A/N
I wanted to apologize for the April Fools yesterday. It probably was funnier in my head. As an apology I spent the whole day to make this chapter. Please accept my sincere apology. take this as a small extra chapter that I originally wasn't planing to include <3

As Taemin read the words that were written from the deepest place of Minho’s mind, his body started to tremble. He didn’t know why and even less how it was happening, but he was barely able to hold up the notebook as he felt it getting heavier with each sentence that he read.

None of these things Minho had ever spoken out aloud- None of these thoughts had ever been shared with him but kept in these writings instead. It made Taemin wonder if Minho never felt the need to share them with anyone. As much as he was just content to be with the autistic male, he sometimes wished he properly knew what was going on in his head – to know how his mind worked, to know what kind of feelings he experienced when they were together. Sadly that was impossible but Taemin knew that this notebook was the closest he would ever get to actually understanding.

“Maybe one day, I will ask him why he chose me.”

Taemin took a break from reading as his mind answered the unspoken question automatically. There were a million reasons why. Each and every one ended in the fact that Minho was Minho.

Minho was the one who always drank the caffé Latte lukewarm. He was the one always carrying the old leather bag filled with at least two literary masterpieces. He was the one pushing Taemin out of his comfort zone giving him new things to wonder and think about every time they spent time together. He was the one who would rather stay in the familiar small café and read about the world instead of seeing it with his own eyes. He was the one telling Taemin off if he did something foolish, no filter whatsoever sugar coating his words. He was Minho who secretly placed notes into Taemin’s bag, choosing quotes after thinking about it in depth despite knowing that Taemin probably wouldn’t be able to completely understand.

Taemin’s gaze found Minho’s frame who hadn’t stopped walking back and forth in the small room. The autistic male was still gripping onto the cups tightly and Taemin immediately felt bad for making him hold onto them for so long.

“Minho?” He said, trying to get his attention.

“Minho?” Taemin tried again a few seconds later as the other didn’t react to his voice.

After two more unsuccessful tries, Taemin let it be and put his attention back on the writing in his hands.

It sounded silly but somehow Minho had always been the strong person in the relationship, never openly worrying about how their future would look like, never uttering any doubts. To read, that Minho as well worried, that he didn’t feel worthy of Taemin’s company came as a shock.

The last sentence in the notebook in particular made his heart clench.

“I don’t want to be the one holding him back.”

It made Taemin wonder if it was the truth. Did Minho hold him back? In some ways he might be right. Taemin would most definitely live a completely different life if it weren’t for Minho. Meeting friends, traveling, occasionally going out on Friday nights. Then again, at this point in Taemin’s life he did not feel any desire or need to take part in such activities. He was quite content with the life he had here and could most definitely see himself growing old in this town by the sea.

Taemin had given up on trying to talk to his boyfriend and instead took a few more minutes to let the other’s written words sink in. It was strangely reassuring that Minho also worried sometimes. In the end they were a lot more similar than what it seemed like. Even if they expressed themselves differently, they still had similar insecurities, similar aspirations and valued each other just as deeply.

One thing Taemin was sure off: Minho didn’t have to ask him never to leave his side because he had no plans to do so. Not for as long as the other desired his company.

22:25

Minho took a sip of his tea. It was cold.

For a short second he wondered when his tea had cooled down so much before realising that he had been spacing out – Taemin was nowhere to be seen, indicating that quite some time must have passed. Vaguely, he remembered the younger saying his goodbyes before he had left to go back home.

It wasn’t all that bad because now he could drink two cups of tea while he would be reading the magazine that had been in his possession for the past two days.

A few days ago, a new issue of his favourite literary-theory magazine had arrived at the library and he had been fast enough to check it out for himself. If the table of contents was correct – which it always was – there was an article on the connections between modern day masculinity and “The Picture of Dorian Grey”. He was especially ecstatic to read that article and considering that he was both interested in the social construct of masculinity and the referenced novel, he found it would be the perfect paper to end his day with.

As Minho sat down at his desk, he noticed a note from Taemin.

Minho,

Thank you so much for letting me read the notebook. It really meant a lot to me and I now understand why you gave me “Love’s Philosophy.” I might not be as bright as you are, but I am trying to keep up – at least somehow. So please keep explaining things to me so I can understand.       
How about we go to the beach the day after tomorrow? I would like to collect some seashells. Think about it until then!             
Also, I want you to know that I am very happy to be here with you and that you shouldn’t worry about holding me back from anything. If I want to do something, I will do it. If I want to go somewhere, I will go there.        
I love you,

Taemin

Minho huffed, Taemin’s handwriting was getting worse with every month that he was with him. At this point there were even certain words that he was only able to decipher because he could guess what the younger wanted to say. He really should train his hand to produce readable characters but Minho knew that Taemin didn’t care enough to even try.

17:50

“Let’s go!” Taemin said happily after Minho had finished his coffee one Friday afternoon. His grandmother had put him in charge of changing the decorations of the café and he was overflowing with ideas and enthusiasm. They didn’t have a lot of money so he couldn’t just buy loads of stuff to put on the tables. That didn’t keep Taemin from coming up with ideas at all though – on the contrary, he had wanted to go to the beach to pick up some seashells and a few pieces of glass or small rock to give the café a little “sea-concept-makeover”. He had already gotten a few ropes to put on the walls.

Despite hating the beach and especially the sand, the autistic male had offered him a deal when Taemin asked if he would join him.

Minho said he would come along if, in return, Taemin would work on his handwriting. It was a deal the younger could live with, especially as he knew it wasn’t easy to get Minho to go to new places. It might be a little selfish to want to take his boyfriend along to the beach. Taemin could have obviously go on a day where Minho wasn’t with him but instead, he used it as an excuse to get his boyfriend on a date by the sea that he had secretly wished for forever. It was a great opportunity to get Minho to come along because there was a concrete reason why they HAD to go.

After closing up the café at 18:00, the two of them walked through the busy streets. People were finishing work around this time, heading home or meeting in restaurants to celebrate the end of the week. Minho obviously didn’t like the noise around him so Taemin tried to take a few detours through calmer alleys. A few stares followed them around – people not being used to seeing the autistic male out in public, even less to see him actually interact with someone.

It wasn’t a big town, not too small either – but small enough for people to talk. Taemin usually didn’t pay other people much attention but even he had picked up on a few rumours about them going around after some kid had apparently seen them walk hand in hand one night. Luckily no one could prove anything, and people were to afraid to face them head on, so Taemin had never been bothered with uncomfortable questions – not that he would have answered them anyway.

The days were slowly getting longer again, the smell of spring filling the air, mixing with the salty mist that came from the seashore. Taemin breathed in deeply. He had grown to love the air here. He loved the way this place made him feel and now that Minho was with him he felt even better, glad to finally make some more memories with the older.

It didn’t take ten seconds until Minho started to complain about sand getting into his shoes but Taemin, for now, just laughed off.

There weren’t many opportunities to go on a proper date outside of their usual spots with Minho and he usually didn’t mind. But ever since he had read the notebook, Taemin had felt the deep desire to actually GO somewhere with Minho. To prove him that he wasn’t holding him back, to show him that they could do all the things he wanted to do together!

Taemin was humming as they walked side by side, the sounds of waves hitting the shore mixing with the voices from a handful of kids who were playing by the icy water.

It wasn’t yet warm enough to go swimming and the sun was already approaching the horizon, painting the area in warm colours that made it seem as if the houses by the shores were on fire.

“Over there” Taemin said as they approached a few big boulders, Minho following his exited boyfriend while muttering something about his shoes being buried in sand.

“I want to collect some of these for the café! I think they would look great as decorations on the tables. Don’t you think?”

“No. It would take away space. I don’t like decorations on tables.” Minho said as he shook his head.

“But I like it and Halmoni asked me to take care of the new decorations because she isn’t feeling to well. We don’t have a lot of spare money to buy stuff and these are free! I call that a win-win situation.”

With those words, Taemin took a plastic bag out of his pocket to collect as many seashells as he could. For a while he wasn’t paying any attention to the taller who still stood at the same spot, not moving - in fear of getting more sand into his shoes than there already was. Taemin walked around the area, one time even climbing over one of the boulders to reach the small space behind it to get his hands on an especially big shell. He could feel Minho’s eyes on him from time to time and suddenly wished that Minho wouldn’t just stand there and do something as well. A few more minutes, Taemin spent looking for shells on his own before he decided to at least try to get Minho to help.

“Minho-ya” he said as he approached the autistic male. “Will you come and help me a little? It is more fun if we do it together.”

“I don’t want to get more sand into my shoes. I don’t like how it feels so I would rather stay here like this.”

“We’ll be out of here sooner if you help me.” Taemin smirked and felt Minho’s tumble.

“How long?”

“Let’s collect for 10 minutes. Then we can go home, and I will give you new socks.”

Taemin’s plan worked and even if Minho was quite slow with picking up seashells, at least he was doing something, following Taemin’s steps wherever the latter went. It made Taemin smile how the tall man bent down to take up a shell with two fingers, trying to avoid getting sand onto his hands at all cost.

The ten minutes were over quite fast, and they, especially Taemin, had collected a decent amount of shells, all safely stored in the plastic bag Taemin was carrying.

“That wasn’t too bad, was it?” Taemin asked but Minho didn’t answer. “See! We can do all the things I want to do. Don’t you ever worry about holding me back anymore.”

The whole way back to Taemin’s place was completely quiet, Minho walking strangely, obviously uncomfortable with the sand that was tickling his feet.

The taller didn’t speak to Taemin the rest of the evening and the latter finally wondered if it really had been such a good idea to take Minho with him to the beach. Even with washed feet and new socks, the autistic male’s attitude didn’t change and Taemin spent the evening alone, washing seashells, preparing a small dinner and then going to bed with Minho joining him in bed half an hour later.

“Good night Minho.” Taemin said but didn’t get an answer.

08:15                       

The next morning was no different and Taemin gave up trying to speak to Minho after a few approaches that failed miserably. He wasn’t reacting to anything Taemin did or said, not even bothering to eat breakfast before he left the place, his pyjamas neatly folded in Taemin’s closet where they kept it for Friday nights that Minho spent at his place. He'll have to apologize. Maybe there really were a few things they shouldn't do?

Taemin was unsure how much he could ask from Minho. Was he demanding too much by wanting to go on a date outside of their café or was Minho just not used to it and would like it with time?

A/N

I hope you enjoyed <3 once again, sorry for the disappointment yesterday and I hope this one made up for it!!! If it did I would love to see you in the comments - YES I know I haven't answered the ones from last chapter. I will get to them. I promise. urgh  TOMORROW I PROMISE!!!!!

I value you so much! have a great day <3

xx