I used to think that giving all my love to someone is enough for me. That it does not matter whether that person feels the same or not. To be able to show my love and let her feel warmth is enough.

But whenever I feel her eyes on me, looking at me with adoration through her gaze, I have learned that receiving love is something that is so rare and precious that I can never ever replace it with something else. I have come to realize that accepting love from someone is something that I am also yearning for. To be loved by her is what makes it more than enough.

Slowly, I turn my head to return her gaze as she blinks a few times, feeling shy because of getting caught that she has been staring for so long. She would look at the floor for a few seconds and then lift her chin up again while biting her lip. She is nervous, and I see it all. I can hear her rapid heartbeat while noticing my reflection in her chocolate brown eyes. Her cheeks are flushing red as she utters softly, “Your eyes, how can you change your gaze completely when you’re looking at me, Soo?”

“Hmm? What do you mean?”

She unconsciously purses her lips so that her cheeks are completely shown. I cannot hide my smile as I wait for her to organize her thoughts.

“Well, I was staring at you while you’re watching the wind swaying the tree leaves in front of us. I saw how your eyes light up as you look at nature. But when you look at me, the fondness in your eyes just changes into something so…”

Jennie brings up her hand so that she can caress my face gently while gazing deeper into my eyes. “Something so alive, with feelings all blending into one. You just…glow, unnie. And I can see this side of you whenever you lay your eyes on me.” She leans her face closer as if wanting to see me up close.

“The love that you have for me. The way you look at me. And the feelings that you make me feel. I just feel like I’m so blessed to be the one who you’re in love with, Soo.” Rubbing her nose on mine a few times while smiling contently, she set her gaze on me again as I listen to her soothing voice.

“To be loved by you, is like one of a million wishes that amazingly come true. And I’ll always remind you that, baby. Just like how you remind me every day with your soulful gaze.”

 .

She is laughing while tilting her head slightly. I can see how her nose would scrunch up cutely, her brown orbs that would disappear, and then her tiny hands that are clapping repeatedly. Oh, and of course, the sound of her laughter would lighten up my stressful day. While not forgetting her gummy smile afterward that I believe would melt the coldest heart ever.

I shake my head as I am still biting my lip to hide my smile. I surely do not want to look like an idiot when I am in front of the camera. But I know that she ain’t stopping anytime soon as she moves closer to me only to lean her head on my shoulder while giggling softly.

Jendeukie, are you trying to kill me slowly?

“Unnie, just relax, okay? It’s just for my own Youtube channel anyway.”

I pout as I look forward only to see Chaeyoung and Lisa snickering together in the corner. “Yah you guys! Don’t laugh, I’m being embarrassed here!”

Then, I turn my gaze toward Jennie’s mom who also cannot stop smiling ever since we start filming minutes ago. I look at my girlfriend who still trying to hold her laughter, but nods anyway, seeing my pleading eyes. “Mom, stop teasing my Sooyaa. She’s still shy showing her affection to me in front of others even after all this time.”

“Jendeukie….” I send her a warning sign as she shows me an OK sign with her fingers. “Alright, alright, we’ll take a break now. Need to wait for the mandu to be fully cooked anyway.”

I sigh in relief as I relax my body. I honestly cannot count how many times I found myself staring at her when she was talking to the camera. She is just so beautiful today, full of happiness that makes her shine even more.

“My Sooyaa. Are you still nervous, hmm?” Jennie climbs onto my lap as she rests her back on my front body while caressing my cheeks softly. I wrap my arms around her waist as I can’t help but kiss her head while giving her my widest smile.

“Nah, I didn’t know what happened to me minutes ago.”

“Well, it’s been so long anyway since we’re both filming together casually like that. Just be yourself baby. Although I find it adorable when you’re being nervous like that.” Jennie taps my nose as I playfully scrunch it to make her laugh. Then, she leans in to give me a peck on my lips.

My cheeks are blushing wildly because I know that her mom is still there, but Jennie seems to not care as she leans in again to kiss me gently. With my heart drumming uncontrollably, I try to ignore everything as I close my eyes. And surprisingly, it’s not that hard because immediately, I am being hypnotized by her kisses.

Cupping her face, I kiss her back as I let her lead me. She caresses my lips with her own in a calming way as she tilts her head to kiss me deeply. Slow but demanding, which I like a lot. Releasing me for a few seconds to catch our breath, only to press her lips on mine again, as if not wanting to let me go. That action makes me groan softly as I take the lead this time.

Kissing her in the softest way, only to increase my pace as if I could never get enough of her. Which I know drives her crazy with how tight her fingers are in holding my purple sleeves. Smirking triumphantly, I give her one last peck as I kiss her forehead, letting my lips stay there for a moment.

Smiling shyly toward each other, I let my hand caress the back of her head as I believe my face must be flushing by now. It is funny that we’re still being this flustered after our kiss even after all these years. But that shows how we both still feel the igniting sparks and butterflies that are flying freely.

“I want to kiss you again, unnie.”

So I let her while giving myself a chance to be loved by her.

===  

I remember ever since