“SOOJUNG YOU NEED TO STOP FIDGETING,” Taemin says from the passenger seat of her car. She’s driving towards the dance studio to pick Eunhee up, and the only reason why Taemin came along is due to his insistence to have her drop him off at the company building. 

Oddly enough, the company building is actually just three streets away from the dance studio. It’s something Soojung had only noticed just now. If the studio is that close to the main building, then does it mean that there’s a bit of Jongin that wants to stay attached to his old life? Or maybe it’s something that’s just pure coincidence? 

She shouldn’t be thinking of thoughts like this, especially not when everything is not going the way she wanted it to go. She’s supposed to be living with Eunhee peacefully while she continuously fills up her sister’s pockets using her service, and Taemin to be an occasional annoyance in her life. 

It’s not supposed to be like this exact scenario where Soojung had been fidgeting while driving to the point where she accidentally stepped too hard on the accelerator.

“How can I stop fidgeting when I’m about to tell my daughter that her dance instructor is her father ?” Her voice raises, and her foot is pressing down a bit harder on the accelerator. 

“Jesus Christ, Soojung! Stop freaking out! Do you want to kill us both before you actually get to do anything proper in your life?” Taemin is already half-yelling at her, but the fast beating of her heart doesn’t really stop. 

“What if she hates me and wants to live with Jongin forever and then hide from me? I can’t lose my daughter like that!” 

“Nobody said you’re going to lose her Soojung! Stop this car right now!” It’s only when Taemin actually yells loudly that she realizes how fast they’re going. 

“I’m sorry.” She breathes out, her hands grip the steering wheel tighter, but she makes a conscious effort to maintain a proper speed for law-abiding purposes. 

“I swear to God, Jung Soojung, I will never let you drive me to another place again ever. You’re going to be the death of me, literally!” His hands are flying in every direction and Soojung could only smile apologetically. 

For the next few minutes, all her efforts are concentrated towards driving and nothing more. If she got Taemin into an accident, the rest of Korea would hate her. Once Taemin had been late for a fanmeeting because Eunhee had dropped his phone in the tub and Soojung felt the wrath of his management team. 

Preventative measures are needed just so events like those wouldn’t happen again. 

“Taemin, I’m sorry… again. For almost killing us back there… and for yelling at you… and for not believing you the other day when you tried to comfort me.” She tells him right before he’s about to open the door. 

Soojung expects Taemin to open the door and leave, but he places a hand on her shoulder instead. 

“Look, you need to stop overthinking. The reason why this is happening in the first place is because you were overthinking. You didn’t give Jongin enough chance to prove himself to you, that he could be with Eunhee. If you gave him a chance, then it’s probably him you’re with almost every single day and there wouldn’t be any problem.” The atmosphere feels heavy with his response, all because all the things he said were the truth. 

“But you wouldn’t be here.” The words fly out of Soojung’s mouth so fast that she didn’t even realize she’d already said it. 

“Oh Soojung, you know I’d always be around no matter what.” He smiles before leaving her car, only ever giving her a wave as he walks toward the building. 

When Taemin finally disappears into the doors of the building, Soojung immediately rams her forehead against the steering wheel. How could she say that? Suddenly, she feels as though she should be hyper-aware of everything she’s saying, no matter how irrelevant they may seem to her. 

this. Soojung whispers to herself before driving away to Eunhee’s dance studio, which is honestly not too far off. There’s not much time for her to prepare her speech, or whatever the hell it is that she rehearsed back in the office. She’s already late, and adding another few minutes to rehearse would only show just how awful she is at balancing everything in her life. 

Walking through the front door of the building feels like she’s doing her personal walk of shame with all these people around. She’s already twenty minutes late which means the last of Eunhee’s friends are probably gone, all picked up by their parents with a stupid happy nuclear family set up with a mother and a father. It all makes Soojung feel more despicable. 

It’s pathetic really, that she’s going to be admitting her shortcomings to her child, but it’s not like Soojung has much of a choice. At least she could admit she’s wrong, unlike some parents who would have to go to hell and back before they admit that they’re actually wrong with some of their life decisions. 

All she knows is that she’s doing her best, and she’s hoping that all of it is enough. 

Just as she expected, it’s Eunhee and Jongin left alone in the studio. They’re playing rock paper scissors, and she came in just when Jongin lost. It looks so normal, like he’s always been a part of Eunhee’s life and not just a recent addition despite him being the father. 

What guilts her the most though, is the smile on Eunhee’s face. She’s this happy spending time with Jongin, like it’s bound by the universe, and Soojung took it away from Eunhee. She took away Eunhee’s chance to have a father, to have a normal functioning family (assuming they wouldn’t break up anyway) with a mother and a father like the rest of her friends. Not just a single mother who always gets subtle digs from middle-aged mothers from Eunhee’s school about being a single mother. 

None of this would have happened if Soojung wasn’t a coward. If she didn’t run away at the first sign of change. Taemin’s words echo inside her head, and she’s feeling all sense of guilt building up in her system right now. 

As she’s approaching Jongin and Eunhee, she’s trying her best not to cry, or throw up. Everything feels so heavy, like it’s all constricting around her. Her lungs feel like they’re about to give out, like there’s no semblance of air around her. 

“Oh look, it’s your mom.” Jongin is the first to notice her presence in the middle of the room. 

All she could do is smile at Jongin and Eunhee like her world is not about to fall apart in a matter of seconds. 

But if she could not do it now, she could delay it. Tell Jongin in a place that feels more comfortable, and maybe familiar for the both of them. 

\

HER ROOM IN SOOYEON’S APARTMENT IS STILL THE SAME. None of the things there had been touched except for the missing pieces in the vanity, and the lack of clothes in the dresser. Only the things from her high school years are left in this old room, and maybe some of her college stuff. Soojung had been so easy to uproot herself from Sooyeon’s care after she could afford to rent an apartment for her and Eunhee. She already owes Sooyeon too much. 

But she takes Jongin here anyway because it’s where they used to spend a lot of time together. It’s where they’d watch movies until late at night - sometimes with Taemin, and the place where they eventually got together. 

It’s not exactly a trip to memory lane, but if the place held fond memories for both of them, then maybe it should be where the whole revelation happens. 

“Wouldn’t Sooyeon object to you breaking and entering her apartment?” Jongin asks, looking around the room and casually taking some of her stuff to observe it. 

“It’s not breaking and entering if we didn’t break anything. Besides, she’s on a business trip to the US right now , and I asked for permission.” She smiles halfheartedly, the lump that had gone away is rising back up in again. 

“Has it really been that long, Soojung?” He finally asks her, his eyes gazing straight into hers. Soojung couldn’t remember the last time she and Jongin looked at each other this way, but the feeling is all too familiar anyway. 

“I guess.” She looks over at Eunhee who's busy with a coloring book she rediscovered. Probably something they’d left from the last time Eunhee stayed over at Sooyeon’s. 

“She looks happy,” Jongin states as he looks at Eunhee who’s currently busy poring over the pages of her rediscovered coloring book. “Do you think she’ll like me? Would she be… that happy once she finds out I’m her dad?” 

The question catches Soojung off guard. While she and Jongin are in this stage of trying to fit each other in their respective lives once more, they’ve never talked about… something like this. About Jongin and Eunhee, or if she’d like him, or if he could make her happy. It sounds like Jongin is contemplating on whether he’d be a good father or not, and Soojung feels so bad that he had to think about that all because of her stupid mistake. 

“I think she loves you already,” Soojung responds, “back at home all she could ever talk about is you and your dance classes.  Plus, she even asked me if I could make you my boyfriend, as if it didn’t already happen.” She laughs as she looks at her daughter fondly. 

“I’m scared, Soojung.” 

She sighs, “I am too, Jongin.” 

Looking at Jongin brings back years worth of memories between them, barrelling through the emotional walls she’d put up during her seven years of distancing from anyone of the past. The walls are so high up and so heavily guarded, but Jongin still manages to take them down, like nothing ever happened, like seven years didn’t pass by them. 

“I think we should tell her now.” Soojung finally speaks up, looking at Jongin with a smile to mask away all her fear. 

Jongin nods at her, and she knows that there’s no backing out now. No running away. 

“Hey Eunhee, come here. Mommy has something to tell you.” She beckons Eunhee and the child instantly follows, taking her place beside Soojung with a curious glance on her face. 

“I… I know I told you to stop asking about your dad, and how… it’s just going to be the two of us all the time but- but that’s not really the case anymore now.” She takes a deep breath, “Well you see Eunhee, Teacher Jongin is… well he’s your dad.” 

The room is silent, save for the slight hum of the airconditioning and the occasional car horns coming from the street. Eunhee is looking at Soojung and Jongin alternately, like everything is processing in the mind of the seven-year-old. 

It takes everything for Soojung not to cry. She never wanted Eunhee to find out this way, but it’s the right thing. From now on, Soojung swears she’s going to do the right thing every single time. Even if it means driving at the proper speed limit instead of inching closer towards going over. 

“You’re my dad?” Eunhee looks at Jongin, and Jongin nods his head with a smile. “I’m glad you came back, Daddy.” Eunhee slides off the bed and moves to where Jongin is, climbing up on his lap and wrapping him in a tight embrace. 

“I’ve always wanted you to be my dad.” Eunhee adds. 

The smile on both Eunhee and Jongin’s faces are enough for her to finally be able to breathe.