Momo is keeping herself occupied with school and work. She continued her part time job giving dance lessons at night. But she could not really avoid seeing Mina sometimes at the school. She would see her at the cafeteria, or at the building lobby. It has been weeks since she last spoke to her. She could not help but to worry about Mina, she doesn’t look anything better since their last encounter. You told me it will be better if I leave you alone? Momo has been trying hard not to concern herself or even approach her.

It was announced earlier in news that there will be heavy rainfall in the afternoon. Momo, as prepared as she can be, she made sure she brought her umbrella because she will be going to her part time. After classes, walking outside the Arts building. She saw this familiar person’s back facing her, waiting for the rain to stop maybe. She took a step closer. Each step is accompanied by her pounding heart. She stopped parallel to her and opened her umbrella shifting it to the younger, implying to take it.

“You can have this” Momo offered to the younger, she reached for Mina’s hand to make her hold the umbrella. Mina has a surprised expression on her face.

Mina could not say anything, but she clutched on Momo’s jacket when the older is about to leave without anything protecting her from the rain. Mina walked forward and shared the umbrella with her.

“Let’s go together” she silently said.

“I have somewhere else to go first.”

“Then I’ll go with you” Mina said.

Momo is sure the sound of the raindrops falling are loud, but why does she feel her heart is beating louder.

Side by side, they are walking along the streets under the same umbrella, elbows touching, yet still keeping the imaginary wall in between them. This silence is unsettling. She’s mad at herself, her decisions in life were never right in the first place, she always ended up being hurt. Now, she let herself in this situation again. And Sana will scold her later for this.

“Come in” Momo said when they reached the dance studio.

There were almost 15 people in the dance studio, like high schoolers. Mina managed to find a seat inside.

“Momo-is that your girlfriend?” one of the students asked. Momo shushed the one who asked. “I don’t have one” she whispered

++

The class started. Mina is just watching intently at the corner, right at the back of the students. This is the first time she saw Momo danced. She can see her expression changed when she’s serious, it was different on how she’s known her. She danced gracefully, like she was born to do this. Movements are precise and close to perfection.

She’s also different when she made fun of the students, how she was being loved by these people. It is like a new discovery. And it doesn’t help her determination to forget these budding feelings.

Her eyes met Momo’s, they are staring at each other at the expansive studio mirror. Mina couldn’t look away. It was the same eyes she last saw in Jeju. The same eyes that make feel her this mixed up emotions. The strong façade she’s trying to show is now crumbling in front of her. This is not helping at all.

++

“I think it will be better if you don’t get too close…”

Those words were like daggers into her heart. It came from her own mouth, but it feels foreign for her. These are the words she least wanted to say to Momo. But the anxiety has already eaten her alive at that moment that she could no longer control what comes out of . Maybe she really meant what she said, but one thing is for sure, she hurt the person she cared the most. And this is her punishment.

She went inside the dorm, feeling empty. She knew she lost her the moment she turned her back from her. On her knees, she cried silently, her palms covering trying to control the sound. She already misses the girl.

The university is not too big for them to not see each other. There was a tug in her heart when her eyes met Momo who is also looking back at her, and the older looked away. If she knew it will be this hard, she should’ve let the girl walk away. She’s too coward to face her feelings. Fears surfaced too fast after their last kiss. This is all too strong, the feelings, the fears. It was all new to her. It was entirely different with Jeongyeon, she’s confused.

Weeks, days have passed. She felt her soul has already left her body. It was lunch break, and she went on the school grounds in front of the soccer field instead of going to cafeteria to eat. She feels extra tired day by day. She sat at the one of the benches and picked her mobile phone to check if a certain girl messaged her. Stupid, of course she won’t. After what I’ve done. She closed her phone. She released a heavy sigh, head facing the ground. She felt someone’s footsteps approaching and stopped in front of her.

“Sana?”

Sana is staring down at her. They aren’t that close and they haven’t spoken that much.

Sana gave her a paper bag and sat beside her. She was confused on what’s happening now. Why Sana is here and why is she giving me this thing? She takes a look at the paper bag and there was lunch box inside.

“What’s this? are you giving this to me?” she asked

“A stupid raccoon asked me to give that to you, she cooked that herself”

Mina feels a big lump in , and tightness in her chest. She unpacked the lunch box and opened the lid. She picked her chopsticks and took a mouthful of the Japanese cuisine the older made for her. She could not hold it in, tears escaped her eyes, she cried so hard, in front of Sana. She’s crying while chewing the food. She misses the person so much, it hurts. It hurts more knowing that Momo is still taking care of her in many ways. She doesn’t deserve this.

Sana gave Mina her handkerchief seeing the overflowing tears in her cheeks. “You know, I should be mad at you, but seeing you crying over food, you’re helpless” Sana said. Mina admits, her heart suddenly felt warm.

Days passed and that day Mina didn’t bring an umbrella, she doesn’t even know it was going to rain. After classes, she just stood in front of the Arts building waiting for the rain to stop. But the rain just kept getting stronger. She suddenly felt someone’s presence beside her. She looked up at the familiar face and she felt her chest tightens. Momo opened her umbrella and reached for her hand giving it to her. She couldn’t react immediately when the voice of the older reached her.

“You can have this”

++

Before she knew it, hours already passed and the class ended. The students bid goodbye to Momo and one by one they left the studio until they are alone. The studio suddenly feels empty and lonely. She saw Momo drenched in sweat and wiping it off of her with a small towel. She thought that Momo really works hard to the things she’s passionate about.

The dancer walked towards her and sat right beside her. She can feel the constant up and down of the older’s chest due to exhaustion after the long hours of dancing. She was never prepared when the older started to speak.

“I’m sorry, I thought I could do this but I was wrong” Momo started, Mina was puzzled by the statement. Why is she saying sorry? I should be the one who should say that. “I-I could not grant your wish, I can’t continue pretending we did not exist. I just cared about you a lot” Momo continued and her voice is shaking. Those words shot through her heart. She swallowed the huge lump in she’s doesn’t know existed.

“I-I should be the one saying sorry. After all I’ve said to you.” Mina started sobbing in between her statement.

Momo, without hesitation, hugged Mina, comforting her.

“I was scared Momo, I’m scared of us, I’m scared of my feelings, I’m scared that I might hurt you”

“I love you, Mina” she removed herself from the hug to face the girl

“I loved you, even before you met Jeongyeon. Can you just let me love you?”

It was a genuine confession. These words mended her shattered heart. All the doubts and fears are fading away. Mina nods, words wouldn’t come out, tears couldn’t stop from flowing in her eyes, but she managed to give an answer.

“Promise me, you won’t leave”

“I won’t”

++

I kept listening to Sudden Rain by Eric Nam while writing this chapter. You can check it out!