just a short one. since it's the last flashback...

ஐ〰ฺ･:*:･✿ฺ ஐ〰･:*:･･:*:･✿ฺ ஐ〰･:*:･･:*:･✿ฺ ஐ〰･:*:･

"What pain does"

Jinyoung wrapped his hands on both of his arms, squeezing his self slightly, wanting to shield himself from the cold night breeze. He rubs his palms against his arms, hoping it will warm him up a bit as he steps outside the villa and into the stoned path which leads to the beach. When he reached the side of the shore, he saw the mini bar they were all gathered at a while ago. Jinyoung thought of going back to check if Jaebum was still in there. He needs to talk to him and that is what he'll do.

He recognized Jaebum even with his back facing him. The older is still drinking but he doesn't look like he's drunk. Jaebum has high alcohol tolerance anyway, Jinyoung remembered. 

Jinyoung sat on the stool next to Jaebum without speaking first. The older has taken notice of his presence right away and has now turned to face his direction. Jaebum looks surprised to see him. Maybe he never thought he'd come back. 

"Hey." Jinyoung greeted him and starts to look around. "Have the guys left already?"

Jaebum answered him with a nod and went to finish his drink. "Why'd you come back? I thought you were with... Mark?"

Jinyoung didn't answer just yet and spent a short while staring at the man beside him. This man whom he has loved for the long time they were together. This man who has been the reason why he got hurt a lot of times, but needless to say, he still chose to stay with. As he stares at those eyes which he has loved staring at, those eyes which seemed to have seen all the way through him, Jinyoung tries to reach inside his heart and just... feel. And right then, his mind reached a conclusion and his heart agrees with it.

Heaving a deep sigh, gathering the courage he has, Jinyoung opened his mouth. "I'm sorry." and this is what he chose to say first.

Jaebum's initial reaction was confusion. He could see it in those brows of his slightly creased at the center and how those narrow eyes got even more narrower. "Jinyoung-"

But he didn't give him a chance to continue. He's the one who needs to talk here. "I'm sorry for what happened a while ago. I'm sorry for what I did... and I'm sorry for what I didn't do." Jinyoung shakes his head, not looking away. "That shouldn't have happened. And I'm sorry if I let you think that it's okay. That what happened is okay and that what you did is okay. I am sorry if-"

A squeeze on his hand stopped Jinyoung from talking. He looks and sees Jaebum's hand on top of his but the older's eyes remained on his, staring at him intently. Those eyes almost seemed glassy.

"Don't." Jaebum said in a low voice. 

"But I need to say this-"

"Not here. Please." Now Jaebum's voice seems to be pleading. Jinyoung can't deny the slight clench he feels in his heart seeing Jaebum's glassy eyes. "I know where this is going. I know how this will end. I can listen, and I will. But letting go is damn painful, and I am sure that I'm gonna end up crying like a loser after you say what you need to say. So, can we have this conversation somewhere else?"

*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*

The next morning, they were all set to drive back to Seoul. 

Jinyoung felt relieved that things are somehow okay between him and Jaebum even after their talk last night. He has apologized to Jaebum for confusing him with his actions. He knows that what he has done a couple of days prior, made Jaebum hope that he still can get him back; that there is still a chance for them to happen again. And if Jinyoung would be honest to himself, he did have second thoughts on getting back with Jaebum. But last night, when Mark held him while crying, Jinyoung has reached to a decision. And that is to stay with Mark no matter what because no one is gonna love him more than Mark. And he also knows he's not gonna love anyone more than he loves Mark.

Jinyoung realized that what he has felt with Jaebum was a mixture of regret and guilt. How they have chosen to end things between them years ago was not good. Jinyoung selfishly decided, only thinking about his own pain; and Jaebum made a selfish decision too, only thinking about his dream. They had their own faults- Jinyoung for letting go, and Jaebum for not even having the will to fight. At one point, Jinyoung wondered, what if Jaebum had held on him back when he was trying to let go? What if Jaebum chose to fight with him? What if Jaebum made him feel like he wants to keep their relationship just as how he desperately wanted to keep it then? Would have they broken up? Would have Jaebum left? Would have he chosen Mark? These were his thoughts when Jaebum suddenly returned to his life unannounced. And when Jaebum was in his lowest time, Jinyoung felt the need to comfort him. And maybe that was his guilt acting over him. Subconsciously, he felt the need to help and ease the pain Jaebum was feeling, just as he had hoped he could erase the pain he has inflicted on him when he broke up with him due to his own reasons. 

At one point... Jinyoung had imagined how it would be like if it was still him and Jaebum. But that also meant, there will be no Mark. And that thought is what woke him up. That's something he can never live without- Mark. He had loved Jaebum dearly and greatly before and maybe... if things weren't like this, it would have been nice to go back to that. But things have changed. And Jinyoung knows he can't go back... and he doesn't want to if it means leaving Mark. That woke him up and ended all his confusion. So he apologized to Jaebum and cleared everything with him. He's really relieved that Jaebum accepted his apology and his decision. Jaebum told him he'll never be a bother to him and Mark again.

He's glad.

But.... something is off that morning. It's how Mark acted around him. The older ordered Jackson to drive instead of taking the wheel just like when they drove to get to Haeundae. That morning, Mark chose to sit at the back and rest. 

Jinyoung chose not to mind although he found it odd. Especially when Mark asked to be dropped at his place and told him he'd like to rest so he'd rather not have him stay there with him. He chose not to mind.

Even if that day was followed by a few more days like that.

*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*

Jinyoung creases his brows as he checks his phone. 7 missed calls. And they're all from Mark. 

It's almost 6:30 in the evening and he just got to his apartment after meeting with Jaebum. Today at work, Jaebum has told him that he has filed a resignation. Just a while ago, the management had let go of Jaebum and the older asked if they could go out and have a small talk. During their talk, that's when Jaebum told him about his plan of going back to Japan. It is where he'll be working next after getting accepted by a company there. For almost an hour, they just talked and enjoyed what could be their last time to hang out together.

Jinyoung wonders why Mark called him multiple times. What's the urgency for?

When the elevator shaft opened, Jinyoung stepped out and walked towards his unit's door. He punched in the code and entered. Upon getting inside, he noticed that the lights were on and soon enough, he found Mark seated on the couch. He seemed like he's been there for quite a long while and is waiting for him to arrive. He noticed the kind of look Mark has and it's not something he is used to seeing on the older's face. However, he just went closer to greet his boyfriend by kissing him on his cheek. Mark didn't react, but Jinyoung tried to not mind again.

"How long were you here?" He asked, taking his shoes off and putting his things on the table. "I only got to check my phone just now. Why'd you call?"

Mark didn't answer and kept his eyes on the television. Jinyoung found it rude and a bit annoying. Mark never acts like this. Even if there are times when he's having a bad day, never had he lashed out on him. What is his problem now?

He stood for a while, just staring at Mark who is still not sparing him a single glance before he loosened his tie and walked towards the kitchen. "I still haven't eaten dinner. Thought I'd say since you aren't even bothering to ask. How about you? Should I cook dinner for us?"

"Are you even hungry?" Mark suddenly asked him. 

"Well, I still haven't eaten dinner." When he met with Jaebum earlier, they just ate some bread and drank coffee. He's not starving but he's also not full so Jinyoung decides to eat dinner. "Why? Aren't you hungry?"

His question didn't get any response from the older. When he checked, Mark was still focusing more on what he is watching than what Jinyoung is asking him. It sort of irked Jinyoung and he was already asking before he could stop himself. "Is something wrong?" He saw how Mark seems to stiffen as he swallowed a lump in his throat. Jinyoung went on. "You're acting strange and I feel like I need to ask why? Is there anything wrong? Do we have a problem?"

And for the first time, Mark laid his eyes on him. But the moment their eyes met, Jinyoung suddenly starts to feel like averting his gaze. Mark's stare was different. It's not how he usually looks at him. In fact, this is the first time he has seen this kind of look in those brown eyes. Suddenly, Jinyoung wants to take his question back.

Mark's head tilted to one side, and his stare became piercing, as if he's critically studying him. "Do we have a problem..." Mark repeats. "...should I be the one to answer that?"

Jinyoung felt his heart which is starting to beat loudly. He could feel himself getting nervous and anxious even though Mark has barely started talking. His grip on the fridge's handle became tighter as he cleared his throat. "What are you saying?"

A scoff is made by the older. Mark shakes his head, as a wry smile forms on his lips. "Should I be the one to answer that question? When it was not me who just came from meeting with my ex boyfriend? Should I be the one to answer that question, Jinyoung?"

It's as if his brain ceased to function for the shortest moment. He tries to speak but he's stuttering. "It's not-"

"Are you having second thoughts about us, Jinyoung? About me, and how you feel for me? Are you having second thoughts?" Mark stared at him for a number of seconds before asking again. "Or have you already decided?"

Jinyoung is cursing in his mind right n