My foot taps anxiously against the floor of the train while my knuckles slowly turn white from how tight i’m gripping my bag. I feel Taekwoon’s eyes rake over me taking in how nervous i’m being. “Take a breath Hongbin, you’re just going to a friends house.” He shrugs deeper into his seat pulling the hat lower on his eyes. I let a long sigh out. He’s right but I guess some part of me is just nervous for the fact of having a “family” dinner. 

“So who’s all in your family again?”

His eyes peek out from under his hat, “ Just call my mom, mom. I have one older sister and you can just call her Noona and then my dad , you can just call him dad.”

“You make this sound so easy.”

He laughs again, “it is!”

I roll my eyes turning away from him, I didn’t even need to look at him to know his signature smug is fit firmly on his face. Families have always made me anxious, I can’t  wrap my head around the thought of spending that much time with mine or even wanting to. Taekwoon seems super close with his too, which makes me even more anxious about it.  

“Hey,” He says before being quiet again. 

“Yeah?”

“There’s something I have to tell you, before you come over.”

Oh god. My mind starts running wild. What could he have to tell me? And out of all the times he could break news to me about his family, the train ride there is the best place to bring it up? Is it good or bad? Or another question about my family that I’m not going to answer.

His face turns serious for a second which makes my heart drop further into my stomach, He collects himself for a moment then speaks. “My family isn’t rich,” He pauses in the middle of his sentence “We aren’t even lower upper class.”

    My brows furrow at what he just said. The concerns about myself disappear as Taekwoon and I look at each other, “What are you trying to say?” 

    His eyes turn away from me as he fidgets with his coat, obviously becoming uncomfortable with the questions. I’m presenting.

    “I’m saying... I’m attending Danggeul on a scholarship too. I wanted to tell you sooner but I kinda was putting it off and didn’t know how to say it. I got the scholarship in the last year of middle school and to this day no one knows, not even Ravi. My parents do everything in their power to help me fit in, buying me nice clothes even though it’s a sacrifice for them. I just wanted to be honest with you.”

    I take a moment the sink deeper into my seat replaying the conversation we just had over in my head four times. All the anger he first took out on me was just resentment towards himself. My heart breaks a little thinking about it. I don’t say anything, instead I slide my hand into his holding it. I then lean against his shoulder. Closing my eyes and slowly begin to relax.    

The trip didn’t seem long enough, you would think two and a half hours on a train would be enough to calm down but it wasn’t. Our conversation still stays in the front of my mind but I try everything in my power to not let it show, Instead I let the fear of meeting his family take over. Walking through the crowd of people we see a short middle aged korean woman holding a sign that said “Taekwoon Jung.” and a tall slender man behind her.

My roommate rushes towards her quickly wrapping his arms around the tiny thing then he moves to his father, giving him a hug. I trail behind almost hiding, trying to be less visible but it didn’t work. Her sharp brown eyes turned to me locking on me with precision, I see where Taekwoon gets it from. “Hi sweetie, you’re hongbin. Nice to meet you, call me mom.”
    She seems to say it all in one breath and within seconds she wraps her arms around me. I feel my body instantly stiffen from the show of affection. “You boys must be cold and hungry, let’s go home!” She cheers looking at us. I bow quickly at his father as we are rushed to find the car. 

We walk through the parking lot, we arrive at a white hyundai that is at least ten years old. Taekwoon and I cram into the back of the car with our luggage. He parents take their seats in the front. As they’re buckling themselves in Taekwoon leans in. “Take a breath you look so stressed out” He whispers, his breath sweeping across my cheek. I nod quickly at him. He turns back to the conversation with his parents. 

Their apartment building was about forty five minutes from the station with the traffic. The building Is an off white color with water marks that stain the side of it. The hedges in front of the building don’t seem to be taken care of by maintenance. We walk up to the front doors and his mom enters the code to enter the building. We take the elevator up to the 13th floor. 

Walking into the apartment I take in the small family home. It’s a two bedroom home with a living room that shares the kitchen and dining room. Their laundry room is positioned on a small patio that is visible through the far right window in the kitchen. It’s small. Way too small for a family of four but somehow they make it work. 

Taekwoon’s mother ushers us further into the home. I observe it closer and closer. Pictures of Taekwoon throughout his childhood are scattered around the home along with his sister who I would guess is a couple years older than him. Little trinkets and pieces of artwork that the kids made in primary school are hung on their walls.

I could feel the love and warmth from the home and i’ve been here less than five minutes. It made me somewhat uncomfortable. Being this close to his personal life being this close to something he loves and treasures so dearly. It’s feels like he is trusting me with something so sacred to him, I don’t know how to handle it.

    “Ok Taek, you and Hongbin will stay in your old room. Your sister said she can sleep in the living room.”

    Taekwoon nods and continues to walk through the living room to settle in the room on the right. I follow behind him quietly. Walking into his room there is a full bed with a desk and bookshelf. Not much else except more photos of him with friends and a small closet. He throws his bags in the corner of the room then falls down onto his bed. He seems content. I carefully place my luggage next to his. 

“For the hundredth time, relax Hongbin. Enjoy your time here or my mom will make you.” He says jokingly.

I roll my eyes towards him, as I sit on the far end of the bed trying to position myself further away from him. Taekwoon doesn’t like that. In one swift motion he sits up then pulls me towards him. He places a firm kiss onto my lips. His hand slides to the small of my back pushing me harder against him. I push away quickly. 

    “Are you kidding me? What if we get caught by your parents?”

He laughs as if he could care less, “They respect my privacy and they’re good at giving me space. I’m sure They’re just surprised I brought a friend home.”

“Wow, I must be some special friend then.”

    His face lights up at my sarcastic remark. Leaning back in we kiss again this time a moment longer holding onto each other. This is the first time i’ve felt relaxed the whole trip and it was in Taekwoon’s arms.