I had let him in and the smell of soju wafted to my nose. It was hard to be mad at him even though I wondered how he knew where I lived. I awkwardly shuffled into the living room of my apartment and he followed me before looking around. As drunk as he was, he seemed like he could still walk and not fall. I let out a deep breath, pressing the water heater so I could make him tea, before turning around just to stare at him.    Kai was on the couch, his face in his hands as he rocked himself back and forth. He his lips before pressing a hand against his forehead and while the heater dinged to indicate it was done, I turned away to pour it into a cup before speaking. “Why are you here, Kai?”    I was met with silence and when I dropped the bag into the cup and turned to him, my eyes met his. “It’s almost midnight. Why are you here?”  “I don’t know.” He sighed. “Look, I don’t know. I started drinking and I thought of you and I wanted to call but you blocked me and I didn’t know your new number—“ “Why are you here?” I repeated, my voice steady.  “And I wanted to see you because I missed you.”    That was when I couldn’t handle it anymore. The amount of anger and pain just came from nowhere and I walked to him, slamming the cup of tea in front of him before walking back to the counter to be as far away from him as possible. “You’ve missed me?” I asked, my voice cracking before I stopped talking so I wouldn’t break down. “Really, Kai? You don’t get to do this.”   “I’m not here to do anything! I miss you and I wanted to see you—“ “Miss me? After what you did to me? You miss me?” I asked, my voice raising an octave. “I’ve missed you, Kai. I missed every part of you, back in the day. I just wanted to hear your voice, wanted to ask if you were okay, or if work was stressful. I wanted to be with you. I missed you so much and you went behind my back just to make me realize that you aren’t at all worth missing.”   I was crying now, my tears running down my face. It was getting hard to breath and I turned around to grip the counter, my fingers pressing against it so hard it was turning red.    “I know I hurt you.” His voice was closer now and I whipped my head around and raised a hand. “Do not come closer.” I seethed and Kai’s eyes widened before he took steps backward and plopped back to sit in the couch. “You don’t know , Kim Jongin.”    “I—“ “And for you to come here and act like you can ask for forgiveness is pathetic.” “I’m not here to ask for forgive