Without Your Love

It was Valentine’s Day and just like any other couple they want to spend it with the ones they love. Taeyeon were driving home with her blue Hyundai from watching movies with Tiffany. She had this weird feeling lingering in her gut. A weird feeling that she could not specifically point out. Tiffany were restless all through the movie. She seemed troubled. When Taeyeon starts a conversation the younger girl showed lack of interest. Other times Taeyeon would catch her lost in her own world with this distant look in her eyes. This happened often than not lately. Taeyeon doesn’t know what’s wrong with Tiffany. The drive was painfully silent. So she initiated a conversation with the younger girl in an attempt to get into her mind.

“Fany-ah, are you okay? You seemed rather ermm…off.”

Taeyeon asked with a concerned look clearly drawn on her face.

Tiffany didn’t answer immediately. She contemplated for a moment when finally she gave out a sigh and said,

“Taeyeon-ah,pull over please.”

Taeyeon wanted to question the younger girl but submitted to her request as she sensed Tiffany’s seriousness.

“What is it, Tiffany?”

“Taeyon-ah….I-I…” Tiffany hesitated for a while but then she continued.

“Taeyeon-ah, I think it’s time that we move on.”

“W-what are you talking about?”Taeyeon asked.

Tiffany looked straight to Taeyeon’s eyes. She knows those eyes demand answers from her. She could also see a glint of tears forming at the corner of Taeyeon’s eyes. Tiffany believes that it was best for Taeyeon to know now than later. So she mustered all the courage she have and said.

“I – I want to break up.”

A silent tear fell down Taeyeon’s cold cheek. Her hands are now trembling. Tiffany’s words cut through her heart like a hot knife to butter.

“D-did I do something wrong? I-I’d fix it. I’ll be good to you. Whatever I did I didn’t mean it. I’ll buy the pink diamond ring that you’ve always wanted. We’ll go to Paris for christm-“

“Stop Taeyeon.” Tiffany interrupted.

“You did nothing wrong. It’s not you it’s me. I know you’ll be good to me and you had done a great job at that but….”

“B-but what, Tiffany?”

Tiffany turned her eyes away from the crying girl. She felt guilty within but it needs to be done.

“But I don’t feel the same way. Not anymore, Taeyeon. M-my feelings…” she paused and continued, “…had changed.” The last part comes out almost as a whisper.

“Ch-changed?...” Taeyeon could not comprehend the meaning of change in Tiffany’s dictionary. Taeyeon wondered how one can change so easily after what they’ve gone through. She thought their love would stand the test of time. Perhaps she was being so naïve or just plain stupid -
For believing love will last until the end of time.
For believing that true love exists.
For believing that we are destined to be with our soulmates.
It doesn’t matter which category Taeyeon fell in to because now she doesn’t know what to believe.

“W-what can I do, Tiffany? I’d do anything for you. Please take it back. Please Tiffany. Please don’t say it’s over. “ Taeyeon begged. She doesn’t want this to end.

“There’s nothing you can do, Taeyeon. I- I just don’t love you no more.”

Taeyeon shut her eyes trying to make believe that it was all a nightmare. Hoping that she’d wake up to find everything’s back to normal. Reality bites back as she felt a warm hand cupped her face. She opened her eyes slowly and saw that Tiffany looked at her not with love but more of sympathy. Taeyeon finally gets her feelings into grips and accepts the younger girl request even though the pain of a broken heart eats her up inside. She remembered a letter she wrote a while back. Taeyeon didn’t know why she suddenly had the urge to write but somehow on that particular night that was beautifully lit by the blue moon she feels like she wants to pour her heart out on a piece of white paper. She put her right hand in the pocket of her jeans and took out the letter. Amidst the cries Taeyeon managed to gave Tiffany a smile and with trembling hand she hands the folded letter to Tiffany.

“Let’s just say this is my parting gift to you. I don’t want to say it but I know that this is goodbye. I hope you read it when you’re home.” Taeyeon said and her head droops a little low.

Tiffany took the folded letter and it was now in her possession.

Taeyeon looked up as she forgots to mention one last important thing. She gave Tiffany her dorkiest smile whilst saying, “Oh and I love you, Fany-ah.”

At that moment a drunk driver was speeding down that same street. Totally intoxicated he failed to notice a stalled car in front and he swerved uncontrollably to the right crashing head on to the side of a blue Hyundai parked at the side of the road. The driver was killed upon impact. Despite the devastating condition of the wrecked car the passenger miraculously survived.

Tiffany slowly opened her eyes and saw bright white lights. She tries to get up but was quickly held back by a nurse.

“You need to rest, Miss.” The nurse said.

“Wh-what? Where am I?” Tiffany asked confused.

“Miss, do you remember anything?”

“Remember what?”

“You were involved in an accident.”

The word accident made Tiffany’s brain go overdrive. Flashes of memory start to appear bit by bit until finally it became a bigger picture. She remembered a red sedan coming straight towards them and the bright lights from the sedan blinded her for a second before her eyes shifted to Taeyeon. Taeyeon. Tiffany jumps from her lying position and sat up.

“Taeyeon! Where’s Taeyeon?! I want to see her. Taeyeon! Taetae!” Tiffany basically threw herself up from the bed and tries to walk towards the door. Ignoring the pain every time she took a step.

“Calm down, Miss.” The nurse tried to stop Tiffany but the young girl seemed to have strength that she never knew herself. She was going frantic. She was screaming Taeyeon’s name hoping the older girl would reply to her cries. She needs to see her Taetae now.

A figure came in and it was Yuri followed by a blond haired girl – Jessica. Yuri held Tiffany tightly from the back so that Tiffany would stop struggling. Jessica grabbed Tiffany’s shoulder and tries to comfort the distressed girl.

“Tiffany, calm down! Hush…girl. You need to calm down.”

When Jessica manages to calm Tiffany she cupped Tiffany’s face with both her hands. Tiffany’s cheek were now drenched in tears. She could not help but felt a deep sympathy towards the younger girl.

“Listen, Tiffany. What I’m about to say to you will break your heart but promise me you’d remain calm.”Jessica’s words came out crystal clear and Tiffany could guess what she’s about to say.

“P-Please, Sica. P-Please don’t t-tell me w-what I think you’re a-about to say.” Tiffany said in between sobs.

Jessica let out a sigh and said, “Fany-ah, Taeyeon didn’t make it.”

Tiffany broke down and cried her heart out. Yuri and Jessica could only comfort the broken girl. They’re hurt too because they just lost their bestfriend but for now they need to be strong for Tiffany. They knew this is what Taeyeon would wish for them to do. This would also be a way for them to honour their bestfriend’s death. At least Taeyeon could rest in peace knowing that they would be there for her Tiffany, her Mushroom – that’s what she would call her. The only girl that their Taeyeon ever loved.

Tiffany woke up from her slumber. She failed to remember when she actually fallen asleep. She must’ve cried herself to sleep. Tiffany’s much calmer now but her mind could not stop thinking about Taeyeon. A feeling of guilt starts to built inside. If only she hadn’t asked her to stop the car. If only she could just kept shut. Then she remembered Taeyeon gave her a letter. She searched for the letter in her handbag and sure enough she found it nicely tucked in one of the bag’s small pockets. She situated herself on to the hospital bed, unfolds the letter and starts to read it.


Fany-ah,

I change. You change. People change. Everyone changes for the better or worse.
My love for you though never change. Not even slightly.
Sometimes I wonder what I did in my past life because I’m able to love and be loved by someone like you.
I’m blessed that it’s your face I see when I woke up in the morning and kiss your forehead when I go to sleep.
I’d trade my life if it meant you will live. I’d trade it in a heartbeat.
That’s how much I love you.

I don’t know when or how it happened.
I don’t know if it was something I said or do that makes you act this way.
I know that the problem is me. Because Tiffany in my eyes you do no wrong.
I’d change my childish ways if you find me selfish.
I apologise if I forget to tell you, I love You. I’d beg for your forgiveness.
I’d cross my heart and swear that you’re my one and only.

If you find yourself doubting this love then remember the days we spent together.
Remember all of the years we’ve been together.
Through thick and thin.
Through sickness and health.
Through hard times and good times.
Through the sadness and joy that we shared together.
Believe when I say my love for you is for eternity.
Believe in our love because what we have is REAL.

Don’t you dare say that you don’t believe in what we have.
We built this castle of love together. You and I.
Don’t you ever say that one dreadful word called 'Goodbye'.
Because Fany-ah, my beloved Mushroom
Without your LOVE, I would DIE.

THE END