“I dropped out from college” 

The silence was deafening after the statement. She’s waiting for an explanation. She’s waiting for a good reason. These are the words she least expected to come out from Momo’s mouth. She’s very dedicated to finish college to pursue her dreams. She worked hard for this to come this far and all of a sudden, she just dropped out from college. It doesn’t seem right. It doesn’t seem like Momo at all.

“What happened?” Mina asked with furrowed brows.

Momo looked intently to her and the corner of slid upwards.

“Don’t worry, I just felt that it is not really for me, for now I’ll look for a full time work.”

Lies. Mina couldn’t understand why Momo have to do these. She knew the older is hiding something and she doesn’t know if she has the right to convince her to tell her the truth. In the first place, they are not dating. They haven’t talked about being official. However, whatever Momo wanted to do, she wanted to support her.

“I understand. But if there’s anything bothering you, please tell me Momo”

Momo patted her head in agreement. “Yes, princess” she teased. She wrapped her arms around the older, feeling the warmth. She can hear the beating of Momo’s heart and she can hear hers’ as well, perfectly in sync. She wanted to be with this person always, she already envisioned herself in the future with Momo.

“Would you mind if I move here in your dorm? So you won’t have to be alone” Momo suddenly suggested and she felt her heart skip in bliss.

“Really? You’ll move here?” her delight is showing in her eyes.

“If it’s okay with you.”

“Of course!” she hugged the older tightly. It was the best thing that she could ever ask for.

++

If it was the best thing for Mina, it was a nightmare for Sana. Seeing Momo packing her things, Sana felt her other half is missing. This is the worst.

“Do you really have to do this Momo?” Sana asked, convincing the older to change her mind.

Momo stopped what she’s doing and sat beside Sana at the edge of her bed. She held her hands rubbing it gently.

“Nothing will ever change Sana, I will visit you here regularly, and you can come to the dorm as well, I’m sure Mina won’t mind”

It is not that simple, Sana thought. This is the hardest part of their friendship, once Momo put her mind into something, she would never change her mind. She felt defeated. Momo wanted to be with Mina so she can take care of her more. And she should understand that, Momo is in love. She held her tears from falling.

“Okay, if that would make you happy. But, just promise me you won’t get hurt”

 “Don’t worry Sana, I’ll be fine” she pulled her for a hug. The tears she’s trying to hold escaped from her eyes.

++

Mina went excitedly to the groceries to buy ingredients. Today is the day Momo will move in her dorm and she wanted to cook for her. She’s not really a good cook but she has researched how to prepare the dishes that Momo loved. As far as Mina knew, they aren’t a couple yet, she knew Momo is just waiting for her to be completely sure about her feelings toward the older. Now, she’s sure who she wanted to be with, she could no longer imagine a life without her. Momo became her life support. She’s been with her through the hard times. And tonight she wanted to make it official.

++

Momo arrived in the afternoon carrying her luggage and few boxes with her. She helped her to unpack and store her clothes at the closet. The thought of Momo sharing the cabinet with her is making her heart flutter. It really felt like they are living together.

Mina started to prepare the dinner, and Momo insisted in helping her in the kitchen saying that it would be easier with the two of them cooking. They ate together and both of them washed the dishes. Momo teasingly put soap bubbles in her face, and she did the same. They laughed on how silly both of them are. They ended up drenched all over.

Mina grabbed two dry towels and wiped Momo’s face and limbs. They are standing face to face and Momo just stared at the younger like memorizing her face.

“I might melt if you keep staring like that” Mina teased. Momo leaned forward and pressed softly her lips against her. It was a gentle kiss. Mina felt her blood rushed through her face. Every time they kiss, she gets this feeling. The older knows how to make her melt. They pulled shortly, hearts racing, Mina felt her heart will burst out from her chest. She’s in love.

“I love you, Momo” these words finally escaped . Tears suddenly fell on her eyes unconsciously. This feeling is just too strong. Mina couldn’t hold back.

“I want to be yours” Mina continued. Momo pulled her into a tight hug. The older leaned her head on the crook of her neck and she can feel her shoulder getting wet, Momo is crying. They are both in tears. Mina felt her heart ached a bit.

“I want to be yours, too Mina. I love you, so much” Momo said in between sob.

She pushed Momo’s shoulders lightly to look at her lover’s face. She wiped the tear-stained cheek and pecked her lips.

++

Mina felt the coldness when she was suddenly woken up in the middle of the night. She missed the warmth and noticed that Momo is no longer beside her. She saw the door to the balcony is slightly open. She wrapped the blanket over her half- body and walked towards the small space, there she found Momo, looking nowhere, in deep thoughts. She reached for the older’s waist and spooned her for a hug.

“Can’t sleep?”

“Did I wake you up?” Momo asked instead of answering. She turned to face her and pulled her to a hug. Mina just shook her head.

“I just missed you” she said. They just stayed like a that for a while, feeling each other’s warmth. This feels perfect, knowing that they share the mutual feelings. But Mina felt a tinge worry with the look on Momo’s eyes. She just shrugged it off thinking that soon, Momo will tell her everything when she’s ready.

++

Every morning, Momo will cook them breakfast and she will accompany her to school before going to her work as a kitchen helper in a nearby restaurant. After work, she would bring take-out food or she would cook them dinner. One night, while having their dinner, Mina asked.

“Momo, don’t you missed dancing?”

Momo felt a lump on and she couldn’t answer right away. Mina knew the older’s love for dancing, she missed seeing her dance, she missed Momo’s expression when she’s doing what she loved.

“Not really” she said quietly.

Lies. She felt her heart ache when Momo said those words. It was an obvious lie. And she still couldn’t understand why Momo easily threw her dreams away.

++

“Momo, please make the sauce for the pasta” the chef instructed her and she complied. She quickly sliced the ingredients and prepared the pan for heating. All of a sudden, she felt pressure in her chest, and her vision became blurry. She fell down on her knees, and she passed out. Her co-workers quickly attended on her and called an ambulance.

She woke up in the emergency room and she saw a familiar figure, it was Sana. She was crying. Momo reached for her best friend’s cheek to wipe them away, it was painful to watch Sana cry.

“Shhh, don’t cry”

“What the hell Momo, what are you doing with yourself? You promised you won’t get hurt” she said with shaky voice.

“I was just tired, but I’m fine. Please don’t tell Mina I passed out”

++

Later that night, Momo went home after being discharged immediately. Sana accompanied her to her dorm. She fixed herself before knocking and pretended that everything’s alright.

++

“Momo, we made a short film as part of our project and we had a film showing open for public at the school’s theater this coming Saturday, I would be glad if you could come” Mina requested in the middle of their breakfast. She really wanted Momo to come.

“Of course I would go” she smiled warmly and patted Mina’s head.

“Thank you Momoring” she gave the older a kiss.

++

Today is Saturday, the day when she promised Mina to go to the film showing this afternoon. The younger is at school the early in the morning and she decided to visit first the hospital before going to the university.

“Dr. Kim, how was it?” Momo sounded desperate. Momo has been going to her ever since she first felt the tightness in her chest.  

“You really need to do it as soon as possible Momo, you don’t have much time, and soon, the symptoms will appear more frequently and you won’t be able to move your limbs”

“Can you give me at least one month? Just give me something to numb the pain for the meantime, please”

The doctor hesitantly gave her pain killers.

“You should tell your father about this Momo, you need help”

Severe coronary artery disease, that’s what Dr, Kim named her disease. She doesn’t even know what that means, but she’s sure she heard it right that it was terminal. The doctor assured her that the surgery can increase the chance of surviving, if only she has the money. Momo knew she needed help, both financial and emotional support. She went out of the hospital, feeling depressed and drained. She took one pill, to get her through the day. She doesn’t have enough savings to get the surgery done. She picked her phone and dialed her father’s number. For the first time, she contacted her father, for the first time she wanted to seek for his help. She’s doing this for Mina.

“Dad, can I ask you a favor? Can you lend me some money?”

“I’m sorry Momo, you know, I already have kids with my new wife, they’re my priority for now”

She ended the call immediately, it hurts. Why did she even expect something from her father? She couldn’t hold back the tears. How can she take care of Mina if she’s like this. She wanted to be okay. She couldn’t let Mina know about this, she doesn’t want to be a burden to anyone, especially to the girl she cared the most.

Later that afternoon, she went to the film showing and sat in one of the chairs at the furthest row. The film is great but Momo couldn’t help her tears from falling. After the show, she saw Mina stood at the front with her team and bowed to the audiences. Momo felt her world crumble the moment she saw her beloved’s face. She went outside immediately and picked up her phone to message her. I’m sorry Mina.

++

Mina, while preparing her things to go home, she heard her phone beeped. She saw the sender and a smile appeared on her face.

MM: Let’s break up.

Her expression changed in a blink of an eye. Her eyes became blurry because of the tears threatening to fall. Her hands shaking. She immediately pressed the call button, she wanted to talk to the girl. But the call redirected to a voice message. She couldn’t reach her. She rushed outside and rode a cab to her dorm.

She pushed the door of her dorm, expecting to see Momo. But there are no traces of her. She went to her room and she looked for Momo’s things in her closet. They’re gone. Momo left her. She kept calling her but no answer from the older. She sat at the floor at the side of her bed, tucking her knees. She couldn’t believe it would be this painful. There were no reasons, she doesn’t know what went wrong. She felt lifeless.

She cried herself to sleep that night. Still trying to call Momo, and she’s sent hundreds of messages to her that are still unanswered.

Mina even tried to call Sana, but Sana doesn’t even know where Momo is. It’s been days and she contacted every single person who knows Momo. She even went to the restaurant where Momo used to work, they said she already resigned. It is too painful; she was destroyed by those words. Let’s break up? You think that’s fair Momo? You make me fall in love with you and then you’ll leave me, without a trace, you’re just gone. You’re so unfair.

Alone in her dorm, it felt gloomy, they made so much memories here. Every corner of her room it reminds her of the older. This is suffocating. In a moment, she heard a knock on the door, her heart suddenly jumped out of her chest, she ran towards the door and opened it.

“Hi Mina”

“Jeongyeon?”

++

I'm sorry for the errors, please bear with me. I know my writing is kind of fast paced. I'm trying to improve but for now, that's all i can offer. Thank you for those who are still reading this. and to those silent readers, i appreciate all of you.