A/N: This apparently was my best oneshot according to the like (green button) in SSF.

I Love You, I Do

(Genderbender Oneshot - Kim Taeng)

I wish you were here with me. The walk home seemed so long and lonely without you. I would slow my pace when I pass your house. I would do that every time in hopes that I would at least get a glimpse of your silhouette from your bedroom window. Just to see the outlines of your figure alone made me happy and that would be my strength to lift my legs and dropping shoulders. If only I have the confidence to look into your eyes and say it. Then it won’t be as bad. I won’t be hurting this hard. I know you’re hurt too because I know you well Tiffany Hwang. You never hide your tears and you often let or show your true emotions. Hours turn to days, days turn to months and months turn to years. I see time passed by and I cried every time just thinking about us that my tears went dry. God, why can’t I do it? 

You’re always on my mind and I prayed I would finally have the courage to talk to you. I tried to forget you but I can’t. I missed you too much. I missed how you’d call and wake me up in the morning. I missed how you would wait for me so we can walk to school together. I missed how you’re eyes lit up when you saw me. I missed how warm and natural it feels when our hands entwined. I missed how you’d look at me like I’m the only one in this world. And what I missed most were your lips on mine. I missed everything about you. Things change around me but one thing always remained. I am still madly in love with you, Tiffany Hwang. 

It’s been 3 years, 5months and 12days since I last saw you. I wonder how you are doing now. Do you miss me? Or have you completely move on and forget about me, Tiffany Hwang? I sighed at the thought. I finally reached my home. It seemed little had change ever since I left for the States. The house still looks the same. The small garden were no longer there though but everything else were situated the same. I breathe in deep and say a little prayer. God give me strength. I opened the gates and walk to the door but before my finger pushed the doorbell a familiar voice greeted me.

“Taeyeon?” 

I turned around and saw my mother smiling at me.

“Hi Umma. How are yo-…”

My words were cut short when she hugged me. I saw Appa and Hayeon standing right behind us.

“Um-umma, I – I c-can’t breathe.”

She lets go and grabbed my hand. We went inside the house together.

“I missed you,Taeyeon-ah. You hadn’t called and I thought you’ve forgotten about us.” Umma said.

“Sorry, I’ve been really busy with my work that I don’t really have time.” I reasoned.

“I understand. Besides there’s the time factor that you had to deal with.”

Yes, that’s right Umma. But that’s not all the reason. I selfishly ignored and I certainly didn’t try my hardest to at least send you an e-mail. All because I was trying to avoid her but not anymore Umma. I’ve come back. I am going to make this right.

“Where’s Tiffany?” I asked.

They looked at me and rather hesitantly Appa said, “She’d be home in a while. She’s gone out to buy some groceries.”

“Oh I see. I’ll wait for her. Can I?”

Umma and Hayeon looked at Appa waiting for his approval. He looked like he didn’t like the idea at first. How could he? I was the one who’s at fault here. I was the one who broke Tiffany’s heart to pieces. I was the heartless jerk that left Tiffany hanging and in the process almost costs her precious life. I heard from Sunny that Tiffany attempted suicide not once but twice. As much as I wanted to go back to Korea, I restrained myself by turning my heart stone cold with work and studies. It’s not that Tiffany didn’t try to reach me. I was the one pushing her. I rejected her calls. I never replied back her e-mails. I even say bad words that I honestly never meant to but had to do. After a couple of months of trying I guess Tiffany finally given up all hope on me. I truly missed her calls in the middle of the night. At one point I almost crack under pressure. I even had my bags packed but at the last minute I decided not to. I found out I was accepted in a famous architectural company and they wanted me to start immediately. Again, I shut off all known emotions and basically turned my back to the one I love most. When the big news came to me about Tiffany by my dear friend Sunny, I showed no emotions. Anyone would have flown back home the moment they heard the happy news but not me. I was blinded by the big city’s lights promising the American dream.

“Can I please, Appa? I know I’ve done wrong. I’m going to make this right.” I begged him.

“Oh so you know you’ve done wrong. Well, do you really?” He looked at me dejectedly before he continued. “Do you know how much suffering have you given to her and to this family? Do you know how much it hurts for me to hear her howling your name every night? She howled herself to sleep and don’t get me started with her endless crying. She cried until her tears went dry. You left your wife all alone and now you’ve come back and say you can make everything right again?”

Tears were welling up at the corner of my eyes but I failed to keep it contained as the tears flows out. He’s right. I don’t know how badly I ruined this family. I hanged my head low for I am ashamed of my horrible deeds. I am but a monster in disguised. My heart hurt so badly as if someone had stabbed it with a knife.

“I-I’m s-sorry…” Sorry was all I have. And I really mean it. 

“Don’t apologise to me. Apologise to her. What hurt me the most was y-you didn’t even c-come back wh-when…”Appa’s voice was cracking. I looked up and found him trying to drown out his cries but he couldn’t. “I-I th-thought my son w-won’t…” He paused. “M-my son Taeng’s aren’t that heartless. H-he won’t do this…” He swallowed the huge lump on his throat and continued, “I thought you’d come back if…if…y-you f-found out...a-bout…” He couldn’t take it anymore. He put his palms up to his face. He shakes his head left to right as a non verbal way of telling me how much he was disappointed in me. Umma came to his side and tries to calm him down. 

“What’s done is done. He’s here now. You’re not going back to the US right, Taeng?” Umma asked.

“That’s right, umma. I’m staying for real. I’m not going anywhere.”

I walked to my old man. I pried away his hands and I looked at him in the eye.

“I truly am sorry, Appa. I mean it.” I said. “And thank you for everything.”

Yes, thank you. I can’t tell him how much gratitude I have for him. No matter what I did he stuck by me. Never once he said he was embarrassed of me. Never once he disappoints me. However, this idiotic immature son of his was a constant disappointment to everyone. He took care of Tiffany for me when supposedly I am the one responsible to do it. He hugged me tight and I knew he misses me too.

The sound of a car engine startled us. A red car approached and parked its way into the front porch. A familiar figure was at the driving seat and the moment she took off her RayBan sunglasses I knew my instinct was right. It was her. She unbuckled her seatbelts, got out of the car and opened her car boot. I made my way to her and every step I silently prayed she won’t push me away like I did to her. She picked up a brown paper bag filled with groceries and shut the car boot down. As she walked and looked up her steps were instantaneously halted the moment our eyes met. After 3 unbearable years we finally meet again. Face to face. 

“Hi, Fany. I’m back.”

The brown paper bag that she was holding on to dropped to the floor with its contents pouring out. Tiffany’s face turned pale as if she had seen a ghost and obviously she was shocked to see me. Now the tears were threatening to fall. Try as she might she just couldn’t hold it in. And so she broke down and falls to her knees. Her hand cupped trying to muffle her cries. I know there’s no need for words as her eyes told me everything. Those deep dark brown orbs spoke to me. It revealed to me one thing that both of us knew never falter. They told me that Tiffany Hwang loves me. After all the heartaches, we both still love each other. I ran to her and hold her in my arms. She still has that familiar strawberry scent. The same feel of her soft milky white skin. The warmth we felt as I can feel her body fit nicely to mine like a missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle. I feel complete. No doubt in my mind Tiffany completes me.

“Y-you’re…back.”She said in between sobs.

“Yes, mushroom. I’m back.” 

A smile curved up when I mentioned her old nickname. I used to make fun of her as she often mispronounced words back when we we’re in elementary school. We grew up together and became best of friends and before you know it we were high school sweethearts. We were both madly in love. Tiffany like any other girl dreamed to have a happily ever after as commonly depicted in fairytales. So the term marriage came up which I found at that time incredibly intimidating but I gathered my courage and we wed. I never regretted marrying her. The moment I saw her in the beautiful white dress I knew she’s the one. I feel her head shifts from the crooks of my neck up to face me with this sad expression on her face.

“You’re not going to leave me again, right?” She said.

I now know I had lost her trust. I don’t blame her. I am the one to blame. I was not strong enough. Somehow I feel married life was not for me and after a month I couldn’t stand it anymore and left. I thought I can finally fulfil my dream and I’ll be happy. Well, I made it but there’s always something missing. Yes, now that I am successful I can have all the physical things I’ve always wanted. However as time goes by, I realised all that means nothing if I don’t have anyone to share with. I felt lonely in the big house I designed that I used to proudly show off to my clients and colleagues. I was young and stupid, Fany-ah. But now I’m ready as ever.

“No, I’m not leaving anymore. I’m staying for good, Tiffany.”

I kissed her furrowed eyebrows and finally a kiss on her pouting lips. The kiss on the lips lingers as I her lips and naturally she parted it for me to explore. She tasted like vanilla ice-cream. Sweet and creamy just the way I like it. We parted and I pressed our foreheads together.

“I’m sorry.”I said. “Will you forgive me?”

“Just promise me that you’ll stay. And if you do have to go, please tell me. At least I can kiss you goodbye.” She said solemnly. 

“No, I promise you there won’t be any more goodbyes. I want to make up for the three years I have foolishly wasted and I certainly do not want to miss any more quality moments with our little family.” I said and gave her a peck on the lips. “So, where is she?”

There’s another reason why I finally came back. 

“She’s here.” Tiffany said and stood up. She opens the left side of the car door and there she was smiling at me. Those big brown orbs turned into small crescent moons and her hands were raised up in the air asking to be carried. I unlatched the safety belts and hold her in my arms. For the first time ever, I get to hold my daughter. My own priceless possession that worth more than anything in this world. The feeling of regret overwhelmed me. I should have gone home when I heard the news from Sunny. How I wish I could turn back time and be there when she was born. How I wish I could be the first person she sees when she opened her eyes for the first time. How I wish I was there when her two front teeth start to grow. How I wish I was there when she took her first step.

“Mamama…” I heard her say. Oh how I wish I was there when you say your first word.

I was crying on my daughter so hard that she starts to cry. She was probably scared of me. Tiffany took over and said, “Shush…it’s okay. That’s your Appa, pumpkin.”

How could I have possibly left them behind? I should have brought them along. This time around I am not going to make the same mistake again. I’ve learned my lesson. I learned now there’s nothing like being with the ones you love. I hugged both of them tightly and I kissed Tiffany again.

“I love you.” I said.

“I love you, too.”

“Uh!” Seohyun mumble.

I chuckled and gave her a kiss on the cheek. 

“Appa, loves you too.”

END OF STORY