‘Cause when I’m with him I am, thinking of you’

When they first began dating Sana and Rosé had high hope for their relationship. For Sana, Rosé was this innocent clumsy girl with an angelic voice and immense kindness in her heart, and for Rosé, Sana was a funny, caring and protective unnie. To them, getting together made sense ‘we are both heartbroken and can perhaps heal each other and in the process fall for each other’ this is what they thought and it’s understandable for people with broken hearts to think that way, but this is where they knew they went wrong.

  Sure they enjoyed each other’s company, they enjoyed fooling around on their dates together, heck they even enjoyed the kissing, but there was something that was always missing. Love.

“Chaeyoung-ah” Sana and Rosé were walking together beside Han River. It had been two weeks since they got together and they had already stopped holding hands. “Yes Unnie?” Rosé sighed sadly being fully aware of what was happening.

“I…we have had a fine time together”

Chaeyoung nodded “Indeed Unnie, we have”

  Sana stopped and turned to face a sad Rosé. Rosé didn’t have feelings for Sana either but this relationship crumbling hurt her. Her mind was too fogged with the hurt of being unable to make the relationship work and see Sana go back to someone she loved while Rosé would be sad and lonely again. So fogged that she failed to see why it was ending.

“Chaeyoung” Sana grabbed her face “I need you to understand that this is not because of you. You are amazing and beautiful and funny and everything one would need in a woman. It’s just that it wasn’t meant to be. But trust me I truly wish we would have worked out too. But rebounds don’t work out. That’s just how it is.” Rosé looked away to hide her tears.

Sana grabbed her shoulders and moved closer. “You will find an amazing girl. You will love her and she will love you back. You will live a life of your dreams with her, because it is what you deserve.”Rosé nodded, looking sadly at the ground.“I’m always here for you. Whenever you need anything. We will of course continue to be friends and hang out surely” Sana held her hand “Thank you for everything.” She kissed Rosé’s hand and just like that walked out of her life only for Rosé to see her jog and hug Tzuyu as the couple proceeded on a romantic date along the bank of Han River, while Rosé walked back to her dorm alone with a single thought in her mind.

“Do I not deserve to be loved?”

….

Two weeks had passed since the party happened, two weeks since Jennie realized how much she loves Rosé and two weeks since she found out everything. Knowing what her friends did makes it so disappointing but no, she can't blame them. They just did what they thought was right, sadly it's only right on Rosé's part but not for her. And yes, she can't blame them because in the first place she rejected Rosé's feelings, she hurt the girl important to her because of being so in denial. And now, she has to accept the fact that the girl she needs no longer needs her.

"Well, I found out some things from Nayeon and some things from Lisa regarding Rosie, and I think you should know."

"What things?" Jennie asks. Jisoo walks forward and places an old tissue paper in Jennie's hand

"Lisa found this in Chae's pocket. I think you would like to read it, but first let's go back to the party before people notice we are missing, and I'll also tell you what Nayeon told me." Jisoo walked ahead of Jennie but stopped when she realizes that the younger girl's not following her. She turned around and saw the girl standing still not even moving an inch.

"Jen?"

"Can you just take me home, unnie.?"

Jen pleaded with tears in her eyes. Jisoo nodded

"Sure. I'll just text Lisa and tell her that you suddenly don't feel very well." The older girl walked back towards the younger girl and held her hand. " Let's go." Jisoo said making Jennie nod. Meanwhile at the party, everyone was having a good time celebrating Irene and Seulgi's engagement when Nayeon suddenly spoke.

"Where's Jisoo and Jennie?" Everyone looked around the area trying to find the two missing girls, even Rosé and Sana who just got back from the park also looked for the two.

"Oh, Jisunnie texted me!" Lisa said and read the message with her eyes.

"Cut the suspense, Lisa. What did she say?" Seulgi said getting a little impatient.

"She said that they have to go ahead. Jennie-unnie suddenly doesn't feel well." she said without looking at anyone specific and then locked her gaze to her best friend "Chaeng, Jisunnie said that we can call manager-oppa to pick us up later." Rosé was about to ask Lisa about Jennie when Sana spoke. "Oh girls, you don't need to call your manager. I'll drive you both home." Sana smiled making her girlfriend smiled as well. "Well, it's settled then. Let's continue the party." Joy screamed making everyone to cheer.

  Everyone continued to enjoy the party except for one person. "Chae, let's dance." Sana invited which was politely declined by her girlfriend. "Uhm you go ahead. I'll just rest my feet for a while." Sana nodded and left her and went to the dance floor where everyone is. "She's not feeling well? How come? She was so hype the moment I saw her when Sana and I arrived. Was it because of Irene-unnie's announcement? Was she hurt? Is she okay? I hope she is. How I wish I can comfort her." Rosé thought to herself as she was staring in space. “But she doesn't need you Chaeng! She never needed you. You're nothing to her so just leave her alone!" Rosé couldn't help but feel even more frustrated because the more she ignores the older girl, the more she longs for her presence and the more she misses her.

  Back to the two girls, Jennie and Jisoo arrived at their dorm 20 minutes right after they left the party. Jennie went directly inside her room who was followed by the older girl. "Jen, how are you feeling?" the older girl asked sitting at the edge of Jennie's bed. "I don't know unnie. I feel like the pain that I've been denying has doubled up. And it's even more painful this time." the younger Kim said trying not to stutter. "I'm sorry"

"You don't have to apologize, unnie. It's not your fault." Jennie smiled sadly. "I'm still at fault. This could've been prevented if I told you earlier." "Tell me about what?" the younger girl asked confusingly. "About what Lisa did." Jisoo said trying to hide her nervousness. “I’m not saying that what Lisa did was wrong but I'm not also saying that what she did was not right as well. She just did that because she thought she could help Chaeng."

"What is it unnie?" Jennie asked getting impatient. "It's about the tissue."

"This?" the younger girl took out the tissue from her pocket and showed it to the older girl.

"Yes. Chaeng wrote something on it. Lisa asked me to give that to you if something like this will happen. Don't worry, I never read what's written inside. You can read it now if you want." Jennie hesitated opening the tissue but decided to open it in the end. As soon as she started reading what's inside, she realized that Rosé wrote it on the day when they first kissed. Jennie started tearing up and as she was reading Rosé's letter, she could no longer stop her tears. She just let it fall and as soon as she was nearing the end, she's already reading it with a blurry vision. Jennie place down the tissue on her bed after reading it. She wiped her tears away and looked at the older girl sitting in front of her.

"I didn't know that she loved me like that to point that she almost gave me everything she has, unnie. Why am I so blind to see that?" Jennie burst in tears and hugged her best friend "I hurt her unnie, I hurt Rosie." she sobbed on Jisoo's shoulder. The older girl caressed Jennie's back hoping that it'll ease the pain the younger girl's feeling. A few minutes after, Jennie let go of the hug and wiped her tears

"You said something about Lisa and Nayeon-unnie. What is it?" Jisoo sat up straight

"I know that it isn't my right to tell you this but I can't afford seeing you like that." she paused making Jennie to anticipate "Remember one time when Chaeyoung left after our practice because she said she's meeting someone?" Jennie nodded "The truth is she was not meeting anyone. She went to the bar and…had too much. She even almost got herself in trouble with a man, good thing Nayeon and Jeongyeon were there. They helped her and took her to their dorm and let her sleep there for the night."

"What have I done?" Jennie frustratingly wiped her face with both her hands. Jisoo raised her eyebrows

“No. It’s not your fault. Rosé should have been smarter” Jisoo continued "That night, Lisa saw the tissue in Chaeng's jacket pocket. She opened the tissue out of curiosity and that's where she found out about Chaeyoung's feelings for you. Lisa reading that letter made her wants to do something for her best friend. While thinking of what to do, Nayeon called her and told her about Chaeng's situation. Right then and there, Lisa decided that she wants her best friend to move on from you so she asked Nayeon's help. Lisa asked a favor from her if she can set up Chae with someone. Nayeon declined at first because it would be unfair on the person's part but witnessing Chaeng's wasted situation, she ended up agreeing on Lisa's idea. The odds might be on their favor because Sana just recently broken up with Tzuyu and needs someone to divert her attention away from her ex girlfriend."

"S-sana and Tzuyuhad just b-broken up?"

"Yes, they had just broke up. That's the reason why I never approved Sana and Rosé's relationship. I knew for a fact that they'll just end up being each others' rebound and I don't want to see Chaeng getting hurt even more. I tried talking to her but she never listen's to me. I also tried talking to Lisa about it but she keeps on saying that it's for Chaeng's happiness but clearly, I'm seeing the opposite of it."

"Does Chaeng know about it?" Jisoo nodded and sighed "She's the one who called Nayeon after knowing that Irene's back."

Jennie went silent after hearing everything. It seems like she ran out of words to describe how she's feeling. She felt like she just wanted to disappear.

She felt betrayed.

"I want to sleep, unnie." was all Jennie could say as she laid down the bed.

"Sure Jen. You need to rest too" Jisoo said tucking the younger girl in "I know that it's a lot to take in but know that I'm always here for you." she added making the younger girl nod

. "Goodnight, Jendeuk." Jisoo kissed the younger girl's forehead.

"Goodnight, unnie." Jennie closed her eyes as soon as Jisoo left the room closing the door.

...

"How are you and Lisa?" Jennie asked Jisoo while sipping her mocha frappe.

"We are fine. We just had a little fight but we're not breaking up." the older girl casually said eating her cheese cake.

They are now at their favorite cafe winding up trying to take away the stress they've been feeling lately.

"I did not say that you're breaking up. I want to ask why?"

"Well, I told her about what happened to you and she said that it's too late now." Jisoo sighed.

"And?"

"You know how stubborn Lisa. She didn't listen to me."

"You didn't blame her right?" Jennie asked looking intently at the older girl.

The older girl shook her head "No, even if I want to I still can't do that." Jisoo stopped eating and looked outside the cafe.

"If I was in her position, I would do that too. It's just so hard seeing my best friend getting hurt." Jennie smiled hearing what the older girl said

"Thank you, unnie. Thanks for keeping me sane."

Jisoo transferred her gaze to the younger girl giving her a disgust look "That's so cheesy Jendeuk." she said and smirked "but yeah, you should thank me. Without me, you would've gone crazy by now." the older girl laughed making Jennie giggle.

"You should talk to her unnie. No matter how stubborn Lisa is, we know that she loves you. At the end of the day, she'll listen to you." Jennie said taking a sip from her drink.

"I know." Jisoo smiled "She may act without thinking sometimes, surprisingly there's a good outcome for her abrupt actions."

"And what is it?"

"You realized your feelings for Chaeng that you've been denying ever since." Jisoo said with a smug face.

"Well, I should thank Lisa for that then." the younger girl smiled.

"Do you already know?" Jisoo asked out of a sudden after a couple minutes of silence.

"Know what?"

"Sana and Chaeng already broke up three days ago."

….

   Rosé was sitting on her bed and strumming her guitar while simultaneously making notes in her notebook. She was so occupied making music she almost didn’t hear a knock on her door.

“Oh…come in” she said when the knock was heard again for the second time.

“Sorry to disturb you” Jennie stood at the door.

  Upon seeing her,Chaeyoung hopped off her bed “Oh unnie…sorry I was caught up.”

Jennie looked at her dongsaeng’s eyes now puffy and red from crying ‘Is she really heartbroken?’ Jennie wondered ‘Is it my fault?’

“Unnie?”

“Huh…oh sorry Rosie…you were saying something?”

Rosé gave her a weird look “Unnie are you okay?”

“Yes I am” Jennie closed the door behind her “But are you?”

“Huh?”

“I came here to talk…I… uh….I heard about the breakup.”

“Oh” Rosé looked away sadly.

“And I also want to apologize. I want to apologize for the past few weeks. I haven’t been paying much attention to you” Jennie said playing nervously with her hands

“That’s why I am here now. You are going through a painful time period and I want to help.” The two of them stood awkwardly for a couple of seconds before Jennie spoke again

“You don’t want to talk about it? It’s fine I get it. In that case I can’t help much but if you like” Jennie moved closer to the tall girl with a wide grin on her face. She stretched out her arms and stood in front of Rosé

“I can give you a hug. It usually helps.” For a second Rosé stood frozen looking into Jennie’s eyes. The next second she was held tightly in the older girl’s arms, tears streaming down her cheeks as she cried into Jennie’s neck. At that instant they both knew one thing for sure.

The tears weren’t for Sana.