Seeing her in my arms, sleeping peacefully makes me smile in relief. Traces of her tears are still showing on her face as I gently wipe them away while not leaving my gaze on her. I do not think I can let myself fall asleep for tonight. I do not want to stop taking care of her and making sure that she is alright.

I can still feel the pain inside my heart when I saw her break down moments ago. Watching someone that I love suffer breaks everything in me. How I wish I can take all her pain away, so she will not get hurt ever again. I…All I could do was only hold her close, giving her all of me.

“Jennie…” Out of nowhere, I just want to call her name. Maybe it’s because I am starting to feel this intense longing that makes my vision turns blurry in a split second. “Jennie, thank you for asking me to come to you, thank you for completely…open your heart for me.”

I rest my chin against the top of her head as I cry silently, feeling grateful but gloomy at the same time. A really complicated emotion that I cannot describe perfectly with words. But one thing that I know for sure, not only this woman in my arms that has lowered her guards down, but I find myself doing the same.

The old me would run away to the balcony or somewhere else to succumb to my tears by myself. But now, I am crying beside her, not caring whether she will wake up and see me like this. I just…I do not want to leave her for any second. I want to hold her for a long, long time.

“I always want you to come to me, Soo.”

“Jen—Jennie?”

“Thank you, unnie. Thank you for pouring out your emotion while leaning against me.”

===

I know everything about her. I know how she would hide from everyone when she finds herself cannot control those tears from falling down. How I would lean my back against the wall, listening to her cries while pressing my hand against my heart, hurting inside.

But now, the same woman wraps her arms around my waist, making sure that I am in a comfortable position in her embrace while letting her tears pour down endlessly with her soft lips that would occasionally press against the side of my head. I let her be like this for a while because of fear that if she knows I am wide awake, she would hide it again from me. Although deep down inside, I can guarantee she is now willing to let me see this side of her.

That’s why, after some time, I slowly raise my hand up to cup her left cheek gently, making sure I will not accidentally hurt her when I look up to gaze at her dark brown orbs that are b with tears.

“I always want you to come to me, Soo.”

She looks so surprised that I actually heard her. “Jen—Jennie?”

“Thank you, unnie. Thank you for pouring out your emotion while leaning against me.” Right now, my eyes gaze at her as if I am looking at a soft glass that would break at any moment. I want to convey that I am here to make sure that I will mend the broken pieces together.

I will protect her, being her own safe haven. Just like how she always be my only trusted place, my comfortable home.

“I’m alright, Jendeukie.”

I nod my head and continue to wipe those tears that keep on streaming down her face. My heart hurts seeing her crying like this and Jisoo knows that. She gently holds the back of my hand as she tilts her head slightly to kiss my palm.

“I’m really alright, Jendeukie. I’ve released it all, so it doesn’t hurt anymore. Trust me. Don’t worry, babe.”

“You cried because of me, right?” I see her wanting to say something but I beat her to it. “And before you deny it, I know really well what you’re feeling right now.”

Touching her hand, I intertwine our fingers together as I lean in to give her a peck on the lips. “You saw me at my lowest state when I seemed so hopeless and in pain. And because you love me, you also feel the same.”

With my other hand, I gently press it on top of her heart and feel how fast her heart beats because of me. “And right here, you feel so suffocated that you desperately want a release because you realize aside from hurting because of my condition, you also feel guilty and start to blame yourself as you think that you’re not comforting me enough.”

Watching the way those eyes stare back at me, I try to catch any emotion from them. And I succeed because she shows it all.

Ever so softly, I utter, “So, what I’ve just said is all true?”

Jisoo takes a deep breath and lowers her gaze to look at anywhere else but me. Then, she nods silently.

As much as I want to tell her things about how she makes me feel so loved and cherished by staying next to me all night, I hold it in. I know that she has something to tell me, so I wait. Waiting for her tears to stop.

“Hold me, Jen.”

“Of course, Soo.” I move my body upward so her face is aligned with my upper body as I take her in, hugging her with all my might. I can feel how she starts to relax and lean her body against me completely. She is not crying anymore. She just needs me here.

“You know how bad I am in comforting people because I usually hate it to lean on someone else, except you, of course. So, when I saw you like that, all I could do was do something that I believe I’d want someone else to do for me.”

Kissing the top of her head multiple times, I listen to her.

“So, I embrace you in silence, not asking anything because I believe if you want to tell me, you’ll do it eventually when you’re feeling better. I don’t want to pressure you. But after a couple of hours later, I start to fear that it wasn’t enough. That I should’ve done more than that.”

When I sense she has nothing to say anymore, I rest my cheek on her head as I utter gently but clear enough for her to know that I am telling the truth, “Everyone has their own way of showing affection, the same as there are lots of different ways in comforting people that we love. And your way is how I want it to be. What I really need.”

“I don’t need someone to tell me that everything will be alright. All I need is someone to be there, to make me feel safe. That’s all. And you, you’ve actually given me a whole lot more. You showered me with care, empathy and of course, love. It’s more than enough, Soo.”

Leaning backward so I can see her face, I cup both of her cheeks and kiss her forehead. Then, I gaze into her eyes that show how relieved she is feeling right now. “Trust me, unnie. And don’t blame yourself anymore, alright?”