Little Do You Know
Love is a beautiful feeling, but only when the one you love loves you back. Park Chaeyoung learnt this the hard way.
Why do people fall in love?
Is it because of their vanilla-scented hair?
The way they smell?
Their captivating eyes?
Their pointed nose?
Their alluring lips?
The way they dress?
Or is it because they understand you more than others could?
The way they take care of you?
The way they sing for you when you have trouble sleeping?
And the way they smile because of you?
I guess people have different reasons why they fall in love - they either fall in love because of someone's physical appearance or because of their beautiful heart. Either way, it is still love. Unfortunately, loving someone has consequences. They either love you back or..
And that is the most painful consequence of loving someone.
I met someone a few years back and I fell for them in an instant. It was so hard acting like I wasn't feeling anything towards them because I don't want to ruin the relationship I have with them, and that is friendship.
I have been loving that person ever since I started my training at the agency (even until now that it was announced that we're debuting soon). At first I thought it was just an ordinary "girl crush" thing but I didn't realize that it was already more than that. My simple admiration for her got deeper but I did not know what to do about it so I just let myself feel it.
I tried telling her how I feel but every time I do, she'll do some things (like telling everyone how proud she is to be my friend when I am performing in front of them during evaluation) that will make me change my mind. It wasn't really my intention to keep this from her forever but knowing that she only sees me as a friend prevents me to do so, and that pains me a lot.
Although I've always wanted her to know how I feel, there's still a part of me saying that I should just keep it to myself or just forget that I have feelings for her.
Will she love me back if I confess to her?
What if she doesn't feel the same?
What if my confession will change how she sees and thinks of me?
What if she'll despise me and wants me to stay out of her life forever?
What if...what if she'll regret that she met me?
These are the questions that keeps running back and forth in my mind. Questions full of what ifs and just the thought of it makes me want to hit my head against a hard surface until I forget everything, even my love for her.
To be honest, I really don't know what do. I'm confused and hurt at the same time. I just wish that all my what ifs will be answered and just focus on the what is.
And I wish that whatever happens, she'll still accept me like how she accepted me to be part of her life.