5

Uncertainty of Youth

 

 

A mundane afternoon, a call out of nowhere, and an unexpected name;

 

LEE KAEUN

 

 “Hello – Kaeun Unnie. It’s been a long time. ”  Chaeyeon answered, amused , trying to stay as civil as possible, hiding her irritation.

 

“How are you, Chaeyeon?”  The woman from the other line asked? It sounded sweet and elegant but unwelcomed to Chaeyeon’s ears.

 

“Good, I guess.” She answered in dismissive manner, her irritation evident.

 

“Hahaha, Don’t be like that.”  The woman replied with quite a hearty chuckle, Chaeyeon could definitely see how the woman’s face turn into one of that smiling crying emoji.

 

“You’re my only close relative here in Korea. We could be civil and help each other. ” The woman continued while humming. 

 

There is nothing really wrong with how it was said or delivered. It just annoys Chaeyeon’s independent heart. For all she know her whole family turned their back on her once she choose to follow her dream. She chooses to stay in Korea rather than migrating with the rest of them to Japan.  Now her cousin who for her family the epitome of success call out of nowhere, talking about helping each other. Help what? Help who? Does she pity her? Lee Chaeyeon will never allow anyone to pity her. It’s something her heart can’t take.

 

“And” is Chayeon’s short reply, she just wants this conversation to end, regretting ever picking up the call.

 

“Why are on edge, bad day?” The person on the other line asks curious though not surprise on how the younger reacted. 

 

“Not really.” Chaeyeon said with heavy dose of sarcasm flowing in each word.  She really wants this small talk to end as she walks back to apartment while conversing with her older cousin.

 

“Look I could get you that choreographing job you wanted. I can give a platform for-“The older stated sounding a li’l bit exasperated.  She loves the girl and respected her wishes as much as she can, but she hopes that the younger would stops seeing her as an adversary.

 

“Can we just – cut this now? Please. ”Chaeyeon replied, unconsciously raising her free hand up her long blonde hair and messing it in annoyance, she really want to press that red phone icon but out of respect she did not.

 

“Cut some of that pride will you!” The woman on the other line snapped, her voice raised more than she had imagined, and it’s something she regrets.

 

“What do you really wanted?”  The younger retorted. Blood is starting to rise up her cheeks – her head started to feel heavy. She continued messing up her hair in annoyance, she decided stop on her tracks and lean on the nearest post.  She heaves a heavy sigh.

 

“I’m not your enemy. Chaeyeon.”  The older answered in return – just short of shouting. Chaeyeon can imagine how her Kaeun-unnie tries to maintain her calmness. 

 

In fact, Kaeun was right. The older never turned her back on her. She was the only one who is supportive of her dream. But Kaeun, Kaeun is the success her parents wants her to be – and to them Chaeyeon is a train wreck waiting to happen.

 

“Sigh, I’m sorry unnie... I’m just… What do you want? Why? Why now?” Chaeyeon pinched her nose, from having her blood rise to her head, getting a headache and now having wells forming in her eyes, She just hopes not to be seen crying on the streets.  

 

She walks for a bit and found a bench nearby, their conversation hanged in awkward silence. The older can hear the muffled sniffs the younger is trying to suppress.  It was silence for a good while, neither one of them wanted to speak.

 

Chaeyeon was about to end the conversation there when Kaeun spoke again “Honestly… I am the one who needs your help, the apartment you are staying, what’s its name again? Is there an available room?”

 

“48Diamonds and yeah there are.” A now confused Chaeyeon answered.

 

“How’s the apartment manager?” Kaeun asked again fast but still making sure to note the details.  She successfully diverted from their earlier conversation and getting right to the thing she needed. She should have been direct from the start, she thought.

 

“We have a new one, she is good.” Chaeyeon replied, she heaves another sigh but not a heavy one more of a feeling relieve kind of sigh. She has calmed down now. 

 

“Other accommodation?” The older continue to inquire, the more she asks about the apartment the more confuse the younger became.

 

“Breakfast and dinner, guaranteed – lunch is by request.”  Chaeyeon answered in quick and precise manner.  She can no longer suppress her curiosity and inquired right after, “Why did you ask? As far as I know you already have a place, a pretty good one. ”

 

“Not for me.” Kaeun answered, a smile starting to form in her face. Relieve that Chaeyeon no longer sounded angry.

 

“Is the apartment, good?  Conducive?” She further asks, investigating the place where her cousin lives.

 

“Well, as far as my experience it is. We are all students there though. They… We sometimes became loud.” Chaeyeon answered abit more relaxed this time, remembering the times she needs to reign on Yena’s antics and lately of Yujin’s aswell.

 

“ah… that’s good.” Answered Kaeun who unexpectedly happy at that news.

 

“What is this really for?” Its Chaeyeon turns to ask, she really is curious why her cousin is inquiring about such information.

 

“I want you to meet someone, someone you can probably relate.”  The older answered, not the kind Chaeyeon expects and it’s something that made her more curious.

 

“Can you help her for me?” The older plead in a soft voice with tinge of playfulness.

 

“hmmm..” Chaeyeon hummed in response. Who does her Kaeun-unnie doing all this for?

 

“I could not do anything for you back then; it would kill me if I can’t do anything again now.” Kaeun reasoned.  Chaeyeon may look tough, independent but deep inside she is such a softy and very much a team mom.

 

“Allright.” is Chaeyeon short answer.

 

“Can you forward the apartment manager’s number to me? What is her name?” Kaeun once again requested.

 

“Her name? Kwon Eunbi. I’ll send the contacts later.” Chaeyeon answered. She leans her back on the bench.

 

“Chaeyeon… Thank you. I might end up asking for a lot more in the near future…” The older said in soft, relieve and thankful voice, apologetic for a reason that she might end up bothering the younger a lot more starting today.

 

“Ahm, do consider my offer. It’s the only thing I can do as a return.”  She added.

 

Chaeyeon thinks about it for a bit creating another pocket of silence in their conversation, after awhile she finally said,

 

“…. I’ll think about it.”

 

“uhm, take care and… I’m sorry.. Also see you soon maybe.” The older closed their conversation in somewhat awkward manner.

 

“Bye..yeah” Chaeyeon replied as she slumped her shoulder. There a tinge of sadness in those two words she used to bid goodbye. It’s been awhile since she talk to her Kaeun-unnie, if there is one person in her family she would like to stay connected, it’s probably her.  She crossed her arms and wondered if she will ever be able to open up to the older or they will stay just like now more of acquaintance rather than cousins that have grown together side by side.

 

On the other side of the line, Kaeun sat on the backrest of the nearby couch, wearing a long-sleeved polo with the top two buttons open and a tight dress pants, looking sleek and elegant as she admires the view of the city from her unit, some perks of living this high up.

She put down her phone as her conversation with Chaeyeon ends. If she interpreted the younger’s tone correctly she could possibly hope to reconnect again to her. This time she is determine to do so and hopes that the younger will allow her to.

 

“Who’s that?” A curious voice inquired.

 

Kaeun turned to her direction and saw the woman, with her hair in high ponytail, looking at her with questioning eyes, holding a glass of what seems to be wine. She can be intimidating albeit most of the time she looks like that laughing puppy meme.

 

“I never heard you faltered in a conversation before, Unnie.” She continued stating her observations, while she goes around sat on the other couch, leans her back in one of the armrest and lift her legs.   

 

“It’s my cousin.” Kaeun replied as she sat on the couch she was previously leaning on opposite of the other woman. Between them is small table with glass table top, an ornamental plant atop of it and some magazines.

 

She stared at woman who comfortably lies down in one of her couch. She specifically paid attention to the glass and raised her eyebrows to inquire. 

 

“Saw one of your bottles.” As the woman motion to the direction of the wine rack, she smiled with her eye forming crescent shapes and she does really look like that laughing puppy meme.

 

 “You drink?” The older replied in somewhat accusatory tone.

 

“Unnie, what!? I’m an adult. I can drink now. ” She said sounding a tad bit shock then afterwards she subsequently laughs.

 

“Gyuri…. you better not let her see that.” Kaeun reminded the younger.

 

Amused at the sudden protective tone the older has, Gyuri just answered in respectful but teasing manner. “Sure Ma’am.”  

 

The older smiled after hearing that.

 

“Speaking of her, she will be under your care now, President.”  The younger said as she tries to fix her position on couch to be more upright.  She suddenly sounded lot more serious.

 

“hmmmm” Kaeun hums while she mulls in her thought starting to feel the burden on her shoulder.

 

“I’ll be leaving my cousin in your care. She maybe tall but she still a baby.” Gyuri continued as she looks at the ceiling. There is an evident gloom engulfing the place.  She drank a big gulp from her glass as if drowning herself. The child’s future is on their hands.

 

Kaeun look at her more intently and asked “Are you sure, its fine for her to be here?”

 

“Don’t worry about that, I told them - she is spending her time with me, today. I already made my case to her parents, so that part is good now and beside you already talk and made a deal with them.” The younger explained.

 

Silence. Kaeun seems to be getting a lot of this awkward silence today. She looked at the kitchen for awhile deep in her thought then back to Gyuri who is looking at her intently.

 

“I trust you... “ The younger said as she drowns the older with her stares.

 

“And they trust me. Do promise me she will be safe and well taken care.” She added her eyes starting to get watery, deep in these watery orbs lay concerns and uncertainty. She drank another big gulp. In a way, she does want to drown herself. 

 

“Are you, ok?” The older asked out of concern.

 

“I’m good. Fine.” The younger answered looking at the ceiling and raising her glass high, admiring it’s content.

 

“Are you sure? Is there anything other than your cousin that you want to talk about.” The older ask not convince about the younger woman’s response.

 

“Look, unnie. I’m fine, fine, fine, fine. No need to worry. “ That does not sound very much convincing, but the younger smiled – eyes turning once again to crescents.  She sat up and faced her Kaeun-unnie a bit more properly.

 

Kaeun let it pass.

 

“You will be in Japan, starting tomorrow.” The older said after much thinking, diverting the topic to a different one.

 

“And whose idea is that? President?” Gyuri said as she raised her eyebrows teasing the older about her latest assignment.

 

“You don’t like it?” Kaeun playfully asked, trying to prod the younger.

 

“No, I mean I like it. It will be fun, especially since I will be working with her.” Defended Gyuri, making sure that the older did not misunderstood what she meant.

 

“Oh, the Microphone.” The older said in delight as she recalls a certain talent in their Japanese arm.

 

“What!? You call her that!?” Gyuri retorted, shock at what the older – I mean their agency president – called her current favorite person.

 

“Megaphone then.” Kaeun said as she further tease the younger, who is right now getting annoyed at her. Kaeun is having fun at this – she is not the agency president right now, she is Kaeun, friend of Jang Gyuri. The later just happens to be a talent under her company. 

 

“Unnie!?” The younger replied, with emphasis and shock. She will not take kindly having her “friend” getting called such names.

 

Kaeun tried to suppress her laughter as Jang Gyuri right now looks like a tomato.

 

“You love that kid, didn’t you?” She said further pressing Gyuri’s buttons.

 

Gyuri glared at her, her face feels hot, she can’t process much right now. It’s probably just the alcohol getting to her head.

 

“She is fun... fun to be with.” Gyuri admits after trying to gather better words to use.

 

“She adores you a lot.” Kaeun simply stated, she doesn’t need to do much to get the younger to spill her thoughts. It is cute – how she wishes she can tease Chaeyeon just as much. 

 

“She’s.. cute.. endearing.” Gyuri answers fumbling the words, as she tries to compose more coherent sentence. She plays with the hem of her shirt and looking at everything around except at Kaeun’s teasing eyes.

 

“Don’t use her to mend your broken heart.”  Kaeun reminded her, knowing the younger just had her heart broken a few months ago.

 

Gyuri just glared at her again in return, she opens to say something back but no words come out and she is left just staring at the older with much irritation.

 

“I can already hear that girls voice, even though you have not even arrived there. ” Kaeun continued giggling, already imagining what will happen once the younger landed at Haneda Airport tomorrow.

 

“I can already see her shouting GYURI, GYURI, GYURI YAAA!!! Jumping up and down like a puppy who have not seen her owner for months.” Kaeun added trying to mimic the gestures of the person she calls microphone.  Yes it’s oddly specific description of that girl’s action. It is quite unique and hard to be mistaken. 

 

“I.. if she do that I’ll ignore her.” Gyuri said looking down, away from Kaeun’s stare, to her fiddling feet.   

 

“I doubt you can.” The older smirks as one last take down. Gyuri just grumble in response.

 

“Ok ill just send you a video of her being confidently embarrassing.” The younger giving up and surrendering the win of this teasing session to the older, promising a video of her favorite person being er—embarrassing as she welcomes her.

 

“You love her being confidently embarrassing.” The older said in such victorious manner, looking at the younger who sat defeated at her teasing.

 

“hhahahhahaha” Gyuri just laugh, in a way where you can’t know if she is crying or laughing or maybe both at the same time. Well, maybe she really does love that girl being confidently embarrassing.   Kaeun joined her, that laugh is quite infectious.

 

After much laughter a satisfying silence followed and sort of understanding was reach upon.

 

 “Unnie!!! Sajangnim!!!”  An energetic, young and eager voice was heard thundering and filling up the whole room.

 

A girl holding a bag of snacks in both of her hands pop up, suddenly appearing with her long limbs and wavy hair wearing an oversize white shirt with a potato chips brand printed on it. Her demeanor was quite unusual for someone whose parent’s decided to settle in Taiwan and whose favorite cousin is flying tomorrow to Japan.

 

“Who are you talking about?” She inquired in high spirit.

 

“Megaphone!” “Noe!” The other two answered simultaneously.

 

The girl just raised her eyebrows confuse who they are talking about and just diverted the conversation to why it took her almost an hour to return from her trip to the convenient store. 

 

“Sorry, it took longer. I meet Yunjin-unnie at the convenient store. Heheheh.” She explained.  

 

The lass sat beside her cousin, Gyuri, and hug her looking like a total baby.

 

“Did you go out in that?” Gyuri asked as she tugs on the shirt the younger is wearing, questioning her young cousin’s taste.

 

“I’m just going down to the convenient store for few minutes, did not expect to see Yunjin-unnie.” The girl explained pouting, acting all cute and tightening her hug.  Gyuri groans in defeat, she has no power against the cute attack of her dear cousin. She just decided to bop the younger’s nose.

 

“Wonyoung-ah make sure that this will not happen again. If you end up staying out longer inform us, ok.” Kaeun reminded the youngest in a caring manner.

 

“I’ll scold Yunjin too, don’t worry.”  She added, resting her face on her hand and sporting that signature emoji smile.

 

“Yes ma’am. I will.” Wonyoung replied apologetically, looking down in shame.

 

Gyuri and Kaeun are both happy to see the girl smiling and laughing today. For the past month Wonyoung is a shell of this, repeatedly asking her parents to reconsider the move. Afraid that her chance to follow her dream, to be an idol will crumble into thin air. Almost resigning and just sulking in the corner depress as she wait the seemingly inevitable to happen. Gyuri just can’t take that so she have step in and device something to get youngest to be able to stay in Korea.

 

Sometimes you just really know what you wanted far earlier than others. Having Gyuri to support her and help her stay in Korea to pursue her dreams under Kaeun’s company is a much needed relief. Being in this situation albeit with the uncertainties had freed Wonyoung, for her it’s better to have fighting chance than to resign in defeat and not trying at all.  This is her fighting chance and she will sure make the most of it – yes this is the mind of a 13 year old.

 

“Hahaha, it’s ok.” The oldest chuckle at Wonyoung’s response – assuring her, that she will let today slide.

 

Wonyoung then shift her attention back to her cousin, hug her more tightly and burying her head in her chest.

 

“I will miss you.” She said in low tone.

 

“I’ll miss you too.” Her cousin replied poking her cheeks.

 

“Promise me you’ll contact me always.” Wonyoung added looking up and cupping her cousin’s face with her hands. 

 

“Promise.” Gyuri said holding her hand up as if taking an oath.

 

“Promise.” Wonyoung replied holding up her hand with the pinky out asking her cousing to form a pinky promise with her. Gyuri did the same finishing the promise ceremony as they link their pinkies together.

 

Resting on the couch, Gyuri rested her head atop the younger’s head making sure that the younger is comfortable. To all the people Wonyoung will miss, she will probably miss Gyuri the most, maybe more than her parents. Gyuri was there with her, her parents are not, they are busy with their lives, their work and everything else except Wonyoung. 

 

They stayed like this for some time, comfortable in silence, as they enjoyed their last moments together in probably a while.  

 

Kaeun’s eyes is welling as she watch the other two, these two reminds her of her and Chaeyeon a few years back except that Gyuri is far braver than her. Going up against your family is not easy but Gyuri did it, results is pending if it will be good for the future or not but its good today so that’s what matters for now.   It is heartwarming to see.

 

Kaeun stands from where she is, stretching her arms out. The cousins followed her with their eyes. 

 

“I found you a place to stay.” She said directed at Wonyoung, as she walks to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

 

“Is that what that call earlier is about?” Gyuri inquired as she follows the other to the kitchen.

 

“Yep.” Kaeun answered throwing a glance to Gyuri over the glass of water she is drinking.

 

 “Also, dinners is on me. We are eating out tonight. “ She added to the delight of the other two.

 

It’s sort of a celebratory meal. A goodbye, take care one for Gyuri and goodluck – hope the future is bright to Wonyoung, kind of meal.

 

Connections, reconnections, disconnections are some of the things people do unconsciously and consciously. Today Kaeun reconnected to Chaeyeon, Wonyoung connected to Kaeun and forge a stronger one with Gyuri while disconnecting temporarily with her family. There will be more connections on her road ahead, today the fates are working hard.

 

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Note:

That went longer than I imagined. The some other PD48 trainees started appearing [Kaeun, Gyuri ,Yunjin and Noe by mention]. The average height of people in the room is 168.3 add Yunjin and its 168.75. Wonders if I should put them in the tag too, specially Kaeun? I just can't help but add that - traumatizing moment - those who watch produce48 know which line is that.

Wonyoung is here!!! Sorry for some angst - the uwu's and shenanigans I promise will be back as soon as the next one. I like the idea of background events and this sort of that for Chaeyeon and Wonyoung. I also you get a bit more of an idea of the world this story is set. I like exploring peoples motivations and how they deal with adversaries and relate to other.

I wish I could name this story with better title but I cant think of anything that will capture - how slice of life this really is - hahaha. The story is pretty much the story of 12 different individual who happens to live under the same roof.

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Sketches: