Kyungsoo felt the cold wind on his skin. Immediately, his instinct told him to wake up, but under the blanket it was so warm. The bed was so fluffy and soft. It was so comfortable. He didn’t want to wake up. But… why was his heart beating that loud? Wait, that weren’t his heartbeats.

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo gasped as he noticed Jongin lying next to him. The taller had his arm wrapped around Kyungsoo’s waist as if he were afraid Kyungsoo could disappear.

Jongin was deep in his sleep and yet his eyebrows plunged into a frown. Carefully Kyungsoo straightened them with his fingertips. Why was he like this, even in his sleep? It hurt seeing the taller like this. Laying down, Kyungsoo cuddled himself into Jongin’s embrace. Moments like this made him believe nothing had changed. Still, he knew he was lying to himself. He hadn’t forgotten what happened. No, he hadn’t, but it was ok to play dumb for a short moment. Just a moment, pretending everything were fine.

“You know, I don’t even know how to call you?” Kyungsoo flinched as he heard Jongin’s voice. Having his head leaned against the taller’s chest made Jongin’s voice sounded even deeper. Kyungsoo raised his head and their eyes met.

“But you’re not telling me your name, are you?” M added, and as expected the small one kept silent. Seconds later, Kyungsoo looked away.

“Soo,” he murmured.

“What?” Jongin couldn’t hide the surprise in his voice.

“You can call me Soo. Is that enough for you?” The small one repeated and by that a smile appeared on Jongin’s lips.

“Yes, that’s enough for now.”

Something was in the air, and they both felt it. The situation felt so wrong and yet so right. The other was so close to them and yet so far away.

“Was any of it true?” Finally, Jongin said the only question he wanted to ask if it were up to him. It was never Byun Baekhyun, it was always just Soo he wanted to know about.

“When you said you loved me? Was that the truth?” Jongin finally said it out loud. The small one reached for Jongin’s hand, slowly as if he were asking for permission, and Jongin allowed him. He placed Jongin’s hand on his chest, right where his heart was.

“Can you feel it? You’re the only one who can make it beats like that.” Kyungsoo explained,

“I don’t know how else I can prove it to you.”

“That could also mean you’re afraid of me,” Jongin argued, but deep down he knew he wanted to believe Soo. He wanted to believe Soo’s heart speeded up because of him.

“I told you already. I’m not afraid of you.” Kyungsoo said with a clear voice. He meant it and Jongin should know it.

“After everything? After I…” Jongin doubted, but Kyungsoo interrupted him. Grabbing his trembling hands, Kyungsoo replied while locking their eyes.

“I’m not afraid of you and there is nothing you can do to change that.”

“Then you’re an idiot,” Jongin replied.

“If you’re the reason, then I’m fine with it.” Kyungsoo didn’t lie. He wasn’t afraid of the taller and he would never be. But he was afraid of the things Jongin would do because of him. Kyungsoo had realized it long ago; they are toxic for each other. One day they’d break each other, and that… that was what scared him.

“You said you’re sincere, but you’re still not telling me where Byun Baekhyun is. How can I believe you?” Jongin took the chance.

“If I tell you, I wouldn’t be the person you fall in love with, don’t you think?” Kyungsoo asked back, and this time it was Jongin who fell into silence until he decided to tell the small one the truth.
“What if I tell your life depends on it? What if I tell you, it’s either your life or his?” Telling Soo the truth was easier than Jongin expected. Maybe he should have done it sooner. The boss realized he had been an idiot… a jerk.

“You don’t know it, but I owe Baekhyun hyung a lot. Every good that happened to me was paid by his pains. I haven’t known it before, so I took it for granted. But now I will not trade his life for mine.” Kyungsoo explained. It hit Jongin like a truck how little he really knew about the person he married. It sounded like there was a long story about that Baekhyun and Soo, and it needed to be told. But not now, they couldn’t afford to waste time.

“I knew you’d be like that,” Jongin said, standing up. He wondered why he did fall for this person. Soo was the complete opposite of him. Soo was loyal, gentle, and brave. Soo was the light, while he was nothing but darkness.

Yet, that was fine, if that was what he needed to be in order to protect the light. Sighed, Jongin opened the small box on the nightstand which Soo hadn’t noticed until now. Jongin had his back turned to Kyungsoo, but the small one could hear the click as the box opened.

“You don’t have to be scared,” Jongin added with a monotone voice and immediately Kyungsoo sensed danger.

“Jongin, what’s that?” Kyungsoo shuttered as the taller turned around with a syringe in his hand.

“Don’t worry. It won’t hurt.” Jongin said and Kyungsoo shook his head.

“Jongin, what is that?” The small one repeated, emphasizing every word he said.

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