The Letter in The Glove Compartment

Eye Contact

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep (1932)

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there. I did not die.

    -     Mary Elizabeth Frye

 

Taemin turned the paper around in his hands. Minho was right. There was no reason for him to continuously return to his grandmother’s grave. She wasn’t there no more, and he was aware of that. But visiting regularly gave him a sense of purpose that he couldn’t feel anymore in his daily tasks of avoiding any kind of confrontation with either his future or his past.

The fact that he was unable to muster up motivation to finish his degree was eating him up alive because he knew that he should get his together and just get through with it. Minho’s advice of “Just sit down and do it. It is not that hard.” Did not help at all and Taemin had almost told him to leave the house back then.

He didn’t. He couldn’t because ever since his grandmother passed, the house felt empty. It was cold. The only times when it felt like home was when Minho was there, sitting on the chair his grandmother had bought for him because he didn’t like sitting on the floor so much.

Taemin had thought about selling the house many times – it was his now, as was the abandoned café he hadn’t set a foot in for over three months. How strange that something as easy as going to such a familiar place turned out to be something so incredibly difficult. Taemin knew he was a mess and he knew that something had to change soon but at the same time he had no desire to get out of his constant state of sadness and stress of having to get his life back together.              

The first three weeks after his grandmother’s passing, Taemin’s parents had been staying at the house to “help” him to take care of everything she left behind. Knowing that they meant well wasn’t changing the fact that it didn’t help at all. Neither of them was attached to anything she had possessed while he couldn’t let go – yet. In addition, his parent’s presence made it harder to keep in touch with Minho who had promised to do his best in lying about their relationship.

It didn’t make much sense to the autistic male as he proclaimed every few days, but Taemin’s mental state wasn’t getting any better and, in the end, the older decided to take away some of the stress by holding up their cover story.

Being honest hadn’t been an option – the relationship between him and his parents was bad enough so Taemin was sure that if they knew he was in a  committed relationship with a man – not to even talk about him being disabled as well - they would completely cut him out of their lives. Despite not desiring their presence in his everyday life, they were still his parents and he wouldn’t want to be an outcasted son.

To their knowledge, Minho was the “disabled boy” who got attached to Taemin when they met at the café. They understand that for Minho physical touch is important – the biggest lie Taemin had told in his life – and that them holding hands and hugging was necessary for their communication.

To the question why Taemin was being so nice to a “disabled boy who can’t even properly talk” the latter didn’t have to lie: “I like his presence. He calms me down, gets me back on my feet – I feel more grounded when I am with him.”

Apparently, the issue was that pressing that they addressed him about the “man last night” the very day that his grandmother was declared dead. He had answered in short sentences, not having thought much about the story at all. He had hoped that this explanation would make his parents act more accepting towards the autistic male but even after the conversation he felt their dislike against the tall male in every cell of his body throughout the whole time they stayed at his grandmother’s place. They didn’t talk to him when he came over for tea, mostly ignored his existence and it pained Taemin to see them so uninterested in the man he loved. Of course, they weren’t aware how important exactly Minho was to him, but it was awful to see, nevertheless.

The saddest part though, was that Minho wasn’t confused by how Taemin’s parents acted.

“Sorry for my parents.” Taemin had said after an especially tense situation right after they had pulled them apart at the funeral, claiming people could get the wrong idea if they stood this close to each other. Asking Minho to leave when they were receiving condolences from the guests as the main mourners of this funeral.

“Why are you apologizing?” Minho had asked, playing with the hem of his dress shirt.

“They behaved like s. You had every right to be there with me and they didn’t even ask before pulling you away.”

“Don’t call your parents that word. It is not accurate.”

“It is very accurate. And I didn’t say they WERE s I said they behaved like s. That’s a difference.” Taemin shook his head.

“They just acted like regular people; I do not see the issue with the way they behaved. Though I really did not like the way your father has touched me. Regarding that you have told them I like to be touched though; I wouldn’t want to blame it on him.”

“What do you mean? They were so rude?!” Taemin exclaimed, his insides still fuming at the behaviour of the people who put him on this earth.

“It might seem that way for you, but I don’t see it that way. It’s the normal way people react to me and making a big issue out of it won’t change anything. I don’t mind – except the touching I might say something next time.” Minho nonchalantly commented and Taemin’s chest tightened. He had always been aware that the autistic male hadn’t had many good experiences with other people, but it always hurt him to hear it.

“These people are all s. Seriously don’t give them another thought. Let’s ignore them.” Taemin said and Minho’s lips actively pulled into a small smile to reassure the younger that he was in fact fine.

“That’s exactly what I am doing Taemin. And stop saying s. I would rather not hear you use such words to describe people who behave rudely. You might not be aware how good an can feel.” Minho answered, completely baffling the younger even after spending years together Taemin would never get used to that lack of filter. He just hoped he would hold it in when they were in the presence of other people, especially his parents.

“Shut up Minho.”

“If you ever want to know, I would like to try.”

Taemin’s eyes widened.

“What did you just say?” he asked, hoping he had heard wrong.

“I wanted to let you know that if you ever want to experience pleasure from your that you can tell me.”

“I love you but let’s not talk about that today.”

“You’re grieving?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll wait for you until you are ready then.”

As strange as it was, Minho acting like in any other situation lessened the sadness that had rested upon Taemin’s heart especially so shortly after seeing off his grandmother. People around him kept speaking out condolences and tears had been shed by many people including himself. To have Minho by his side who didn’t seem all to affected, tried to stay respectful but obviously had other things in mind was a breath of fresh air and the kind of reassurance that everything will be alright which Taemin so desperately needed.

Looking back from now, three months later, Taemin wouldn’t have it any other way. Having Minho by his side gave him a little bit of reassurance that things would eventually go back to normal and even if he didn’t have the energy to get there now, he knew that someone was passionately waiting for him.

While Taemin hadn’t mustered up the courage to go back to the café, Minho had been visiting as usual every day at 17:25. He easily remembered Taemin’s poor instructions on how to use the coffee machine and was able to provide himself with almost perfectly made coffee.

Despite handling everything well on his own, he never stopped asking Taemin to come.

 

13:40

“Where’s ma boy Lee Taemin?!” A loud voice was pulling Taemin out of his thoughts. He immediately recognised the voice and turned around to see Woosung standing in the door frame, takeout in his hand.

“Woosung?” Taemin said with wide open eyes – He hadn’t kept in touch with the other for the past months only letting him know that he wasn’t doing to well a few weeks ago when the other had called to check on him. “What are you doing here?”

“You said you were unwell, I have a free weekend, so here I am, being a good friend, bringing you food.”

For a few seconds Taemin didn’t know what to say. His only social contact these past weeks being Minho it was almost overwhelming to be confronted with the loudness of Woosung’s lively attitude. Apparently, his discomfort was visible, and visitor’s smile faded.

“I am sorry for barging in so unannounced, I thought you would be happy about my surprise visit.” The latter admitted and put down the bag with takeout.

“No… that’s not it. I like that you are here. Thank you for coming. I really appreciate it.”

“Have you eaten?”

“I haven’t”

Woosung’s visit – despite only lasting for two nights, turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Taemin let out his frustrations and was taken on a road trip along the coast, sleeping in Woosung’s small car, not caring about the back-pain that was awaiting them the next morning.

It was as if he could finally breathe again.

“How’s the café doing?” Woosung asked at one point while they sat in the car, looking out onto the ocean.

Taemin scratched his head.

“I haven’t set a foot in it ever since everything happened. It doesn’t feel right without her.” He admitted with a sigh.

“What you are saying is that you are neglecting the thing your grandmother treasured most?”

“I know I shouldn’t feel like this, but I don’t know if I can handle it to see the café looking as it always has when she isn’t there. It may sound silly to you, Minho didn’t get it either, but I want to protect the memories I have of this place. Secure them in a bubble and not return to the place when everything reminds me of her. Preserving the way it had felt like before by not experiencing the place in a new light…arghhhh I don’t know” Taemin was frustrated and was angry at himself for feeling that way which just intensified his emotions even more.  

“I kinda get what you are talking about.” Woosung answered – much to Taemin’s surprise.

“You do?”

The other nodded and answered with a smile: “I do. But I also think that at one point you’ll have to go in there anyway – even if it just is to sell the place. So why not do it now?”

“You mean right now?”

“I mean right now.” Woosung said, turning on the motor of his car. “You can’t run away forever Lee Taemin. And as your friend, I won’t watch you drown in your sadness.”

“I am not drowning in my sadness; I just don’t have the energy to do anything.”  Taemin said in a soft voice.

“You did do just fine this weekend in terms of energy.” Woosung replied, specifying right after until Taemin didn’t have any excuses left not to go to the café. “Who was it who bought a gas stove because he wanted to cook a proper lunch? Who was it who ran out of the car to go for a swim? I am sure you remember who won the last round of truth or dare last night by getting a random lady to compete with you in chugging a can of beer as fast as possible.”

Taemin blushed when he thought back to last night. They had parked the car in a spot near a neighbouring village, eating dinner at a small family owned stall near the sea where they met a group of friends who were celebrating the engagement of one of the women. Of course, they were on board joining their games and before they knew it, they had gotten involved in a fierce truth or dare battle that lasted until long past midnight. Bit by bit people were opting out of the game when they didn’t want to do what was asked of them. It might be something strange to be proud of but Taemin quite liked the idea that he was the last man standing – even if he lost the chugging battle against that middle-aged woman.

It had felt good to let go. Life has been serious for quite a while and despite the fact that Taemin enjoyed his quiet life in the town, it was nice to relive his teens for once in a while. Not that he particularly liked the slight headache the next morning, but it paled in comparison to his severe backpain of sleeping on the backseats of Woosung’s small car – which made that the major point of regret.

Said car was now approaching the café, turning into the familiar streets after a long and completely silent ride that Taemin used to emotionally prepare himself for what awaited him and Woosung thinking about the letter he had stored in the glove compartment of the driver-seat.

A content but subtle smile on his face, Woosung stopped the car in front of the café.

So far, everything went as planned.

 


A/N

Welcome to the penultimate chapter of this story.
It has been a long ride - longer than I could have ever imagined.

I only recently remembered that this story started as a drabble because I was sick of writing Past Midnight. To think that it has been over two years and going onto 30 chapters just because I hated my main story is kinda insane.
Plus, the feedback I recieved for this story has been more passionate and loving than that of any other and I can't thank you guys enough. REALLY.

Thank you for the neverending support and for your interest in this story. It means the world to me.
I hope you will be here until the very and and am looking forward to hearing your thoughts <3

Have a good start into the new week. ILY

XX

R

 

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
AIMRWV
It's finally done. Feels so strange. Anyway thanks for going on this journey with me and please do consider leaving an upvote or even a comment if you enjoyed it♡

Comments

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SHIN33ee
#1
You don't want it beta'd? (yes, that's wrong, but I have no idea how to write that! XD)
keynetic #2
Chapter 35: I know this is an old fic but hope you read this. I come across this fic because of Encounter *chef’s kiss*. After finishing it I only wanted to read more of your works and oh boy I surely didn’t left disappointed. It took me a while to finish it because life got in the way so I had to pause it but I restarted two days ago and I devoured it.

This story struggled my heart in a good way. My favorite part was definitely Taemin reading Minho’s journal. Thorough the story it is explained how Minho see’s the world but thanks to his journal we get to know how he sees and perceives Taemin and to go through each one was delightful. Also loved Minho’s unfiltered thoughts, I had a chuckle everytime.

I agree that making an end to this kind of story is difficult because it’s basically their daily life so it’s never ending (though I would keep reading it forever) but I loved how you wrapped the story by showing Minho’s act of love for Taemin in redecorating the café in the end. I’m currently rereading my favorite parts because I ended with post reading depression.

P.D. I added all the books quoted into my “to read list” thank you!
lm____drpsy #3
Chapter 35: Did you study literature? I can't believe the amount of work you must have put to create a masterpiece like this. This should be among those best sellers I see lining the book shops. It Is incredible. I loved it.
Awrel05 #4
Chapter 35: This story was amazing. I loved the characters. You depicted Minho's relation to books so well.

Thank you!
SHIN33ee
#5
Chapter 35: Such an amazing story. <3333333
nekochii00 #6
Chapter 35: Quite enjoyed this one....
nekochii00 #7
Chapter 32: Was waiting for this chapter ngl
OdetteSwan
910 streak #8
Chapter 35: It is a very proper closure and Minho got his Taemin back. But somehow, I still want more of these two in like an epilogue.
I am actually so overwhelmed with the amount of work you did to write this story. I think it should be accessible to a wider audience.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I have actually filled this fic's section with my comments.
OdetteSwan
910 streak #9
Chapter 33: Was it Minho who brought Woosung to Taemin?
OdetteSwan
910 streak #10
Chapter 26: Are you a literature major? Your knowledge in literature is quite extensive . I am a fan of Shelley but I don't remember reading this. It is such a beautiful poem. And Minho's note is even more touching. This chapter made my heart full!
Taemin is a beloved book that Minho wants to fully understand the same way he reads and analyzes his books.
I really really want to give you another upvote.