XIULEI

It is 1AM the next night when Luhan finally texts me. He hadn’t been home to his apartment since helping me move in, saying instead that he had to move to his suite closer to his practice studio, too busy with rehearsals to commute. I hear the familiar ring of the notification tone I'd set for him while in the bathroom, washing up for the night. At the realization that it was him, I can both feel and see the dark blush creeping up my cheeks.

Please, tell me… am I… am I really in love with you?

Gingerly, I touch the soft spot on my forehead, where his lips had grazed, kissed…

“Snap out of it!” I hiss at my reflection, whose blush had crept up to consume her entire face.

Only you would think so much about a fake kiss. You, who’s never had a boyfriend in your life.

Splashing cold water on my skin, I dry off with a towel and then pick up my phone.

The first text: “Oof, tired from concert rehearsals. Call me later? I wanna hear about your day. You go anywhere fun in Beijing?”

Then: “Oh yea, btw, come to the party tomorrow night? Black tie. A lot of idols there~ it’s for Liwei’s birthday, and a before-the-concert celebration for me. I said I'd bring my little sis.”

Finally: “I think I'm gonna tell her…”

It stings like a fresh slap, hurting so much that I don't even realize which of his words stung most.

Liwei’s birthday.

Little sis.

Tell her. HER.

I sit on my bed, knees against my chest, waiting for the familiar pang of pain to subside.

You knew that kiss wasn't meant for you. It was Liwei’s, all Liwei’s.

Then why… why had it felt like mine?

It doesn't matter. You've only got this week, anyways... a small voice in the back of my head reminds me. I fight back the grimace that comes with the thought, and then text a reply back:

“Sure haha. Is Junkai going to be there (^///^)?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I regret my agreement to go to the party almost immediately. In my call with Luhan later that night, he keeps me up until three am, discussing whether or not he should confess, how he would confess if he had the guts to do it, what he should wear… the list goes on. All in all, he does not sound like a national idol that just turned thirty one, with a million fans supporting him and wanting to be his wife.

He sounds like a teenage guy going on a first date.

I never thought of myself as a jealous person. But tonight, it feels like every word is piercing my chest, leaving a sour taste in my mouth.

By the time he brings up clothing, I have just about lost it. “Don’t you think this is something you should be talking to your stylist about?” I ask, the words coming out sounding far too irritated and rushed. Luhan becomes quiet, momentarily shocked at my outburst.

“S-sorry.” I mutter. “I’m… just wondering.” It’s a lame excuse.

Luhan laughs, shaking it off. “Well I figured since you’re a girl, you’d know best in situations like this.”

“What, so your stylist-noona isn’t a girl?”

“She is… but... “ He trails off, unable to make an argument.

“Exactly.”

“Hey! I’ve got an idea.” Luhan changes the subject. “You probably didn’t bring any fancy dresses or anything with you right?”

I mumble a weak yes, not liking where the conversation is going.

“I can ask my stylist-noona to meet you outside one of the malls near the apartment, one you can take a taxi or bus to. She can help you choose out some clothes for tomorrow night, since you aren’t necessarily experienced in that area.”

“Lu ge, I know you might think us normal people have as much money as you do, but we really don’t… those stores are hecking expensive.”

Luhan groans into the receiver. “Now who’s the one that’s stingy?”

“Ge, I don’t have the time to take on more jobs in California to pay off another huge bill!”

I can almost see Luhan roll his eyes. “Fine, fine. How about this, I’ll pay. You just think of it as choosing something fancy that you can wear in case you get invited to more parties, or even once you become the big lawyer of your dreams in Shanghai. My treat. How about that?”

“But-”

“No buts. Besides, you don’t want to stand out too much tomorrow night. Even if it’s not covered by the media, a lot of stars you know will be there. And who knows if saesangs will come. Best thing you can do is to blend in.”

“Ughhh.” I mutter, frustrated. I hated shopping, hated looking at myself in those bright and detailed mirrors, hated dressing up. Those things are practically every girl’s nightmare if they didn’t have a nice body and face. Besides, how does he not realize it’s physically impossible for me to blend in with those people?

But… he’s not wrong about at least trying not to stand out. And, heck, this might mean he’d be paying for at least one professional outfit you’ll need for the internship when you get back.

“Fine.” I sigh in defeat. “But you can’t blame your stylist-noona if I look bad in everything.

Luhan just laughs in reply, and sends me his stylist’s phone number. “She’ll meet you at Tai He, and you guys can start shopping from there.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The morning after, I’m standing outside one of the upclass boutiques in Xi Dan Da Yue Cheng, probably one of the fanciest malls I’ve ever stepped foot into. And will ever step foot into, I think with a grimace, eyeing all the pretty girls milling about in their globally-branded clothing, all the while pointing their loaded credit cards at the next, crazy-expensive article they plan to add to their hoard. Now these are the people that really belong in Luhan’s world. I flinch, looking down at my faded blue jeans and t-shirt.

Sighing while straightening up, I paste a smile on my face and enter the brightly lit shop, hearing the cheerful attendants’ greetings.

“Welcome to Tai He! What can we do for you today?”

“I’m looking for Ms. He? She said she’d be waiting here at ten in the… uh… VIP room.” I say, suddenly embarrassed. I notice each of the black-clad attendants look at me in my ragtag outfit, their red, painted lips pressed into a line of confusion. I can practically hear what they’re thinking: who the heck is she, to be asking to go into the VIP room?

“If she has arrived, please tell her that Wang Xiulei is outside looking for her.” I say, shooting them a polite smile while bowing slightly.

“Oh, you’re Miss Xiulei! We’re so sorry! We didn’t think that you were… I mean, you don’t look like-” The attendant beside me gives a try at explaining, but fails.

My smile remains pasted on my face, despite memories of those harsh words from three years ago resurfacing. “It’s alright, I understand. Just take me to see Ms. He, please.”

“Alright, miss, this way.” She guides me in the direction of the back of the store. Moments later, we step into a small room with mirrors lining the walls and a couch on one side. I focus on keeping my mouth shut, trying not to gape at the amount of fancy richness in one place. Heck, there is even red wine on the table…

A lady dressed casually in a simple white dress and tennis shoes stands up, hand outstretched. She looks young, probably in her thirties, and stood out about as much as I did in the midst of all this finery. I take her hand in mine, shaking it while bowing. “Ms. He, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Don’t be so formal, just call me He-jie!” She smiles cheerfully. “According to your ge, I’m supposed to be turning you into a little doll for the party tonight, yes? This will be fun!” Then, turning to the attendant, she says, “It’s alright, I’ll take care of her from here on out; you can go.”

“Y-yes, ma’am.” The girl stutters, and then leaves, shutting the door behind her.

He-jie looks back at me expectantly. “So?”

I smile sheepishly. “Honestly, He-jie, it’d be pretty hard to turn a girl like me into a doll. I’m not like Lu ge, this stuff really isn’t my style.”

“We’ll see about that. You’d be surprised; clothes and makeup really does wonders. Are you wearing any right now? Makeup, I mean.” She laughs.

“No... I kind of just rushed here after getting up. I usually don’t have the time for an excessive makeup routine, so I don’t really… um… have much experience.” I grin, embarrassed.

“Ahh…” He-jie murmurs, taking a closer look at my face. “Well, if that’s you without makeup, I say you don’t really have the clearest skin or the finest pores… but you are pretty pale. That’s a good thing. And your features are also good, especially your eyes... my gosh they, just reflect so much light you know? Just got to enhance them a little, and then maybe fix your eyebrows, add more color to your cheeks, put on a layer of concealer and foundation…” She rambles on, numbering each thing on her fingers. “Do you have any clothing preferences?” She asks after she’d finished.

“Er… as high a cut as possible. Not too tight… I don’t really have the curves to hold that kind of style. Preferably pants over dresses, anything to cover these thighs.” I laugh a little. “So… yea, um. Not really very doll-like at all.”

He-jie only smiles contemplatively. “Luhan really knows your preferences well. I remember I was wondering last night why he would choose for us to start at Tai He over one of those fancy dress shops; he just said that you’d like it more here than someplace that sells short and frilly things. You’re very lucky to have a friend like him.”

I feel my cheeks heat a little at her words. “Y-yea. He really… knows me well.”

He-jie raises an eyebrow, smirking. “Riiight…" She gives me a knowing look. "So are you two a thing? Or..."

I feel my eyes widen, denying almost immediately. "No, no! We're just very, very normal friends. I'm practically his little sister." I hate that I bring out that same excuse each time. 

He-jie frowns. "Such a pity." She remarks, pouting at me, looking more like a teenager upset at the loss of her favorite OTP than a thirty year old. I force a laugh. 

"It's no pity, trust me. I annoy the heck out of Lu ge, and besides... I don't fit into his world of all this." I spread my arms out toward the richness in the room. "I'm really average; he needs a shining person... a doll, to be his girlfriend."

The stylist rolls her eyes with a good-natured grin. "Well. Who knows... tonight, you just might show up as beautiful as the doll you say you'd never be." She gives me a wink and then swings her arm around my shoulder. "Trust me; I'll make you the prettiest girl in the room." 

Somewhere inside, a tiny, vain part of me wished that what she promised could come true.