SOOYEON IS USUALLY A GREAT SISTER. She knows when to push Soojung, and when to leave things alone especially when Soojung gets infuriated. But there are some times where Sooyeon just doesn’t know how to shut up, and it annoys Soojung to no end that someone so mature like her older sister would be this… childlike when it comes to Soojung’s personal life. 

      A timer is going off in her head, awaiting the moment where she’ll finally be too pissed at Sooyeon for not shutting up about her own business earlier. 

      She loves that Sooyeon has the best intentions, but she hates the way Sooyeon delivers it like Soojung has no other choice than to talk to Jongin right away after meeting her. Delaying this talk had always been Soojung’s plan and she’s not about to throw away her years of effort just because she’d met Jongin like that. 

      Her next move is that she’ll convince Eunhee to move to another dance class, hoping that Eunhee would say yes and that she’ll completely forget about Jongin afterwards. 

      “Soojung I’m not trying to be a here, I’m just saying, you’ve already met Jongin why do you keep on delaying things when they’re obviously already catching up to you? You’re only going to cause more problems than you can solve them. Plus, Taemin’s eventually going to get caught in the middle. He didn’t keep in touch with Jongin for you, do you know that?” Sooyeon’s tone implies that somehow, all of this is Soojung’s fault. 

      “Why does it seem like it’s my fault?” Her frustration comes out in a form of half-yelled words towards her sister. Sooyeon’s office door is wide open, making Soojung’s voice the loudest thing in the entire office. Every employee had stopped what they’re doing just to take a peek at their CEO’s office. 

      “Yah! Get back to work!” Sooyeon moves to close the door, her eyes seething. “And are you kidding me? It is your fault. I don’t know what stunt you were trying to pull when you got pregnant with Eunhee, but that’s not being selfless at all. Imagine being a father and you don’t even know about it.” 

      She could have been slapped by Sooyeon and she would have taken that better than this one. 

      “I did it for him, unnie.” She says through gritted teeth, “What am I gonna do? Just sit and watch Jongin deprive himself of his dreams because we were reckless? Or what? Allow him to become an idol and get caught up in these multiple PR stunts with different women while I raise Eunhee at home and he’s doing all sorts of things like that? It would never have worked either way!” 

      “Taemin helped you raise Eunhee and it seems to have worked just fine. ” The glare on her sister’s face makes Soojung’s hands shake from behind her back. 

      “That was his choice.” She breathes out, knowing that this is a losing battle anyway, and that Sooyeon - no matter how hard Soojung would have loved to prolong the argument - is always right. 

      “Yeah, and you didn’t even make Jongin have one. If I were Eunhee I would have loved to meet my own father instead of making delusions in my head that Taemin should have been my father instead. You’re not just hurting Jongin here, you’re hurting your own daughter too. Now get out of my office before you do or say something stupid that’s going to hurt my niece.” 

      Soojung leaves the office feeling like she’d just lost a court case. Talking to Jongin would open up a lot of closed wounds, wounds that had been sealed with just a band-aid instead of something proper for the situation. This is all truly her fault, but if she just lives her life in complete isolation from other people, then she wouldn’t have had to think about this. 

      No one would be hurt if everything goes according to plan. She’s raising Eunhee properly without Jongin’s knowledge, he’ll be out there dancing for the rest of his life, and Taemin would still be there for her and Eunhee without any further contact with Jongin. 

      It all sounds twistedly good in her head, and she feels bad for even considering ignorance - in the form of not talking to Jongin and just leaving him there with all his assumptions. 

      It’s selfish, Soojung realizes. But she’s in too deep and she can’t just let everything landslide down on both her and Eunhee, as well as Jongin. If anything, she’ll have to take this all really slowly. 

      Her phone beeps from her blazer pocket and Sooyeon tells her to take the rest of the day off through text, mostly because Sooyeon feels annoyed that she’d have to see her idiot little sister’s face in the office. Soojung would have taken offence if she didn’t know that this is just Sooyeon’s way of telling her to think things out properly. 

      There’s still an hour left before Soojung would pick up Eunhee from school - and still an hour left before she actually can go home from work (the perks of being Sooyeon’s little sister is that Soojung can do most of her work at home with Sooyeon’s permission after Eunhee’s school hours). This is the part where Soojung would sit absentmindedly in her car, unsure of what to do. 

      Talking to Jongin is definitely a huge “no” on her list for the day. She’s not ready to face the music yet - though she doesn’t think she will ever be, but she’ll have to be at least half-ready at some point - and there is still the least bit of hope in her chest that he would exit their lives soon enough. 

      Too much hope is dangerous, though, according to one of those young-adult books she’d read while she’s younger. Besides, she knows Jongin well enough to know that he would like to stay in touch and repair the bridge Soojung desperately tried to burn seven years ago. 

      All of that makes her want to call Taemin and tell him to bring Eunhee to dance classes today. It’s all just too much for her to handle. 

      However, the more Soojung thinks about it, the more she realizes how against she should be with unloading her duties on Taemin. His help is very much appreciated by her and Eunhee, but now she feels as though she’s taking advantage of him. She also didn’t want Taemin to feel the awkwardness that would come during Eunhee’s dance practices. 

      She’s not trying to be brave, but she does feel a little courageous that she’s actually about to face a fear by dropping Eunhee off to the practice room. 

      She reaches the school in time to see all of Eunhee’s classmates going out of the elementary school gates. Soojung heaves a sigh before going to pick up her daughter, knowing full well that Eunhee would be ecstatic about going to the lessons and seeing Jongin whom she ultimately adores. 

      Guilt takes over her as she realizes that she’s making Eunhee’s life harder without the little girl knowing. In this instance, Soojung immediately brands herself as the worst mother to ever walk the face of the Earth, even if she once considered herself to be the best mother. 

      “Are you ready to go to dance class today, sweetie?” She asks the beaming seven-year-old who just got out of her class.

      “Yes mommy! I’m excited.” Eunhee flashes her mother a smile with a set of teeth that’s lacking in a few areas (her teeth started to turn into permanent ones a few weeks ago, and Eunhee likes collecting her teeth), and it warms up Soojung’s heart. 

      “Do you like your dance class?” Soojung asks as they drive away from the school. She drives carefully, obeying the speed limits in every neighborhood and making sure that she doesn’t step on the gas or the brakes too abruptly. 

      Her little girl nods earnestly from the passenger seat. “I do! I do! Teacher Jongin told me the last time that I’d make a good dancer! He’s my favorite teacher, eomma. The other teacher, Teacher Victoria, she’s a little strict and scary. Whenever I have questions, Teacher Jongin would answer them always with a smile while Teacher Victoria doesn’t even smile at all.” 

      Soojung laughs at her daughter’s narrative, “Maybe Teacher Victoria is just not the kind of person who smiles a lot.” 

      “I’ve seen her smile once though, when she was talking to one of the other teachers in the company. People look prettier when they smile, especially her. You should smile more too, eomma.” 

      She doesn’t recall ever telling Eunhee about how other people look prettier when they smile, she reckons that it’s probably Taemin. After all, the guy couldn’t live without a smile on his face every single second. She wouldn’t be surprised if he rubs off on Eunhee the same way too. 

      “Don’t I smile enough already?” She asks while taking a careful turn to the highway. 

      “You don’t smile when I’m not around.” 

      Suddenly, Soojung feels like she wants to go home, but continues driving anyway.

\

THE BUILDING IS BUSY, though she doesn’t really know why she expected otherwise. The halls are filled with dancers running to wherever, dressed in the most dancer-y outfits she could imagine. Soojung thinks of a time where she could have been one of them, where she could have been someone like Taemin and Jongin during their trainee days, but she stashes the thought away into the darkest corners of her mind before she could entertain it. 

      She navigates the halls of the building while holding Eunhee’s hand. Soojung could never be too careful, one could lose a child in such a busy place. 

      They find only half of Eunhee’s classmates in the room, all sitting on the floor and scattered in different directions. A few kids are talking amongst each other, while some prefer to sit by themselves and patiently wait for the teacher. 

      The plan for the day is to drop Eunhee off and talk to Victoria, and leave before Jongin could even find her. Much to her dismay though, Jongin walks in before she could even say one word to Eunhee. 

      It’s as if Eunhee had forgotten Soojung’s existence when Jongin walks into the room. The little girl is beaming and is already running to the teacher she oh-so-adored, while the rest of the kids stayed in their places. 

      “Teacher Jongin!” Eunhee exclaims and immediately walks up to her father, of course, that’s a fact Eunhee doesn’t know yet. “What are we learning today?” 

      “Just a few basic steps to teach you the basic techniques.” Jongin smiles, ruffling the hair of the little girl. 

      Soojung’s heart breaks as she sees the two interacting that way. 

      “Is your mom here?” She sees Jongin kneel down to Eunhee’s level, and her daughter gingerly points over to her mother who’s carefully watching their conversation. Then, Eunhee leans in to whisper something into Jongin’s ear, and Soojung feels like her insides are crawling with curiosity about that secret conversation. 

      The laugh on Jongin’s face and him winking at Eunhee makes Soojung want to know more about what they talked about. 

      She assumes it’s obvious on her face that she desperately wants to know what her daughter whispered to Jongin because when he approaches her, the first thing he tells her is: “She asked me if I find you pretty,” he chuckles, “and I said yes. How could I not?” 

      Soojung doesn’t know how to react, so she just stares at him like an idiot. 

      “Taemin’s not with you today?” Jongin’s eyes wander around the room, and out to the hallway. 

      “He’s not obliged to.” Her answer vaguely implies that Taemin has no obligations for her in a romantic way, and frankly, she doesn’t know why she’s telling Jongin this. 

      “Oh, I thought your boyfriend would be with you.” He scratches the back of his head, looking the way he did while he was in high school while he’s doing so. 

      “He’s not my boyfriend, Jongin, just my best friend.” She smiles at him and it weirdly feels odd but natural at the same time. Soojung remembers quite the same conversation that happened during their high school years. 

      “You’ve changed, but you also didn’t,” Jongin breathes out. She doesn’t know if it’s a sigh of relief, or confusion. 

      “It’s what growing up does to a person, I guess. It’s the same for you too.” Soojung smiles at him before taking this leap of faith, “We should meet though. Are you free tonight?” 

      The look on his face is priceless, “O-oh, well yeah, I… I should be, yeah. What about Eunhee?” 

      “Sooyeon loves watching her.” 

      “Well okay then… uhh.. where to?” 

      “I’ll text you. Can you give me your number?” Soojung hands him her phone, and suddenly she feels like she’s the upperhand of this conversation. It makes her squirm. 

      Jongin finishes typing up his number and Soojung could only smile at him before making her way back to her daughter.

      “Mommy’s going to leave now, okay? Be a good girl and tell me all about your day when I pick you up later.” She kisses Eunhee’s forehead as her daughter nods with a smile. 

      “Eomma, why don’t you make Teacher Jongin your boyfriend?” Eunhee asks as an afterthought before Soojung walks out of the door. Her daughter’s voice is loud enough for the entire room to hear - including Jongin. 

      Soojung only laughs before exiting the room. 

      On her way to the car, she sends a quick text to Taemin: guess I’m meeting Jongin later. pray for me, most chaotic idol. 

      Instantly, Taemin replies: i don’t have anything to do today, i’m coming over. lit rally heading towards your house right now. thank god i have my key. 

      She arrives back home to see Taemin already lounging on her couch like it’s his couch and he’s not just her best friend mooching off her apartment most of the time. He’s munching on the chips she just bought a few days ago when Eunhee convinced her to go on a sudden grocery shopping day, and his feet is on Soojung’s coffee table. He’s watching Descendants of the Sun from her own Netflix account (he never really had his, he’s always used hers, and she allows him to because she doesn’t really use much of her Netflix account anymore), and he looks like he’s totally not out of place in an apartment that does not even house him at all. 

      The couch feels like freedom from all the job she has to do back at Sooyeon’s company, and the pressure of needing to talk to Jongin. What’s more comforting than the couch though, is her best friend’s welcoming presence beside her. He doesn’t wear an expectant look on his face like Sooyeon, nor does he take her back through seven years of heartbreak. Both of those are exactly what Soojung needs at the moment. 

      “You know, sometimes I regret giving you a key to the house.” She doesn’t, but she kind of does at the same time. And as if it’s purely instinctual, she places her feet on Taemin’s lap. 

      “If you revoke my Casa Soojung access then you would never have a great place to rest your feet on like my lap.” The smirk on his face is so boyish and completely innocent that it takes her back years into their middle school days. 

      “That’s the purpose of the coffee table though - which you are currently hogging.” She steals the bag of chips from Taemin’s hand and pulls them away from him when he’s trying to reach for the chips. 

      Her efforts are in vain though, because he’s in all ways longer than her and his reach is far longer than hers would ever be. He gets the bag of chips without even a minute of her trying to make him struggle. It’s well worth a try though, she thinks, because at least he struggled for a second. 

      “So, are you ready to meet Jongin later?” He drops the bomb five minutes into the fourth episode of Descendants of the Sun.

      “Honestly? I don’t think so. A part of me is ready, but a part of me also wishes to suspend the whole thing and wish for him to just be… coexisting with me and Eunhee without having to meet.” It’s completely selfish, she knows that, hence the reason why she’s listening to the better part of herself who’s insisting that she should give Jongin the chance to become a father to Eunhee. 

      “You’re so selfish,” Taemin says, but not in the tone that implies annoyance or spite. It’s more of him telling her a common knowledge. 

      “I wish I didn’t have to be.” 

      “You didn’t have to be. Jongin would have taken care of Eunhee anyway even if he decides to pursue his idol dreams.” 

      The more he talks, the more Soojung doesn’t want to have this conversation anymore. She’s heard this loads of times before from Sooyeon, but Taemin doesn’t tell these things to her in a harsh tone, he’s always gentle - and it’s his gentleness that makes her want to turn away from who she is and the choices she made. 

      “Could you imagine? Raising a kid all the while you’re being an idol.” It’s as if the TV doesn’t exist anymore. Song Hye Kyo and Song Joong Ki’s voices are all just background noises to something much more bigger than the premise of their drama. 

      “You’re acting like I haven’t been around to help you take care of Eunhee ever since she was born.” There’s hurt in his eyes, and that’s when she knows that she should really stop talking. She concedes. She’s wrong, and she knows it. 

      Silence takes over the atmosphere and it creeps into her skin, making her want to scream something out in random just so the silence between her and Taemin wouldn’t be this suffocating. 

      “I’m sorry.” She finally says after a long and ugly pause. “I didn’t mean it like that, you know.” 

      “I know.” He places his head on her shoulder. She doesn’t flinch, doesn’t even feel the least bit uncomfortable. “I’m just saying, would it have been different if it was Jongin? I mean, I’m not Eunhee’s father, but I adore the kid, and I didn’t use my career as an excuse to not be around for her. It would have been the same if it was him.” 

      There’s a faraway look on Taemin’s face, like his mind is here but his heart is somewhere else, and it bothers Soojung to no end. She doesn’t ask him about it though, just turns the TV off and leans her head against his.

NOTE: This fic has actually reached 9 chapters on ao3. I've just been pretty bad at updating here on aff, but I'll post the rest of the chapters that aren't here yet every day starting now. If you do want to read the rest though and not want to wait, just go over to my ao3 account melones.