”You are wearing slippers? Uh, but you don’t have your socks on. Wait here, let me get them for you,” Yerin said as soon as she is seeing a pair of black slip-on slippers in additional to hers in front of the door.

”No need to,” SinB grabs Yerin’s wrist, stopping the woman from leaving for her bedroom again.

”But, you are going to get col-” 

”It’s just four floors down,” SinB quickly cuts Yerin’s mid-sentence and slip on her slipper.

”Still, you-” 

”Can you stop treating me like that?” again, SinB interrupted Yerin from finishing what she wants to say, only this time, clearly shows she is irritated by it.

”Like that like what?” Yerin asks.

”This. All loving and caring. Like I’m some child. Like I am some frail, weak person that could easily get harm. Stop treating me like that,” SinB said angrily.

SinB really wants Yerin to stop treating her like that because she doesn’t want to hurt Yerin’s feeling. The woman is going to be devastated if she tries so hard but she wouldn’t reciprocate her feelings. She can’t reciprocate her feelings. And, SinB doesn’t want to fall for the woman, she couldn’t let herself fall for Yerin’s charm but at this rate, she just might.

”I do care and I love you. But, okay...” Yerin said with confidence at first but ends with an unsure tone. SinB sighs loudly before storming off, stomping her feet at it.

Yerin trails behind the angry woman confusedly. As she is walking behind SinB, Yerin keeps thinking about something that is stored way back in her memory. Then suddenly it clicks. Probably, it’s SinB’s time of the month because today’s date is around the same time when the younger woman was mad at her a few months ago. The time when they got to work together the first time and she went to the coffee shop’s drive-through. Back then, she also assumed it was SinB’s time of the month but never confirmed it with SinB. As much as she wanted to, she didn’t dare to do it.

Seeing SinB asked her not to, and being a good listener that she claimed she is, Yerin decides to do just what SinB asked her to. Yerin walks a few steps behind SinB. When they got to the lift, she just stands there without doing anything. She didn’t press the button like she usually does. SinB presses the button angrily. Then, the lift’s door open. Yerin gets in along with SinB and goes straight to the back. Again, she didn’t press the button nor let the young woman get in first like she normally does. SinB huffs and presses the button for her floor peevishly. 

”What is she so angry about?” Yerin asks herself in her mind, feeling sorry for the buttons.

The lift reaches the sixth floor, SinB gets out of it immediately. Yerin follows suit. Just like before, Yerin just walks a few steps behind SinB. The young woman turns around and glares at her. Yerin just looks at her innocently. SinB turns back around and continues walking towards her unit.

”You are working the morning shift tomorrow, aren’t you?” Yerin asks after closing the gap between her and SinB but still walking two steps behind the younger woman.

”Ne. Why?” SinB answers dryly.

”I’m starting my shift in the morning too. Do you want to go to work together?” Yerin asks.

”Okay,” SinB said as she keys in the passcode.

”Okay. See you tomorrow. And thank you for today. I had a great tim-” 

Click.

Yerin looks at the closed door in front of her. SinB just walks off when she is still talking. This is the first. It hurts. Yerin rested her palm on her chest and breaths heavily. She turns around to walk back to the lift, scratching her head. 

”Woah! She is scary. But, it just makes me love her even more. I guess she really hates me being too caring and loving huh? Okay, I won’t do it then,” Yerin talks to herself as she walks through the corridor of the sixth floor.

***

Yerin takes out her phone and stares at it, contemplating whether to call or text SinB. She is already on the sixth floor, they are going to work together today. Remembering what SinB said, no, scolded her last night helps Yerin makes up her mind. She types her good morning text and informs SinB that she is already here, waiting for her by the lift. Usually,  Yerin will wait for SinB in front of her unit, but SinB seems to not like her doing that.

As usual, SinB will come out of her house after five minutes. And just like always, Yerin’s lips curved into a smile as soon as her eyes are blessed with the sight of this beautiful yet mysterious woman who keeps making her fall in love over and over again. Every time Yerin falls, it’s getting deeper that she knew nothing could save her from it. Even it has been months, Yerin is still feeling hopeful that someday the woman who took her heart will also feel the same as her. 

”Morning,” Yerin greets SinB with a smile. SinB says it back and smiles to Yerin. 

Yerin is itching to outstretch her hand to SinB to ask the woman for her bag like usual, but she keeps reminding herself not to because of what SinB said yesterday, so she didn’t. Knowing her hand might be on automatic mode because that’s what she always does with the one she loves, Yerin slips her hand into her jacket’s pocket to keep them on guard.

The lift’s door open and as much as she commands her leg to move, her heart overrides it. Yerin lets SinB gets into the lift and follows her. She is subtly praising her limbs when she pats her thigh softly as they ride the lift to the ground floor. She always treats people, specifically women, especially woman she loves with utter respect, love and care. So, she always thinks about and put SinB first when she does something.

Yerin can still keep her hands in the pocket to stop herself from carrying SinB’s bag but she can never leave her behind despite what she was asked to do last night. SinB asked her not to treat her all loving and caring like she is a fragile glass, although it is hard, she can toughen up herself and do it. But, she can’t make herself to be in front of SinB, not knowing if she is okay or not. And even if SinB doesn’t love her back, she can’t do that. She will always be behind SinB, to make sure everything is alright, to care and protect her from a distance. Her heart won’t allow her to turn her back from SinB. 

Yerin unlocks her car and slowly walks to the driver’s side, without opening the door for SinB first. It pains Yerin’s heart and every single part of her body is trembling when she has to force herself to stop doing what she has been doing out of love and not because she thinks SinB is incapable of doing them herself. Yerin buckles her seatbelt and was about to do the same for SinB but her conscious-self tells her not to. She keeps chanting quietly to herself the principle she always abides to, ”loving someone is to respect their wishes, no matter how hard you are against it”.

”Do you want to have breakfast together?” Yerin asks as she drives out to the main street.

”I am meeting Umji and Yuju for breakfast at the cafe,” SinB said while looking out the window as usual.

”Okay.”

Yerin continues to drive. Yerin too, looks out the window as she drives, alternating with looking to the front so she wouldn’t run into the car in front of them. There’s a little bit of traffic as expected since it is Monday morning, hence, why they are leaving slightly early today. Yerin turns on the radio and hums along with the songs played by the DJ. That’s the only sounds filling the car ride. Yerin parks her car in the designated spot reserved for her in the hospital’s basement parking. Just like before, Yerin struggle to not do what she always does but power through it. She trails behind SinB until they reach the intern/resident change room.

”Have a great day at work,” Yerin’s lips curved into a half-smile and nod a bit to SinB before parting way. It has been this way, when they are at work, Yerin will wear her cold, emotionless mask or as she called it as her professional being. SinB just nods her head a bit and disappears behind the grey door.

**

Yerin heaves a sigh for the nth time this morning. This is not usually how she starts her day for the past few months ever since she met SinB and fell in love with her. In fact, this is the first time she is starting her day with a long sigh. She is a good listener, yes. She gladly does what her loved ones want, yes. But, she is a loving and caring person, so, what she is doing this morning is killing her. Treating SinB like she is just a person is not right at all. She doesn’t care if SinB doesn’t reciprocate them, but she has to, she needs to shower the woman she loves with all the attention and care she could ever give her.

Another sigh escapes Yerin’s mouth as she puts on her navy blue scrubs. Yerin clips her ID card at the hem of her scrubs top, checks her pager if it’s working before slipping it in her scrubs top’s pocket. She also stuffs her stethoscope in her scrubs top’s pocket. Meanwhile, she slips her phone in her pants’ pocket. Her shift hasn’t officially started yet and she is going to grab some breakfast at the cafe with Sowon and Eunha. However, Yerin always stuffs everything in her pocket before leaving because she is too lazy, no, she doesn’t have time to come back to the change room to grab her things. She changes out of her Oxford shoes and puts on her sneakers. It is such a rare occurrence that she will wear a pair of nice, formal-ish shoes but she has a meeting after her shift ends today. 

Yerin double checks everything that she needs - ID tag, checked. Pager, checked. Handphone, checked. Stethoscope, checked. Penlight, checked. A few 1000won notes for the vending machine, checked. A few 10,000won and a 50,000won notes for breakfast and lunch, checked. She looks at her locker, there are a few pens and a white coat is hanged inside. Yerin rarely brings those with her. Yerin somehow, never likes to put on the white coat unless it is compulsory for her to do that. She doesn’t even wear it when she goes for ward round. So, she is one of the people who doesn’t wear it over her scrubs. You’ll see there are people just like her.

**

”Yo!” Sowon greets her best friend as she wraps her arm on Yerin’s shoulder and pulls her for a side hug. Yerin responded with a grin and wrapping her arm around Sowon’s shoulder who is taller than her, so her arm is slightly raised.

”Morning, baby,” Yerin ruffles the top of Eunha’s head standing in front of her and Sowon.

”Morning, you big, stinky baby!” said Eunha with a pout while slapping Yerin’s hand that messed her hair.

”I will never get you to change from calling my girlfriend baby, wouldn’t I?” Sowon asks as she proceeds to turn her friendly shoulder hug to a headlock. Yerin flashes a goofy grins at Sowon, shaking her head indicating a no. 

”I am your girl, though,” Eunha said as she stands on her toe, planting a chaste kiss on Sowon’s lips making the tall woman blushes and loosen her grips of Yerin’s neck.

”You do know she kisses you just so you would let go of me, don’t you?” said Yerin, purposely adding fuel to the fire.

Eunha smacks Yerin hard before cupping Sowon’s face and pulls it closer to engage in a kiss. Not a short one, but not a passionate one either, just enough to convey the message ’you are the one i love’ between them. Eunha pulls away, but in a mere second, Sowon pulls the petite woman back for another kiss. To be exact, four kisses before Sowon pulls away and gives a final, quick peck on Eunha’s lips. 

”Attagirl!” exclaimed Yerin as she slaps Sowon’s back rather excitedly.

”Do you have to say that?” Sowon asks a bit annoyed with Yerin.

”I see you are practising what I teach you, that’s good. You should thank me. That makes you want more, am I right Eunha?” Yerin asks, smiling cheekily at Eunha who just nods her head shyly in agreement.

Sowon smiles proudly seeing Eunha like that. Sowon whispers something in Eunha’s ears after glancing at her wristwatch only for both of them to know which make Eunha also looks at her watch before nodding shyly. If Yerin would guess, it must be something that includes something physical and intimate.

”Well I guess you do deserve a thank you from me. I’ll pay for your breakfast,” said Sowon, happily resting her arms on Yerin’s shoulder.

”Ouf, that’s good. Sang-Min oppa, I’ll have the special for today. Sowon is paying. Hohoho.” Yerin said as the man behind the counter looks at them.

”One special coming up. And what about you two, my favourite couple?” the man asks Sowon and Eunha.

”We’ll have the same,” said Eunha, smiling at the man.

”Oh, and oppa. If she asked for the price, you can just accept her money after this,” Yerin said to Sang-Min.

”Why? Don’t tell me you have given up on her already? And I don’t think she will, she hasn’t asked about it for months now,” the man looks at Yerin with concerned plastered on her face. Sowon and Eunha also do the same.

”Aniya. Just if she asked, let her pay. She asked me not to do some things anymore, so...” Yerin said lowly.

They each carry a tray and go straight to their table in the corner. The three sit with their back against the wall, facing the heart of the cafe where almost all tables are occupied with hospital’s staffs and visitors filling their stomach.

”Do you need someone to be a lookout?” Yerin asks as she starts eating her breakfast while her eyes wander around the cafe searching for someone.

”Nah. Do you know what the perk of dating the acting chief of general surgery?” Sowon smirks at Yerin. Yerin turns to her side, wiggling her eyebrows at the paediatric surgeon, asking her what. Sowon answers with the same gesture but naughtily at it. To other people, it is just some weird eyebrows wiggling contest, but the two has been friends for years that their brains are in the same wavelength.

”Ahh. Lucky you! Dr. Hwang likes to live lavishly. I bet his office has a comfy couch or a bed,” Yerin grins at Sowon who nods her head enthusiastically, answering Yerin’s assumption.

”Uhh. I should have dated Eunha now, not back then,” whined Yerin.

”It wouldn’t have mattered for you though,” Eunha sassed. Yerin thinks about it for a moment before nodding her head.

”Now I think about it, were you even doing it when you two dated back then? I don’t remember ever seeing you two kissed around here. Did you two even fool around back then?” Sowon asks, staring into space while rubbing her chin.

Yerin and Eunha look at one another. They too, staring into space trying to retrieve their memories from years ago.

”Fooling around, you were right - never. I think we did kiss a few times. In the on-call and change room. But, never in here. So, I guess that was Eunha’s first kiss in here,” Yerin said, looking at the sea of people in front of them, still hasn’t found what she is looking for. ”Congratulation!” said Yerin sarcastically, clapping her hand right beside Sowon’s face. Sowon just smiles proudly while Eunha rolls her eyes.

”Do you know what is another thing that is great for having this job? I can get out of attending a meeting by asking someone else to go on my behalf!” Eunha sticks out her tongue at Yerin to annoy the woman.

Yerin heaves a sigh, pouting her lips in devastation. She stomps her feet, shaking her head, throwing a fit like a child. Yerin who dreads attending a meeting, whining, ”why do I have to go to this meeting?”

”Yah! Why are you complaining? You were the one suggesting and starting the project years ago,” Sowon chided Yerin for complaining when she also has to go to that meeting.

”Well...I just suggested and started it, can’t just someone else attend the meeting?” Yerin said, pouting cutely at her friends who have no power at all to let her off the hook from attending the meeting.

”C’mon, chill Yerin. I’m going too. Plus, I’m sure that Miss Song is going to be there too. We could probably ask her out for dinner. She definitely will say yes because she has her eyes on you for a few years now,” Sowon pats Yerin’s head, assuring the woman.

”My eyes are already fixed on her, Sowon-ah,” said Yerin as she stares at SinB who just takes a seat at a table a few metres from them. SinB just glances quickly at Yerin without nodding nor smiles at her. Sowon who is also looking at the same direction notices the change in SinB’s behaviour towards Yerin.

”Did you two had a fight?” Sowon turns to her side and asks Yerin.

”We are? I didn’t do anything. I literally didn’t do anything today. SinB said to me yesterday to not treat her caringly and lovingly. I did just that. I don’t like it, not a bit. You know me, right? I’m an affectionate person. I am literally trembling right now. But, that’s what she told me yesterday. So...” Yerin sounds a bit down, playing with the leftovers on the plate.

”Ahh. That’s why. Are you sure you are going to keep pursuing her, Yerin? I mean, she did reject you, and I don’t think she will requite the strong love you have for her. Shouldn’t you stop before you fall deeper? I’m worried about you, Yerin-ah...” Sowon her best friend’s shoulder.

”It’s too late, Sowon-ah. I have fallen deep into the core the first time I saw her. I’ll try and win her heart with my overflowing love for her, but you know there’s no way of me forcing her to love me back. I don’t think I will ever stop. I don’t think I can. I am helplessly and irretrievably in love with her, ” Yerin smiles bitterly before sighing again for the nth time in just an hour. 

”Let’s go, or you are going to have a quick quickie. Well, that would be right up your alley though,” jested Yerin, laughing, already on her feet with the tray in her hand. Sowon pouts when Eunha chuckles along with Yerin.

**

”Alright everyone, you know the season has started. Let’s give our best for them,” Yerin said to her trauma team as they start the morning shift. 

”Don’t look too good Dr. Jung?” Dr. Park asks as they walk together to the ward for rounds.

”Don’t feel good, Dr. Park. And how about you?” Yerin asks the young doctor, the rare species like her who enjoy being a trauma surgeon.

”Still stings a bit, but overall is good. Nayeon was there, that helps a whole lot,” the man smiles lovingly when his new girlfriend’s cute smile flashes in his mind.

”I know. That’s good. She is a good one, you should treat her well Dr. Park,” Yerin smiles at the young man.

”I will try my best, Dr Jung,” the man smiles back at Yerin. 

Their conversation stops when they reach the surgical ward. Since they treat patients with multiple injuries, patients are referred to other specialities as well. Sometimes when they ara available, they will do ward rounds together with other specialties, sometimes they just go and check on the patients on their own. Even if the patients have been referred to other specialties, they are still under their care, under joint care with other specialties until the the patient got discharged. Yerin likes to at least visit the patients once in the morning and once in the evening when she doesn’t have a case.

There are days when the trauma bay is peaceful without critical cases, and today is one of those days. Yerin texted her friends to see if they are available for lunch together, but it seems Sowon and Eunha are on their raging hormones period where their hunger for food is not as important as their other hunger. She is glad that Sowon and Eunha’s relationship is progressing well. Irene is having lunch with Seulgi, so Yerin doesn’t want to intrude.

Yerin doesn’t mind eating alone and on days like this since SinB came to her life, she prays the woman would be sitting on that bench at the park. And looks like today is one of her lucky day, it’s rare but does occur once in a while. When Yerin just got to the cafe, she sees SinB just about to go out to the park beside the cafeteria. Yerin happily buys a hamburger set and strides to the park. She is wearing her happy smiles when she spots SinB sitting on the bench with a 6-inch sandwich in her hand. As Yerin got closer to the bench, she tones down her smile and giddiness so she wouldn’t come as too affectionate, too caring and loving to SinB.

The trauma surgeon manages to hold in half of her usual loving and caring demeanour, sits beside SinB without saying anything. She unwraps her hamburger and eats it happily without offering them to SinB first as she usually does. Yerin does the same with the fries and cola.

”I have a meeting later today after my shift ends. What time do you get off? I can drive you back before I go to the meeting,” Yerin asks as she crumples the wrappers. 

”You don’t have to, I can ride the bus.” 

”Oh okay. Be careful. I’ll see you tomorrow morning, then. I’m working the normal shift this week.”

SinB just hums in response. Yerin nods her head and smiles at the first-year intern, stealing a glance of the beautiful, perfect face of SinB to give her the strength to get through the day. She loves SinB’s tiny mole on the side of her nose. It always makes her smiles up to her ears. Yerin sighs inwardly when she still wants to stay there with SinB but her pager went off indicating that she is needed at the trauma bay. She gets on her feet and with a heavy heart leave for the work called.

**

Eunha drives her car with Irene sitting in the passenger’s seat. Just as they enter the main street, Eunha spotted SinB sitting at the bus stop in front of the hospital. She pulls over, winds down the passenger’s seat window as she presses the honk. 

”SinB, hop in. We’ll drive you home,” Eunha said with a warm, gentle smile at the woman Yerin is head over heel in love with. Irene also flashes her sweet smile at the young woman.

”Ahh, Dr. Eunha. Thanks, but it’s okay. I don’t want to trouble you. The bus will be here in five minutes,” SinB stands at the edge of the bus stop, nodding and smiling at the two attendings.

”It’s not troubling us. Come on, hop in,” Eunha gestures her hand telling SinB to get into her car. Irene also tries to convince SinB for Eunha. She doesn’t mind about it because they are not running late for anything. SinB smiles shyly and gets into the back seat.

”Thank you, Dr. Eunha, Dr. Bae. I’m sorry for troubling you,” SinB said politely as she buckles the seatbelt.

”You don’t have to call me that, we are not at work. Be comfortable and call me unnie,” Eunha smiles at SinB through the rearview mirror.

”Eunha is right, SinB-ssi. Just call me Irene unnie. So, where do you live?” Irene asks with her infamous charming smile.

”And you can just call me SinB, Irene unnie. So sorry for troubling you Eunha unnie, you have to go out of your way to drive me home-”

”No, no. We are going to Yerin’s. So, we are heading to the same location, SinB.” Eunha smiles sweetly at SinB.

”Uhh, that reminds me something,” Eunha said as she hits the speed dial button on her phone and puts the call on speaker while waiting for 

Both Irene and SinB are a bit shocked with Eunha’s answer but for a different reason. Irene was surprised to learn that SinB lives in the same building as her first girlfriend, who now is her ex-girlfriend and best friend who she knows currently is trying to court this first-year intern. Meanwhile, SinB is utterly shocked but managed to hide it pretty well from showing on her face at the fact that both Yerin ex-girlfriends are going to Yerin’s apartment together for some reason.

”Uhh, that reminds me something,” Eunha said as she hits the speed dial button on her phone and puts the call on speaker while waiting for the person to answer her call.

”Halooo my babeh,” Yerin’s voice greeting Eunha cutely fills the car.

”Hello my big baby,” Eunha greets Yerin back in an equally cute voice.

”Hey you,” Irene also greets Yerin.

”Hi, hun. Are you two together?” Yerin asks.

”Yes. Are you already in the meeting?” Eunha asks, back to her normal voice.

”Yes, but I stepped out to take the call. Thank you for saving me, I love you baby,” Yerin on the other hand, keep talking in her cute baby talk.

”We are going to your place. I’ll cook dinner, what do you want to eat?” Eunha asks lovingly.

”Uhh. I don’t mind anything. I just got a fresh kimchi yesterday. Ohh, did omma got them?” Yerin asks, back to her normal voice probably because someone just walk by her.

”Yes,” both Eunha and Irene answered at the same time.

”Ehm...what do you have in your fridge?” Eunha asks.

”Still got some meat, fish and seafood I think,” said Yerin.

”Oh, and we haven’t gone for our groceries shopping this month, hun. We’ll go tomorrow, okay?” said Irene, remembering that she and Yerin haven’t done that for a few weeks.

Seulgi is not too fond of Irene’s post-breakup relationship with Yerin, but she likes this arrangement very much. Seulgi enjoy going out shopping with her, but not groceries shopping. She doesn’t like to go on every aisle in the supermarket, no, Irene loves doing her groceries shopping in a hypermarket. She will go on every aisle and every section in the hypermarket because sometimes there are things that are on sale or clearance, she loves to buy those things.

Plus, Irene always compare the prices and will buy things that is worth the price. This, Seulgi hates it. Seulgi said it’s wasting time. So, she always goes groceries shopping with Yerin who shares the same passion and gladly follows her to explore every aisle in the hypermarket. They have been doing this ever since they first met in first first-year intern until now.

”Okay,” Yerin said, meant for Irene’s request.

”The talk is going to be held on Friday, isn’t it Yerin? Which first-year interns are going with us this year?” Irene asks.

”Yes. And I don’t know about that, haven’t read the agenda. You should ask Nayeon about that, I think she’s in charge.”

”Yeah, I’ll ask her later. Do you have anything specific you want to wear? I’ll iron your clothes,” Irene takes over the phone call as Eunha is busy looking right and left for her to maneuver her car at the junction, to get into the main road.

”You don’t have to do that, honey. I’ll just get some blouse and pants,” Yerin said confidently. 

”I don’t have to, I want to. No, I need to,” Irene insisted with much emphasis.

”It’s okay, you don’t have to set out my clothes anymore. Why do you need to?” Yerin asks.

”Because we don’t trust your sense of fashion!” both Irene and Eunha yells at the person on the other line.

”Whaat? I think I’m doing just fine...” Yerin protested.

”No! I’ll just do your laundry and set them as usual,” Irene insisted.

”You don’t have to do that. I’ll do the-” 

Irene cuts Yerin’s sentence, ”when are you going to do the laundry? Today? I know you well enough, and don’t worry. I will try my best not to throw away your unsightly yellow sweater and tracksuit. Now, you should go back to the meeting-”

Irene was cut mid-sentence by Yerin, ”I have a stoma-” 

”Hun, stop pretending that you have a stomach ache. Do you want me to ask Nayeon to get you?” threatened Irene.

”No, I don’t want you to. Okay, I’m going now...” Yerin said lowly.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

”Stop stomping your feet on the floor pretending to walk to the meeting room, Yerin. Go back and finish the meeting quickly. Then, grab Sowon with you and come home for dinner,” Eunha shakes her head, letting out a soft chuckle when she clearly heard the stomping sounds.

Eunha knows Yerin too well and all her antics are already in her pocket. The woman is a great surgeon and portrays herself as a charismatic, dependable person to others but she is still playful and like a child who hates going to school, she hates attending a meeting. 

”You caught me. Okay, then...” Yerin said sulkily.

”And Seulgi too. She’s in surgery now, but she should be done when the meeting ends. I’ll call her and let her know. Bye, Yerin,” said Irene.

”Seulgi? Emm...what’s in it for me?” Yerin asks.

”Okay, fine. One ki-” 

”Noooo!!!” Eunha chimes in, preventing Irene from finishing her promise.

”Okay. One kiss Irene. One kiss Eunha. Yeay! Yerin is going to get a kiss. Eyh?! No, no, no...Yerin is going to get two kisses. Chup. Chup, mwah, mwah,” Yerin sings happily.

Eunha caught a glance of SinB’s expression changed to a shade darker through the rearview mirror. She yells at the phone to stop Yerin from singing giddily a song she just makes up on the go, ”stop singing. Fine! Now, go back to your meeting!”

”What if I don’t want to? You can’t make me,” teased Yerin.

”Eunha and I will give you another one. Now, please go back in...appa is video calling me right now,” said Irene softly, pleadingly while Eunha just sighs for having to fulfil the promise Irene just made for both of them.

”Yeah!!! Okay. Drive carefully, Eunha. I’ll see you guys at home. Bye. I love you, baby. I love you, hun. I love you Bi...” Yerin exclaimed with happiness but ends with a sad, yearning tone.

”Who?” Eunha asks because she clearly heard additional I love you from Yerin. She knows the ’baby’ is her and ’hun’, short for honey is Irene. But, there’s another one - ’Bi’.

”SinB. I couldn’t say that to her today. I’m itching and trembling, I’m losing my sanity today. So, please...let me say that. I need to let it out before I lost my mind. I’m really going now, Sowon just got out glaring daggers at me. Bye. Click.” 

Eunha saw a shade of pink creeps on SinB’s cheeks when Yerin said to whom the last ’I love you’ was for. So, apparently Bi is for SinB and judging from the young woman’s unwavering expression when Yerin said it, and the surprised face followed by a shy smile after Yerin revealed who Bi was, showed that SinB also doesn’t know about the pet name that the lovestruck fool trauma surgeon gave her. Irene probably saw SinB’s pinkish cheeks to because she looks at Eunha, wriggling her brows before smiling at her. 

”Oh, by the way. SinB, you should come and join us for dinner,” said Eunha.

”Ahh, thank you for the offer unnie. My housemates are going to cook,” SinB politely reject Eunha’s offer.

”Ahh, okay then. You got a container of kimchi as well, don’t you?” Eunha asks.

SinB’s eyes went wide, shocked with what Eunha asked her. Nevertheless, she nods her head. Noticing the young girl is shocked, Eunha adds, ”Yerin get them for our parents as well. And she is going to pack them for us too later. That’s just how she is.”

”Yes, a bit weird sometimes. Uhh, you know Yerin once bought some family set facial mask and delivered it to my parents. Mom made us all wear them,” said Irene.

”Ohh...your little sister must love it,” said Eunha.

”Of course! That girl looks up to Yerin and just loves everything she does. But, can you imagine my dad wore those and he actually likes it?” Irene said and made the other two laugh. Irene laughs as well. The image of the respectable, strict and fierce Chief Bae wearing a facial mask and liking it is something unimaginably ugly but funny to anyone who ever seen him.

”Oh, SinB, you are one of the interns who will be going to the awareness program as well,” Irene said as she reads the text message she got from Nayeon. She texted her loyal informant earlier to check whether Yerin went back to the meeting or not. SinB just ’ooh’ from the backseat, then checks her email to see if she got the memo about the awareness program that she might have missed it. 

”Enjoy your dinner, SinB. Just come up to Yerin’s place if you change your mind. You can bring your friends as well,” Eunha said as they ride the lift together before parting ways when it reaches the sixth floor.

***

SinB stares vacantly at her locker, mumbling to herself. She just arrived at the hospital five minutes ago with Umji and Yuju. Today she rides the bus to work with her best friends unlike the past four days, she came to work with Yerin. She has been going to work and back home with Yerin for four days. SinB felt like every day is getting worse than the day before. It is definitely worse than last week. She feels like something is not right, like something is missing.

It started on Monday this week. The night before, when Yerin walked her back to her unit, she already asked her if she wanted to go to work together and she said yes. So, as usual, she waited for Yerin to text her and let her know she is outside waiting. What is unusual was, the text that Yerin sent her. Yerin sent a simple, emotionless text ’good morning, I’m here’, that was it. The text typically will be more cheerful like, ’good morning beautiful, let’s go to work, I’m waiting for you outside’. Yerin always used ’beautiful’, but sometimes she used ’sunshine’, ’my love’ or even ’my heart owner’. It is irresistible cringe-worthy, but SinB had gotten used to it. 

After reading the text a few times, she got out of her apartment. And she found no trace of Yerin waiting for her by her door. Instead, the woman waited for her at the lift. Then, Yerin didn’t even offer to carry her bag like she always does. And that day, SinB didn’t carry her large clutch, but her handbag while Yerin doesn’t bring anything. Yerin even puts her hand in her pocket! She felt a bit weird but just let it slide thinking maybe the woman hurt her hands although it was unlikely.

She and Yerin were already in front of the lift because that was where Yerin was waiting, but Yerin didn’t press the button. So, she had to. When the lift arrived, Yerin just stand there, didn’t say nor gesture for her to get in, the woman just trailed behind her and went straight to the back of the lift.

They walked, no, Yerin trailed behind her to the car and for the first time, Yerin unlocked her car and got into the driver’s seat without opening the door for her. The woman didn’t even make an effort to buckle the seatbelt for her. Although she usually refused to let Yerin buckles her seatbelt, SinB thought, making an effort wouldn’t hurt her. Yerin did ask her if she wanted to have breakfast together like usual but she said no because she already made plan with Umji and Yuju.

When they arrived at the hospital, Yerin did the same. Usually, they will walk side by side, but since Sunday night, Yerin started walking a few steps behind her. Yerin walked her to the change room and they parted ways after Yerin’s usual ’have a great day at work’ wish, but, without the usual ’don’t forget to eat’ and ’I love you’. That was already really strange for SinB.

To add to that, Yerin said that with her ’workplace’ face that is straight and cold. Yes, indeed SinB knows that face but usually that was what she always see when they bumped into each other after they clocked in their shifts. Never when they parted ways at the change room. 

She then went to the cafeteria for breakfast with Umji and Yuju. When she was at the counter, she thought to ask for the price although she hasn’t done that for months. To her surprised, Sang-Min oppa actually said the price and didn’t even refuse when she gave him the money. Of course she has the money to pay for the food but usually, the man working at the counter wouldn’t accept her money even when she insisted to pay. Umji then found a table and they sat there. When she was sitting down, she noticed someone was staring at her and her eyes met with Yerin’s but they both didn’t smile at each other.

Later that day, they ate lunch at the park. No, they didn’t plan ahead. Yerin just ate her hamburger set without offering them to her. She doesn’t want them but that afternoon, she kind of wanted to have some of the fries but since Yerin didn’t offer, so she just kept mum.

Yerin didn’t say a word when they had their lunch. Yerin only told her that she had a meeting in the evening and asked her what time did she got off to drive her home which SinB just told her she could go back on her own. Know what Yerin said? Okay. SinB couldn’t believe her ears when she heard Yerin said okay without even arguing with her and reminded her to be careful.

If that was not strange enough, later that evening she found out that both Yerin’s known ex-girlfriends were going to her apartment. That night, she waited for Yerin’s text to see if she would tell her about it, but no such thing happened. Yerin did text her when she got home after the meeting, only to ask her about going to work together the next morning. She said yes and Yerin said okay, then texted her once before she went to bed. The usual good night text. And it was exactly the same as the other good night texts.

To this day, Yerin still hasn’t told her about it. Unlike usual, Yerin will always inform her about it even she never asked her to. SinB tried not to think about Yerin’s behavioural changes because she thought every woman is somewhat similar when they always do something differently at least once a month during their period. 

On Tuesday, contrary to SinB’s prediction that things will get back to normal, it didn’t. It seemed like everything was on repeat. Yerin waited for her by the lift. Yerin trailed behind her. Yerin didn’t open the door for her. Yerin only said part of her morning wish with her ’worplace’ face.

In addition to those, Yerin didn’t ask her to get breakfast together. Probably Yerin already knew about her breakfast plan with Umji and Yuju. But, Yerin usually would still ask even if she knew. She would at least seek her confirmation, but that morning, Yerin didn’t even ask anything.

They didn’t meet during lunch on Tuesday but Yerin did drive her home after work before went back to the hospital to pick up Irene for groceries shopping. How does she know? Yerin told her when they arrived at the apartment building but instead of parking her car, Yerin dropped her in front of their apartment’s block entrance.

That night also, Yerin didn’t ask how was her day, did she had dinner or not. Yerin didn’t even tell her to rest after she had a hectic and tired day at work which Yerin didn’t know since she didn’t ask her. But, the good night text is still the same and they made a plan to go to work a bit early the next day because Yerin wanted to have breakfast at the coffee shop.

Wednesday morning, the same thing happened. The only difference was they went to the coffee shop for breakfast. Probably because Yerin was already have something she wanted to eat, she didn’t ask SinB for suggestions. They ate breakfast in silence and before they left, Yerin bought coffees and juices for her friends and also Yuju and Umji. Oh, and also Dr. Park and Dr. Nayeon.

It seems like Yerin is close with them because she always buy them coffees. Or probably she just wanted to make it less obvious that she bought Umji and Yuju something when they had breakfast together. SinB still keep it from them the fact that she sometimes went to work and home, have dinner and breakfast with Yerin. She doesn’t want to hear them ranting and berating Yerin. She doesn’t like it.

They parted ways in front of the change room and met back later that evening after they clocked out. Yerin did ask her if she wanted to get something for dinner but she wasn’t in a mood so she said no. She went back home and just ate rice with kimchi Yerin gave her and the banchans she brought from home. 

Thursday morning was by far the worse. Yerin waited for her at the entrance on the ground floor! The woman claimed she got on the lift with some school kids and she forgot to press the button for the sixth floor. She only realised it when everyone got off the lift. Yerin texted her saying that she waited for her by the entrance. She was ready to give Yerin a piece of her mind but when she got there, Yerin looked like a zombie. It looked like the woman hasn’t had much sleep the night before and was distracted by something. So, she just kept them to herself.

And since Monday, Yerin went straight to the driver’s seat and then drove in silence. Just as they walked into the hospital, Yerin got called to the trauma bay for an emergency so they parted way immediately. They haven’t met since then because she went out for dinner with Yuju and Umji after work.

Today, she and her two best friends, along with Dr. Nayeon and Dr. Park are going to the nearest high school for an awareness program. They will assist and observe the attendings who are going to deliver some talk to the high school students. The program is a joint program between the hospital and three high schools near the hospital. It was an awareness program about safety and health that covers the topics on ual health, road safety, mental health, and also suicide.

The attendings that are involved in this program are Dr. Sowon, Yerin and her ex-girlfriends, Chief Bae, Dr. Kang Seulgi, one of the psychiatrists and a few nurses. The program starts at 3p.m. because the students from the other two schools are travelling to the school where the program is going to be held. Dr. Park already briefed them this morning and they will leave after lunch with the hospital’s van together with the nurses.

SinB heaves another sigh. A mix of emotions enveloping her all at once. The feelings had been built up for days but she can’t seem to know why. She keeps staring at her locker and without warning, tears trickling down her cheeks. Sadness. Of what? She doesn’t know. She is in misery. The tears keep rolling down, she asks her self over and over again why but she couldn’t find an answer.

She is angry. At someone, about something. Why? Who? SinB doesn’t know. She kicks the defenceless, lifeless locker in front of her. It didn’t relieve any bottled up anger in her. Not even a bit. It adds up to SinB’s already infuriate self when the powerful kick only brings pain to her foot.

SinB feels incomplete. There’s a void space inside her heart, in her everyday life that she never knew existed but somehow, now, is there. She pounds her chest repeatedly, clenching the scrubs top as it feels like there is a hole in her chest that letting out all air from her, making her breathless.

Loneliness is creeping inside her. She has been blasting her favourite songs for days and every time, even with the sounds in its deafening crescendo, the loneliness is there. There is something missing. SinB screams as loud as she can in her mind, moving every muscle she has in her body to fill the inexplicable loneliness she felt but nothing worked. Still, the numbing loneliness is enveloping her.  

It is frustrating. She wanted to know why is she feeling this overwhelming feelings but she still hasn’t found the answer and these feelings are weighing her down. They are aching every part of her body but her heart suffers the most. It seems like nothing she could do to get her out of this abominable mess of feelings. The tears that still flowing from her eyes, that is of sadness, that is of emptiness, that is of loneliness, that is of anger, that is of frustration.

Still in her agonising pain, SinB wipes off the tears. Inhaling deeply, trying to fill the abstruse aching, hollow heart of hers, but no amount of air availed SinB’s struggles to breathe. Slowly, she dons her white coat, trudging out of the change room as her phone has been ringing non-stop. Umji and Yuju are calling her, probably wondering where she is because she told them to eat breakfast without her. She skips breakfast as she doesn’t feel like eating. It’s time to start her shift today and she could already tell it’s not going to be a good day because she is starting her day with such a foul mood.

***

”Uhh, I can’t wait to see Dr. Jung in a suit. She is so handsome and dazzling, ahhh... I’m melting already,” said one of the nurses riding the van with SinB and five others, clasping her hands, smiling giddily with her friend, another nurse.

”I know! I wish she is my boyfriend. She listens to her girl well. Even now, she listens to Dr. Irene and Dr. Eunha and they have broken up for ages,” said the other nurse also fangirling Yerin.

”Stop fangirling over Dr. Jung! Aih...” an older nurse lightly smacks the two but that doesn’t stop them. They keep talking about Yerin and giggle like a school girl.

SinB bites her lips hard as she clenches her fist. She sits at the back of the van, looking out of the window trying to block out the nurses talking about and glorifying Jung Yerin’s various charms as a perfect partner they dreamt of, and her best friends criticizing the nurses’ point. After fifteen excruciating minutes, they arrive at the school. Everyone gets off the van, SinB is the last to get off and she purposely walks a bit further behind them.

”Hyeongsu-nim!” 

SinB startles a bit as she is welcomed by four high school boys saluting her. She knows them and they have met a few times at the bus stop in front of the hospital. Some other boys were hollering at her, so two of the boys turn around and show their balled fist at them shouting at them to stay away from her.

”Don’t worry hyeongsu-nim, we will protect you,” the leader said, grinning at her.

SinB’s lips curled a bit into a smile seeing the boys grinning at her. It is her first smile in four days. 

”Where is your noona?” SinB asks as they walk towards the gymnasium where the talk is going to be held.

”I don’t think she has arrived, she was here yesterday. Hyung-nim told us you were coming today,” answered the boy. 

”Now it’s hyung-nim? Not badass noona anymore?” SinB asks, chuckling at the boys’ antics, surrounding her as if they are her bodyguards.

”It’s always badass noona, noona. Are you okay, noona? You look sad. Did you two had a fight? Boss didn’t look happy yesterday too,” one of the boys asks. SinB just shrugs her shoulder and sighs.

”It’s okay, noona. We will help you,” the boys all grin at her.

SinB joins the others and listens to the briefing. Everyone that is involved in the program is here except for Yerin as she is still at the hospital. She tries really hard to concentrate because the interns were asked to help the speakers with demonstrations when they are explaining when suddenly a voice whispers in her ears.

”SinB, can I talk to you for a minute?” 

SinB glances over her shoulder to find a messy looking Yerin standing next to her. She points her finger at the psychologist who is still talking in front of them. 

”I can’t do this anymore, SinB. It’s driving me crazy,” whispered Yerin. 

”What is it?” SinB asks, as quietly as possible.

”Can we go back to what we were? I can’t take this anymore. It’s really hard for me to treat you like this. I care for you, I love you. I can’t treat you like I don’t...”

”Dr. Jung!” 

”Nae?” Yerin turns her head that is looking at SinB’s profile to the front.

”You are here already? I am just briefing everyone the schedules. Are you okay? You can change after this,” the psychologist asks and Yerin just gives the woman a thumbs up as a response.

”SinB?” Yerin asks, still waiting for the young woman to respond to her request. 

SinB was taken aback, she couldn’t utter a word. A myriad of feelings rush into her making her speechless, she got lost in them. When she first heard Yerin’s sweet and loving voice whispering her name, all her sorrow seems to have gone and replaced by happiness. The void space in her is being filled. She becomes calm and collected. SinB feels as complete as she should be. She is relieved, the aching pain is gone, replaced by a soothing feeling. She feels safe. She feels loved. 

Yerin. Jung Yerin. She is the answer.

”SinB...” 

And now, upon hearing her name being called softly and lovingly once again, SinB feels like a container filled with thousands of butterflies just burst inside her releasing the overzealous trapped wing flapping creatures. She can’t  breathe and it is completely different than this morning. Not because the air wouldn’t fill up but because of all the butterflies that have been trapped are rushing up to trying to free themselves. Just like her sleeves that is being tugged downwards lightly, SinB wanted to fall limply to the ground. 

”Dr. Jung! You should go and change now.”

SinB tries to say something when she feels Yerin lets go of her sleeve. But nothing comes out. She can feel the sadness in every heavy step Yerin takes. All she could do is reach for Yerin’s hand and nods her head weakly. That’s all she could do. And with that small gesture, SinB sees a dark shadow of despondency and despair leaving Yerin’s body. The trauma surgeon is now brightly glowed with happiness, emitting an aura filled with love to her.

**

Across the gymnasium, there is Yerin standing with Irene. The latter is straightening Yerin’s clothes making sure everything looks neat and perfect. An oddly familiar feeling is creeping inside SinB, but now it’s not nameless. The feeling creeping into SinB’s heart clearly spelt J. E. A. L. O. U. S. Y.

As this feeling is taking over her, a playful wink and a smile are being sent to her from across the room. SinB just realised, how much she has longed to see the playful side of Yerin, that loving smile that gives her warmth and happiness. She is whole. No more loneliness and void space in her. That smile, just that one smile completes her. The feeling of jealousy slowly vanishes with the blowing wind. SinB smiles and she is genuinely happy. For the first time in four days, her smile matched her feelings. It is a smile that is made out of happiness.

”Badass noona!”

A scream can be heard. Yerin looks at the direction the scream comes from. SinB also follows Yerin’s head movement, turning and looking at four boys she met earlier. The boys grinning and waving their hands at Yerin.

”Oi!” Yerin screams back at the boys, raising her hand, greeting them.

”Don’t play around, hyeongsu is here!” the boys yells as they point their hands at SinB’s direction.

”Boys! Settle down. And you can’t call Dr. Jung like that. Please be respectful,” said a man in his thirties, smacking the boys.

Immediately, a smile form on SinB’s face. She looks away because she can feel the penetrating gazes on her coming from the boys and Yerin. SinB’s cheeks turned into red from the blood rushing to her face. 

”You have fallen for Duckie, don’t you?” a familiar voice inside SinB’s head is asking her a question. She answers the question.

I have. I fell. I am falling.  

Ting!

Duckie: Irene is helping me with the button. She always has to make sure I look presentable when I’m doing things like this. I once forgot to zip my pants and people took a picture. I only love you, SinB.

SinB smiles. Right now, she forgot about the wall that she put up between her and Yerin. At this moment, her heart, her conscious-self, her mind, all part of her being is shoving the reason why she shouldn’t, she couldn’t fall for Yerin deep in the core. Now, only the feeling of being loved by Yerin is enveloping her heart, her mind, her whole being.

The wall fall down along with her heart. They fall for Jung Yerin.