20:10

“Ayyy” Minho heard a loud voice behind him and instantly twitched in surprise. When he turned around, he saw Taemin, holding an empty bottle of Soju in his hand. He obviously had been drinking, Minho was sure of that as the younger got closer and closer until he could smell his breath.

“Too close” Minho said, hoping Taemin would understand.

“I am so sorry.”

Taemin stumbled backwards and Minho held out his hand for him to stay on his feet. This was such a strange situation. He wasn’t used to letting people touch him but all he could think of in that moment was the fall from the Cobb. He couldn’t let Taemin end up like Luisa Musgrove as she fell down the stairs.

There were no stairs here. Had it been unnecessary to catch Taemin by his hand? Nevertheless, he knew what could happen when someone fell. Jane Austen had done a splendid job in explaining the details. Minho felt strange. Holding onto Taemin’s hand like this was new, new and comfortable, new and uncomfortable. A change in their relationship. He hadn’t let the younger touch him before. Was he overstepping boundaries?

He couldn’t look up to see how Taemin’s expression looked like but was focused on their intertwined hands, unable to let go. Minho had always wondered how another person’s hand would feel like. Why everyone liked to hold hands. There was nothing nice about it. You never knew where the other people’s hands had been, did he wash his hands after going to the toilet? Why wasn’t Taemin letting go? Maybe it was him who didn’t let go.

It took a while for Minho to loosen his grip, his mind still filled with thoughts he couldn’t keep up with. Honestly, he was still unsure of how the stairs looked like in “Persuasion”. Were they anything like the ones in front of Halmoni’s house? Probably not. British stairs and traditional Korean ones couldn’t possibly be alike. He didn’t catch Luisa Musgrove. Taemin wasn’t Luisa. So why did he catch him?

“Minho?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for catching me” Taemin said, his hand holding onto Minho’s tightly. So tightly that the taller was unable to get his hand out of the hold when he tried.

“I really like you Minho.”

As strange as it was for Minho to hear that someone enjoyed spending time with him, he was glad to hear that Taemin liked him. Not many people liked him or even talked to him. And no one had ever actually told them they liked him.

“Thank you for telling me. I also enjoy your company. Would you mind letting go of my hand?”

“I didn’t mean “like you” “like you” I mean “I LIKE you”

“I don’t understand?”

“I like you the way Basil liked Dorian”

Minho’s breathing stopped for a second. What was Taemin talking about. Basil was madly in love with Dorian. Of course, that couldn’t be the case here. He wasn’t Dorian. He wasn’t that graceful, he was strange, a loner, not even rich, socially completely incompetent. Minho was sure Taemin was lying. But why was he lying in the first place? There was nothing he could gain from saying this.

“I like you in ways I shouldn’t like you. I am so sorry for making our friendship complicated.” Taemin said, tongue obviously heavy as he had troubles articulating properly.

“I… I don’t understand. Our friendship is easy.” Minho took a step back. Drunk Taemin was scary. He was emotional, Minho couldn’t handle emotional. Understanding people in everyday situations was hard enough but hearing Taemin struggle with his words, overwhelmed by his emotions was too much for the older. He didn’t want to walk away though. After all it was him who came to Halmoni’s house in the first place. He had wanted to talk to Taemin – but now he felt uncomfortable. Taemin was different from usual.

“Don’t walk away.” The younger said, taking a step towards him and held out his hand to touch Minho’s shoulder.

The latter moved away instantly but Taemin managed to hold onto his arm.

“Do you not understand?”

Minho was unable to answer. Taemin’s hand was holding him. Why wasn’t he letting him go?

“I am in love with you, you idiot. And I cannot turn it off.”

Frozen, the two of them stood there on the street, Taemin surprised at the sudden very direct confession and Minho whose brain was trying to make sense of this. All that came into his head though was this declaration of love by Basil for Dorian on page 147: “It is quite true that I have worshipped you with far more romance than a man should ever give to a friend. Somehow I have never loved a woman… I quite admit that I adored you madly, extravagantly, absurdly.”

Romance between two men wasn’t something uncommon in literature. But never had he thought it was possibly real. It just didn’t make sense. His parents were a male-female couple. His grandparents were two genders. Kang Hyojin from the Library had a boyfriend. Was it really possible for a men to develop feelings for another man? He would have to read up on it.  He was planning to go to the library tomorrow anyway, Minho was sure there would be something he could read about homouality.

Whilst one part of Minho’s brain was busy making a list of books he had to bring back to the library and how he would find new books of interest; the other part was turning in circles. Taemin said he was in love with him. He wasn’t someone that anyone would fall in love with. He couldn’t even love. But Taemin said he was in love with him. He wasn’t anyone interesting, he wasn’t good looking, he wasn’t even able to have proper conversations with people. He couldn’t even love. But Taemin said he was in love with him.

Why was he in love with him? All the characters who were falling in love were nothing like Minho. No one even came close to him, so how could someone fall in love with him? He couldn’t even love. But Taemin said he fell in love with him anyway. Why would he do that if he knew that he couldn’t be loved back? 

Minho’s head was spinning. It was hard to register anything that happened around him anymore. One second he noticed Taemin who was trying to get his attention as he kept speaking and took his hand. But attention couldn’t be focused on what was happening in the real world. His mind was too busy taking care of his thoughts.

By acting this way, would he hurt Taemin? He knew that people in love are the most vulnerable. They are hurt by the smallest things. Some killed themselves because of love. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want to hurt the younger. He wanted to leave. If he left now, he couldn’t make anymore mistakes.

Within minutes he was far enough to take a small break. He stood by a small building, shaking his head to clear it up but the thoughts kept coming.

Could Taemin be lying? Minho wasn’t sure. He had always been unable to distinguish lies from the truth. Supposedly drunk people were more honest. Once, he read that a drunk person speaks their most treasured secrets. It has been the doom of many, many relationships as well as friendships in novels.

Will this be the end of their friendship? Minho had to sit down.

He wasn’t sure what he was feeling, but the thought of Taemin disappearing from his life left him with too many questions. When would he see Taemin again? How was Taemin doing? Where was Taemin at the moment? Would Taemin like this book he was reading? Who would be making his coffee?

It hurt his head. Thinking about not meeting Taemin hurt his head. He wondered about too many things. Asking himself these questions constantly would drive him insane. Therefore, loosing Taemin as a friend seemed like the worst option while simultaneously his mind was throwing worries at him.

He couldn’t give Taemin what he wanted. Could he? He knew how to act after receiving a confession. He just couldn’t do it. He knew how to treat someone you are in love with. He just couldn’t do it.

A relationship was based on feelings and understanding of the other persons.

It was what he was least confident in. Even if what Taemin said was true, he knew that the latter wouldn’t be happy with him. Or maybe he could be? Maybe he could do his best, study Taemin and his emotions. Maybe he could learn how to understand him. If Taemin told him his feelings he could work with that to figure out how to act around him.

The only thing Minho was sure of in that moment was that the change he dreaded was coming. Soon.

A/N

Hello everyone, I made it back with an update, a little longer than the previous one. Motivation is slowly coming back and as my classes have been cancled, I might just have some time to work on this and my other stories.

I hope all of you stay safe.Those in critical areas, stay at home as much as you can, read fanfictions, write some, or do whatever you have wanted to do in a long time (as long as you can do it at home) Don't panic and take care of people around you!

If you need someone to talk to message me anytime  ~~

Xx

R