I am so so so sorry for the late update! It's been 3 weeks or more? Gosh i'm terrible T.T and i'm sorry i couldn't reply to all the comments TTT.TTT which i should totally have done to all of you nice people out there. Let me just give you dooseob hugs okaes *HHHUUUUGGSSSSS* ugh real life is killing me and i'm just recently....distracted...so yeah OTL and part 2 will be up soon. i hope by this week but i can't promise all of you anything else because i totally in updating OTL. just don't hate doojoon okaes....they will stay together, as in not like together together, but like best friends together. so yeah! anticipate for part 2 guys! gosh the angst is not letting go at all and i am too willing to be dragged around by it T.T

22 years old, Cry (part 1).

Doojoon ran through the hospital corridors in a hurry, ignoring the obvious signs of “NO RUNNING” glued on the walls ten meters apart from each other.  Blissfully oblivious to the whispers of excitement around him, unaware of the murmurs of admiration around him, Doojoon had only one thought in his mind. He needed to see Yoseob right now.

Doojoon halted with a screech when he found Yoseob’s room and immediately threw the door open with a slam. Yoseob’s parents, who were already in the hallway and ready to go, jumped back a little at the loud intrusion, eyes wide upon seeing the panting and out of breath mess walking inside. Yoseob, on the other hand, was beyond calm as he grinned at Doojoon, absolutely used to the older man’s antics and found it not surprising anymore.

“Doojoonah, you came!” Yoseob said excitedly.

Doojoon stopped in his track, surprised that both Yoseob’s parents were present, mortified at his own rash behavior. He cleared his throat and tried to smooth up the wrinkles on his dirty soccer jersey with his palms (and this did nothing to fulfill the purpose of making Doojoon look more presentable).  With a bashful smile, he bowed politely and greeted both elderly. The shock was still apparent, but both Yoseob’s parents warmly welcomed him into the room.

One of Yoseob’s hands lay beside him on the bed and was attached to an IV drip, a needle punctured through his delicate skin, his face was pale, but the eyes remained shiny and mischievous. Soft strands of fringe fell over his eyes, the slightly dry and cracked lips opened in laughter. Yoseob cackled on the bed, his body shaking against the pillows propped up behind his back to help him sit.

“Doojoonah, come here!” Yoseob waved at him to come closer, grinning as Doojoon slowly walked past Yoseob’s parents in the hallway and over to the hospital bed. “Oh god, man, you stink. Don’t you take a shower after you are done with practice?” Yoseob pinched his nose with his good hand to block off Doojoon’s smell. The older man shook his head, “I’m not done with practice yet. I was in the middle of a short break when I managed to call you.” Yoseob frowned in disapproval when he realized that the older man ran away from practice to see him.

Yoseob’s father suddenly chimed in from the hallway, “Doojoonah, have dinner with us. The neighbours will go crazy when a national soccer superstar comes over to our house.”

“Dad, don’t! We talked about this before, you are embarrassing me!” Yoseob shouted back, a pout formed as his face. His father laughed hard, “What are you embarrassed about? Doojoon is like another son.”

“Dad, please just go home.” Yoseob’s voice was firm as his father bid his goodbye and his laughter faded when he got further away. Yoseob turned to face Doojoon and he said apologetically, “I’m sorry my dad wants to show you off like some trophy. He didn’t mean it, I swear.” He pointed to the drawer below the television set, “Go shower, I have some towel and clothes that you can wear inside the second drawer.”

Doojoon frowned at Yoseob, worry was obvious in his face, “I told you not to go to Tibet. The weather is harsh and your body can’t take it. Did you eat well? Sleep well? How are you feeling now?”

“Go shower, Doojoonah. This is just fatigue, it’s not like I catch some disease or something.”

Doojoon did not budge, he was irritated, his voice hitched a tone higher, “Just fatigue?” Doojoon scoffed his voice was sharp, “People die from fatigue, Yoseobah. They die.  What if you passed out during your trip? What would you do? What if you catch something more dangerous?”

Yoseob stayed silent when Doojoon continued nagging, “Do you know how worried I was when you stopped texting me on the last day you were in Tibet? I was going insane! No one knew about you, even your parents had no idea where you were! Not even Junhyung! Ooohh, I’m gonna have another lecture about this Junhyung after I’m finished with you.” Doojoon started pacing around the room, “I told you not to go! And what was Junhyung thinking sending you to Tibet alone? Fantastic view? Fantastic view can kiss my …”

“…I bet it won’t mind kissing your after you shower because right now your is kind of sweaty and gross.” Yoseob stared down at his lap and mumbled out his annoyance.

Doojoon eyes narrowed at him in anger, “Do you think it’s funny? Do you think this whole thing is funny, Yoseobah?” Yoseob winced at the bite of Doojoon’s words.  “I was so worried! I told you not to go because I knew something was bound to happen! You are gonna be the death of me. I swear I’m gonna have a heart attack one of these days because of you.” Doojoon let out a growl and covered his face with his hands out of frustration.

Yoseob apologized in a small voice, “I’m sorry, Doojoonah. I really am. Now can you just please go shower? Please…” Yoseob whined a little and Doojoon groaned at the cute whine. Doojoon could deny nothing from Yoseob’s whine and the younger man knew it and he used it for his own benefit. How he hates Yoseob sometimes.

“Please…please…please…” Yoseob frowned cutely and whined incessantly at Doojoon, each plea was cuter, packed with more aegyo.

Doojoon laughed and admitted defeat as he walked to the second drawer to get a change of clothes. He walked to the attached bathroom and warned Yoseob that his nagging was not over, not by a long shot. Yoseob nodded and grinned as Doojoon stepped into the bathroom and closed the door.

The warm water was soothing for Doojoon’s tired body and worried mind. He had been anxious and jumpy when Yoseob did not contact him for the last 2 days after his arrival back in Seoul. When he was finally able to get a hold of Yoseob, the younger was already admitted to the hospital and Doojoon went over in a heartbeat, leaving behind his practice. He’d get the out of it tomorrow but he decided not to care, tomorrow was another day and it could wait. Doojoon was just relieved that Yoseob was safely tucked under the cover sof the hospital bed. 

When Doojoon stepped out of the steamy bathroom, he heard soft steady breathing in the room. Yoseob was already fast asleep, his eyes were shut tightly as if to block any light disturbing his peaceful slumber, his dry lips were slightly parted, his chest moving up and down slowly. Doojoon smiled as he corrected Yoseob’s sleeping posture so the younger man would not complain of a neck pain the next morning. He grabbed Yoseob’s head slowly, lowered the pillows and gently positioning Yoseob’s neck and head on the remaining pillows. He pulled the covers higher to cover Yoseob’s chest and tucked in a stray leg under the soft blanket. He then walked around the room to dim the lights and turned off the television before finally settling in a chair beside the hospital bed.

Doojoon grabbed Yoseob’s good hand and kept it in his hand while he slowly observed Yoseob’s soft facial features. Yoseob had always looked young and since the first time they met, Yoseob had always been tiny. He was strong headed and strong willed, but Doojoon always saw him as someone who needed protection, and Doojoon would always be there for him.

Subconsciously, Doojoon held out a hand and cupped a chubby cheek; he smiled when he remembered the success this tiny and whiny young man had achieved at his young age. It was just a matter of time until Yoseob would spread his wings wide and flew away to the sky.

Doojoon leisurely traced Yoseob’s features with his fingers; going over Yoseob’s closed eyes, his cheeks, his button nose, his slightly cracked lips. Trying to remember every plane, every dip, every stretch of skin. His grasp on Yoseob’s hand tightened when his gut twisted with an unfamiliar feeling, a feeling so strong that he slowly dipped down to the sleeping man and touched Yoseob’s lips with his own.

Yoseob’s lips was dry and rough, a result of dehydration and fatigue, but they were warm. As warm as his eyes, Doojoon mused. He always wondered how other’s lips would feel against his and Yoseob’s lips felt so ing right. Every crack and fold fit just right against his own lips; and they moved against the younger’s, his tongue hesitantly peeking out to moisten the cracked lips, to taste the sweet essence that was all Yoseob.

And then Yoseob stirred awake.

Doojoon froze as Yoseob opened his eyes and mumbled sleepily against his mouth.

“Doojoonie?”

Doojoon abruptly jumped away from Yoseob, letting go of the younger’s hand. Fear and confusion swirled together into a whirlpool of guilt in Doojoon’s eyes. He stammered, “I – I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

Yoseob answered quickly, “It’s okay Doojoonah. It’s – “

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” Doojoon was lost in his own confusion when Yoseob sat up and tried to calm him down. Yoseob’s good hand reached out for Doojoon, but the older man shook his head and his eyes went wild, ignoring the stretched out hand. “Doojoonah, listen to me. It’s okay, Doojoonah – “

Doojoon hastily grabbed his shoes and stumbled to the door, “I’ll come back tomorrow. Yoseobah, go sleep. I’ll…” The guilt was eating Doojoon alive and Yoseob could see the disgust in Doojoon’s eyes, even in the poorly lit room. 

“Doojoonie…”

“Go sleep. I’ll come back tomorrow.” He gulped and repeated himself, unsure, “I’ll come back tomorrow.”

And just like that Doojoon was gone. Yoseob’s good hand was left hanging in the air.

The silence in the room was deafening, the loneliness was too pronounced, the emptiness was too palpable. Yoseob curled on the bed, spasms of sadness washing through his whole body. He hugged himself with his good hand and rocked slowly back and forth, trying to calm himself from the disgust he saw in Doojoon’s eyes.

Doojoon was disgusted with him and he would just kill himself and die.

Tears escaped his eyes and started to stream down his chubby cheeks, sobs uncontrollable, hiccups shook Yoseob’s whole body as he cried alone in the dead of the night.

He rolled over to the night stand beside the hospital bed to grab his phone. He almost dialed Doojoon’s number out of habit, but remembered that Doojoon hated him, disgusted with him, disgusted in what Yoseob had become when he turned 18 years old.

He tapped on Junhyung’s name on his phone screen and after a few rings a sleepy voice answered from the end of the line.

“Yoseobah, what’s up?” Junhyung groaned as the call intruded his much needed sleep.

Yoseob sobbed and his voice trembled when he answered Junhyung, “Junhyungah, can you pick me up in the hospital?”

Junhyung shot up and sat on his bed, a frown between his eyebrows, “Yah, what happened? Are you crying?”

The trembling became worse as another wave of cry threatened to hit Yoseob, “Can you just please come over and pick me up?”

Junhyung’s voice was annoyed as he said, “Isn’t Doojoon there with you in the hospital? Where is he? Let me talk to him. Give the phone to him.”

Yoseob hummed in disapproval as he finally cried again, “No, he went away,” he started to sob remembering what has just happened, “please just come and fetch me. I wanna go home.”

It was apparent that Junhyung was annoyed out of his wits that Doojoon just left Yoseob alone when the younger man was crying his eyes out. He assured Yoseob, “I’ll be there in 30, don’t move a muscle.”

Yoseob nodded and forced a weak ‘yeah’ before ending the call. He winced at the sting when he pulled out the IV drip needle forcefully from his hand. He wobbled a little on his feet when he changed out of his hospital gown to a set of new clothes. After he was done, he sat by the window, waiting for Junhyung to arrive. A small bag of clothes and other necessities rested on the floor beside the chair as he stared vacantly out of the window.

Under the moonlight, there sat a young man by the window. His face was lit up by the moonlight but no light could ever break into the darkness of his heart.