Chapter 8 - Why now?

Eunbi didn’t know what to do or how to react. Was she dreaming? Did this really just happen?

“Lee Eunbi?” Gong Taekwang said with a shocked voice.

Just by the sound of his voice Eunbi lost it. Everything she tried t forget about him, everything she did to distract her thoughts from this person, within a second all of it was for nothing. All the feelings she had for him were still there. She had tried to deny it, but in this very moment she knew. Not a single thing had changed for her. Her heart was beating so fast, she was scared she couldn’t take it anymore.

Why was he here? Why now? What did she do to deserve this? She didn’t want to be in the same place. Just the thought of seeing him every day delighted her and scared her at the same moment. She was so happy he was here but she was so angry at the same time. How could she live seeing him every day? She wasn’t over him yet and him being here didn’t help.

Eunbi was considering what to do. Should she just thank him and then pretend she didn’t see him? Should she have another useless argument with him? No, she just had to get away from him first and take a deep breath. She took a step back to finally really look in his eyes.

“That’s not my name anymore” she said and walked away from him as fast as she could, without making it seem that she was running away. After walking a while into no particular direction she finally found a staircase that left to the roof of the teaching building. She needed fresh air but she also needed to be alone. She wanted to sort her thoughts. The rooftop had a little garden and some benches to sit down. It seemed like not many people knew about this place. Eunbi couldn’t spot anyone. Eunbi sat down on a bench an started crying.

Why was she crying though? Was she seriously doing this right now? She felt like she was still in High School. In real life she was going to college now, but as soon as her High School crush walked in she transformed back into her old self. Just as she stopped crying he phone rang. It was Hyeri.

“Go Eunbi! Where are you? We were meant to meet in the cafeteria.”

Eunbi checked the time, she had been crying for 15 minutes already “Oh I’m so sorry. I got caught up with something. I don’t think I can join you.”

Hyeri’s voice sounded concerned “You don’t sound so well Eunbi”.

“Don’t worry it’s nothing. I’ll tell you more later but for now I can’t join you. I’ll text you later, sorry” and then she hung up.

She couldn’t believe it. Was she seriously crying over a guy right now? Was she still a teenager? She was embarrassed for herself. What must Taekwang have thought of this? He was probably thinking it was a good thing he lost his interest when they were in High School. He looked really good though. Very mature as well. He was wearing his hair in his natural black color now but it was slightly longer than when she last saw him. He would be someone all the girls would run after.

Eunbi tried to organize her thoughts. The only solution she had right now was to call her sister.

“Unnie…” Eunbi said while starting to cry again.

“What’s wrong Eunbi? Are you ok? Did something happen? Talk to  me!” Eunbyul was getting nervous because Eunbi didn’t reply right away.

“He’s here… and I don’t know what to do…” she said with a very quiet voice.

“Who’s there?” Eunbyul already had a feeling but was scared to say it out loud in case she was wrong.

“Gong Taekwang”

Eunbyul knew it. She felt devastated due to her sister but at the same time she was happy. Taekwang being there meant they were really destined to be together. It meant Taekwang’s year in Japan was good enough for him to come back to Korea and to whatever he wanted. It meant he was back and didn’t have a reason to push Eunbi away again. But what if this time he really had forgotten Eunbi? What if he already moved on and had a new love interest now? That would be the end of Eunbi’s stable mind. With her growing up in an orphanage Eunbi always had some sort of trust issues. She always thought people would leave her behind when they get the chance. Eunbyul hat noticed how she still had these thoughts. Eunbi was always doubting herself and thinking she wasn’t good enough. Not good enough to be in their family, no good enough to have a mom and a sister, not good enough to go to college and definitely not good enough to deserve love.

“So did you talk to  him? What happened that you’re so out of it right now?” Eunbyul asked.

“Well I mean it’s not like something happened… I ran into him by accident, then I didn’t know what to do an ran away” Eunbi explained.

“Are you serious?” Eunbyul had to laugh.

“Unni! Why are you laughing at me? Do you know how terrible that was? I was bumping into him like some school girl and he just looked at me with that weird face, as if he couldn’t believe this just happened” Eunbi said.

“Well maybe he was just surprised and happy to see you there, and I mean officially it’s the first week so there is nothing wrong with behaving like you’re still in school you know” Eunbyul answered.

“What do you mean happy? He probably wanted to get away from me as fast as he could… what should I do now? I can’t see him every day!”

“But that’s the first time you saw him right, that means he studies something else and you guys won’t be seeing each other much.” Eunbyul told her.

“So what should I do when I see him next time? Should I ignore him or should I talk to him?” Eunbi felt like a child.

“Maybe you should talk to him. He might have reasons for the things he did and maybe he’s now ready to talk about it. But the important thing is… do you still like him? Because if you do you can as well just give it a shot. I noticed how you haven’t talked about him ever since that day and I also noticed how you took no interest in anyone else. I know what your heart feels but I’m not so sure if you know it yourself”

Eunbi had to think about her sisters words “I mean he was my best friend and actually the only friend I had that time… and I think I… I still like him.” Eunbi paused, “but that doesn’t mean anything to him anymore. He made it clear.”

“Just talk to him and get it over with. If he has an explanation listen to it, if not at least you can end this chapter.”

“I’ll try. I’m going to the Business Administration Party tonight with my roommate, maybe this will help to distract me for a while… but how are you doing? How was the second day so far?”

“It’s great! I’m actually having lunch with Sungjae in a while after his class. He’s really nice and shows me around.”

“So are you going out with him then?” Eunbi wanted to know.

Eunbyul didn’t say a word at first “no of course not!”

“Why the pause?” Eunbi had to laugh.

“There was no pause but I need to go now anyways. I’ll call you again later.” and Eunbyul hung up.

At least her sister was having fun, Eunbi thought. Putting the weird morning aside Eunbi was excited though. It’s a new chapter with some old problems. No problem, she could do it, she said to herself. Tonight she would forget all about it and got to the party with her roommate. It would be fun.