31 Things Between Friends

Things Between Friends

There are few things that Chaeyeon expects early morning.

Things like finding Eunbi dozing off in the kitchen counter, crossing path with Minjoo who is on her way to the second floor and seeing off Yena and Yujin as they sleepily prepare for their morning jog.

There are also few things she expects to do early morning and things like helping Eunbi prepare breakfast, waking up Wonyoung, and dropping by to Sakura’s room to ensure the Japanese can be summoned alive to the dining hall and finally to eat her breakfast in a morning filled by the laughter of her friends. The last one though had increasingly become rare, there is still the sound of laughter, but a distinct sound has been missing. It’s owner Hyewon, yes Hyewon, has constantly been absent and if not, being present just enough to grab and dash.

Chaeyeon sighed.

Hyewon and the unexpected things she brings. To all the unexpected thing she has come to expect from her, this probably is the one she least expects.

She hasn’t expected herself driving her car almost to the speed limit even going over it a couple of times. She didn’t expect herself walking as fast as she could on this white tiled floor, looking around in panic. She didn’t expect herself heading to a private room nor did she expect herself standing in front of the said room just blankly staring at it.

“Kwangbae, what kind of sh*t did you get yourself into?”

That is a question she in her life didn’t expect to ask, especially in this kind of situation. Yena? She could understand, but this is Hyewon for all her randomness, Hyewon’s ability to self-preserve counters that.

She rubs her temple as the creeping headache had made itself known. She once again looks to the door while the things from the past few weeks, going back to last month of the last year, crawl back into her headspace.

She and Hyewon were not in very good terms, to say the least. They are at the point they rather avoid each than have a proper healthy discussion. Chaeyeon clench her chest, she still has this feeling of animosity towards her friend. A kind of irrational sort of hate that the said friend has very little to contribute into. The kind of bitterness that come from knowing that your friend – has not told you about… things that have played into your fate, for a long time. It was in simple terms, something similar to the feeling of being betrayed, if not it’s the hurt you feel when you know you are not trusted.

All while she mused over these things the door opened, a woman with a shoulder length hair and air of authority steps out. She waved and smiled to her, “If it’s not Choreographer Lee?”

Chaeyeon faintly smiled back as she accepts the hand that is offered to her, subtly raising her eyebrow to inquire on how this said person knew about her.

“My bad. I’m Kim Yongsun, CEO of KHW Inc. President Lee and Young Chairman Kang has mentioned you a lot.”

“Chairman Kang?” Chaeyeon asks confused at the way her friend is address. Questioning herself on how many more things her friend has not told her or them about.

“We just call her that.” The woman let out a chuckle.

Chaeyeon tried to understand what is behind her eyes. “But you know maybe in the future she’ll be our chairman - officially.”

She saw worry in the older eyes, a worry about someone’s well being, the same worry she has. “Just between you and me, you really seem to have good relationship with President Kang. Good friends are hard to come by.”

The woman reaches to her hand and squeezed them while looking warmly into her eyes. She was young for a CEO, Chaeyeon noted, probably in her late 20s but she exudes that experienced aura.

A cute perky voice called up to the CEO. Chaeyeon look into the direction and another woman, probably the same age as her cousin but a whole lot shorter, walks towards them.

“See you around Miss Lee.” Miss Kim slightly bowed to her and back on her face is a smile as bright as the sun. It’s that time she noticed that the said woman’s cheeks reminds her of the fluffy cheeks of her apartment mate, nonetheless she tried her best not to giggle.

The much shorter woman noticed her, her eyes widen while her expression change into I saw you before but can’t remember. The president stifled her laughter and pointed out that Chaeyeon is a dancer and that since she, Wheein-as Chaeyeon learned her name, love to watch choreography video’s in her spare time, that she probably saw her in one of those.

The president bid her another goodbye, noting that they might see each other again sometime, while scolding Wheein to stop calling her CEO Kim. Chaeyeon observe that more than being work colleague that the two are close friends.

Interacting with them made Chaeyeon forgot about things, things like why she is angry at the person on the other side of that door. Those things are coming back again at the forefront of her mind. She sighed and prepared herself for the worst. Though she was assured that Hyewon is well ok – somewhat – physically that is. What worst that she is preparing for is … is, to face the fact that she is angry at her, that there is a rip in the fabric of their friendship. The fact that despite her worry, she knew, she, Yena and Hyewon are all drifting apart.

In the back of her mind she asks herself…. What is friendship? What exactly entails one? How strong can it be? The answer probably lies here in the core of her heart, that despite all of these – sort of hostility she has right now – she still is here worrying about her friend.

She took a deep breath and opens the door. Maybe this time they can talk this out.

“Chaeyeon!?” Hyewon eyes widen seeing her friend.

Chaeyeon shook her head, “You look like you saw a ghost? Did not expect me to come here?”

Chaeyeon made her way to an empty chair beside the bed, cursing herself for the sort of sarcasm that drip into her words. She looks back at Hyewon who is also looking at her with agape –trying to form words of her own. “After all those messages…missed calls… that voicemail… You…” Chaeyeon tried not to choke on her words. She looks up to the lights above – remembering the messages– the voice –the sound of desperation from the other. “You really thought I wouldn’t come for you? Hye.. Hyewon what do you think of me?” Chaeyeon wipe the tears that have formed in her eyes, from her obstructed vision she saw the other look down and clench her fist for a brief moment. Chaeyeon pursed her lips as Hyewon look back to her, “You’re still important to me. You know that right? Hye.”

The only thing Hyewon can do is look at Chaeyeon. She tried to find her words, but words are failing to find her. Her voice is effectively quelled, by a lot of things, mostly by her own fear and doubts. She searched herself within her friend’s eyes, trying to recognize herself – the she that she once know – within those inquiring orbs. All she saw is her vague reflection- a Hyewon she could barely recognize, no Kwangbae, no Hyung or Kwangsoonie, just a bruised up Hyewon with a split on her lips, broken ribs and possibly sprained ankle and maybe more. Just a child with a beat-up soul.

Chayeon saw another side she never expected to see and it broke her, in front of her is a Hyewon who is afraid. The person who can ride roller coaster as if it’s nothing, the person who is her buddy in scaring other in test of courage, yes that unbothered Kang Hyewon – is scared. For Chaeyeon it’s heartbreaking to see.

“I’ll… I’ll forget all the other things you didn’t tell me,” Chaeyeon reaches Hyewon hands, squeezing them gently hoping that it would give the older enough assurance. “Just tell me what happened?” She asks with all sincerity, her eyes almost begging.

Hyewon opened and closes still chasing words that eludes. Debating hard with herself the weight of the ones she caught, because its there at the tip of her tongue. It’s there asking to be said - they are words that weigh her down. Hyewon recognizes that, she recognizes her need to let these words out.

She looks at her friend and study the contour of her face. Right there in that sit, is a promising choreographer, who is starting to make a name for herself. She took a weighted breath; she her dry lips and gritted her teeth, once again trapping those words that are pleading to be out in , like a cat trap in a cage. On why? Because words have weights, even the ones that you need to let out have weight, they have cost and with these words that she locked back beneath her chest, are weights that are too heavy to just be dump, a cost she is not willing to pay.

The cost stares her right into the depth of her soul, it’s uncomfortable but Hyewon held on. Trying to seek on those confused orbs the understanding she needed. For these things that weigh her down she need them to understand that there are things that you want to say but can’t because the cost is just too much. The cost of these words might as well be the well being of this person, who is gently holding her hand, this person who just wants to help her.

Hyewon pursed her lips once again, exhaled, and shook her head, “No, I can’t… I can’t Chae.”

She wipe the tears that are knocking down the corner of her eyes, shook her head once again, this time more determine to bury the words she caught and trap them to the farthest corner of her mind. She tried to form sentences, along side Please understand.. Not yet… I cant… it’s for your own good and other reason along those lines but all those sublimated when she saw the mixture of confusion and anger in her friend’s eyes.

“Is this all I am to you!? Do you not trust me? Am I … can’t you even…” Chaeyeon ruffled her hair with each frustrated breathes she let out.

Words have weight, if the ones you said have, so are the one you choose not to. This is the cost that Hyewon choose to pay. The cost of this hand pulling out of hers, the hands she tried to chase, the body that quickly stood up and the eyes that are looking down to her with utter disgust.

This.

She is willing to let go of this friendship for ... safety.

Hyewon wanted to wail, shout, asks the sky if she really needed to do this. She gasps for air as the only thing she can do is clench her fist. She closes her eyes; her heart is banging violently in her chest asking for oxygen. Once she opens her eyes she found her friend boring holes down her soul, she meet those angry eyes, not wanting to back down, it’s the least she could do.

Chaeyeon is the first to look away, looking up to the ceiling. She huffs in disbelief. There are a lot of things that doesn’t sit well with her. She sees her friend in visible pain, there is a struggle in her heart, there is her pride getting hurt. There is this sort of questioning, asking the why’s, that are clouding her judgment.

For all the things people say about her, understanding, mature beyond her age. Chaeyeon is nothing other than a simple human, barely an adult, still learning. She’s not perfect and she’s hurt, hurt beyond what she can comprehend. For all the things she hate, this feeling of helplessness, this feeling of not being trusted, of wanting to help but can’t – this is what she hate the most. She is feeling the inconceivable right now; she hates her, she hates the Hyewon that is right in front of her.

That is something she didn’t see from herself, “Don’t you trust me? Am I really that useless of a friend … to you.”

“Please understand me, Chae… I want to. Chae I can’t.”

She watches the girl who is trying her best not to cry, who is looking at her with pleading eyes, who is willing every fiber of her being to ask her for understanding. She gets it but you know, getting it, knowing it, are far from understanding it.

“Understand you. How!?” Trust her she really wanted to understand her friend, she knows she is suffering far beyond just physical, but even if she asks herself to do so. She has hard time doing it. “How can I do that? When you won’t tell me anything? I’m tired of this Hyewon. This is not the only thing you hid from us. From me. ” She pointed to herself, as she search the Hyewon she know in the eyes of her friend, asking her to understand her side this time around.

She knows this is something that will probably haunt her for years to come. It’s the thing that made her know, far beyond anything, that she is capable of selfishness in face of self preservation. She clenches her teeth as she try to reason to that prideful and hurt Chaeyeon, inside her heart, asking her to do the opposite, to stay there and preserve this, to no avail.

“I know… but please… Chae…” Hyewon tried to finish her words but ultimately failed. The words “I’m doing this for you,” trailed off her lips. She gritted her teeth and look away from those judging eyes. How can she say those words? When she know too well the things that hurt the other, that’s one of the thing she is good at – understanding others view point to a fault. This is the path she chooses and the price she is paying.

Hyewon can’t help but tremble and clench her hand, hoping that her tears won’t fall. She listen intently as Chaeyeon open her wounds, wounds that Hyewon admits she has caused.

“You know that time you just appeared at that Christmas event, only to be introduce as what? co-founder? Do you know what I felt? Hye? I was – I wish you told me that you know my cousin. I wish you told me something about it. What did you do? You left me confuse, not knowing how to act or what to do. We just practically pretended we didn’t know each other half the time we are there. ”

Chaeyeon messes up her hair in frustration, she covered to prevent herself to say any more hurtful words but the wounds have not healed yet and right now they are ripped open and bleeding.

“Chae please, I’m sorry..”

Sorry is not a word she wanted to hear.

“I’m tired of this Hye…. Unnie… I’m sorry – for what? There’s nothing for you to be sorry about. This is just me being childish. This…” things has ending and maybe… “This maybe the end for us.”

Chaeyeon regrets those words as soon as they escape her lips. Her heart is pierced by needles of questions her conscience is throwing at her. Is she really cutting threads with a friend at her lowest point? Is she willing to let go of this connection? It’s suffocating – and she wants to run yet her foot is rooted there, her eyes are lock to her crying friend who’s clutching her side with her hands.

Broken, they both are broken.

Hyewon clutches her side as the effect of painkiller is starting to wear off but that is not what really is painful. What’s painful is… is... those words that acted like a sword stabbing her right at her chest. Her heart is in pain, so much like a piece of paper being crumpled and ready to be tossed aside.

So what are friends? What it is with a friend? What is it that makes this painful? Are they really going their separate ways?

“Chaeyeon.” Hyewon plead. She realizes she can’t pay this price yet but somehow it feels too late.

Chaeyeon shook her head and turn her sight to the door. She took a step towards it, asking heavens for something, anything that will stop her from doing this mistake. Chaeyeon knows once she steps out of this room the thread connecting her and Hyewon is damage if not cut. If she will be honest, she is not ready to go and leave her friend here, not when she’s this weak and afraid, but she is human – irrational. She acknowledges that she’s way too proud and that made her feel disgust at herself that is facing the door.

This thread should not be cut this way, this should not be the end but then it may be all there is to it, it is the end.

Thinking back about it, Chaeyeon thought that maybe she is nothing more than a tangent to Hyewon’s circle. Someone you met once and never again, someone who’s not significant enough to change the direction of the others life. If she is a tangent, Hyewon is a coral colored pigment that tainted her canvas; she’s a color that will be there until some other color paint over it.

So this is how it’s gonna be. Their goodbye, it’s full of regrets, almost like that of lovers, painful.

Chaeyeon started preparing her heart still hoping for that last miracle. Her heart felt so much relief when door flung open to let in a familiar presence with luggage in tow.

“Hye…” The woman’s voice is ragged and panicked. “Hyewon-ah. What happened to you?” She lunges beside Hyewon who is crunched over. “Are you ok? Where does it hurt?”

“Yena-ah, I’m fine.”

“Fine? Where? You know you’re far from fine.” Yena is visibly irritated at Hyewon’s use of the word fine, it had been grating to her nerve. “There’s no way you are fine Kwangbae.” She sighed and gritted her teeth, letting her tears openly fall. She hugs Hyewon tightly despite the later’s protest.

Chaeyeon observed her duck friend crying her injured friend’s name as if she had died. It’s puzzling from outside looking in but Chaeyeon knows that its very Yena thing to do. She envies that openness despite that she’s thankful for the later’s arrival. It quenched her urge to runaway, Yena is the air she is asking to come in so she can finally breathe again.

“What the Yena! My sides.” Hyewon whined as she tried her best to get away from the ducks embrace but failed due to the fact that she’s pretty weak right now.

“You know what you need to say right?” The duck still has the hamster in her arms though it’s gentler compare to their usual teasing ones. The hamster looks to her in disgust trying to push her of off her but her arms has no strength as her side – her probably broken ribs – hurts when she moves. The bird on the other hand stands awkwardly watching them, her heart melting as the scene in front of her, reminds her of their far more innocent days.

“Allright, I’m not fine. Get off me. And stop crying – I’m not dying. This duck. Seriously.” Hyewon whines, her voice lighter than before but she still has her hand on her sides. This is more the Hyewon, Chaeyeon knows.

“Hey! Why are you just standing there Chae? Let’s call the doctor. This need to get herself check.”

Chaeyeon flinch at the tone Yena use to address her. It’s rare for the older to have that kind of poison in her voice. Yena is mostly goofy but Chaeyeon have come to know the other sides of the happy go lucky girl.

They step out of the room when the doctor arrived to check on Hyewon’s condition. Silence slip between them despite the mere 10cm or so gap. Chaeyeon is the first too speak, noticing how her friend’s hair is in disarray.

“You rushed to get here too?”

“Yeah.” Yena turn around and focus her attention to the hallway. “Wanna grab something to eat? I don’t like hospital food but it still something for the stomach.”

Despite Yena’s action of rubbing her tummy, Chaeyeon knows not to joke. It’s not the time for that, not with the tone Yena is using. This is the state of their friendship, fragile, on the verge of breaking.

Yena stop for a bit and waited for the other girl to catch up to her side, she raised her hand and ruffled the other’s hair, like she’s ruffling feathers of a bird. “Man, you’re still prideful huh. Going to runaway again? ”

That stings. It really does Chaeyeon is not going to lie about that. It’s the truth she has tendency to runaway and despite all of what people told about her apparent maturity for her age, Chaeyeon knows that she is far from that yet. She swatted her friend’s hand causing a smirk from the other. After a short deliberation, they grab sandwiches and a hot bottled drink from the cafeteria as Yena wanted to get back to Hyewon as fast as she can, but not before she asks Chaeyeon to head to the rooftop for their meal.

January is cold so is their heart. The seriousness of duck like girl unnerves her. She shivered as the cold wind breeze by but she also shivers while she listens to the munching of the girl beside her.

“Belated happy birthday, aren’t you going to eat?”

“What’s that? You already greeted me and yeah I’m going to eat – soon. ”

“Greeted you, ah on kakao yeah– but I haven’t personally so I’m doing that now. Happy Birthday and eat that, it’s going to freeze if you don’t.”

Chaeyeon was going to protest, until she saw the glare of the older. Yena is still her unnie and so is Hyewon, both rarely use their age given authority as they decided to treat each other as same age friend, afterall they attend the same school year. She reluctantly opens her sandwich and took a bite out of it and it’s as if her palate has gone null – the taste is not being process by her brain.

“You still haven’t forgiven her?” That was a question Chaeyeon is not sure how to answer yet.

“I was about to but then.”

“But then...”

“I can’t understand why she needs to hide all of those, she could atleast told us.” Chaeyeon sighs, “Now that I think of it you already know, it seems I’m the only one in the dark.” Chaeyeon looks at the older while she tries to calm the brewing anger in her heart. She can’t help to feel that’s she’s been left behind.

Yena on the other hand only has her eyes far, looking forward while looking at nothing in particular. She took a gulp of her drink, and hummed. She get’s where the younger is coming from and she’s rather surprise at herself for being calm. “I just found out about it accidentally, or more like I made a correct guess. I’m good at that, right?”

Somehow that calm the anger brewing in Chaeyeon’s heart, it a plausible explanation. Despite how happy go lucky Yena is, she’s really a very observant person and her guts – they’re always correct. The only thing Chaeyeon can do now is to try understands the thorns pricking her heart.

“Unnie, what did you feel when you found out? Because for me - it hurts. I can’t understand why she can’t trust me. I can’t do anything and I feel useless. I hate that. ”

“Yena, it’s Yena. You only call me Unnie when you wanna act cute and you’re far from cute today.” Chaeyeon groaned at what seems like a joke but isn’t.

“It to be honest. What should I say sorta betrayed… hmm I don’t think that’s the correct word. I guess hurt just like you. It’s understandable, quite normal to feel that way. Hyewon herself would understand that.” The older took a sip of her drink and muse over what Hyewon would do. Hyewon is my own pace independent and stubborn and at the same time understanding, “She would even understand if you walk away back there, she won’t hold that against you.”

That’s Hyewon to a fault. Yena knows that Hyewon will forgive them if ever they choose to leave her there. She can’t stomach that though, because for her it’s stupid. Hyewon has always been there for other, why can’t the older girl demand the same from them.

“I.. This is frustrating.” Chaeyeon took a deep breathe; this is too much for her to understand at the moment.

“It is.”

“I just want to help.”

“We all want to.”

“Why does she not want us? She won’t even tell us. You see her right there – that’s not the Kwangbae we use to see. ”

That’s what really hurt Chaeyeon the most. She wants to see the Hyewon she remembers, she want that back but there’s almost nothing she can do for that Hyewon to comeback.

“But that’s the Kwangbae that is here right now.” Yena sighed, emphasizing the word now for the younger to understand, that it still the Hyewon that is their friend there, “I know she hurt you, not only you – I would be lying if I was not hurt back then but she has reason.”

“Reasons…”

Yena look at the confuse eyes of the girl beside her, trying to make her see the possible reason – Hyewon refuse to confide to them.

“It’s probably harder for you since what she did not say might‘ve affected you even if it’s good but trust me.” Yena pursed her lips. “Trust her.”

She look above the cloudy sky, “Honestly I wish she would stop saying she’s fine. Stop masking everything with that unreadable emotionless face that she’s so good at making. It’s annoying we can’t help but its right now that she needs us the most. Could you at the very least give her another chance? She needs us here. ” She almost choked on her words.

Chaeyeon listen to her intently and she couldn’t help but feel that the older has an idea of Hyewon’s reasons. She tried to ask but Yena cut her off before she could.

“Hyewon is stubborn you know that, but you are being dumb stupid right now, Chae.” Yena smirk, as she turns around and head to the rooftop door. “It’s cold here let’s go back.”

“What even!?” Chaeyeon is bewildered at the older’s action.

“You know what I mean.” Yena waited for her to catch up, “I have my own suspicion why she can’t tell us, even if I feel it’s a stupid reason. You don’t need much deeper observation to know that. Hyewon is pretty open if you know how to read her.” She chuckled and pokes the younger with the bottle she is carrying.

The younger looks to her eyes confuse as to what she means. For her, Hyewon is the hardest person to read, because she is open yet it’s undecipherable. It’s like oneway encryption key that is right there in front of your eyes but you can’t decode it as is.

“It’s my guts, you know my instinct is rarely wrong.” Yena can’t help but laugh seeing the younger’s confused face. Chaeyeon has, in her opinion, some of the goofiest face there is in the world.

“You really have complete trust on that?”

“Have I been wrong!?”

“Sometimes your reasoning is wrong but I can’t argue with the result.” Chaeyeon mused over.

“Hahhaha… good enough.” Yena gently punch the younger to her side, earning a good chuckle from her.

Yes, it’s good enough for both of them that they can retain some pieces of their more innocent days. Circumstances have made them all grow faster than they should and in this teasing punches and tickles and laughter that filtered this gloomy day, they have entertained that child that is within their heart. It is a passing breeze of happiness.

“What could we even do for her?” Chaeyeon wonder, she can’t help that side of her that wants to move – that’s the kind of person she is, more action-oriented than contemplative.

“Be there.”

“That’s it? But she…”

“Yeah, be there and make sure she knows that we are by her side. We can offer as much help as we want but its till up to her to take that. We can ask her what’s happening and it’s up to her to confide, we may think we are entitled to an explanation because we are her friends.” Yena sighed and clenches her fist, “But it’s also her right not to if she doesn’t feel comfortable. The least we could do is be ready and trust her to call on us when she needed – just like today. Chae, Do you know how rare today is?” Yena can’t help but feel sad that the rare times Hyewon ask help, it’s this way.

Chaeyeon feel the same way, both know Hyewon needed them. She is ashamed of herself for considering the idea of running away let alone cutting ties with the older. Her gloominess earns another whack to the head courtesy of the duck.

“Don’t be too hard on yourself ant.”

That earned Yena a glare, “Why do you keep hitting my head?”

“Because you are stupid.” The older snickered.

“I have my issues with you too.” Chaeyeon pinches Yena’s cheeks; her hand is dutifully swatted away by the duck. “Yahh yahh, Lets talk about that later Chae.” Yena caresses her face, “Let’s talk about it with Hyewon.” She looks to her as she held the door knob of Hyewon’s room.

Yena quickly sat cross leg on Hyewon’s bed. Hyewon tried to sit a bit more upright – she still seem to be in visible pain, but looks a lot better than when Yena saw her earlier. Chaeyeon sat on the chair she previously occupied.

“Are you not going to ask my condition?”

“No need, there’s no way in hell you’re fine. So why should I waste my precious saliva asking?”

Hyewon huff at the ducks declaration, she tried to punch her but her arm fell short due to her limited movement.

The whole sequence made Chaeyeon chuckle, “Yeah –unnie you’re not fine.”

“Why is this kiddo calling me Unnie? Not cute.” Hyewon groaned – and look at Chaeyeon with what are you saying look.

“Unnie. Unnie. Hyewon-Unnie.” Chayeon double down with her teasing and continued using unnie to Hyewon. It’s something the older does not like Chaeyeon to say. She’s technically her unnie but they attended the same school year and for her Chaeyeon is her same-age friend.

“Not cute – don’t.” Chaeyeon cackled at the older being extra whiny. Hyewon could not help but laugh too despite her physical discomfort. It was a stark contrast of them earlier. Right now they are just like in the past, laughing and teasing without worrying that the fabric of their friendship will be torn apart.

Yena can’t help but chide. “You both are weird.”

“And so are you!!!”

It made Yena smile, for all the tension she felt that is there when she arrived, she is glad that it was all but gone. “It’s been awhile since we’ve been together.”

“Ehm. Christmas.” Chaeyeon pointed.

“What I mean is only the 3 of us? I’m not going to count that when you pretty much spent your whole time snuggling to Kkura.” Yena grinned, she will not let her forgot about that.

Chaeyeon stop and stared at the duck, her face suddenly turn to tomato red which Hyewon gleefully pointed out. “Hahaha Chaey has a crush.”

“And so do you.” Yena quickly quip back to the hamster.

“What’s with you today?” Hyewon threw Yena an amused look.

“I lack sleep and I need a hug.” Yena crossed her arms.

Chaeyon opened her arms wide ready to smother the older with a hug but she was subsequently pushed by the older girl, “Not from you!!!”

“Let her Chaen, she’s missing Yul.” Hyewon throws Yena a disgusted look.

Yena felt that it’s alright to use this chance and try asks Hyewon important questions, “Speaking of which. Are you not really going to tell us what happened?”

She look directly into her friends eye, trying to see if the older will relent, but all she saw is a Hyewon who is not yet ready to confide.

“I understand…. I’m not going to force you.” Yena nodded. She is not here to force her but she can atleast confirm her suspicions, it would help them understand the context. “But you need to answer my questions.”

The tension rise up in the air as Yena prepares her interrogation. Hyewon can only purse her lips. Chaeyeon on the other hand fix the way she is sitting, leaning a bit forward ready to listen in hopes of having better understanding of the situation.

“Is this something to do with your family?”

Hyewon clenches the hospital blanket and look away from Yena’s prying eyes. It’s hard to get away from Yena’s instinct. She get things right most of the time – just by the virtue of following it , that sometimes Hyewon thinks, that it is a super power. Hyewon knows she will not be able to lie to her. She nods confirming that detail.

Yena appreciated that, she then took a deep breathe choosing carefully what she could ask next.

“Oh ok… then the week you were gone are you there at your family’s mansion?”

Hyewon look back to her. She tried to catch the ducks eyes in hope that she could make her ask something else, but her very own eyes tip the duck over to the truth, Hyewon could only sigh.

“I’ll take that as a yes. Last. Is that?” Yena scoot closer to her friend and pointed to her busted lips. “Your dad?”

Hyewon look away from Yena’s inquiring eye, nodding ever slightly to her question.

“Your old man is crazy!” Yena put her hands over head, trying her best to control herself.

Hyewon glance back to her friend, “Now that you know…”

Now that you know, I hope you understand. Hyewon’s is afraid that her father would hurt these two far more than he had hurt her. Her busted lips were from the day before when she and her father had an argument, and he had struck her face much to her mother’s horror. She know that is foolish of her to ever step foot again to that place but she was longing for her mother, scared that her mom has been hurt. In the end all the things that she heard was a trap set for her to never ever step foot outside there again unless necessary. She thanks her luck that she manages to escape sans broken ribs and twisted ankle, and a phone that didn’t survived.

“Now that I know? – You don’t want me to ask anymore?” The brewing anger has transferred to Yena’s voice.

It is quickly noticed by Chaeyeon who trusted her luck to throw a well timed distraction, “Yena-sssi”

“When did I become Yena-ssi to you!?” Yena shouted that made all of them flinch, but she chuckled afterward realizing the silliness of her own action.

“You come here bird. ” She grabs Chaeyeon’s face and squeezes them hard.

“Yahh!“ Yena earned a disgusted glare from the younger and a chuckle from the older.

Yena turn her attention back to the giggling girl, “I’m not going to ask you anymore. But make a promise with me. Tell Chaewon about it, tell her what really happened.”

Hyewon was about to protest but she was quickly shushed up by Yena, who give her a “you owe her that” look. Hyewon sighed; it’s hard to win against Yena in situation like this, because she has a point. She always has a point. She relented, concocting a plan so the other two too, will promise something today. If Hyewon owes Chaewon an explanation – the other two too has something for their respective love too.

“Ok I get it, but that’s abit unfair. Why only me? – you should promise to do something in exchange too.” Hyewon pointed to Yena, “And Chaen to do something to.”

Chaeyeons eye’s widen, “eyyyy why why im getting drag to this…”

“You can’t escape us bird.” Yena giggled, liking the idea and building on it, “So here’s my proposal.” She brushed her palm together. “Kwangbae promise that you’ll tell Chaewon what happened no but’s, no if. Allright, I’ll relent that me and Chaeyeon are not entitled to know but Chaewon does need to know, that good?”

“Geez ok. Ill try you know this is hard right?” Hyewond huffs, she then looks to the chair mouthing, “Chae. [save me].”

Chaeyeon smiled, “I second that. Ducky is correct, you should.” Chaeyeon then focus her attention to the instigator of this bets, “This one is for you. You should tell Yuri-ssi about it.”

“Wa-wait…” Yena for all the smart and insightful thing she had said today, failed to see the possibility of the other two requesting that of her. She has no idea how to break that fact to her love. It made her really nervous that she swallowed her saliva.

Hyewon gently tap her shoulder, “I think that’s a fair exchange Duck. Yul should know your plans of migrating to Canada.”

Yena look at her eyes and saw the assurance she needed. Yena sighed; Hyewon is so good at this.

Seeing the gloom, Chaeyeon once again tried her luck. She snaps her finger and chided, “That’s it, the two of you have keep me in the dark and I should be able to set additional punishment.” She proudly declared, “You both will have until midnight today to set things clear, the one who fails will pay for our next gopchang meal. Fair?”

Chaeyeon would pat her own back if she can, it’s a genius idea if she say so herself.

Hyewon though disagrees with her plan, “No. Why is it only us Earthling?”

Chaeyeon grinned. She then sit like a king in her chair, “Yes dear Alien friend. It’s because the two of you have wronged me that I’m setting this. I’ll forgive if you will agree to this.” She breathes a sigh of relief, and it made her realize that she has forgiven them. She’s surprise how fast it is – she’s still hurt – true. The thorns though, they are no longer there.

Yena smiled, it’s fascinating to see Chaeyeon being the instigator of doom and she felt she must make things equal, “Na.nah. You’re being unfair Chaen. You have date with Sakura today right. How about you confess to her?”

Chaeyeon flinched. She has kept the date lowkey, so that teasing won’t bother the Japanese and yet, “How do you even know that?”

“I have sources. Earthling.” Yena brushed her imaginary beard.

“Sakura?” Hyewon smirk.

“Why you need to out me like that? Huh Kwangbae!” The way Yena said the words is too funny for Hyewon. She can’t help but laugh.

“Yah yahh yah. If you don’t stop I’ll poke your sides.” Yena pouted resulting to another round of giggling from the other two.

Yena manage to get hold of herself to continue the hedging, “Back to the topic, we have ‘till midnight today to do this. The one who fails will pay for gopchang.”

“I haven’t agreed yet.” Chaeyeon crossed her arms.

“Do it. You’re the one who started on the bets so do it.”

“Get your girl, Chaen. Don’t be like this Martian who’ve been whip since she’s five yet hasn’t even tried to confess. Be like me brave.”

“And stupid.”

“I’m really going to poke your sides.”

Chaeyeon can’t help but cackle again. She is happy everything seems to solve itself, thanks in large part to Yena. If Hyewon is the soul of the group, then Yena might be the wreckless heart on most occasion, and she, she’s the brain. In situation like this though she and Yena might have switch, she became the reckless heart while Yena become logical and grounded brain. Hyewon? She’s always Hyewon – she is her own thing, the soul.

Chaeyeon notices the time, noting to the other girlsthat she should be going. Ofcourse she didn’t escape the teasing and the reminders. When the teasing stop, Chaeyon held Hyewon’s hands again apologizing on how she acted that morning. Hyewon too apologize and ask her for understanding about the matters she can’t say yet. Yena was rather pleased at the development; she too put her hand over theirs. It’s a symbolic action representing their friendship.

Internally they all know that a crack was there before today, and like what they say with cracks, repairing it to the original state is impossible. They repaired theirs, maybe not to original state, but they know their bond right now is stronger than it was before. In those cracks they filled it with gold dusted sap, the crack is visible, but the golden joint made it more beautiful. These joints will remind them of the wounds that made this connection stronger.

They met as kids, teenagers, down on their luck – disconnected to their families in different ways. They found each other – play, confide, fall in love, cry – they found their strength to each other. They may not understand it back then but today they understand it. This is truly friendship beyond words.

Seeing the hands that are on top of hers, Hyewon can’t help the swelling that she is feeling on her chest. It’s warm; she can’t lose the connection she has with them, she wants them there. She would miss them, the laughter, the pranks and the teasing.

“I know I have not been such a good friend, but… could you promise me… don’t ever leave me. Please don’t leave me… this dumb me; I don’t know what to do. Promise me.” The two did what they are told. This is all they wanted for, that is for Hyewon to want them to be there.

She then promised Chaeyeon that they will celebrate her birthday properly but not after she her one more favor. You see, Hyewon’s phone is broken and the other two are contacted in another way, Yena by CEO Kim secretary and Chaeyeon by her cousin. That favor, it is to inform Chaewon of her situation. They know how that could go in a bad direction.

She dialed Eunbi’s number on her phone. It would be much easier to ask the older to calm an eventual meltdown from the radish princess. The older answered it the usual way. There is quite a commotion on the other line; someone probably thought its Hyewon who called and she determine that it was Chaewon who did so.

Chayeon carefully informed her that she has since talk to Hyewon, passing a quick info on where she is and asking her to be on standby to calm Chaewon down, just in case. She asks the phone to be passed to Chaewon. She chuckled at how sassy Chaewon still is, but she almost got heart attack when Chaewon was all ready to bolt out once she had relayed her news. She shakes her head and determines that Chaewon’s ability to go from 0 to 100 for Hyewon is astonishingly terrifying. It’s good that Eunbi is there to calm her down.

As much as Chaeyeon wants to enjoy her date things are still on her mind. There is too much today that has cloud her mind that she feel sorry for her date, because her date is beautiful in every sense of the word. She’s stunning in her purple satin dress – that’s she felt small being next to her. That’s despite the compliments she gets, looking like a perfect gentle woman in her high waist dress pants, V-neck blouse and matching overcoat, complimenting her perfect proportion. Her date, Sakura, could only stare in awe. If you ask her, Chaeyeon is equally mesmerizing, that standing beside her makes her heart race. Not to mention that her laugh, no matter how weird it is, plays like gentle chimes in her ears.

After a full course dinner the two decided to stroll down Han River, exchanging the high heels to pair of flats and wrapping their body into thick padded coats. Its still January, the height of winter and here they are deciding to spend their night walking along side a river. It’s calming, something Chaeyeon needed, she sighed and wishes – she should’ve been more attentive. It is an emotional tiring day that it feels like her last brain cells are all dying.

It’s hard to concentrate when those same cells are protesting and giving warning of want to go home and sleep. It also really hard to get them to stay alive when everytime she looks at the woman, who should’ve her full attention, she just suddenly forgot that the world exist. Maybe she was wrong that there are still working neurons in her brain because they probably have all died the moment she laid eyes on Sakura today.

She was so lost that before she knows it Sakura flicked her forehead.

“You look so listless, anything bothering you?”

Of course poor Chaeyeon forgot to breathe, with how close Sakura is to her. The woman is a health hazard. Yes she’s saying that despite how close they usually are or the fact that one of the thing she do in the morning is to fetch the said woman from her room. That’s Sakura’s effect to her. She tried to form some words to no avail. Her brain is pretty much goo at this point.

“Is it about Hyewon?”

“You know you can confide to me, Chae. We have talk about it before.” Sakura pat’s her face playfully. Chaeyeon swears her heart has all but stop beating. Her reaction made Sakura chuckle. She knows though that half of Chaeyeon’s brain is ready to rest but also it does not want to go home yet. To Chaeyeon going home means being alone with her thoughts and she’s not ready with that yet.

There’s one thing about Sakura that made the dancer fall head over heels for her. It’s not just that she’s beautiful and total dork at the same time. It’s that Sakura is a really thoughtful person with heart that is very welcoming. Somewhere there, she is glad she knew of Sakura. She wants to think that perhaps the universe conspired for her to meet her.

She might not like it much that Hyewon and her cousin, Kaeun’s action had affected her life somehow without her knowledge, but then she can’t say that… that… that she is not thankful of meeting Sakura. It was because of those two that she has come to know of her, that a thread of connection has been established between them. It was because of them that she is stepping in the outstretch arm of the older, basking in the warm of her embrace and the comfort that her shoulder provide.

She needs it and Sakura knows that, “Chae.”

“Could we stay like this for awhile?”

It’s January, its cold and now its snowing, breathes turning into mist and they are standing there with the Han River behind, basking into comfort of each other’s arm. This let Chaeyeon to face that prideful kid inside her. She wants to tell that kid that she is wrong, staying in that room and staying beside her friend is the right thing to do. She wants to tell it that she won’t run away anymore.

Sakura wipe the tears that has fall down the younger’s cheeks as Chaeyeon travel down the memory lane. Travelling back to the day she was lost and looking for home, that’s when she met them. Together being the way they are, broken the way they are, away from their families for different reasons, they found their home in each others arms. That truly is a bond that will be hard to severe.

Chaeyeon told Sakura as much of what happened that morning, down to her internal battle. She questions herself about almost wanting to leave her friend there, trying her best to understand a side of herself that very rarely surface. Sakura has assured the younger that its normal to feel those kinds of things, fear makes us do things, love makes us do things, some time irrational but that was because we are human. The most important thing though is that she stayed there.

Chaeyeon is glad Sakura is here with her, right now. She wants to say how much she loves her. She could drop those words but she’s currently loss at those big eyes looking at her. She probably need to check how much she need for a gopchang meal for two and a glutton, the moment she got loss in those eyes, she lost the bet.

“Are you allright, Chae?”

Finally she found herself back to Earth, she hug Sakura one last time and laugh like nothing. She spins her around while they play along the falling snow. She’s really; really thankful of this beautiful woman being with her today. It’s a wonderful feeling to finally let those things out.

She was ready to go home now but before that.

“Ah Chae can we go to that convenience store, I’m craving for some Ramen.”

Damn, she really loves this woman and there is no doubt in her heart that she wants her on her side.

♦♦♦○♦♦♦○♦♦♦

YenDuck: named the conversation “Mission: Free Gopchang”.
Today 12:23am
YenDuck added KangKwangbae to this conversation

YenDuck:	Times Up!!!

	Ah, I thought this is dead.	:FeatherChaen

YenDuck:	It's not gonna die under my watch.

KangKwangbae:	Hi…

	New phone?	:FeatherChaen

YenDuck:	obviously 🙄

KangKwangbae:	Last time I check I’m the one who hit my head seems Earthling need to get hers checked too.

	Yah!!!	:FeatherChaen

KangKwangbae:	So whose gonna get me gopchang?

	You got yourself clear?	:FeatherChaen

KangKwangbae:	Yep, this is the Kwangbae you are talking to😤
KangKwangbae:	It’s hard but I manage 😔. Chaewon is a lot calmer that I imagine when I told her.

YenDuck:	How can we be sure you’re telling the truth?

KangKwangbae:	Really?
KangKwangbae:	Just ask Chaewonnie. I told her everything that happened and what’s up.

	You’re not really going to tell us anything?	:FeatherChaen

YenDuck:	☕️

KangKwangbae:	😩 Chaen if its other situation, trust me I would really want to. When the time comes, maybe I would.

	Understood. Hyung	:FeatherChaen

KangKwangbae:	😑 I see, so Hyung has not died yet.

YenDuck:	I mean you’re still alive, unless you’re talking from the other side…
YenDuck:	Wait don’t tell me, did I just added a ghost!? 😱

	😂 Hyung is very much alive when I saw her this morning.	:FeatherChaen

KangKwangbae:	🙄
KangKwangbae:	Ducky, where are you? I’m sure Earthling is still flying around Kkura-chan like creep.

YenDuck:	Home.

KangKwangbae:	So are you going to treat me to gopchang once I’m out?

YenDuck:	Why would I!?

KangKwangbae:	👀

	👀 👀	:FeatherChaen

YenDuck:	It’s hard but um 🥴
YenDuck:	It feels like I feel lighter after. My baby cried but she’s fine now. It’s hard to see her crying but I guess we both need this. 😖

KangKwangbae:	Baby!?

YenDuck:	Yah! Why? She’s sleeping beside me right now.
YenDuck:	Send pic with Yuri cuddling beside her

	Oh. I wish…	:FeatherChaen

KangKwangbae:	Do you really need to flex?

YenDuck:	Cowards, have no rights! 😤
YenDuck:	Beside you too are with yours right? All you need to do is confess, 🤪 what do I know right?

KangKwangbae:	Forget about that. Speaking of confessing? Oh. I wish huh? Chaeyeon?
KangKwangbae:	Does it mean bird is the one who is going to get me my gopchang?

	🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️	:FeatherChaen

YenDuck:	Heyy!!! Coward comeback here!

KangKwangbae:	😂😂😂 What a cowardly bird.

YenDuck:	So speak the other coward.

KangKwangbae:	Hey I have my reasons.

Notes:

I wrote this chapter as soon as I finish the last one, but just as I suspected Im going to be very busy that finishing this became hard.
I know we all heard of the news, i was in fact finishing this chapter that day - but needed i day out to process. It's hard, we can't do anything. After a few days i realize the exact message of this chapter is what I needed. I hope we see to it where we stand with Chaeyeon, Hyewon, and Yena's character at this trying times.

Chaeyeon's theme is all about connection. [Ch. 4]
This chapter is mostly in Chaeyeon's point. So we see her struggle but also this chapter is all about bonds and friendship.
I really wanted to write one about the 3 of them, and its fitting it being the one for Chaen's birthday. Also yeah they all whip.
Note about Hyewon's phone, it was broken somewhere after her calls to Chaeyeon and before she get to the hospital. It's CEO Kim who help her.
I want to write more about my thoughts maybe a special chapter after 32 or maybe after this.
Im pretty inconsistent with Unnie thing with Chaeyeon> Yena / Hyewon, but i take the deleted Vlive where Hyewon dont like it being called unnie. Let just say that if referring to Hyewon and Yena to other - she use unnie but around each other no.
CH 32 is Minjoo mostly with a Hitomi News.