One month later, Yixing

Yixing sighed as he looked down at the rolled up paper in his hands. As Zhiruo had requested, he had waited until his birthday before he opened her present. Now, the day was finally here, and Yixing took a deep breath before unrolling the delicate white paper. He stared curiously at the painting as he took in the deft Zhiruo had made across the paper. In simple neutral colors, Zhiruo had painted an old man and a young child playing on an open plain of green grass. The young child held a small delicate umbrella, its thin paper surface decorated by an elaborate pattern of swirling lines. Along the right side of the painting, Zhiruo had written a single sentence.

“Your Highness, I hope you will always remember to smile.”

Yixing frowned slightly as he studied the painting closely. What was Zhiruo trying to say through this painting?

“Zhiruo, are you telling me to marry someone else and be happy and have many children?” He mused, “How could I marry someone else besides you?” Yixing shook his head and rolled up the painting again. It was better not to dwell on it.

____________________________________________________________________________

Zhiruo

Zhiruo paused as her fingers dangled over the boiling pot of water in front of her. She gazed carefully down at the herbs she had been dropping into the pot, and groaned softly.

“Not again…” She muttered. For what felt like the umpteenth time, Zhiruo had mindlessly gathered the herbs for Prince Yixing’s daily herbal tonic and began boiling it without thinking.

“What is wrong with me?” Zhiruo grumbled as she picked up the pot and emptied it of its contents. The first day after she returned from Prince Yixing’s manor, she had boiled the medicinal tonic just as she had done every morning for the prince, only to remember once it was finished that no one was going to drink it. The night after that, she had woken up with a start and panicked for a few moments at the unfamiliar chambers only to remember that she was no longer in her rooms in Prince Yixing’s manor. Occasionally when Zhiruo’s mind wandered, her thoughts shifted to the prince and his late night confession to her, which usually sent a deep red blush across Zhiruo’s cheeks.

“I must be going crazy.” Zhiruo muttered as she fetched a new pot of water and began making the right medicine for one of the concubines. Still, she couldn’t help but think about the prince as she thought about the amount of days that had passed since she left Fourth Prince Manor. An unfamiliar feeling of yearning filled her chest as she thought back to her last image of him, bathed in sunlight as he watched her leave.

Your Highness, are you doing well? It’s been exactly one month. Did you look at my painting? Did you see the meaning behind what I drew? If you did, are you angry at me, or are you just shocked? But if you did see it, why haven’t you said anything to me? Even a short letter would be nice. Oh, why am I even thinking about these things?

Zhiruo sighed as her head spun with the sheer amount of thoughts going through her head. A soft pout graced her lips as she stirred the pot of medicine. Tonight, the king was going to throw a large feast to celebrate Prince Yixing’s birthday. The entire palace had been full of constant movement since early morning to prepare for the big feast. Zhiruo sighed again as she poked ruefully at the lacquer pot. For the first time in a month, Prince Yixing was going to be in the same location as her, but Zhiruo had no right to see him face to face. After all, despite her status, she was only a physician, and had no right to attend the birthday feast. A small smile turned up the corner of Zhiruo’s lips as she thought about how the prince would be dressed for the party. As the main character of tonight’s feast, Prince Yixing was certainly going to be elaborately dressed, perhaps in a deep red robe that accented his sharp handsome face and elevated the warrior’s aura that always surrounded him.

“Ouch!” Zhiruo yelped as her hand slipped onto the edge of the hot stove without her noticing. She sighed and hurried to pour some cold water over her hand.

Zhang Yixing, just what have you done to me?

____________________________________________________________________________

Nighttime, Yixing

“Happy birthday, Your Highness!”

“Your Highness, happy birthday!” Voices chorused their birthday greetings loudly into the air as Yixing wandered amongst the crowd of nobles and royals at his birthday feast. He dipped his head in greeting to each, looking just long enough to make it seem like he was paying attention. The royal garden had been decorated with festive colors for the night, and a small stage had been set up for dancers to entertain the guests. Yixing, however, was far from amused. Quite honestly, he was only here because his uncle had insisted on having the party in the first place; socializing was certainly not his strength, and he would rather be practicing his sword at home instead. Still, he supposed that socializing was one duty that came along with being a royal prince, and he couldn’t avoid it forever. Yixing’s gaze scanned the crowd of people around him as he walked, never stopping for longer than a few seconds on each person.

Zhang Yixing, who are you looking for? Zhiruo? She would never be here. The palace is full of rules, and she would never dare to break one of them.

Yixing sighed as he sipped lightly at the cup of wine in his hand.

Zhiruo, what are you doing right now?

“Your Highness, Fourth Prince.” A man’s voice drew his attention, and Yixing turned slightly to see an older court official standing next to him. Yixing studied the man’s face carefully before slowly recalling his identity.

“Grand Tutor Wei.” He greeted, “Have you been well?” The older man smiled and bowed politely.

“I am honored that Your Highness remembers who I am.” He replied, “I am doing quite well.” Grand Tutor Wei motioned to the young woman next to him, who curtseyed at her cue.

“May I introduce my daughter, Yunxiang?” He said, “She has admired Your Highness for a long time.” Yixing bit back a sigh as he dipped his head politely at the young woman. Yet again, another court official was trying to set him up with their daughter. Yixing would have thought they ran out of unmarried daughters or just gave up trying by now, but it seemed like he had underestimated both.

“Lady Wei.” He greeted.

“Yunxiang has just returned from studying in Luoyang.” Grand Tutor Wei said, “She is the most intelligent of my daughters, so I made an exception for her to study with her brothers. If Your Highness does not mind, would you take her around the palace tonight? She is quite unfamiliar with the grounds and I would not like to bore her with my politic discussions.” Yixing bit back another sigh before nodding. Normally, he would refuse, but as the center of attention to so many eyes today, it would not look good to refuse the Grand Tutor’s request.

“It would be my honor.” He replied.

____________________________________________________________________________

Late night, Zhiruo

Zhiruo sighed as she finally left the physician department for the night. One of the young princes had developed a sudden fever, and his frantic mother had kept Zhiruo in her palace all night until his fever broke. Between watching over the child and running back to check on the proper medicine, Zhiruo was feeling exhausted. From far away, Zhiruo could hear the faint strains of music, the bright lights glittering in the royal garden visible from miles away.

“The party must be ending by now.” She mused.

Is Prince Yixing still around?

Normally at royal feasts, the main guest of honor stayed until the end to socialize with their guests and then thank the king for the feast before leaving. Judging by the time the feast started, Prince Yixing’s birthday feast should be wrapping up by now. Zhiruo bit her lip as yearning filled her chest again. If she hurried to the palace gates now, then perhaps...Before Zhiruo could think twice, she picked up her skirts and hurried for the front gates.

I want to see him.

I want to see him.

I want to see him!

Zhiruo wasn’t sure where it came from, but that one single thought repeatedly echoed in her mind as she ran for the palace gates. It would have looked ridiculous for an unmarried royal physician to openly rush to see one of the princes, so she changed her mind last minute and ran up the stairs to the balcony overlooking the front gate instead. Her heart hammered against her chest from the exertion as she leaned against the balcony railing, her long hair billowing behind her in the night wind. As she had guessed, a familiar figure was just beginning to stride towards the gates, and a small smile inadvertently crossed Zhiruo’s face at the sight. Even from far away, Zhiruo could tell that it was Prince Yixing. With the confidence and aura with which he walked, it could really be no one else but him. The smile on Zhiruo’s face faded however, as a second figure came up besides Prince Yixing. An ugly feeling rose in Zhiruo’s heart as she took in the newcomer.

A woman.

Judged by the way she was dressed, the newcomer was a high ranking noblewoman. She smiled as she looked up at Prince Yixing, who nodded along to something she was saying. The sound of his laughter filled the air as they continued to converse until they reached a waiting carriage. Zhiruo’s hands tightened around her skirt as she watched Prince Yixing help the young woman up into the carriage. The girl peeked out from behind the small window in the carriage, then waved until she was out of sight. The ugly feeling from before returned and twisted around Zhiruo’s heart like a vise as she watched the scene unfold in front of her. An irritated huff escaped her lips as she turned sharply and left the balcony.

Prince Yixing, I so wanted to see you without even knowing why, but it seems like you are doing just fine without me! Is that girl the reason why you didn’t respond to my painting? Because you were too occupied with a new woman? What was all that about me filling the gap in your heart then? Are you just playing with me?

Logic reminded her that the prince was not someone who played around with people’s emotions, but annoyance outweighed logic at the moment. The irritation grew in Zhiruo’s chest until it had become outright fury by the time Zhiruo reached her room. With a loud yell she took her pillow and threw it against the door with a loud thump.

“How could he smile at another girl like that?” She growled to the empty air, “How could he converse so easily with her? Sure, she’s a noble, so what?” Zhiruo pouted as she poured herself some tea and gulped down the drink before coughing on the scalding hot liquid. As she slowly began to calm down, Zhiruo frowned down at her tea cup.

Why do I feel so angry?

_________________________________________________________________________

Yixing

Yixing sighed as he watched the carriage leave the palace gates and disappear from sight. Finally, he could stop smiling and pretend like he cared about the conversation with the Grand Tutor’s daughter. The lady was supposedly well educated, but Yixing found nothing particularly interesting about what she attempted to make light conversation about. He tilted his head up and gazed at the moon hanging in the sky.

“Zhiruo, what are you doing now?” He mused, “Are you thinking about me at all?” Yixing laughed at his own wishful thinking and headed off to retrieve his horse to return home.

Zhiruo, I miss you.

They were currently in the same vicinity of each other, but it was against normal protocol for him to suddenly appear at the physician department when he was not sick or injured. Even if it wasn’t, it would have attracted far too much attention. Besides, it was late night, and Zhiruo was likely asleep by now. Yixing had lost track of the amount of times his thoughts had trailed off to thinking about Zhiruo. The first day after she had left, he had wandered into the kitchen calling out for her, wondering where his daily tonic was, only to remember from the startled servants’ stares that Zhiruo no long worked in his manor. A week later, he had woken up from a nightmare about Lord Gongsun’s death crying out Zhiruo’s name. Yixing sighed and shook his head as he waited for the groom to get his horse.

Zhiruo, please give me an answer soon. If you don’t, I might just go crazy.

____________________________________________________________________________

Eight months later, Zhiruo

Zhiruo watched carefully as Princess Rinchen drank the tonic she had made.

“It’s so bitter.” The princess grumbled as she set the bowl back down.

“Bitter medicine is good for the body, Your Highness.” Zhiruo replied politely.Princess Rinchen huffed and ran a hand over her rounded stomach.

“I wouldn’t put up with your bitter medicine if it was not for the child.” She snapped. Zhiruo bit her lip and swallowed down a sharp reply. Princess Rinchen had wasted little time in stabilizing her position as crown princess after getting married to Crown Prince Yiwei, and now their first child was well on its way. It was obvious why she was in such a rush; many people were lining up their daughters to marry Prince Yiwei, and a son borne from the crown princess would stabilize her position for years to come. Just a few months ago, Prince Yiwei had announced he would be marrying a high ranking court official’s daughter, which had made Princess Rinchen furious and even more determined to bear an heir for the crown prince. The wedding was to take place before the new baby was due to arrive. If the princess didn’t bear an heir for the prince, then the door was left wide open for the concubine to take a position of power. Although understanding her position, Zhiruo couldn’t help but be concerned from both her own position and the princess’s recent pulse. The princess was barely over seven months pregnant, but already Zhiruo could tell from her simple examinations that her body was beginning to have contractions stronger than the normal practice ones. From a careful physical examination of her stomach as well, the child seemed to have dropped early into position for birth. Zhiruo bit her lip as she looked at the princess uncertainly. As the princess’s physician until the baby was born, she had a duty to ensure that the child was born safely. At the same time though, Zhiruo had a sinking feeling that there was more to the strange signs she was seeing than met the eye.

“Your Highness?” She asked hesitantly.

“What?” Princess Rinchen snapped. Zhiruo took a deep breath before plunging ahead with her question.

“Are you doing something to make the child come sooner?” She asked frankly. Princess Rinchen froze as she stared at Zhiruo for a moment, then smirked.

“So what if I am?” She asked. Zhiruo sighed.

“Your Highness, babies need to be inside their mother for at least nine months to ensure their safe delivery and survival.” She said, “I understand why you are eager to have a child quickly, but to hasten delivery in order to stabilize your position…” Zhiruo ducked as a teacup came hurtling through the air towards her.

“What do you know?” Princess Rinchen growled, “You, who are beloved by the most powerful warrior in the country, what would you know about capturing the heart of a man who has already shifted his attention to another woman? If I give my husband a son before he can even bed the other woman, then my position will be above hers!” Another smirk turned up the corner of the princess’s lips.

“Besides, you wouldn’t dare to mention it, would you, Shangguan Zhiruo?” She asked, “If you did, who do you think others would believe? Who do you think would be guilty of giving me the medicine to hasten labor?” Zhiruo swallowed hard as she felt grow dry.

Of course I know who would be guilty. As the princess’s physician during the course of this pregnancy, I would be the prime suspect, and the princess would not hesitate to pin the blame on me, especially if something bad happens to the child.

Zhiruo’s hands tightened slightly on the medicine tray in her hands. It was clear why the princess was risking her child’s life; before the child was born, no one knew if it would be a girl or a boy. Even if the princess was still pregnant during the wedding, her position would still possibly be in jeopardy because of the unknown gender. On the other hand, if she had already given birth to a son before the wedding, the new concubine’s position would be lower than Princess Rinchen’s from the minute she married into the crown prince’s family. If the child was a boy, the plan would all work out perfectly. The risk that put on the child’s life however, also put a great risk on Zhiruo’s own safety.

I knew all along that the princess would not just casually insist on having me be her personal physician during this time. I really should have avoided the position, but there was no way to refuse without looking strange or insulting the princess. The rules work differently inside the palace than outside after all. I tried to be careful and avoid dangerous situations like this, but it seems like I have still ended up in between a rock and a hard place.

Zhiruo bit her lip before speaking. At this point, there really was only one course of action she could choose.

“I would not, Your Highness.” She replied simply. Princess Rinchen huffed and turned away.

“Excellent.” She replied, “You are dismissed.”

____________________________________________________________________________

Later that night, Zhiruo

Zhiruo sighed as she flipped through a book in the library. Since leaving the crown princess’s quarters earlier that day, an uneasy feeling had filled her chest and refused to leave.

Zhang Yixing, what would you do if you were in my position?

Zhiruo shook her head and resumed flipping through her book. Between taking care of the princess and fulfilling her other duties, Zhiruo had rarely had time to investigate old royal records she had access to now that she had official status. So far though, little information had appeared regarding her father, as she had expected. Zhiruo’s gaze slid over to another side of the library which was marked with a large “forbidden entry” sign.

If normal records do not have any sign of my family’s incident, then it is likely that the only place I can find it is in the military records.

After all, soldiers had been used to kill her family. Surely, there was some record of whose soldiers were on the move that day.

As a royal physician however, she had no right to access the confidential military records. The only way Zhiruo could imagine getting to the military records was…

Zhang Yixing.

Zhiruo sighed and shook her head before resuming reading her book.

No Zhiruo, you are not going to bother him with your family matters, especially if he hasn’t responded to your painting at all.

___________________________________________________________________________

Yixing

Yixing flinched slightly as he came into the meeting hall just in time to see the king furiously throw down a scroll from his throne.

“Are you all telling me that Northern Zhou is encroaching on our territory in Pingyang and no one knows how to defeat them?” The king demanded. The gathered court officials lowered their heads silently, not knowing what to say. Yixing took a deep breath and bowed to the king.

“Royal Uncle, you called for me?” He said. The king looked relieved as he spotted Yixing.

“Yixing, I’m glad you have finally arrived.” He said, “These useless court officials are refusing to give me any advice on the situation in Pingyang!” Yixing bit his lip and hesitated for a moment before speaking.

“Royal Uncle, they do not dare to say anything because...there is a plague currently raging through Pingyang, which an army would have to cross through to reach the Northern Zhou army.” He replied, “News about it arrived last week, but it seems that no one dares to cross through a plague ridden city, which is why no one dares to mention it.” For Yixing, it was alright that he hadn’t mentioned it. His position was an army general who didn’t have to appear in court until summoned. The king wouldn’t have expected him to report on anything, even a plague. The king slammed his hand down furiously onto his armrest.

“My court is full of cowards!” He growled. Yixing watched as Yiwei stepped forward.

“Royal Father, I have an idea.” He said, “Now that Prince Yixing has arrived, why don’t you send him? He is a strong warrior and intelligent as well. Surely, he will have a way to deal with both the plague and drive the Northern Zhou army back from our borders.” Yixing looked sharply over at his cousin and noted the sly look in his cousin’s eyes.

He’s setting me up!

The king hesitated.

“Yixing, are you willing to take up the task?” He asked, “Fighting both a plague and driving an army back is no small matter. Even if you only chose to fight Northern Zhou, you would still have to pass through the town without catching the plague.” Yixing thought about the question carefully for a moment. At this point, it was clear that Yiwei was setting him up to go. If he chose not to go, the king would have been understanding, but it would look bad in the eyes of the court officials. If he did choose to go, there was no guarantee he would survive and make it back alive. When those two options were weighed against each other...Yixing took a deep breath and bowed to the king.

Zhang Yiwei, if you intend to watch me die, then I fully intend to prove you wrong!

“Royal Uncle, I will gladly go and return victorious.” Yixing said, “I only ask that you provide a royal physician to accompany me and my army.” The king smiled.

“I am glad to know that there is one brave man in my country.” He said, “Yixing, I will grant your request.” Yixing bowed politely.

“Thank you, Royal Uncle.”

_______________________________________________________________

A few days later, Zhiruo

“Lady Shangguan?” Zhiruo blinked in surprise as she was drawn from her thoughts by the voice of Concubine Lan. The older concubine liked to engage Zhiruo in casual conversation whenever she came by to give her a periodic checkup. Usually, Zhiruo attentively listened to the royal consort, but today her thoughts had drifted elsewhere again.

“Ah, I’m sorry.” She said as she quickly realized she had zoned out, “What were you saying, Your Highness?” The elegant woman smiled in amusement.

“Are you thinking about my son, Yixing?” She asked. Zhiruo’s eyes widened as she ducked her head, her cheeks flushing slightly in embarrassment.

“Perhaps…” She admitted halfheartedly. It was true, Prince Yixing floated to her mind every now and then, and the times had only increased since she had seen him with that noblewoman. Concubine Lan laughed softly.

“Tell me Lady Shangguan, are you in love with my son?” She asked. Zhiruo’s eyes widened as she shook her head furiously.

“I would never dare to even wish for that, Your Highness!” She exclaimed. Concubine Lan laughed again.

“Silly girl.” She said, “You spent quite some time interacting with Yixing. It would not be surprising if you fell in love with him.” Zhiruo bit her lip hesitantly.

If even Concubine Lan can see it...am I truly in love with the prince?

“Your Highness…” She admitted quietly, “I do not know how to tell if I am in love. I read through multiple books on the topic, but none were able to answer my question.” Concubine Lan stared in surprise at Zhiruo for a moment before bursting into laughter.

“Sweet child,” She said, “Love is not like a disease that can be diagnosed through medical texts. Love comes from your heart.” She crossed her arms as she looked up at Zhiruo with a small smile.

“Tell me Lady Shangguan, do you often find yourself thinking about Yixing?” She asked, “Have you found yourself missing him ever since you left his service? Do you wish to see him often?” Zhiruo thought carefully for a moment before nodding.

“But Your Highness...I saw the prince with a beautiful young noblewoman after his birthday.” She said, “They were having quite a close conversation. The prince may have…” A scowl uncontrollably curled up the corner of her lip as she imagined Prince Yixing’s smile at the young noblewoman.

“That was simply a union that the Grand Tutor was trying to arrange.” Concubine Lan replied, “It is nothing you should think much about, Lady Shangguan. Yixing told me himself the day after that he was not interested in the Grand Tutor’s daughter at all.” Zhiruo stared at the concubine in surprise.

“Truly?” She asked.

“I have no reason to lie to you, Lady Shangguan.” Concubine Lan replied simply, “His heart has long belonged to you alone.” She gazed at Zhiruo’s face for a moment before laughing softly.

“You are smiling, Lady Shangguan.” Concubine Lan noted. Zhiruo blinked and patted at her cheeks. Indeed, without her noticing, a small smile had creeped up Zhiruo’s cheeks and pulled up the corners of her lips.

“I am embarrassed, Your Highness.” She mumbled as she ducked her head. Concubine Lan smiled and patted Zhiruo lightly on the hand.

“When a woman yearns for a man like this, and becomes jealous upon seeing him with other women, that is love.” She said softly, “You are in love with my son, Lady Shangguan. And to be frank with you, I would not mind if you become my daughter in law.” Zhiruo’s heart pounded in her chest as Concubine Lan’s words sunk in. Every guess that Concubine Lan had made had been spot on: she yearned for the prince, she wanted to see him, and the ugly feeling in her chest when she had seen Prince Yixing with the noblewoman...now that Zhiruo thought about it, that had certainly been jealousy. As Zhiruo closed her eyes, she imagined Prince Yixing standing in front of her, a warm smile sending a twinkle into his eyes that made her heart race. The odd yearning in her heart that she had when she thought about Prince Yixing…

That yearning can only be satisfied if I am by his side, or better yet, in his arms.

I...love Prince Yixing. I...want to be the woman by his side.

Zhiruo staggered slightly as the realization set in. She laughed softly in disbelief.

“How did I not notice that at all?” She whispered. Concubine Lan smiled.

“It is said that women become stupid when they are in love.” She said softly, “I suppose the saying is right.” Concubine Lan’s smile faded slightly.

“But Lady Shangguan, if you intend to confess to my son, you may have to wait a while.” She warned. Zhiruo tilted her head in confusion.

“Why do you say that?” She asked. Concubine Lan’s hands folded tightly in her lap in worry.

“Because he and Yifan have gone to Pingyang to fight the Northern Zhou army by the border.” She replied. Zhiruo’s eyes widened. She had heard rumors flying around the palace that Pingyang was currently beset by a massive plague of dengue fever, with healthy citizens fleeing the city every day.

“Did he take any physicians with him?”  She queried. Concubine Lan shook her head.

“None of the royal physicians wanted to go with him.” She replied, “And with the amount of duties you have, no one dared to ask you to go.” Zhiruo groaned. Dengue fever was no small disease; it had the potential to wipe out entire populations of people if it wasn’t controlled quickly.

“That fool!” She grumbled, “How could he go without any medical experts with him?” Before Zhiruo could think of what to do, however, a maid rushed into the room, her eyes wide with panic.

“Physician Shangguan!” She gasped. Zhiruo frowned as she looked over at the maid.

“What is the rush?” She asked. The maid fought to catch her breath for a few moments before speaking.

“The crown princess...she’s given birth!” She cried. Zhiruo’s eyes widened.

“But she’s still far away from her due date!” She exclaimed, “How could she have gone into labor so soon? And why didn’t anyone send a message until now?” Despite Zhiruo’s outcry, she knew in her heart why it had happened so soon.

The medicine she was consuming.

The maid shook her head.

“It all happened too quickly!” She replied, “The crown princess seemed fine this morning and sent all her maids out of the room. It was only when she started screaming that the maids dared to rush back into the room. When they arrived, the baby was already here!” The maid’s hands trembled in fright.

“And also...the baby isn’t breathing!” She cried.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Author's note: Ahh, the trouble just keeps brewing. Did anyone guess the meaning behind Zhiruo's painting? Please stay tuned for more~