21

The Changing Winds

 

The wind blows gently, touching her delicate skin, the breeze colder than it ever has been, countering the warmth coming from dancing lights seeping through the windows created by the tiny gaps, the trees allows themselves to have. It is such a perfect atmosphere for an afternoon walk down the memory lane. She trudges her feet through these woods accompanied by the sounds of the rushing water of the river going downstream.

 

The water, the chirping birds, the rustling leaves, and the blowing wind forming the chorus of what became her background music. She looks around and then closes her eyes, inhaling the breeze that greeted her as she tries to reacquaint herself to this place, this place that her family calls home.

 

She sat on a stump, listening to all the sounds there is around her. The wood knows they have been visited by an angel and so it gifted her, a well-placed sunray. Illuminating her presence making her look very ephemeral, delicate even, like if the wind blew just a little bit harder than it already has, she will disappear like a sand – getting scattered through the air bidding goodbye to the world it has come to know.

 

It is a breathtaking scene, she is breathtaking, Minjoo has always been breathtaking but more so than ever, right now, here in the woods, no words can compare or describe her.

 

Yujin internally curses, wishing she has a better camera than what her phone can offer. Wistfully hoping to capture the moment she has been blessed to witness, wistfully, the beauty that is Kim Minjoo. The dumb phone camera was just not enough to preserve every detail of the moment. She sighed, regretting not being able to save this moment for what it is, in a more permanent state, something more permanent than her memory.  

 

She still tried, it may not capture what she is witnessing in front of her perfectly – but for a little bit of happiness, it will do. 

 

“Yujin-ah~~” Minjoo called to the younger standing not that far away from her, with her phone out and the corner of her lips slightly curve upwards. Oblivious to the fact that her very own voice was music to the younger girl’s ears– that each calm tone she produces sends the butterflies living inside the said girl stomach to flutter, flying helplessly inside.

 

Minjoo look to her, brows furrowed, curious as to what the younger girl is upto. As their eyes met the younger quickly averted her gaze, covering with her fist and the tip of her somewhat expose right ear, pinkier.

 

Minjoo walks towards her cupping the hopeless girl’s face. Yes the younger was taller – but still she is the younger one and Minjoo being very much the unnie always worries about her. Just like now she worries that the younger might have caught a cold after noticing how her face was sort of reddish. Worrying that what the younger is currently wearing – a thin longsleeve stripe shirt is a miscalculation of the weather that is starting to get colder.  

 

“Are you ok?” She asks.

 

“Yeshh- I’m perssfectly ok unniew.” Yujin muttered, raising her right arm to show an ok sign with her fingers indicating that she is 100% fine and healthy despite what her ever reddening cheeks might say.

 

It is true physically Yujin is fine – about other matters though that is up for debate. Her heart for sure is not, with how many flips it’s trying to make inside her ribcage or how many skips it already made being this close to her, it definitely is not fine.  Can you blame it? Yujin reasons anyone with a working set of eye, being inches to such a goddess would have made the same reaction.

 

“Are you sure? Your face is really red. You should have worn something thicker. ” The older commented and this time the younger just answer with a nod.

 

She might have worn something quite thinner than desired but the changing winds might have started to get colder but it is not that cold yet. About her face, well it is red not because she is feverish, well maybe but in different way it’s a matter of the heart. It is her heart being too excited, too jumpy and too mesmerized for her own good.

 

The older grabs her hand and drags her towards the stump she is previously occupying. The older is once again oblivious to the fact that she is causing her heart to furiously beat within her chest, asking and demanding an explanation. Its only solace is the sound of the fallen leaves crunching under their feet.

 

On the fallen barren log sitting lower beside the stump Yujin sat, because the stump will always be Minjoo’s. She would not allow a debate over that and Minjoo holding very little sway over the argument gave way, reclaiming the stump that the younger insist is hers. 

 

And again, the light of the sunset seeping in between the leaves illuminates her face;

 

Beautiful,

 

She is.

 

Yujin gasp.

 

Thankful for the setting sun and its perfectly placed rays, to the chirping birds, to the flowing river and rustling trees and the music they created, thankful for today.

 

She closed her eyes and inhales the smell of upcoming fall creeping in the air. Earthy – the smell of fallen leaves, dried yet golden, providing her peace.

 

There they sat in the midst of trees familiar yet foreign to them, no words being exchange between nor is there any need to. They bask under the warmth of that seeping sunlight countering the cold brought in by the changing wind, by the arrival of fall.

 

The younger put her head over that of the older girl’s hand that is lying freely beside her. The older gently remove her hand and allow the younger to use her lap instead. Gently caressing that of the younger’s hair, humming alongside the birds over them.  

 

“Is there anything on your mind Unnie?” The younger ask, gently breaking the silence, being her most calm self the older witness.

 

A puppy might be the best description of her but here she is sitting here beside her calmly allowing her the time to think through.

 

“hmmm” She hummed, resting her hands over the younger’s shoulder.

 

Minjoo mulled over the things occupying her mind. There are a lot, a lot that she let rest in the depths and have not visited, a lot that she have not known how to handle. A lot of things changing over like how the season is changing right at this day. She thought the tears she have cried back that week is enough but maybe it is not, even Hiichan agree to that fact.

 

“I wonder if she is happy right now.” She muttered.

 

“She?” The younger of the two ask lifting her head, to look over the older.

 

“Chaewon-unnie? ” She added, eyebrows furrowed out of concern.

 

The older look back to her, lips pursed.

 

“I thought … I can… moving on will be fast… Like if I saw her happy, I’ll be happy and I can move forward with that in mind.”   

 

“but…” Yujin interjected, she put her elbow over the stump and her chin over her hand.

 

“It still hurts, seeing her smile for someone else but I adore Hyewon unnie. and….I just can’t… hate her.” The older added. Her voice trailing off and her eye lock into a far place, beyond what you can see.   

 

She sighed and looks back to the younger girl sitting beside her patting her head, “Im thinking about it… Hiichan said that I should… I have cried it before; she said I should let myself cry again.”

 

“Unnie…”

 

Minjoo let her hand slide down to the younger’s cheek, pinching them; she smiled and let her eyes turn into crescents.

 

Taking in a deep breathe she continued in relax mulling tone, “I don’t think I need to anymore.”

 

With the corner of her lips curled into a smile, taking in the invitation the placed offered, she let herself travel back to yesterdays.

 

It was around the end of winter, after some talks with her parents they allowed her to attend a school in Seoul. Being a new kid in a new place is scary and her being somewhat timid played a role in her anxiety but there is warmth in the place her parents found for her stay.

 

And she met her there. Her impression of her was not good and that was inline with most people impression of the said girl. Her hair was not red either, it’s black. Those eyes of her definitely feel like it can kill you, more so if you go near or threatened the one person she cares about deeply.  

 

Chaewon have always been aloof, a person of very few words – but nonetheless a person who even without words you do know where her heart lies and it has not change. It has always been Hyewon’s, her heart has always been with her childhood friend – an almost unbreakable bond, that is both beautiful and enviable.

 

And Hyewon, the person she thought would be like her. Shy, timid and afraid to make the first move to befriend someone, is almost the total opposite. The first two is true, the third one, that surprised her.  The older was such warm hearted person that welcomed her with open arms and made sure she feel comfortable.   

 

Her first few days there are spent are like that, trying to not get into Chaewon’s bad side and getting somewhat pampered and welcome by the other. She thought things will stay like that but fates had some fun. It scared her poor heart, but what you know – the first impression is a lie. She found herself walking with them, with her to school.

 

Being from different years with vastly different schedule, they barely interacted at school but they do greet each other with a smile. But just like any other place – where people gather – hierarchy does not seem to want them to be seen together. After finding themselves in vastly different cliques and being pitted against each other for their beauty, hanging out in the open became harder.

 

To Hyewon things like that are nothing, she does not care much about such convention. She was always unrestrained in those terms, a quality Minjoo admire. Too bad she is not like that and so is Chaewon but still they find their own little time.

 

She and Chaewon - mostly – they would talk things such as the fact Hyewon is starting to get busier or those time the two older was forced to attend a gathering; Chaewon gladly demonstrated how they went through it that caused the timid Minjoo to laugh hysterically. 

 

Small things,  simple things they share like suddenly getting randomly called from out of the window or talking in some unpopular part of the school or receiving small things, like a pen, a hairclip, posts its – just little things that she treasured.

 

She is unaware on when it change, maybe it was also that time that the wind started to change like how it is today. Where she wishes Chaewon’s eyes was for her instead of someone else. For each stories, for each worries, for each touches, for each glances she wishes was for her or about her. For every joy her heart does, when a good morning was directed to her, where a small gift would come her way, where a voice would call her instead of eldest. It was those times she knew she have fallen and it was those times she also knew she barely stand a chance.

 

Unrequited love it is and it remain so as a secret she housed inside her heart. She watch those two subtly changes, she watches those two as they very slowly acknowledge the changing dynamic of their relationship. She is an observant person and that gift was such a curse to her in this particular instance.  

 

She can’t stop herself though. That love, that unrequited love just grew more as time pass by, the more it was suppress the more it wants to be known .

 

And now, a month have pass since she spilled her guts out in the most disastrous manner she could think off. Now- today, she can say she is moving forward. There are still wounds and she has not fully moved on. She is still is jealous, she would still caught herself looking at her, but she is moving forward, as slow as it may be she atleast have moved forward a few inches from where she have been.

 

“What are you thinking Unnie?” Yujin said rather innocently. She put up her index finger just beside the older cheeks, that when the older turn her head she pokes her cheeks, causing a fit of giggle between them. 

 

 “I just suddenly remember something.” Minjoo replied with a relieve smile.

 

Taking the understanding silence as an invitation to ask, Minjoo took the chance to change the topic from a different place in the past, to the past of this place.

 

“How about you? Do you remember this place?” The older inquired.

 

A playful inquiry, as far as she knows and can remember, Yujin left with her parents to Seoul at a young age.  Minjoo has a very vague memory of those times.

 

“hmmm, sort of.” The younger answered, she turns around to face her and lean back, with her arms supporting her weight to look up to the older.  She turns her head to the direction of the river, obscured by trees. “I remember playing here… remember playing here with you.”

 

With her elbow resting on her legs and her chin on her fist, looking to the same direction the younger is looking, Minjoo remarked teasingly, “Really, I can’t remember though.”

 

 “That hurts.” The younger chortled.

 

Humming alongside the chirping birds, allow the older to dig deeper down her memory.

 

“Now that we talk about it, I think I remember a hyperactive kid faceplanting into the grasses and crying.”

 

Out of all things she tried to remember, that was what she recalled. She stayed mostly at home – but as true as she can’t remember much about Yujin when they are children; She will be lying if she said there are no pieces of memory that connect her to the younger. Though most of what she can remember is a hyperactive kid, getting into various scuffles and mischiefs that probably took atleast 10 years of her parent’s life.

 

But for all the mischief that Minjoo can remember of the past, Yujin remembers another “and you are there to try and stop me from crying.” She recalled.  “You were so cool hehehe.” She added, with a smile that can be used as a substitute for an emoji. 

 

“Ah your memories are sharp, I can barely remember those.” The older muttered playfully hitting the younger in the shoulder.

 

She cups her chin and mulled, “hmmm I’m getting older.” Producing a healthy chuckle from the younger, “You are just forgetful – unnie, beside how would I forget about you. When… “

 

She wants to say [When I love you], maybe in the innocent days of yesterdays she would of nonchalantly say those words to but not today, these days it is different… somehow those words just don’t want to come out of , being guarded greatly by her teeth.

 

Minjoo tilted her head. “When?”

 

“When you are such a meme, I remember those animal imitations you do, they are really-” Yujin cackled before she could even finish her sentence, hitting the stump beside her with her fist – bending down because she is laughing so much after remembering the monkey, frog and other various animal imitations the older would do to stop her from crying. Not to mention she recently did it again at her school festival – video evidence provided by Nako.

 

“Yujin-ahhh!!!”  

 

Minjoo hollered proceeding to attack the younger girl’s side for tickles.   

 

 

Here in the embrace of the woods, reminiscing their childhood memories; Away from the glamour of Seoul, to the bright lights of a famous bridge, to the woods in a park here in Daejeon – the place they are calling their hometown. They laugh alongside the chirping birds, the flowing river, and the rustling leaves being swayed by the changing winds. All together it produced a wonderful melody, the melody of the moment that they unknowingly etched in their memory.  

 

A mechanical sound pierce through the air, breaking the melody – it was a short buzzed produced by a phone, a convenience provided by the modern world.

 

Minjoo took her phone out; curious as to who the message was from.

 

Popping up from her screen is a name with strawberry emoji on both ends. It made her unconsciously lift up the corners of her lips, opening the message and she can’t help but chuckle. 

 

Her chuckle as beautiful as it is, somewhat caused cloud to hover over her younger companion.

 

“What is that?” Yujin curtly ask, trying to hide the slight annoyance that is threating to betray her voice.

 

Minjoo look at her and somehow felt that she suddenly left the girl out of the loop and so she happily showed her the messages Hitomi sent her.

 

Yujin face turn from slightly annoyed to confuse to can’t believe it and eventually she let her laughter to harmonize that of Minjoo’s, who is trying to explain the context of the messages. 

 

For one Hitomi gave them a rundown as to what is happening right now in their apartment building in Seoul. As today is a holiday, Chuseok to be exact, some of them left to their hometowns and that includes the two of them here in Daejeon, Yuri to Busan dragging Yena with her and Eunbi to visit her grandmother. This leaves the Japanese, Chaeyeon, Wonyoung, and the “bestfriends” to tend to the apartment’s well-being in the meantime.  

 

And as Hitomi’s first message said, help them someone is bored and can anyone save her for whatever impending doom is about to happen accompanied by picture of scattered kitchen equipments. The next message was a Sakura and Chaeyeon, face to face with Chaewon literally facepalming in the background. A newer one arrived with a video of Hyewon laughing her off for whatever it is that is going to happen.

 

🍓StrawberryTomi🍓: icb what they’re doing.

🍓StrawberryTomi🍓: They’re asking us to pick sides 😱

🍓StrawberryTomi🍓: Ha! 🍰 became the main judge, 👶 is the critique   

 

The gist is Chaeyeon and Sakura decided to have a cooking face-off that includes some silly penalty and a ridiculous grading system complete with a support team. By support team it means Nako as Sakura’s supporter and Hitomi for Chaeyeon.

 

🍓StrawberryTomi🍓: So uhmm… this just happened

🍓StrawberryTomi🍓: [Vid of Chaewon doing a deadpan sarcastic commentary]. 

 

“They look like they are having fun there.” The older commented, humming.

 

“Let’s just hope they won’t set anything on fire.” The younger awkwardly added – something the older failed to catch.

 

The clouds are back over her head.

 

She watches the older type on her phone - words – she does not wish to read, or if she did, she wishes it was for her.  She watches as the older hold her phone up – for a selca – then sending it over. A conflicting feeling rise over her chest, she can’t help it so she stand up – hoping never to get a glimpse of whatever making the older girl smile like a puppy lost in thought.  

 

Life plays you like fool sometimes; she caught that one word reply.

 

Minguri🐸: [Selca]

🍓StrawberryTomi🍓: Pretty 🥰

Minguri🐸: 🥰

 

The emoji used did not help either. Yujin wishes she was not wearing contacts. She immediately walks away – chest hurting, and that area under her eyes burning – she let out a huff as she try to get away.

 

These are part of the pieces that is making Yujin realize that she has fallen – still unsure – as to what really it is. The puzzle is slowly building.  Trying to deny the fact that she may have truly fallen in an unrequited love, something the changing winds is making her realize.

 

Thinking that you will be happy if they are happy but aching over the smiles that are not directed at you, that was part of it too. Love is not just the flutters and the heart skips – this is love too- an unrequited one at that - where for a moment you are high up and in another moment pulled back.

 

 

 “Yujin!?”

 

 

Minjoo’s voice roared against the backdrop of quite woods, sending birds to scuffle over and fly. She quickly run towards the younger confuse as to why she suddenly left, without saying a word looking very upset.

 

“Did I say something that upset you?” She asks as she caught up to her, quickly snatching the younger’s hand, making her face her.

 

Bless her heart, as Minjoo never will allow herself to hurt anyone – intentionally or unintentionally. She look directly to the younger’s eyes, studying her expression – still clueless as to what have caused the turn of events.

 

“No … I just … remember..” Yujin tried to reasoned, trying her best to redirect the subject. She put her arm just under her eyes to prevent tears from ever falling down.

 

“Are you ok? You know you can tell me anything that is bothering you.” Minjoo try to reassure her.

 

The older lift up the younger’s hand, the one she grabs earlier. She lifts it up beside her cheeks and kissed it gently. She once again look back to the younger’s eyes, she who towered over her, giving her one gentle reassuring smile and with her other hand she tried to pat her head.

 

“You see, unnie will be here for you … so if there is anything that is troubling you – I will always be here.”

 

Always … Always …

 

If only she could hold on that word.

 

Yujin stared to infinity – well an angel at that moment, mouth agape – trying to form words but none have managed to form. Minjoo is beautiful like a goddess, her heart is as pure as an angel – and it’s easy to fall for her.

 

Now more than ever, with the changing winds, with the breeze announcing the arrival of fall, Yujin is sure she has fallen in love.  She can no longer deny that – not when her heart fluttered and it almost jumps out of her chest when the older kissed her hand. Not when her face is burning looking at her as the pinkish-orange light of sunset hits the older face, making her ever more ethereal than before. Not when the golden falling leaves of trees around her, dances in the same beat as those butterflies holding a concert celebration inside her guts. Not when she is facing Kim Minjoo and no words can ever come out of as she get lost in her brown eyes. Yujin can’t escape this anymore; there is no escaping this feeling anymore. 

 

She covered her face and muttered trying to avoid the older girl’s gaze in fear she will once again get lost. “I think we should go back now, they might be looking for us.”

 

The older nodded and intertwined her fingers to that of the younger, humming alongside the birds and wind.

 

 Like how the glances that are not for you makes you ache, the one that are, makes you jump. Jump high enough to feel like you are flying and flying she is; flying high up in the air carried by the changing winds like the golden leaves that are  gently blown in the air until it falls to the ground.

 

Yujin have fallen, she have fallen in love. 

 

A silent confession to herself, quietly witness only by the woods full of browning leaves looking golden under the rays of the setting sun. Of those falling pieces swaying to the changing winds, by the fall that has arrived, of everything around her that is beautiful but ephemeral.

 

This is love, young love, fleeting, changing, wishing it can last; gently riding the breeze – whistling in between the trees, to its beat their hand sway and to its rhythm her heart beats.

 

 

 

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Notes: Edit Because old notes is long.
 

• Chapter is set during Chuseok of 2018 - which is also coincidentally the start of fall. [Sep 23]
• I reserve this date for Jinjoo and Im particualrly fascinated by the changing season
• I enjoyed writing the chapter - specially connecting nature, fall, to the scenario
• Even with how much this is Jinjoo / like Yujin crushing on Minjoo way back ch4? I stand by that there is no set pairing [until I confirm]. If im having conflicting feelings with which to go - so you all will to :>
• We will see this journey for all the ache and fluff it will provide. I don't consider this chapter angst.
• Apologies for lack of Chaekkura [they are currently too peaceful and individually the themes I have for them will not hit yet till winter in the story]
• I will not add sketch from time to time
• I'm starting something over on twitter soon [still deciding between the two] but I will post it here, one is a comic strip collab/ another is an angst... filled scifi... thing. You can see it here - no need to follow  [@kaichimoo]

 Next one: KangBi and the elephant in the room.... probably [there is a chapter where i just let Hitomi, Yujin, Nako and Wonyoung talk im planning to insert somewhere]

I hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed it. [too long of a note im sorry]. Please don't be afraid to comment - it gives me life. oh forgot do tell me if the emojis are showing up.

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