as happiness finally blossomed in her heart. Teresa deserved this chance at freedom. 

“I’m awake,” she replied. Her voice wasn’t hoarse. She had been able to maintain her consciousness. Perhaps if Dahyun hadn’t let herself slip wholly into a slumber, she might have also been able to stay awake. She hadn’t wanted to. Experiencing the physical world without emotion wasn’t anything she could bear. Her captors had noticed that. They’d kept her awake for a month. Dahyun had drained herself of all emotion then. Just so she could escape complete isolation. That was where Teresa had the stronger one. 

“I think it’s time,” Dahyun rasped. Guilt pooled in her gut at the fact that she hadn’t stayed awake with her. It must have been lonely. 

“Dahyun.” The girl’s voice held a tension she couldn’t place. Being in the physical world ought to have given her more experience with how people expressed their emotions normally.

If anything, it had made her shut it out even more. She preferred not to feel anything—not to know anything. It was foolish, she knew that, but she was weak. Teresa was not. She would be the one to survive this. Dahyun would make sure of it. 

“Are you ready?”

A pause. “Don’t do it.” 

“We won’t make it as we are,” she said. “You will if you’re at full strength.”

“Then we wait.” 

“No.” The time she’d spent alone had drained her. It would do the same to Teresa. “We go now.” You will go now, she added silently.

Then she closed her eyes, focusing on the flux of emotions within her. She hadn’t thought it possible, but the emotional world had become even more beautiful. Feelings of appreciation blossomed in her. She let them grow. Then she took hold of those strands, took hold of her happiness, took hold of her calm. She dug deeper, finding the love she felt for her friend, finding the love she felt for her family, finding everything that her captors hadn’t been able to take away. In addition to Dahyun's core emotions of calm and sadness, love and happiness had not been taken away through their methods. She didn't know why, but she was glad they hadn't succeeded.

Deep shades of green and purple flowed like ribbons towards the other fairy. She gave it all to Teresa.

“Take them back.” Her voice was heavy, as though she were crying. It must have been the intensity of the emotions. 

She clenched her fists, allowing a dagger of anger to form in each. “Use them well,” Dahyun murmured. 

She felt lighter, but also emptier. It was though she were falling between worlds again. Even so, she stayed firmly in the emotional world. She had not given Teresa her anger, her fear, or her grief. Those emotions would give her strength. She would use them to overwhelm the rest when Teresa escaped. Kill them if she had to. She had never killed before.

That gave her pause. She felt little hesitation for that prospect. Should she have? 

She pushed the thought from her mind. She would not live to remember this day regardless. If they failed, she wouldn’t go back. She would empty her emotions herself, take out even the core emotions, and push herself deeper into the in-between, lose herself to it. It would not kill her, but she would never come back. They would never be able to touch her magic or knowledge. That was all that mattered. If they succeeded, Teresa would live on, reunite with what was left of their clan, and perhaps even bring about peace with the other clans. No. Not if. They would not fail. Dahyun would make sure of it. She needed to.

Dahyun woke with a start. Her chest filled with ice. Gasping, she dug her fingers into the earth. The movement hurt her chest, but she was able to find the trees through the grey fog. A face came into view as well. Momo. 

“Nightmare?” Arms went around her. Momo was somehow very good at making her feel safe. Was it a vampire ability? Or just her? 

Dahyun was caught between settling into them and pulling away. She decided to stay. Her injuries hurt, but far less than yesterday. The potions had worked. She’d be able to go to school today. It would be difficult, but if she consumed the right emotions, the pain would be bearable. She wouldn’t have a limp at least. 

“Yes.” Guilt settled as a pit now. If there was a way to turn back time, she would do so in a heartbeat. It was supposed to be Teresa. Perhaps Teresa might have been sitting in this forest. Perhaps she would have come here with the rest, made a home here. Perhaps they would have met the girls and formed an alliance.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” she admitted. There was disappointment in the other girl. Dahyun found that she felt the same. How would it be to properly open up to another? It was a tempting prospect, but not one she wanted to touch upon now. Not even Momo, a person she had come to trust more than she’d ever wanted to. Would she ever? “Where’s Sana?”

“Getting you a spare uniform from home. You need a replacement.” 

“What time is it?” It was still dark above, but her eyes allowed her to see well in the dark. When she looked back at Momo, some of her fear subsided. 

“Four a.m.” 

“So we won’t be late.” She smiled slightly. 

“We?” Momo repeated. “You’re not ready.” 

“I may not heal as you do,” she replied, “but I’m not human.” They seemed to forget that fact. They also didn’t know very much about her kind. She supposed that was her fault. No, not supposed, it was her fault.

She angled her face to look fully at her. Momo's eyes were brown again, and they were very large in Dahyun’s vision. She soon realised it was because their faces were quite close.

“I know.” Momo's voice was soft.

“So,” now Dahyun pulled away, carefully so as to not strain anything unnecessarily, “believe me when I say I am alright.” There was still a lingering warmth, despite the loss of contact. Her heart also beat quicker. That was unusual. 

Momo held her gaze. She felt her face warm as the exchange lasted longer than it should have. “Okay.”

Sana appeared, a small pile of clothes in her hands. “I brought you a uniform, an extra pair of clothes of mine, and a few other essentials.” She came forward, looking between Momo and Dahyun. In that moment, irritation flared. It was quickly pushed down by curiosity. “What’s okay?” 

“Dahyun says she’s healed enough to go to school,” the other vampire said as Sana handed Dahyun the clothes. 

Sana raised her eyebrows. “Really?” It was a rare occurrence, but she could read that expression and understand her tone. She didn’t believe her at all. It wouldn’t have been a surprise if she took the clothes away then and there. 

“Yes.” 

The pink-haired girl’s eyes looked her up and down. Dahyun followed her gaze. Her body was either bandaged or bloody. 

“I’ll go clean up. The river’s not far.” It would have to do. 

“You do know showers exist.” 

She did. “It’ll do.” She tilted her head to the side. “You two have just been spoiled by human plumbing.”

Both looked taken aback. Dahyun smiled. 

“I’ll see you at school.” She began to walk, before she stopped. “I’m doing this a lot, but I,” she bit her lip, thinking how best to say this, “thank you for being… here. With me.” Pause. “It has been a long time since I last felt safe. Do let me know how I can repay you such a, a…” What was the word? “Gift.” She was also quite sure that they had put