17:50

Taemin read the note over and over.

“Alec held out his hand. Maurice took it, and they knew at that moment the greatest triumph ordinary man can win.” – Forster, Edward M. (1971), Maurice. p 226

                                         -  Choi Minho

As soon as Minho had entered the café, his heart had been bursting. What would Minho’s answer be? Did he understand why he was concerned about the relationship?

Instead of a verbal answer he had been given a piece of paper that once again displayed Minho’s gorgeous handwriting.

The first time Taemin read it, he couldn’t quite understand why the answer to his long letter was nothing more than four lines of a quote from some book he had never heard of. But he knew Minho. He didn’t say much. But the things he said carried a lot more meaning in them than one might think. So, he read it again. And again.

With each time, he answered one of his own questions:

“Can I touch you?” – “Alec held out his hand. Maurice took it”

“Do you think this relationship can work?” – “they knew at that moment the greatest triumph ordinary man can win.”

“I am afraid of hurting you.” – “Maurice took it.”

“Isn’t our relationship doomed from the start?” – “the greatest triumph ordinary man can win.”

“I don’t know how this will work.” – “Maurice took it, and they knew”    

“Can you trust me?” - “Alec held out his hand. Maurice took it”

It wasn’t the first time Taemin was stunned at how Minho’s mind worked. But it was the first time that it moved him to tears. The more he read the lines, the more his heart swelled. Minho wanted to try. Minho wasn’t afraid. So, he shouldn’t be either.

18:00

Taemin sat down across from Minho, watching the other working for a while before he spoke up.

“Are you Maurice?”

Minho looked confused for a second but immediately answered. It seemed to be a good day for him. Taemin didn’t even have to call him twice.

“No, my name is Minho.”

Taemin chuckled.

“I know that you are Minho. Believe me, I could never forget. I meant if, in that quote, are you Maurice?”

Minho played with his fingers but didn’t answer.

“Do you want to take my hand?” Taemin added and held out his hand. Both were aware that it wasn’t meant only figuratively but was a metaphorical question. Would they take it on? Would they try to get this to work? Would the love Taemin felt be enough for the two of them? Would Minho ever feel something like it?

Minho didn’t hesitate. His hand took Taemin’s with a determination that surprised the younger male. It was the first time they touched each other, and it felt as if Taemin’s heart was jumping out of his chest. Until now he had only ever watched the other’s hands as it was painting beautiful characters on paper. He knew exactly how his fingers looked like, knew how his fingernails were always clipped the exact same length, he knew that his hands were big. But now, as Minho intertwined their fingers, he realized how much bigger the other’s hands were compared to his own. How warm they were. How soft his touch was.

“I want this to work.” Minho said after a while when Taemin didn’t utter a single word while he was staring at their hands.

“Taemin? You are strange today.”

“Why?” Taemin asked back while using all of his energy to not move his hand. He was so afraid that Minho would let go if he did. He didn’t want this feeling to end. He wanted to freeze time and stay like this for the rest of his life.

“You cried, now you are quiet, I am confused. Is this how people react when they start a relationship? I thought people feel happy.”

Taemin’s eyes got bigger, Minho misunderstood him big time. He wanted to pull away his hand to explain, all his mind could think about was the taller’s skin against his and the warmth that radiated from the latter’s palm. Before he could pull away though, Minho’s soft grip tightened, and he didn’t let him go.

“Did I say something wrong? Do you not want to hold my hand?”

“No! No, that’s not it.” Taemin started, blushing hard while he felt the other’s big hand holding his strongly.

“I want to hold your hand forever.” He mumbled and felt Minho’s thumb moving along his hand in circles.

“That wouldn’t make much sense. We would have to go to the toilet together.” Minho answered and the younger couldn’t help but laugh. They were in such a complicated and fragile situation and this was what the older was worried about.

“I wouldn’t mind that.” Taemin answered in a breath without thinking much of it. When Minho could joke, so could he.

“You want to see my ?” Minho asked without hesitating, not even blinking. As unaffected as the older said it, as much of an impact it had on Taemin. He chocked on his spit and his eyes doubled in size.

How could he speak about it so casually? He was so shy! Not even in his dreams did Taemin think that the latter knew this word even less that he would say it out loud so nonchalantly. His surprise only reminded him of Woosung’s words. Did he underestimate Minho?

Now that he thought about it, he had never once felt as if Minho was different when he read the letters he received in the military. Maybe Taemin painted a wrong picture of Minho in his mind because of the lack of social skills? Maybe Minho wasn’t shy? Why did he expect the older not to know about ? Why did he assume he had no connection or interest in “adult-topics”?

Taemin blushed like crazy and didn’t quite know how to answer. Yes, he wanted to see Minho at some point. He really did and it was one of the biggest concerns he had had before getting into a romantic relationship with him: if he could suppress his ual attraction to the older. Might it be that this worry was completely unnecessary? At the same time as he wanted to ask Minho about these kinds of things, it was so strange to do it. They had barely held hands. It was more than inappropriate.

“No, I…” Taemin said and Minho’s eyes tried to focus on his face.

“Do you not find me attractive?” The latter asked and pulled his hand away.

“No! No! I do!” Taemin answered and took a hold of Minho’s hand again.

“I am so confused.” The older mumbled and stared at the table he knew every wood grain.

“I find you very attractive. Mind AND body. So, don’t worry about that. Never worry about that.” Taemin was sure that Minho was listening even if he didn’t respond. He could see it from his narrowed brows. He was trying to stay focused. Trying not to think too much. Trying to follow what he was saying.

“I want you by my side. And it is not that I don’t want to see your…” Taemin had to break off the sentence. It felt to unnatural to speak this vulgarly in front of Minho whom he had always considered so innocent, maybe even prude. “Your… you know what. I was just surprised when you said it.”

Taemin watched the older while he was waiting for him to reply. It was a situation they had been in many times, and by now, Taemin knew how to spot signs of Minho drifting away. Those signs had yet to appear, so he was positive that he was still with him. The waiting was rewarded as Minho spoke a little sooner than Taemin expected.

“I don’t understand why that is surprising. Do you think I don’t know about ual just because I am like this?”

Taemin was taken aback by this statement. Not because of him talking about , but because of the way Minho talked about himself and his condition. “like this.” In Minho’s voice there was a little sadness, a little anger while he said it and Taemin instantly added his second hand on their intertwined ones. If he were honest, yes it was because of his condition that Taemin had expected him to know nothing about it, even less talk about it so openly.

Either way, he had to admit to underestimating the older male. Bit by bit, he realized that there was no reason to not consider him a fully functioning adult.

“It’s just we haven’t even kissed yet and you are talking about …” Taemin mumbled while blushing.

“You want to kiss?” Was all Minho got from this, and Taemin blushed even more. He felt as if he fell asleep and woke up in a parallel universe.

Minho was waiting for Taemin to reply. He didn’t understand why the younger was so nervous. was nothing to be ashamed of. There was no reason not to talk about it. If he looked at it from an evolutional point of view, there was nothing more natural, yet Taemin treated it as if it were a sin. He could understand though, that Taemin felt uncomfortable talking about together before they kissed. Most of his novels also had a certain order to things, kissing usually coming before laying together. Would Taemin feel more comfortable talking about it after they kissed?

“Are you uncomfortable talking about because we didn’t kiss yet? I am sorry, I should follow the order.”

“Kind of… yes.” Taemin admitted and Minho nodded.

He understood now. His mind wandered off and he found himself talking to Jane Austen to learn about the order in which romantic relationships progress. Getting to know each other, holding hands, getting to know each other, talking, kissing, building trust, laying together. There were quite a few steps to go through and Minho was determined to follow them so he could prove to Taemin that he didn’t have to worry about anything.

“Minho?” Taemin tried to call him.

Five times he said the taller’s name, but he didn’t react. He didn’t let go of Taemin’s hand either though, instead, he was drawing circles on the back of his fingers while staring at the table.

It was obvious now that Minho zoned out. The difference this time was, that Taemin couldn’t leave. He was held in place by the older’s soft touch and even if he didn’t have anything he could do while sitting at the table across from Minho, he didn’t want to leave. He used the opportunity to study Minho’s facial features from close-up at the same time he engraved the feeling of Minho’s tight hold on his hand into his mind, hoping to never forget this first time they held hands.

A/N

I know it isn't long. But the update came within a week. I hope to keep something like this up in the future!

Some of you might be taken aback by Minho's "open-ness". It is hard to explain but what I am trying to do with this story is show people that autistic people are often underestimated by "neuro-typicals". Here in the form of Taemin. But at the same time I kinda wanted the readers to experience it too. So, if you are confused because of it, maybe find it unrealistic; That intended.

As always, I would love to see you in the comments! Until then, stay safe and have a good day!!!

XX

R