We all sit around the dinner table, Taekwoon’s mother continues to set side dishes across the table. My roommate and his father are immersed deep into conversation. They have already gone over the topics of school, grades, and girls. The last topic was a rough one for Taekwoon, I could see him fidget when his dad brought it up. Him having to make excuses was noticeably hard for him but he got through it just fine saying he was focusing on soccer instead.

    This type of setting is all new for me. I’ve never sat around the table with my father or mother talking comfortably. I try to push the thought of my family out of my mind. The dull roar of pain it use to bring up is just a soft hum.

    After dinner I walked into the kitchen with his mother. Her features were soft and you could tell she was strikingly beautiful when she was younger, Taekwoon had her face shape but his strong eyes where from his father. 

I find myself silent throughout most of dinner either not having anything to add or not feeling it was my place to talk. After all I can’t remember the last time I sat around a table with my own family. “So hongbin,” Taekwoons mother says “how do you like daegul?” 

Clearing my throat I begin to speak carefully, “ I really like it. I’m excited to see what opportunities I get.”

“That’s right ! You have a soccer scholarship too don’t you?” She continues to serve us “ your parents must be happy you do so well in academics and sports.” 

When she mentions my parents I see Taekwoons eyebrows raise , it catches his attention. Staying calm I begin to pick at the food on my plate as I speak. “ Yeah they were really surprised I got in, I’m sad I didn't get to see them  on break but they’re visiting family by busan and they said I wouldn't be back in time for when school started. Taekwoon was super courteous to invite me. Also thank you for having me” Taekwoons mother seems to approve of my answer. My eyes dart over to Taekwoon who seems off put by my charisma. I flash a cheesy smile back at him. He responds with an eye roll.  

After dinner I help his mother clear the table “Where should I put these?” I question. 

Waving her hand she takes the plates out of my hands, “You don’t have to clean. You boys go hang out and relax. I know that school is rough on you guys.”

    I nod my head obeying her commands. Walking into the living room I see Taekwoon and his father sitting on the couch watching a soccer game. They were laughing at a joke I just missed but i could feel the smile on my face as if i heard what was said. There was something about the way Taekwoon interacted with his family. A softness that he only showed sometimes. They were close, I mean they had to be. Living In this small apartment. 

I silently scold myself at my snide observation. Reminding myself I’m in no position to judge. No family or house. Taekwoon’s eyes fall onto me. He knows a list of things are running through my mind. I let a pursed smile across my face. “When is noona getting here?” Taekwoon asks his father.

“She said either tomorrow or the day after. She has to make sure all the work at the office is done,” His lips pursed together in a deflated smile. “Alright, let me get a few more blankets for you hongbin.” Taekwoons father says as he pushes himself up from the couch. 

“Thank you.”

Later that night Taekwoon and I lay side by side, “Your family. I don’t know how to take their kindness.” I say staring at the ceiling. 

“What?” he said half asleep. 

“You have such a nice family.”

He turns his head to face me, his eyes staring at me intensely waiting for me to say something else, something he can respond to. 

“I’m sorry if i’ve been acting so weird, it’s just been so long since i’ve been around a family and ..” before i can finish my sentence Taekwoon places his hand on my chest. “Why don’t you ever talk about your family, I do want to know about them and maybe even eventually meet them?” 

The question catches me off guard. Everything he said caught me off guard.  I lay silently not knowing what to say. Not knowing what I should say. I haven’t talked about them in years to anybody. I didn’t want to talk about them. Drawing a sharp breath I speak.

“They’re dead.”