Living in Japan is like coming back home for Mina, she used to live here during middle school and migrated to Korea for college. She decided to stay in Tokyo due to its proximity in her workplace, she often visited her family in Kobe occasionally. She worked hard to become what she is now, she’s just promoted as a film director and is given a project to work on her own film. It’s almost six years since she graduated from university. Being busy helped her so much in occupying her mind to wander to unnecessary thoughts, which is the void that was left by Momo. She believed she’s moved on, more like convincing herself.

“You’re spacing out PD-nim” one of her colleagues shake her off from her daydream.

“Oh I’m sorry Dahyun. Where were we?” she started to focus

“As what I am saying, we should check these indie artists I have researched, they look promising” she suggested.

“Okay, I’m assigning the screening to you, just present me your top pick to collaborate with us, so I can hire them as our music director”

“Sure thing, just tell me if you need anyth – “

Buzz. Her phone rang, and she excused herself from Dahyun.

“Hello Jeongyeon, yes I’ll be finished by then, okay, see you, bye” she ended the call and shifted to her colleague.

“Is that your lover PD-nim?” Dahyun asked. She just smiled and get back to the topic they are discussing.

++

Mina went outside the building and saw Jeongyeon waiting beside her car waving at her. She approached her and the older pecked her cheek.

“You seem busy these days, Mina, I haven’t seen you in days”

“Someone is being needy” she chuckled

“Well, you owe me a dinner, let’s go”

The older opened her car door at the passenger seat for Mina. They went to one of the luxurious restaurant, eating silently, until Jeongyeon broke the silence.

“I think I saw Sana in one of the event I attended last week.”

At the mention of Sana’s name, she felt her insides turn upside down. She hasn’t heard of her ever since. She tried not to show she’s bothered.

“Ah really?”

“Yes, but I couldn’t approach her since we’re not really close”

There was silence. Mina doesn’t know how to react with the sudden topic. Jeongyeon felt she shouldn’t have brought up the topic since it just triggered something in Mina. She can see the change of facial expression of the younger that she’s not really okay about the mention of Sana.

“I’m sorry for bringing it up” the older uttered.

“No, it’s okay, you don’t have to be sorry” Mina assured her and smiled

On their way home, Mina became silent staring out of the car window, propping her chin. Jeongyeon knows this kind of silence. She knows that she hasn’t moved on, never. And it kills her knowing that it was almost 6 years ever since Momo disappeared but Mina still couldn’t get over. Even though she’s showing her strong façade, even though she’s always giving her smiles, they were empty. She tried to replace Momo but she couldn’t.

“Mina, have you thought about us?” Jeongyeon said in stern voice. She wanted to be with Mina, they have been friends for six years but the younger couldn’t reciprocate her feelings.

Mina was brought back to reality with the sudden question, her mind was wandering somewhere else.

“Pardon?”

“I said, would you want to date me? Or at least try dating me?” Jeongyeon sounded desperate.

Mina looked at her, with apologetic eyes. “I’m sorry… I don’t think I can do that”

“Is it still because of her?” there was a crack in her voice.

Mina couldn’t answer. She just turned her head and looked outside again. She doesn’t like these things to be brought up again. She doesn’t know anymore what to feel, she’s angry at Momo, for leaving her, for lying to her that she won’t leave her, for breaking her promises, for breaking her heart, and she also hates herself because after all this years, it still affected her.

++

“Dahyun, have you interviewed our candidates for the Music director?” Mina asked busy with the browsing the script that was just submitted to her.

“Yes, PD-nim, actually I already selected the most perfect fit for the role, you’ll meet her soon” Her eyes sparkling.

“Okay, I’ll trust you on that, also please talk to our casts’ manager about their schedules and the shoot’s timeline” Mina requested.

“Alright! Also, please don’t worry too much, you need to loosen yourself a bit Mina, aside for being your assistant, I am also your friend, just rely on us more” Dayhun said cheerfully. She’s a bubbly girl, an energy maker and Mina trusts her. She smiled warmly to the girl.

++

“PD-nim, the new music director is waiting at the huddle room” one of the secretary said.

“Alright I’ll be there now” she didn’t even check the profile of her new music director, she just trusted Dahyun so much in choosing the role for her. She must be really good, Dahyun always choses the best people for her team. She sets her expectations too high.

The way to the huddle room is about two floors below her office. She’s looking elegant in her white formal top tucked in her black palazzo pants. She brought the folder Dahyun gave her containing the profile of the music director which she hasn’t checked yet.

She opened the door in the huddle room and saw the back profile of the music director, upon hearing the door, the newbie turned and bowed immediately to her. Upon the sight of her face, she felt her stomach knotted up, her body became stiff. She couldn’t move.

“Nice to meet you PD-nim” the person said while bowing and slowly stretched her hand for a shake and stood straight, she’s like struck by lightning upon seeing Mina. It took a few seconds before Mina could finally speak, awkwardly reaching for the other’s hand.

“Nice to meet you too, M-Momo” her voice is shaky, like there was a huge lump on that she never noticed. She never thought she’d ever say that name again. Their hands linked together, she felt all her façade broke down upon the contact. But she needs to be professional, she forced a smile to the older.

They both sat facing each other in front of the round table. A heavy silence settled over them, she kept looking at the papers Dahyun gave her like it was the most interesting thing in the world, yet it really is, it has all of Momo’s information, the girl who just left her years ago, the girl who she tried to forget, the girl who hurt her, the girl who just disappeared without giving any explanation. And now she’s casually sitting in front of her, and she has to grasp the situation, this girl will be working with her closely. She’s been looking for her, but now that she’s right in front of her, she didn’t know it will be this hard. She wanted to ask everything, she wanted to ask why did she left, why did she disappear, why did she cut all of her connections with her. But she’s also afraid to ask.

“Your profile is pretty impressive; I never knew you could also create music” it sounded bitter. Mina felt that the person in front of her is not the same Momo she knew. Even her physique is quite different, she’s a bit thinner than the last time she saw her, which is six years ago, her hair is now shoulder length and dyed black.

“I’m not that exceptional but I’ll try my hardest to contribute in your project. Thank you for having me here” Momo sounded scripted. It annoys her that she could casually talk to her like that while her mind is all over the place. It’s unfair.

“I’ll introduce you to our team, follow me” she managed to sound professional.

++

They went two floors above, she managed to avoid glances at her in the elevator. They stood one person apart, she hates to admit it but she missed her presence so much. Upon the sound of the elevator, signaling the arrival at the designated floor, she gathered her team and introduced her to them.

“Everyone, this is Hirai Momo, our new music director, please take care of her.”

Everyone greets Momo and introduced themselves. One employee asked about Momo’s experiences and education, curious about the new addition to their team.

“So you went to the same university as PD-nim?”

“Ah yes, we actually knew each other.” Momo honestly said. But the next statement crushed Mina. “We were friends”

Friends? You forgot that we used to be inseparable, we used to live in the same roof, we used to be dreaming about our future. Mina excused herself in the group and went to the rest room. She felt suffocated. Yes, she wanted to see her but not in this absurd situation, she won’t be able to focus. She had to be professional. She called Dahyun.

“Dahyun, I suddenly felt sick, I’ll be going home early, please take over for now and orient the newbie” she requested. She couldn’t control her feelings as of the moment, the situation is all too absurd and she couldn’t handle it now with her being emotionally unstable.

There are too many questions in her mind but unanswered. She needed to patch up her emotions and properly face Momo tomorrow. She has to put up her stern façade to be able to finish her first project smoothly. She doesn’t want to be affected by the appearance of her past love and ruin her career.

++

She tried to sleep but images of Momo keep flashing in her head. The feeling she tried to burry long ago suddenly came back pieces by pieces. The pain really never left, she can feel it’s presence going so strong now. The longing is unbearable.

I hate you, yet I love you, but there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss you. And I hate myself for that.